Im in love with my my bestfriend and i dont know what to do.

Ive only known him for a couple of years but we instantly clicked when we first met. We see eachother atleast once a week and talk to eachother through text everyday.

We are both male and early 20's. simce the moment i met him i sort of fell in love with him and as time has gone on my feelings have got deeper and deeper. i dont know if im gay or bi because i have never been with another man. Im also sure that he isnt gay or bi.

But there are times when i think he is. for example whenever we stay at eachothers house after a night out, we share a bed anx there have been a few occasions where we have woken up cuddling. But he always taljs about girls which makes me so jealous and angry. He hasnt been in any relationship for years and neither have I. Which makes me think its possible for us to be together.

If im honest i am writting this now because i do not know what to do, its got to the point now where im getting depressed and losing my temper rapidly. when ever he mentions anything to do with girls i walk out the room, as i cant handle the pain anymore.

All i want to do is sit down and talk to him but i dont want to ruin our friendship incase he doesnt feèl the same and lets face it he doesnt because its my luck.

The most upsetting factor is the thought of him meeting someone. if that happens i know it will break my heart and i wont be able to be around him any more.

If anyone has any advice or have been in a simular situation, please any advice would be appreciated.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 1

Friffinghell

Original post by jack10341

Have you had the theoretical conversation of 'Could you ever be with a guy?'
Maybe you can test the water to see what he feels about it.

Reply 2

jack10341

Original post by Friffinghell

Have you had the theoretical conversation of 'Could you ever be with a guy?'
Maybe you can test the water to see what he feels about it.

Ive never felt like this about another guy before him, im worried incase he really doesnt feel the same and then i lose him as a friend. it makes it hard that me and him are part of the same friendship group.

Reply 3

Friffinghell

Original post by jack10341

Well before taking the plunge have the theoretical conversation.... just sneak it in over a few drinks. He might take the hint and be interested and tell you he has no problem with it.... or he might tell you it's a total nono.

Reply 4

username1801813

it's a bit of a catch-22 because if he's not gay/bi the consequences of you moving to him could be massive - it might completely change his outlook on you and just freak him out - chances are the post night-out cuddles are just out of drunken banter and not romantic, but, like you I'm not certain.

you've got to test the waters like someone said above and really gauge his mindset, at that point you can decide whether or not to make a move.

if he's not about that life - accept it and keep it moving. It is what it is, just like you can't "cure" someone being gay and make them straight, you can't make someone straight gay - round pegs in square holes (no pun intended)
if he is gay/bi, go for it and good luck.

Reply 5

Wired_1800

Original post by jack10341

You are a homosexual but is he a homosexual or share your feelings?

I know it may be difficult but you have to speak to him and be honest. Yes it may get pear-shaped if he is not where you are, but it may also go well and you could be happy.

My advice is to have a serious chat and be open. It is no fun be in love with someone that you are always with. Hopefully it goes well

All the best.

Reply 6

The Joker ~

How about you go tell it to her/him instead of telling it to the world ~

Reply 7

jack10341

thanks for all the advice its appreciated, sometimes you just need to hear another opinion. there have been times where he has said things that makes me think he wants the same but at the same time he has said alot that makes me think he doesnt.

The only course of action i can think of is to stop seeing him, it will be hard but atleast no one will get hurt

Reply 8

3andahalf

How about you just tell him since you're planning on cutting him off as a friend anyway

Reply 9

jack10341

Original post by 3andahalf

How about you just tell him since you're planning on cutting him off as a friend anyway

I really dont want to cut him off, i just dont know how to tell him which is the problem, i guess there isnt going to be an easy way to do it, i just cant bare to see his reaction. sometimes i think ive left it too long im just trying to think of an easy way out i guess. either way i cant keep hinding these feelings from him otherwise its going to drive me insane. its taken its toll on me already as ive felt like this for a year and a half

Reply 10

3andahalf

Original post by jack10341

Well, I doubt here will be an easy way to tell someone this, so it's up to you to decide how. Best to just get it off your chest. Verbally, as opposed to text.