His Instagram habits are causing problems in our relationship Watch

Anonymous #1
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I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. We are both university students and are serious about each other. We have discussed marriage in the near future.

So here goes:We met through Instagram, and to this day this social media platform seems to control us. We have had our fair share of trust issues throughout the years, I trusted him wholly at the start of our relationship, he didn’t. He trusts me fully now, and I don’t (mainly due to his criticism on my physique).

Cutting to the chase- our ongoing problem is his Instagram habits.

For over a year, he has been refusing to unfollow the countless random girls he has been following since he was single. He refuses to stop liking photos of girls he doesn’t know too. I am fine with him appreciating his friends’ photos, unless it is revealing. However, I refuse to comprehend the need for him to continue to appreciate photos of girls he does not know and Instagram models/celebrities. I understand it is okay to find another person attractive other than your SO, but him actually double-tapping these photos after numerous arguments, seems like a level of interaction that is not needed. Why does he feel the need to compliment them?

He would like photos of almost naked girls and tell me that he liked the photo purely because of the background, or their tattoos? How believable is this? He has stopped liking bikini photos for the time being, but he stopped last year and started again. So I don’t know how long it is going to last this time around.

He tells me over and over, that these girls are not IRL so I should not worry. Nonetheless, they are real people?

He is now an aspiring Instagram model. He has created a public page, and has started following random girls again, and liking their photos. His reasoning- he is trying to build his page up. I am okay with him becoming an Instagram model, I do not care for who likes or follows his posts, but I do care for who he follows and likes photos of. I asked him what is more important to him? Me or this Instagram hype? He said both are on the same level. I feel like I will never be good enough for him, that he constantly needs to see these beautiful sexy women on his feed on a daily basis.

I do not understand where I stand in this relationship anymore as neither of us are backing down. I continuously feel uncomfortable when he interacts with these hot girls. He said he won’t stop and that the issue is me being insecure and that I do not love myself enough.

Alongside this, I am battling depression and anxiety. I am struggling to see if there is a solution for this.

Am I being irrational? Please help!
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claireestelle
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. We are both university students and are serious about each other. We have discussed marriage in the near future.

So here goes:We met through Instagram, and to this day this social media platform seems to control us. We have had our fair share of trust issues throughout the years, I trusted him wholly at the start of our relationship, he didn’t. He trusts me fully now, and I don’t (mainly due to his criticism on my physique).

Cutting to the chase- our ongoing problem is his Instagram habits.

For over a year, he has been refusing to unfollow the countless random girls he has been following since he was single. He refuses to stop liking photos of girls he doesn’t know too. I am fine with him appreciating his friends’ photos, unless it is revealing. However, I refuse to comprehend the need for him to continue to appreciate photos of girls he does not know and Instagram models/celebrities. I understand it is okay to find another person attractive other than your SO, but him actually double-tapping these photos after numerous arguments, seems like a level of interaction that is not needed. Why does he feel the need to compliment them?

He would like photos of almost naked girls and tell me that he liked the photo purely because of the background, or their tattoos? How believable is this? He has stopped liking bikini photos for the time being, but he stopped last year and started again. So I don’t know how long it is going to last this time around.

He tells me over and over, that these girls are not IRL so I should not worry. Nonetheless, they are real people?

He is now an aspiring Instagram model. He has created a public page, and has started following random girls again, and liking their photos. His reasoning- he is trying to build his page up. I am okay with him becoming an Instagram model, I do not care for who likes or follows his posts, but I do care for who he follows and likes photos of. I asked him what is more important to him? Me or this Instagram hype? He said both are on the same level. I feel like I will never be good enough for him, that he constantly needs to see these beautiful sexy women on his feed on a daily basis.

I do not understand where I stand in this relationship anymore as neither of us are backing down. I continuously feel uncomfortable when he interacts with these hot girls. He said he won’t stop and that the issue is me being insecure and that I do not love myself enough.

Alongside this, I am battling depression and anxiety. I am struggling to see if there is a solution for this.

Am I being irrational? Please help!
He criticises how you look but then tells you off for not loving yourself? After three years he's not willing to consider changing or at least compromising with you, I don't think you re being irrational at all. I d have serious doubts whether you should marry this guy .
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randy orton
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did anyone read all that?
NO I didn't either
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doodle_333
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tbh you've been together three years and this is on ongoing issue which isn't changing, he isn't willing to change and it doesn't look like he'll become willing any time soon... looks like you really have to decide if this is a relationship you want long term or not, personally it's not one I'd want
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lunalana
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Omg girll ive been with my bf for almost 2 years now and you dont know how many arguments we had because of this!!! He follows about 200 people on Instagram and 98% of them are girls... girls he doesnt even know , never seen in real life nor met. He randomly adds girls from our area almost every month even tho i told him not to do it because it bothers me SO MANY TIMES. i find it so rude and told him that it feels like he's disrespecting me because its not even insta models or anything(i dont care if he likes pics of famous people ), its literally people from our area.... he says he doesn't follow them, they follow him so he accepts the requests and follows back but i know he's lying because once some of those girls he randomly adds dont follow him back, he unfollows them quickly. He would add girls that have the same background as him and say "ohh i dont add girls ffrom the same country as me TO f*cking flirt, we all add eachother cause we're a small population anyway so seeing that we're in this country we just feel like family " BULLSH*T. Matter of fact , he follows random girls and then likes a bunch of their pics to get likes back.... i find this extremely hilarious, desperate and sad. Thankfully he hasn't been adding anyone or liking anyones pics for quite some time now but honestly i dont get surprised when he does it anymore and I know he's gonna do it again. Its definitely not okay for guys to like pics of or follow other girls when they're in a relationship especially the ones that post revealing pics because honestly to me it feels like he's in a search for someone "better looking". I argue with my boyfriend whenever he does this and you should too. Don't stay quiet and let him think that he won by making you shut up. So many people told me to break up with mine because of how he treats me and such but its not that easy to walk away when you truly love someone.... especially if you're committed to the relationship and spent so much time and effort on it to make it work.. even tho it shouldn't be one-sided, there really isnt a way to just cut someone out of your life so easily 😣
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Anonymous #2
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Really? Liking a photo on instagram doesn't have to mean anything. Stop being so petty.
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Magicphilos
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Really? Liking a photo on instagram doesn't have to mean anything. Stop being so petty.
If a like on instagram doesn't mean anything, and he knows that she has a problem with it - petty or not - it doesn't take a single effort to refrain from liking a picture. It's especially not petty when he puts her down for her physique and likes pictures of girls she describes as 'sexy' or 'hot', which means it's obviously playing on her insecurities as well. Therefore, as a partner, if you know that an action you carry out is causing your SO to feel upset or further her insecurities, you shouldn't do it. Simple as. Why cause unnecessary pain and upset to the person you're supposed to be in love with over a 'meaningless like'?
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Magicphilos
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If I'm completely honest, I don't think you're being irrational at all. If he can criticise how you look and then like pictures of girls who look a certain way, you're going to find yourself comparing yourself to them, and I don't think it's fair that he's allowing this to play on your insecurities.
If he was 100% for you, Instagram wouldn't be important enough to stop something as small as liking another girls picture, which proves that how he is making you feel is not a priority to him.

Any guy who puts you down over the way you look is not worth your time. I know you've been with him for 3 years and see yourself marrying him, but I think you deserve someone who is going to respect and prioritise your feelings rather than giving such immense importance to something like Instagram.
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(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
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What's his public Instagram page? I'll tell him he's a s*** boyfriend on your behalf.
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Judge Jules
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. We are both university students and are serious about each other. We have discussed marriage in the near future.

So here goes:We met through Instagram, and to this day this social media platform seems to control us. We have had our fair share of trust issues throughout the years, I trusted him wholly at the start of our relationship, he didn’t. He trusts me fully now, and I don’t (mainly due to his criticism on my physique).

Cutting to the chase- our ongoing problem is his Instagram habits.

For over a year, he has been refusing to unfollow the countless random girls he has been following since he was single. He refuses to stop liking photos of girls he doesn’t know too. I am fine with him appreciating his friends’ photos, unless it is revealing. However, I refuse to comprehend the need for him to continue to appreciate photos of girls he does not know and Instagram models/celebrities. I understand it is okay to find another person attractive other than your SO, but him actually double-tapping these photos after numerous arguments, seems like a level of interaction that is not needed. Why does he feel the need to compliment them?

He would like photos of almost naked girls and tell me that he liked the photo purely because of the background, or their tattoos? How believable is this? He has stopped liking bikini photos for the time being, but he stopped last year and started again. So I don’t know how long it is going to last this time around.

He tells me over and over, that these girls are not IRL so I should not worry. Nonetheless, they are real people?

He is now an aspiring Instagram model. He has created a public page, and has started following random girls again, and liking their photos. His reasoning- he is trying to build his page up. I am okay with him becoming an Instagram model, I do not care for who likes or follows his posts, but I do care for who he follows and likes photos of. I asked him what is more important to him? Me or this Instagram hype? He said both are on the same level. I feel like I will never be good enough for him, that he constantly needs to see these beautiful sexy women on his feed on a daily basis.

I do not understand where I stand in this relationship anymore as neither of us are backing down. I continuously feel uncomfortable when he interacts with these hot girls. He said he won’t stop and that the issue is me being insecure and that I do not love myself enough.

Alongside this, I am battling depression and anxiety. I am struggling to see if there is a solution for this.

Am I being irrational? Please help!

Get Over It
He's not doing anything wrong and it's not cheating
He enjoys doing it so let him
If a man is going to cheat they can do it anywhere when they are at work, etc, etc
At least he's not trying to hide it from you
I'd love a boyfriend who likes other girls pictures, Not but seriously I wouldn't be upset about it either. It's harmless. It doesn't mean it will lead to anything.

Watch this funny film called Don Jon
It's about a man who's girlfriend won't allow him to watch certain films on the internet so he has to do it behind her back
It's on free internet films site or www.Yesmovies.to
Just type the title of the film in the search box

Maybe that film will make you feel better then you'll realise that it could've been worse
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Adz2042
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#11
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What he does on Instagram should not affect your relationship in any way.
Both of you; leave your phones at home, go for a walk, talk about things (not Instagram!) and enjoy the time together.
Instagram is solely mobile based, so if he doesn't have his phone, result!
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Lockra
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His Instagram habits aren't the problem. Your controlling behaviour/neediness is.
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catsmeow_at_me
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#13
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(Original post by Judge Jules)
Get Over It
He's not doing anything wrong and it's not cheating
He enjoys doing it so let him
If a man is going to cheat they can do it anywhere when they are at work, etc, etc
At least he's not trying to hide it from you
I'd love a boyfriend who likes other girls pictures, Not but seriously I wouldn't be upset about it either. It's harmless. It doesn't mean it will lead to anything.

Watch this funny film called Don Jon
It's about a man who's girlfriend won't allow him to watch certain films on the internet so he has to do it behind her back
It's on free internet films site or www.Yesmovies.to
Just type the title of the film in the search box

Maybe that film will make you feel better then you'll realise that it could've been worse
So you'd be happy with your partner was liking other people's photos? Yeah, okay.. It's easy for you to say that when it's not happening to you!

I'd be so annoyed! Why even bother to like random girls photos who hes clearly attracted too, bc lets be honest, why else would you like a photo. And obviously its going to make you feel insecure if you dont look that certain way, its unfair and id rethink your relationship! Its hard to leave someone you love, but really, its for the better if hes treating you unfairly, you can find someone who will love you for who you are and wont be looking at other girls!
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phunky_fresh
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#14
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So glad my boyfriend doesn't use any social media. It's so sad that it can ruin relationships if you're not careful, I don't think your boyfriend is ever going to change tbh. Even if he were to delete his account he'd probably make a new account or block you or something. It's scary to think of the time he clocks up on there and the time you spend watching his activity - sounds a little too tiring and not worthwhile. I wouldn't put up with the criticism about the way you look either.
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Amina190
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Maybe rethink about whether you too will actually be able to make a marriage in the future work? Tbh if I was you I wouldn't be able to stay with someone like that specially if you've made it very clear that certain behaviours or things he does annoys you and he can't understand that and keeps doin it. If he's with you why is he looking at pictures of other girls and liking them when you have told him it makes you feel insecure, I don't think your being irrational at all.
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i love grimes
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#16
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#16
if your boyfriend tapping a little heart on his smartphone is causing such a serious strain your relationship im not sure what you have is really worthwhile.
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Judge Jules
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(Original post by LouLang)
So you'd be happy with your partner was liking other people's photos? Yeah, okay.. It's easy for you to say that when it's not happening to you!

I'd be so annoyed! Why even bother to like random girls photos who hes clearly attracted too, bc lets be honest, why else would you like a photo. And obviously its going to make you feel insecure if you dont look that certain way, its unfair and id rethink your relationship! Its hard to leave someone you love, but really, its for the better if hes treating you unfairly, you can find someone who will love you for who you are and wont be looking at other girls!

Of course it's easy for me to say that's why I said it.
I still wouldn't care because it's harmless and you can't stop them from doing it
And if you try they'll do it behind your back
Plus it's not the end of the world. Most men cheat and you would never never know about it and just like the other person on here said she's glad her boyfriend doesn't use social media. She doesn't know what he gets up to when he's not with her. He might use it when he's out or with friends on his mobile.
Some people are so over dramatic and insecure because liking someone's picture is harmless fun it's not going out and actually cheating
Maybe she should start liking other blokes pictures, show it to her boyfriend and see how he reacts to it.
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wonderuss
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#18
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Leave him. He doesn't seem like a serious partner and is clearly affecting your mental health.
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T. C.
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#19
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I left my boyfriend of 11 months, in a serious relationship, exactly for this reason. We talked about getting married in 2018. We were in a long distance. He's a public figure and he kept justifying that it is purely profession and told me not to mix it up with the relationship. But how does following random girls justify that statement. Is he desperate for a follow back or was he trying to make me jealous. Either way, he disrespected my feelings. So i moved on and I feel lighter now.
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username2391309
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. We are both university students and are serious about each other. We have discussed marriage in the near future.

So here goes:We met through Instagram, and to this day this social media platform seems to control us. We have had our fair share of trust issues throughout the years, I trusted him wholly at the start of our relationship, he didn’t. He trusts me fully now, and I don’t (mainly due to his criticism on my physique).

Cutting to the chase- our ongoing problem is his Instagram habits.

For over a year, he has been refusing to unfollow the countless random girls he has been following since he was single. He refuses to stop liking photos of girls he doesn’t know too. I am fine with him appreciating his friends’ photos, unless it is revealing. However, I refuse to comprehend the need for him to continue to appreciate photos of girls he does not know and Instagram models/celebrities. I understand it is okay to find another person attractive other than your SO, but him actually double-tapping these photos after numerous arguments, seems like a level of interaction that is not needed. Why does he feel the need to compliment them?

He would like photos of almost naked girls and tell me that he liked the photo purely because of the background, or their tattoos? How believable is this? He has stopped liking bikini photos for the time being, but he stopped last year and started again. So I don’t know how long it is going to last this time around.

He tells me over and over, that these girls are not IRL so I should not worry. Nonetheless, they are real people?

He is now an aspiring Instagram model. He has created a public page, and has started following random girls again, and liking their photos. His reasoning- he is trying to build his page up. I am okay with him becoming an Instagram model, I do not care for who likes or follows his posts, but I do care for who he follows and likes photos of. I asked him what is more important to him? Me or this Instagram hype? He said both are on the same level. I feel like I will never be good enough for him, that he constantly needs to see these beautiful sexy women on his feed on a daily basis.

I do not understand where I stand in this relationship anymore as neither of us are backing down. I continuously feel uncomfortable when he interacts with these hot girls. He said he won’t stop and that the issue is me being insecure and that I do not love myself enough.

Alongside this, I am battling depression and anxiety. I am struggling to see if there is a solution for this.

Am I being irrational? Please help!
Your concerns are reasonable but as long as he does not physically meets any of his likes, you should accept his hobby. This is the best way to progress forwards and get married.
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