Would you forgive him and even date him after? Forced kisses etc (Long post, sorry )
Hey everyone,
So I'd like your opinion on this. There's this guy, we'll call him Sam. Now, me and Sam used to be very good friends about two years ago. We would have still be friends, even boyfriend and girlfriend if he didn't mess things up. Sam has always been very opened about his feelings for me,telling me he loves me and he would treat me as a girlfriend. However, I didn't feel the same way and would always tell him this. At one point though, I felt sorry for him because he had a great personality so I became opened to giving him a chance because I thought though I wasn't attracted to him physically, he was treating me well until some incidents happened.
This goes back to about a year ago. This was when I began to become weary of him. He had forced himself on me. Forced in the sense that I told him not to kiss me because I didn't want a kiss however he still did. Sorry to sound crude but he also forced his tongue into my mouth to the point where I could taste the alcohol he had been drinking prior to us meeting. So I thought maybe he was drunk that day. After that he began groping me and forcing his hands into my bra to grap on my breasts and nipples (again sorry for the tmi, I just want you to understand the situation). He kept on pulling and touching them that it began to feel uncomfortable. While he was kissing me my lips I didn't kiss back I just froze because I was so shocked and after everything went home angry. He asked me if I was angry, I said no and ran home. But I was angry because I said no yet he continued and went even further to grab me in areas. I told my friends and family, they were all so mad too and told me to stay away from him in which I did for a while.
After that night and for about 2 months he kept on apologising and told me he didn't know I really didn't want anything though I explicitly told him I don't want a kiss from him. I thought he must have read my body language wrong as some guys think girls may be playing hard to get and deep down really want the kiss. Anyway, fast foward he kept on apologised and explained he wasn't himself. In which I believed because after tasting the alcohol in his mouth I thought it was possible that he was drunk. Plus I felt sorry for him because of the hate he was experiencing from my friends and family while him with his family were going through some family issues.
After forgiving him around two months after, he toned down a little but gradually started again the same behaviour. I will admit, when he had toned down things were going lovely. We even began to flirt and did sexual things because I started to trust him, thinking people make mistakes and can change. Though I didn't like him in that way, I was still opened to giving him a chance because he was most of the time good to me though he had his moments. I also had never dated a guy before and was interested in having a sexual experience. But because of school and things I was going through, I knew it wouldn't be a good decision to date then I was going through some personal battles. I made this clear to him, why I couldn't date because of the things happening then.
Anyway, fast forward, during that same month a situation happened. He at asked to see my phone to see if I was talking to other guys though we weren't dating and I made it clear that I wasn't dating because of the things happening in life.
I eventually gave him my phone but it had a password in which he tried to figure out. He asked me for the password and I laughed saying no. I then began playing around saying fake figures because I thought this is ridiculous and that he had to be joking. How wrong I was then. When the phone had locked itself from his failed attempts, he got angry and grabbed my wrist. He then began to pinch my hand which actually hurt. I told him I hate it when men are controlling, don't do that again. He apologised. I still forgave him then and we remained friends. The thing is,you're probably thinking I'm stupid for forgiving him but please understand it's because in my head I see all the good times we shared which is more than the bad. There were times when he drank around me and sometimes he would become sexually aggressive or forward as in slapping my butt, trying to kiss me on the train. But when he was sober, we laughed, watched films together, went to funfairs, sang together, went to charity events and he would make me feel so safe and loved.
These situations happened months apart by the way. This is why I'm so confused because he isn't a bad person but he has issues. Drinking is one of them. I told him to stop drinking near me, or before he meets me but he doesn't listen. What made me stop talking to him in total was when we went out to the studio and on our way back we walked through the park to just chat. We ended up sitting at a bench. I was sitting with him and he offered/asked if we could cuddle. I said yes, I didn't mind as I was cold and then I actually began to see a good side of him again because he began to ask for my permission before holding my hand for example, send me love letters, drop me home and treat my family with so much respect. Even my friends who hated him began to like him. Anyway, we were sitting/cuddling and he began to grope me again, going for my breasts. I started thinking back to the first situation and got mad telling him to stop, saying no. He had a can of beer prior in which I remembered I should be careful. He then tried getting me in a secluded area to further grab me and kiss me. After we got on the train to go home, he offered to walk me home once I got off the station. I said no because I knew he had been drinking and was scared he may go further to even rape me. He's never rapped me and I know at one point I agreed to some sexual advances but to the others I'm explaining I really didn't want.
I started to think how messed up this situation is and stopped talking to him for around 6 months. As of now, he's trying to come back into my life, visiting my home to leave more love letters, and I found out he had experienced some personal hardships to where I'm stupidly feeling sorry for him. He's good at trying to put himself back into my life and I think he knows my weakness. Quite recently, I've been opened to serious relationships and dating to where I desire to share lovely moments with a guy. He knew this because prior, I had said after I'm done with A levels and dealt with my personal issues at my all girls sixth form, I'll aim to start to start dating and be more sociable. So he waited until I was finished to come back. I was going to tell him, I'll only forgive him and date him if he promises to stop drinking. Or should I just ignore him in total.
So I'd like your opinion on this. There's this guy, we'll call him Sam. Now, me and Sam used to be very good friends about two years ago. We would have still be friends, even boyfriend and girlfriend if he didn't mess things up. Sam has always been very opened about his feelings for me,telling me he loves me and he would treat me as a girlfriend. However, I didn't feel the same way and would always tell him this. At one point though, I felt sorry for him because he had a great personality so I became opened to giving him a chance because I thought though I wasn't attracted to him physically, he was treating me well until some incidents happened.
This goes back to about a year ago. This was when I began to become weary of him. He had forced himself on me. Forced in the sense that I told him not to kiss me because I didn't want a kiss however he still did. Sorry to sound crude but he also forced his tongue into my mouth to the point where I could taste the alcohol he had been drinking prior to us meeting. So I thought maybe he was drunk that day. After that he began groping me and forcing his hands into my bra to grap on my breasts and nipples (again sorry for the tmi, I just want you to understand the situation). He kept on pulling and touching them that it began to feel uncomfortable. While he was kissing me my lips I didn't kiss back I just froze because I was so shocked and after everything went home angry. He asked me if I was angry, I said no and ran home. But I was angry because I said no yet he continued and went even further to grab me in areas. I told my friends and family, they were all so mad too and told me to stay away from him in which I did for a while.
After that night and for about 2 months he kept on apologising and told me he didn't know I really didn't want anything though I explicitly told him I don't want a kiss from him. I thought he must have read my body language wrong as some guys think girls may be playing hard to get and deep down really want the kiss. Anyway, fast foward he kept on apologised and explained he wasn't himself. In which I believed because after tasting the alcohol in his mouth I thought it was possible that he was drunk. Plus I felt sorry for him because of the hate he was experiencing from my friends and family while him with his family were going through some family issues.
After forgiving him around two months after, he toned down a little but gradually started again the same behaviour. I will admit, when he had toned down things were going lovely. We even began to flirt and did sexual things because I started to trust him, thinking people make mistakes and can change. Though I didn't like him in that way, I was still opened to giving him a chance because he was most of the time good to me though he had his moments. I also had never dated a guy before and was interested in having a sexual experience. But because of school and things I was going through, I knew it wouldn't be a good decision to date then I was going through some personal battles. I made this clear to him, why I couldn't date because of the things happening then.
Anyway, fast forward, during that same month a situation happened. He at asked to see my phone to see if I was talking to other guys though we weren't dating and I made it clear that I wasn't dating because of the things happening in life.
I eventually gave him my phone but it had a password in which he tried to figure out. He asked me for the password and I laughed saying no. I then began playing around saying fake figures because I thought this is ridiculous and that he had to be joking. How wrong I was then. When the phone had locked itself from his failed attempts, he got angry and grabbed my wrist. He then began to pinch my hand which actually hurt. I told him I hate it when men are controlling, don't do that again. He apologised. I still forgave him then and we remained friends. The thing is,you're probably thinking I'm stupid for forgiving him but please understand it's because in my head I see all the good times we shared which is more than the bad. There were times when he drank around me and sometimes he would become sexually aggressive or forward as in slapping my butt, trying to kiss me on the train. But when he was sober, we laughed, watched films together, went to funfairs, sang together, went to charity events and he would make me feel so safe and loved.
These situations happened months apart by the way. This is why I'm so confused because he isn't a bad person but he has issues. Drinking is one of them. I told him to stop drinking near me, or before he meets me but he doesn't listen. What made me stop talking to him in total was when we went out to the studio and on our way back we walked through the park to just chat. We ended up sitting at a bench. I was sitting with him and he offered/asked if we could cuddle. I said yes, I didn't mind as I was cold and then I actually began to see a good side of him again because he began to ask for my permission before holding my hand for example, send me love letters, drop me home and treat my family with so much respect. Even my friends who hated him began to like him. Anyway, we were sitting/cuddling and he began to grope me again, going for my breasts. I started thinking back to the first situation and got mad telling him to stop, saying no. He had a can of beer prior in which I remembered I should be careful. He then tried getting me in a secluded area to further grab me and kiss me. After we got on the train to go home, he offered to walk me home once I got off the station. I said no because I knew he had been drinking and was scared he may go further to even rape me. He's never rapped me and I know at one point I agreed to some sexual advances but to the others I'm explaining I really didn't want.
I started to think how messed up this situation is and stopped talking to him for around 6 months. As of now, he's trying to come back into my life, visiting my home to leave more love letters, and I found out he had experienced some personal hardships to where I'm stupidly feeling sorry for him. He's good at trying to put himself back into my life and I think he knows my weakness. Quite recently, I've been opened to serious relationships and dating to where I desire to share lovely moments with a guy. He knew this because prior, I had said after I'm done with A levels and dealt with my personal issues at my all girls sixth form, I'll aim to start to start dating and be more sociable. So he waited until I was finished to come back. I was going to tell him, I'll only forgive him and date him if he promises to stop drinking. Or should I just ignore him in total.
Read it all - please stay far, far away from this guy. He's sexually assaulted you and also physically hurt you, for anyone who's gonna say she's leading him on - it doesn't matter if you've consented to sexual things previously, if you say, you mean no. He needs to see a counsellor or go to a doctor about his drinking because it sounds like alcohol may play a part in his disgusting behaviour towards you.
Stay away from him please.
Stay away from him. He has no respect for your wishes or your boundaries. Drinking is not an excuse, particularly as it keeps happening. If I sexually assaulted someone when drunk I would be so utterly mortified by what I'd done I would never drink again. Whereas he keeps doing the same thing because he doesn't think it's a big deal.
seems like he's in the wrong for forcing himself on you, but you've also got to take some responsibility here as you know full well what he is like yet you still keep going back.
you said it yourself that at one point you feared he would rape you,
yet you're still debating going to back to him.
sorry, but if you go back to him and end up getting rapped and post about it on TSR ..then I will not be showing you any sympathy..........
move on with your life and say away from him.
you said it yourself that at one point you feared he would rape you,
yet you're still debating going to back to him.
sorry, but if you go back to him and end up getting rapped and post about it on TSR ..then I will not be showing you any sympathy..........
move on with your life and say away from him.
I'm sorry you've been treated this way but if you genuinely fear he might rape you yet you're still debating forgiving/dating him then I think you need to get some help. I don't mean that in a *****y way, I truly think that you should talk to someone on a domestic abuse hotline so that they can tell you what you need to hear, which is:
the more you condone his behaviour, the worse it will get
he has physically and sexually assaulted you multiple times
he is controlling, aggressive and has no regard for getting your consent unless he is trying to make up for something he has already done to you
if you go back to him, things will only get worse
please stay away from him, no matter how hard he tries to 'cute' and 'romantic' and no matter how many 'good times' you've had, there is a very nasty, dark side to this man who will seriously hurt you in order to get his own way. he is manipulative and an abusive drunk and you need to stay well away from him.
the more you condone his behaviour, the worse it will get
he has physically and sexually assaulted you multiple times
he is controlling, aggressive and has no regard for getting your consent unless he is trying to make up for something he has already done to you
if you go back to him, things will only get worse
please stay away from him, no matter how hard he tries to 'cute' and 'romantic' and no matter how many 'good times' you've had, there is a very nasty, dark side to this man who will seriously hurt you in order to get his own way. he is manipulative and an abusive drunk and you need to stay well away from him.
Didnt read it. Stopped at "He forced himself on me". You shouldnt ever associate yourself with a guy like that. He is disgusting.
Throw a egg at him
What he's done is unforgivable in my view, given it's repeated actions especially. Once would be bad enough, but possible to move past if you were certain it wouldn't happen again, but his repeated actions show a lack of respect for you, your feelings, and even basic human decency.
I would cut him off now, frankly, however much he apologises for it all.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I would cut him off now, frankly, however much he apologises for it all.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry you've been treated this way but if you genuinely fear he might rape you yet you're still debating forgiving/dating him then I think you need to get some help. I don't mean that in a *****y way, I truly think that you should talk to someone on a domestic abuse hotline so that they can tell you what you need to hear, which is:
the more you condone his behaviour, the worse it will get
he has physically and sexually assaulted you multiple times
he is controlling, aggressive and has no regard for getting your consent unless he is trying to make up for something he has already done to you
if you go back to him, things will only get worse
please stay away from him, no matter how hard he tries to 'cute' and 'romantic' and no matter how many 'good times' you've had, there is a very nasty, dark side to this man who will seriously hurt you in order to get his own way. he is manipulative and an abusive drunk and you need to stay well away from him.
the more you condone his behaviour, the worse it will get
he has physically and sexually assaulted you multiple times
he is controlling, aggressive and has no regard for getting your consent unless he is trying to make up for something he has already done to you
if you go back to him, things will only get worse
please stay away from him, no matter how hard he tries to 'cute' and 'romantic' and no matter how many 'good times' you've had, there is a very nasty, dark side to this man who will seriously hurt you in order to get his own way. he is manipulative and an abusive drunk and you need to stay well away from him.
Thank you for being so honest and I will do so x
Hey everyone, thanks so much for your replies. I appreciate your honesty and even the blunt replies because it's genuinely true. I've now blocked his number and I've decided no more chances. I guess in my head I was thinking maybe it's the alcohol that's causing him this way, that if he stopped drinking he would be normal but I can't control him. He recently promised me he will stop drinking to make me feel safe and to be friends again hence why I was thinking of giving him another chance.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey everyone, thanks so much for your replies. I appreciate your honesty and even the blunt replies because it's genuinely true. I've now blocked his number and I've decided no more chances. I guess in my head I was thinking maybe it's the alcohol that's causing him this way, that if he stopped drinking he would be normal but I can't control him. He recently promised me he will stop drinking to make me feel safe and to be friends again hence why I was thinking of giving him another chance.
It sounds like he did plenty of crappy things even without the alcohol, so I'm not sure him promising that is worth much even if he stuck to it
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