Screwed up... GF wants a break
Apologies for the text wall.
GF and I have been going out for 7-8 months. First LT relationship, her second. I helped her get over her ex-cheating on her, using her for sex and so on, and we fell together. She confessed her feelings first. We went out, had amazing times and things were going great aside from the odd argument.
Then, just yesterday... I colossally screwed up.
Due to her having pain down there, lack of opportunities due to neither of us having our own place (we met as her being 15, me 17. Now 16/18) and so on, we never really had sex across six months. Did other stuff, but after my birthday she took my virginity and we had sex successfully for the first time. She's been amazing, which makes me all the more guilty about what I did.
I've been suffering from masturbation/porn addiction (mostly the former) for years and been actively trying to go clean for over a year unsuccessfully. My sex drive feels on overdrive a lot of the time, others completely normal. She stayed over from Saturday night, all through Sunday and Monday morning. We were able to have sex Saturday night, but did not on Sunday. I was completely content to cuddle, watch The Walking Dead and movies and have the odd make out.
It reaches Monday morning, and due to the costs of getting to mine (we live around 1.5-2 hours apart. Have to get 2 buses and one Metro to stay over) we would be unable to have a house/room to ourselves for several weeks if not more, and I wanted to make the most of the time we had and have sex once more before we had to go. She said she did not feel like it, and for some reason, something flipped in me. I felt zero desire anymore. No urges to hug her, kiss her, anything. We barely talked in the house getting ready, on the bus or at the metro station. She tried to take my hand walking to the bus stop and I refused it. I did not say goodbye properly or that I love her when we were at the metro station. Afterwards, I felt sick.
A day goes by and she texts me this morning telling me I shocked her like I never have before and she wants a break. I'm stunned. We have had rough patches in the past but always talked them through and always stuck by each other, and overcame them in time. We call, talk and I agree to give her the break she needs. I feel so damn awful. I let my selfish wants for a bit of sex come between us, I've never treated her like that before and to be honest I cannot believe I even behaved like that. I've tried to be better for her and not be like her cheating ex (I've never cheated and do not intend to). But I failed her yesterday. We've had some amazing moments together, but I clearly see I need to do some self-reflection and development. I am getting help for my addiction, and I have seen improvements, but it is a long road. She promised me not long ago she'd always stay with me and not abandon me to fight it alone because she loves me and stuff, but I do not know if I've lost her now.
If you need any more info, please do not hesitate to ask.
GF and I have been going out for 7-8 months. First LT relationship, her second. I helped her get over her ex-cheating on her, using her for sex and so on, and we fell together. She confessed her feelings first. We went out, had amazing times and things were going great aside from the odd argument.
Then, just yesterday... I colossally screwed up.
Due to her having pain down there, lack of opportunities due to neither of us having our own place (we met as her being 15, me 17. Now 16/18) and so on, we never really had sex across six months. Did other stuff, but after my birthday she took my virginity and we had sex successfully for the first time. She's been amazing, which makes me all the more guilty about what I did.
I've been suffering from masturbation/porn addiction (mostly the former) for years and been actively trying to go clean for over a year unsuccessfully. My sex drive feels on overdrive a lot of the time, others completely normal. She stayed over from Saturday night, all through Sunday and Monday morning. We were able to have sex Saturday night, but did not on Sunday. I was completely content to cuddle, watch The Walking Dead and movies and have the odd make out.
It reaches Monday morning, and due to the costs of getting to mine (we live around 1.5-2 hours apart. Have to get 2 buses and one Metro to stay over) we would be unable to have a house/room to ourselves for several weeks if not more, and I wanted to make the most of the time we had and have sex once more before we had to go. She said she did not feel like it, and for some reason, something flipped in me. I felt zero desire anymore. No urges to hug her, kiss her, anything. We barely talked in the house getting ready, on the bus or at the metro station. She tried to take my hand walking to the bus stop and I refused it. I did not say goodbye properly or that I love her when we were at the metro station. Afterwards, I felt sick.
A day goes by and she texts me this morning telling me I shocked her like I never have before and she wants a break. I'm stunned. We have had rough patches in the past but always talked them through and always stuck by each other, and overcame them in time. We call, talk and I agree to give her the break she needs. I feel so damn awful. I let my selfish wants for a bit of sex come between us, I've never treated her like that before and to be honest I cannot believe I even behaved like that. I've tried to be better for her and not be like her cheating ex (I've never cheated and do not intend to). But I failed her yesterday. We've had some amazing moments together, but I clearly see I need to do some self-reflection and development. I am getting help for my addiction, and I have seen improvements, but it is a long road. She promised me not long ago she'd always stay with me and not abandon me to fight it alone because she loves me and stuff, but I do not know if I've lost her now.
If you need any more info, please do not hesitate to ask.
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How you acted probably just gave her a flashback of how her ex was and made her panic, be there for her and tell her you're sorry and understand how it made her feel, that's all you can do, give support and comfort her, if you know you messed up and want to fix things then do it, don't let her go
Original post by clomantha
How you acted probably just gave her a flashback of how her ex was and made her panic, be there for her and tell her you're sorry and understand how it made her feel, that's all you can do, give support and comfort her, if you know you messed up and want to fix things then do it, don't let her go
I see your points, Clomantha. I acted dishonourably and selfishly, which is not how I usually act at all. I just... feel like the person I acted like yesterday was not even myself, looking from the outside.
Original post by GUMI
10/10 good read.
Don't have much advice, I wish you the best
Don't have much advice, I wish you the best
Thank you, Gumi. I appreciate it. All I cared about was my own self-interests when I forgot what was most important: caring for her.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, Gumi. I appreciate it. All I cared about was my own self-interests when I forgot what was most important: caring for her.
Well, life is about learning from your mistakes and you're still young!
Original post by Anonymous
I see your points, Clomantha. I acted dishonourably and selfishly, which is not how I usually act at all. I just... feel like the person I acted like yesterday was not even myself, looking from the outside.
It sounds like something you wouldn't do just by how you included in the original post that you helped her through the left over emotions of her last relationship, she knows it's not how you usually act and you need to just prove to her more than ever that you're there for her
Original post by GUMI
Well, life is about learning from your mistakes and you're still young!
This mistake could cost me a relationship that had some of the best times I've ever had in my entire life.
The way you acted was very unkind, you should never withold affection from someone because they aren't in the mood for sex. That being said, although you sound genuinely sorry there is nothing you can do except wait for your girlfriend to decide whether or not she still wants to be with you. For the most part you sound like a good boyfriend, but clearly you have some issues you need to work through so that sex doesn't become an uncomfortable topic between the two of you.
Original post by Anonymous
The way you acted was very unkind, you should never withhold affection from someone because they aren't in the mood for sex. That being said, although you sound genuinely sorry there is nothing you can do except wait for your girlfriend to decide whether or not she still wants to be with you. For the most part you sound like a good boyfriend, but clearly, you have some issues you need to work through so that sex doesn't become an uncomfortable topic between the two of you.
I agree with everything you said, and in the past, I have not withheld any affection from her. Quite the opposite. We both have issues that we need to work through, and this just highlights how crucial it is for me to work them out.
you're going to break up.
gg.
gg.
Original post by s4b3rt00th
you're going to break up.
gg.
gg.
Your reasons?
Original post by Anonymous
Your reasons?
Be sure to let us know how it turns out.
For starters you've done well to acknowledge your mistake. Given the circumstances I think her response was perfectly reaosnable, and I get why you're worried you've messed things up. But only you really know the strength of your relationship, and if you two can come through this together you'll be stronger for it afterwards, provided you don't make the same mistake again. I think this is an important learning curve and a pivotal point in the relationship, all you can really do now is give her the space she needs and make sure you're honest and truthful if and when she wants to talk about it. It's good you're trying to work through your issues, so you're to be commended for that, but you need to see things from her perspective. It's all you can do at this point to try your hardest not to do it again, in this relationship or any other.
Original post by Kanairee
For starters you've done well to acknowledge your mistake. Given the circumstances, I think her response was perfectly reasonable, and I get why you're worried you've messed things up. But only you really know the strength of your relationship, and if you two can come through this together you'll be stronger for it afterwards, provided you don't make the same mistake again. I think this is an important learning curve and a pivotal point in the relationship, all you can really do now is give her the space she needs and make sure you're honest and truthful if and when she wants to talk about it. It's good you're trying to work through your issues, so you're to be commended for that, but you need to see things from her perspective. It's all you can do at this point to try your hardest not to do it again, in this relationship or any other.
Thank you for that well-thought out reply Kanairee.
I told her on the phone that she was justified, that I had no good reason to behave like that etc., but she had already made her mind up. I told her that we had made it through so much before, and we could do it again. She said she loved me at the end of the call, so that gives me a little hope. Expect the worst, hope for the best right?
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for that well-thought out reply Kanairee.
I told her on the phone that she was justified, that I had no good reason to behave like that etc., but she had already made her mind up. I told her that we had made it through so much before, and we could do it again. She said she loved me at the end of the call, so that gives me a little hope. Expect the worst, hope for the best right?
I told her on the phone that she was justified, that I had no good reason to behave like that etc., but she had already made her mind up. I told her that we had made it through so much before, and we could do it again. She said she loved me at the end of the call, so that gives me a little hope. Expect the worst, hope for the best right?
Absolutely. There's not much of any other option at this point. Let us know how things turn out
Original post by Kanairee
Absolutely. There's not much of any other option at this point. Let us know how things turn out
I shall. I have this nauseous, sick feeling in my stomach that continues to persist. It won't go away.
Original post by GUMI
Well, life is about learning from your mistakes and you're still young!
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, Gumi. I appreciate it. All I cared about was my own self-interests when I forgot what was most important: caring for her.
He didn't read it lol
Original post by angelike1
He didn't read it lol
Okay?
Original post by SMEGGGY
I think she may have overreacted a little?
When she took your hand you should have, made her feel 'things were ok' dude. Is this break no contact at all? Has it been implemented?
When she took your hand you should have, made her feel 'things were ok' dude. Is this break no contact at all? Has it been implemented?
I know I should have. I was so caught up in my own anger and avalanche of self-justification for my anger that I refused to take it.
She said she wanted to spend more time with her girl friends, think about things etc. It has been implemented, and I presume it is no contact. She has in the past said countless times that she is afraid of losing me, loves me to pieces, hates the thought of leaving me and so on, but I also know that I did something yesterday that should never have been done.
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