This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- long distance at university
- Good places to meet a partner?
- Degree apprenticeships
- Steady relationship
- Jealousy in Uni/Long Distance Relationship
- Friendships/Relationships and Veterinary Medicine
- do i swap unis to be with my boyfriend
- Trying not to worry about my gf and me '25 M' '23 F' '4 months long' Some quick back
- Long distance relationship status
- Need opinions (relationship kinda)
- How much do guys care about body count
- deciding what uni to go to based on partner??
- What are my chances ever dating?
- no love for me
- Age gap
- idk
- How do I know when it's not worth it anymore?
- Convince a boss to take me back at work, who was in love with me?
- Does first year of university grades matter at Cardiff University?
- How can I find a girlfriend
Long term Relationship and Uni?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 20
And honey, do you really wanna spend £3000 + a year on tuition fees alone "for the student lifestyle"?
Reply 21
Ashley0
Basically, I'm 17 and in a strong relationship of just over 2 years, everything is going great and I wouldn't want to change it for the world. My problem is that I want to start uni (applied for '08) and I'm scared of ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I live in Essex right now and I'm applying to uni's around London so it's not too far away (about an hours travelling) but I'm really worried that this would put too much of a strain on our relationship.
Hope this helps.
Reply 22
Ive just read that back & it sounds really lame. Lollllllllll.
Adding to it, i think you should always put the education before the relationship.
Never let each other stand in the way of doing something you want to do.
Adding to it, i think you should always put the education before the relationship.
Never let each other stand in the way of doing something you want to do.
Reply 23
Like most people have said, if your relationship is strong, it will work. If it isn't strong it won't work. Yes going to University will test it, but if it lasts then you know you have something special. I've been with my boyfriend for 17 months, 14 of which he's been at University whereas couples who had been together a lot longer we're splitting up. Basically, there will probably be some point where your apart, so you need to be able to cope with it.
Reply 24
15
Lizbut
My boyfriend has gone to Manchester, I'm in the Midlands. I had to go for 3 weeks without seeing him, as they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder 
Same, but the other way round! I've gone to uni in Manchester and my boyfriend is back home in the Midlands. It's working fine, and the time we do spend together is always brilliant. And we were only together 7 months before I went to uni, so you have a much stronger base to your relationship than we did.
Reply 25
I think what's been said already is sound advice. I started uni last month, and things are going well with my boyfriend of 3 years. Like the OP, we were used to seeing eachother most days, but now I come back on saturdays and leave monday mornings, and also it helps that my terms are short. He's in London and I'm in the Midlands, so it's about 3 hours door to door.
In your post you don't seem like you want to take gap year for any other reason than to spend time with your boyfriend. I wish I'd taken a gap year, partly for that reason, but also because I would have liked to have earnt some money before starting uni. I really think you need another reason for defering, like to get a job, otherwise you may end up resenting him, say if you do break up, and you're left really bored and alone in your gap year.
In your post you don't seem like you want to take gap year for any other reason than to spend time with your boyfriend. I wish I'd taken a gap year, partly for that reason, but also because I would have liked to have earnt some money before starting uni. I really think you need another reason for defering, like to get a job, otherwise you may end up resenting him, say if you do break up, and you're left really bored and alone in your gap year.
Reply 26
Angelil
div curl : BIG kudos to you, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to be away from your girlfriend and baby daughter.
Thanks for your kind comment.
Things in life can be hard at times, but thats life. If you perservere, I think you'll ultimately be rewarded.
Reply 27
Ashley0
OP
thanks everyone for you replies- it has really knocked some sense into me.
I had a looooong relationship-talk with the boyfriend today and he's absolutely adament that we'd have no problem making it work; as you all say Essex-London distance is really not that far at all.
I've had chats with my friends and family and they all think that going to uni this year is the better option as I'd just be delaying my life in a way.
I don't think my boyfriend and I will have any problem staying together; I've had a long think about it and I suddenly realised how silly I'm being about it.
We have a strong loving relationship- so there's every chance in the world that it'd work out, so I don't really have a need to worry. But thanks for all your opinions and personal stories on the matter- it's really helped me see things a bit clearer.
If anyone else has any of their own stories about LDRs then please post them! It's incredibly helpful to hear different opinions and experiences
I had a looooong relationship-talk with the boyfriend today and he's absolutely adament that we'd have no problem making it work; as you all say Essex-London distance is really not that far at all.
I've had chats with my friends and family and they all think that going to uni this year is the better option as I'd just be delaying my life in a way.
I don't think my boyfriend and I will have any problem staying together; I've had a long think about it and I suddenly realised how silly I'm being about it.
We have a strong loving relationship- so there's every chance in the world that it'd work out, so I don't really have a need to worry. But thanks for all your opinions and personal stories on the matter- it's really helped me see things a bit clearer.
If anyone else has any of their own stories about LDRs then please post them! It's incredibly helpful to hear different opinions and experiences
Reply 28
13
Kate.
Same, but the other way round! I've gone to uni in Manchester and my boyfriend is back home in the Midlands. It's working fine, and the time we do spend together is always brilliant. And we were only together 7 months before I went to uni, so you have a much stronger base to your relationship than we did.
We were together 7 months too! How very strange...
Reply 29
18
Angelil
Yeah, that.
Seriously, I can't see how the distance between Essex and London would put a strain on your relationship. If you genuinely think it would then your relationship probably wouldn't last anyway! Plus, many of us on here manage with far greater distances - my boyfriend's in France (we've been together 3 years and that's pretty much always been the status quo), sarky's boyfriend is in Peru and another girl on here has her boyfriend in Australia!
Yeah, that.Seriously, I can't see how the distance between Essex and London would put a strain on your relationship. If you genuinely think it would then your relationship probably wouldn't last anyway! Plus, many of us on here manage with far greater distances - my boyfriend's in France (we've been together 3 years and that's pretty much always been the status quo), sarky's boyfriend is in Peru and another girl on here has her boyfriend in Australia!
He's in Singapore, but thanks for thinking of me.
It's bloody hard
Reply 30
i dont blame you for putting your relationship first, in my opinion, love comes before anything else. im 17 and im going to a un in london next september, my boyfriend is going to uni year after far away, bout 3 hours, but we are goign to make it work and you can. 3/4 times a week is a lot anyway, so meet up at weekends maybe? or, there is no rush, take a year out, work get sum cash then go to uni
Reply 31
hmm interesting.
firstly, I understand where you're coming from with the love thing. I hate the idea of doing a LDR with my boyfriend and that's one of the reasons i chose to go to uni in my home town (among other things such as friends, having a cat, wanting to keep my awesome job, the course being brilliant here anyway) but still moved out so I felt I was actually at uni rather than just doing a course and my life bein the same as it always was.
but i think the most important thing to think about is what someone said about living in a fairytale land, in the real world after uni you won't get oodles of time to spend with him, you can't turn down jobs etc. incase the relationship suffers, the best relationships feel awesome and wonderful running alonside everything else in your life, not having to be the sole focus or it'll go wrong. if it's going to end because of being apart or being too busy then it'll happen sooner or later,and probably be more painful if you defer a year and then go.
if you genuinely want a gap year then go for it (I did because I did terribly at college and didn't think i'd get into uni, so I bummed around for a year, missed learning a LOT n begged my way into uni lol) because it can be extremely helpful. mentally for me anyway it gave me a rest and made me realise that i wanna learn so much, and i couldn't spend the rest of my life in a dead end retail job. now I'm here i'm really enthusiastic and loving it compared to some people who came straight from college due to parental pressures and just can't be bothered.
so yeah... if you want a gap year aside from your bf then go for it, but otherwise please don't make yourself take one just for the relationship. you'll be together or not whether you go to uni this year or the next and if anything it'll make your relationshiip stronger, knowing you can work through being apart etc. and if it doesn't work, it wouldn't have worked in the real world anyway.
good luck X
firstly, I understand where you're coming from with the love thing. I hate the idea of doing a LDR with my boyfriend and that's one of the reasons i chose to go to uni in my home town (among other things such as friends, having a cat, wanting to keep my awesome job, the course being brilliant here anyway) but still moved out so I felt I was actually at uni rather than just doing a course and my life bein the same as it always was.
but i think the most important thing to think about is what someone said about living in a fairytale land, in the real world after uni you won't get oodles of time to spend with him, you can't turn down jobs etc. incase the relationship suffers, the best relationships feel awesome and wonderful running alonside everything else in your life, not having to be the sole focus or it'll go wrong. if it's going to end because of being apart or being too busy then it'll happen sooner or later,and probably be more painful if you defer a year and then go.
if you genuinely want a gap year then go for it (I did because I did terribly at college and didn't think i'd get into uni, so I bummed around for a year, missed learning a LOT n begged my way into uni lol) because it can be extremely helpful. mentally for me anyway it gave me a rest and made me realise that i wanna learn so much, and i couldn't spend the rest of my life in a dead end retail job. now I'm here i'm really enthusiastic and loving it compared to some people who came straight from college due to parental pressures and just can't be bothered.
so yeah... if you want a gap year aside from your bf then go for it, but otherwise please don't make yourself take one just for the relationship. you'll be together or not whether you go to uni this year or the next and if anything it'll make your relationshiip stronger, knowing you can work through being apart etc. and if it doesn't work, it wouldn't have worked in the real world anyway.
good luck
XReply 32
It feels as if my long term relationship has grown ten times stronger and better since we both went off to uni - even though we live 2½ h apart and at the very most see each other only during weekends.
See it like this:
1 hour really isn't anything, you could live that far away from each other even if you'd both live in London. Seeing him every weekend won't be a problem and since you'll spend a bit less time together it will make you miss each other more (that's a good thing) and appreciate each other so much more when you're actually together. The way I see it, if you have a stable relationship your going away to uni will most likely not have a negative effect on the relationship, I actually predict the contrary.
See it like this:
1 hour really isn't anything, you could live that far away from each other even if you'd both live in London. Seeing him every weekend won't be a problem and since you'll spend a bit less time together it will make you miss each other more (that's a good thing) and appreciate each other so much more when you're actually together. The way I see it, if you have a stable relationship your going away to uni will most likely not have a negative effect on the relationship, I actually predict the contrary.
Reply 33
I agree with all the previous comments. I do think it all might not be half as terrible as you think. I live in N.I and my boyfriend and I are doing are A-levels and in our last year of school. We live an hour apart as I met him through a friend so we don't live in the same town. I get to see him every weekend and its great building up to that. Sure it can be a pain in the ass driving down or him getting the train but its totally worth it. We even spend the odd night during the week together though obviously this doesn't happen often as we both have school the next day and ether has to leave for home on that same night. We miss each other but speak on the phone or text everyday.
If we are still together after the summer I will be going to university in Newcastle (that was always the plan) and he will be staying in N.I and not going to uni for another year for various reasons. This would obviously be pretty hard but I wont worry about that unless I have to. This is the case for so many people I know over here who's boyfriend or girlfriend goes to uni in England or Scotland and can only see each other by flying over during the holidays. So I guess I'm saying things could be much worse. Seeing each other 3-4 times a week when at uni is actually quite alot for two people in a long distance relationship..it might not seem like it but most people couples who are in long distance relationships see each other a lot less.
So be positive and think it will work out because you will both make it work. Good luck and I hope the whole experience can prove to be a good thing in the long run.
If we are still together after the summer I will be going to university in Newcastle (that was always the plan) and he will be staying in N.I and not going to uni for another year for various reasons. This would obviously be pretty hard but I wont worry about that unless I have to. This is the case for so many people I know over here who's boyfriend or girlfriend goes to uni in England or Scotland and can only see each other by flying over during the holidays. So I guess I'm saying things could be much worse. Seeing each other 3-4 times a week when at uni is actually quite alot for two people in a long distance relationship..it might not seem like it but most people couples who are in long distance relationships see each other a lot less.
So be positive
and think it will work out because you will both make it work. Good luck and I hope the whole experience can prove to be a good thing in the long run.Reply 34
Long term relationships CAN work! I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and he's at Cardiff University whilst I'm at home down in Devon (about 3 hours car journey away) and we're still going strong. It's hard at first but if you both trust each other and really want things to work then they will! I'm off to uni myself in 08, hopefully going to Aberystwyth (still 2hrs 30mins away from my bf) but I'm sure that things will still be ok. Don't worry about the long distance he can still visit you and you can pop back on odd weekends. Hope this helps!
Reply 35
If your that in love with each other you'll make every effort to still see each other and it shouldn't stop u going uni, i say if u wnt to go uni u mite aswell go now while ur in the habit of having to do work all the time.
Reply 36
Ashley0
OP
Thanks guys, all of your replies have really been helpful to me
I don't know why I've been so worried about it- The boyfriend and I are very much in love, so there's no reason why it wouldn't work out. In fact, I'm pretty certain it would make us appreciate seeing each other more. I'm so relieved hearing that LDRs work out, even though a london-essex relationship isnt really long distance :P . I've got the weekends, holidays etc to come back to Essex, so there's no problem
I don't know why I've been so worried about it- The boyfriend and I are very much in love, so there's no reason why it wouldn't work out. In fact, I'm pretty certain it would make us appreciate seeing each other more. I'm so relieved hearing that LDRs work out, even though a london-essex relationship isnt really long distance :P . I've got the weekends, holidays etc to come back to Essex, so there's no problem
Reply 37
20
Ashley0
Thanks guys, all of your replies have really been helpful to me
I don't know why I've been so worried about it- The boyfriend and I are very much in love, so there's no reason why it wouldn't work out. In fact, I'm pretty certain it would make us appreciate seeing each other more. I'm so relieved hearing that LDRs work out, even though a london-essex relationship isnt really long distance :P . I've got the weekends, holidays etc to come back to Essex, so there's no problem
I don't know why I've been so worried about it- The boyfriend and I are very much in love, so there's no reason why it wouldn't work out. In fact, I'm pretty certain it would make us appreciate seeing each other more. I'm so relieved hearing that LDRs work out, even though a london-essex relationship isnt really long distance :P . I've got the weekends, holidays etc to come back to Essex, so there's no problem
Hmmm...while I'm glad you've realised it may not be so much of a barrier, I think you've now swung too far the other way. Uni and distance WILL change your relationship. This may be for the better, but you can't just pretend nothing will be different.
Reply 38
Helenia
Hmmm...while I'm glad you've realised it may not be so much of a barrier, I think you've now swung too far the other way. Uni and distance WILL change your relationship. This may be for the better, but you can't just pretend nothing will be different.
Totally agree. Since my boyfriend has been at uni things have changed loads! When he came back for the summer he himself had changed so much and it was like meeting him again for the first time. You have to work had at a LDR don't just think it'll be an easy ride. But as you said you both love each other dearly so I'm sure you two will be fine!! :-)
Reply 39
On one hand I am dreading Uni next summer as my bf and I will have been together over 2 years by then....but.....on the other hand I'm not whether we will stay together...so it may just be the inevitable break to make the break..
I think we will probably split the summer before Uni....but...there we go..
I think we will probably split the summer before Uni....but...there we go..
Related discussions
- long distance at university
- Good places to meet a partner?
- Degree apprenticeships
- Steady relationship
- Jealousy in Uni/Long Distance Relationship
- Friendships/Relationships and Veterinary Medicine
- do i swap unis to be with my boyfriend
- Trying not to worry about my gf and me '25 M' '23 F' '4 months long' Some quick back
- Long distance relationship status
- Need opinions (relationship kinda)
- How much do guys care about body count
- deciding what uni to go to based on partner??
- What are my chances ever dating?
- no love for me
- Age gap
- idk
- How do I know when it's not worth it anymore?
- Convince a boss to take me back at work, who was in love with me?
- Does first year of university grades matter at Cardiff University?
- How can I find a girlfriend
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
What food item are you currently craving?Last reply 5 days ago
can u guys help me get my mum back ðŸ˜(revenge post)Last reply 1 week ago
TSR Rate My Plate: post a picture of your delicious food!Last reply 1 week ago
mum FORCED me to sign a (legal?!) contract to become a doctor or face DOOR removalðŸ˜Last reply 3 weeks ago
HELP!!! is this normal punishment or are my parents being weird???Last reply 3 weeks ago
feeling of bugs crawling under my skin/never feeling cleanLast reply 1 month ago
What painkillers do they give you when you get your wisdom teeth removed?Last reply 1 month ago
Can someone please help me tag Artful_lounger, i want to ask him a questionLast reply 1 month ago
I have a very important and urgent question
