The Student Room Group

Depressed lately

Hi, was not sure what forum to put this in...

Just lately I've been feeling really depressed.

I am currently a first year at uni, on a Psychology degree, and am loving the experience, and loooving the city.

But many things have been bothering me lately.
Mainly people problems I guess.

From being at uni I have learnt that I don't have many people skills - I am really shy, but nobody understands. I don't necessarily come across as shy though, I just talk nonesense to get through it, and many people look down at me for this. I just can't help it though.
I don't have many close friends at uni... I have friends, my block, and see them very frequently. But I don't have a 'best friend', and I think my flatmates just see me as a friend that is a good friend but certainly not one of their best. Nobody has added me to their top friends on facebook for example, but have added everyone else - even though I get on well with them and see them every day!
The only 'best friend' I have at uni is a guy on my course, who does not live in halls with me anyway. He's in other halls, about 3-4 miles away. So it's just not the same.
As for girls, I do not have a single 'close' female friend. I have lots of friends that are girls at uni.... but none of them are particulaly close to me. I could really do with a close female friend at uni, but unfortunately, don't have any.

I am 22 years old and have only just started uni too, so am being looked down on/made fun of for this. I am totally embarassed about telling people my age. I am also really embarassed about telling people my parent's age.... my mum is 49, whilst my dad is 82.... yeah that's right, 82. It's really unusual and I have always felt embarassed about this. My flatmates occasionally make fun too.

As for my sex-life, I don't know the first thing about sex. I am not a virgin, but that is a different story. I was 18 and a half when I lost my virginity, and lost it to a 24-year old mother of two. I didn't even like her in that way. I was forced into it. And I feel that I have wasted my first time. (My first kiss was even worse, my drunken friend dared me to kiss his mentally disabled girlfriend, and I did). I wish I could change the past, but I can't! But anyway, back to sex - all I know is, I know nothing about sex. I didn't even enjoy the sex I had in the past anyway. Just to clarify, I am straight (I think). I know I'm not gay, as male sex disgusts me. But I've thought lately..... ALL sex disgusts me. The only reason that I know I am straight, and not gay, is because I find women sexually attractive, whereas I don't men.... the only problem is, actual sex itself DOES NOT turn me on.... the things that turn me on are just the female body in general, particularly the ass, I hope you people don't mind me saying this on a public forum by the way.... if you do then I apologise.

I feel I have little in common with most people. My favourite band is U2, a band everybody hates. My favourite films are the James Bond films, films which my flatmates mostly hate. And my favourite TV show is Red Dwarf, which my flamates also don't like...

Another problem is that my cooking skills are extremely limited. I just don't know how to cook to save my life. I am in catred halls, which do breakfast, and tea. For lunch time (inbetween), I either eat out, eat junk, or do myself toast, or crackers and cheese, or something like that. I have my own fridge in my room, and toaster, so I do myself something to eat in my room, rather than the kitchen. I would be WAY too embarassed to try and cook myself something in the kitchen because there are always people there. And even if there was no-one there, there could be people turning up any minute after. I would get embarassed, and it would effect how I carry out the task. This is how I have always been.

I have been dismissed from almost every part-time job I have ever had because of the lack of these life skills. I just cannot help it. I really, really try. I have had FAR too many temporary part-time jobs for my age, and this just looks bad on my CV. Also, it makes it much, much harder to remember what dates I started and finished each job.

I also keep worrying about my GCSE results. I have finally learnt that my GCSE grades were crap.
They were:
B - Drama
C - English
C - English Lit
C - Food Tech
C - Maths (Used to be D, but I re-took it)
DD-Science
D - Geog
D - History
E - German

A couple of years later I took some extra GCSE's (as well as resitting maths, to take it from a D to a C). My extra GCSE grades were:
A* - Sociology
A - Psychology
B - Law
B - Citizenship Studies (Short Course)
(Also, that C in Maths)

My college didn't offer much. I really wanted to do GCSE Music (I play the guitar), but my college didn't offer it, so now I am upset about this because I am 22 and don't have a GCSE in Music. Similar for Science - I really want to re-sit the double award, but it's just too late now.... if people found out I was resitting science at 22 they would laugh and make fun of me like mad. My flatmates make fun of me all the time as it is...

So on a whole, my GCSE's were, let's face it, rubbish. Only 1 A* (In a subject that is considered micky mouse), and 1 A (in another subject considered to be micky mouse).... and I did these at a later age as well...

Now, my A-Levels on the other hand, which I did at a later age, were actually really good... I got:
A - Psychology
A - Sociology
B - Media Studies

But the sad thing is, all three of these subjects are considered 'micky mouse subjects'. I never feel embarassed about telling people my a-level results, but I always feel embarassed when telling them the subjects... I just wish I took something else instead of media. I just wish I took Music, but I never did a GCSE in it, plus my college never offered GCSE OR A-level music. I wish I did a Science too, as they are very respectable... but I got DD in GCSE Science... I wish that, instead of doing Psychology, Sociology, and Media, I wish I did Psychology, Sociology, Music, and Biology - that would sound FAR more academic, and even though Psych and Soc are kind of micky mouse subjects, I enjoy them, plus I would have Music and Biology as my more academic, non-micky mouse subjects, to make up for it. Just listen to me rambling on...

I failed the advanced extention award in Psychology however, which made me feel really crap. I got an A on the A-Level, but then all that is ruined when I fail the advanced extention award. I guess it doesn't matter because I have an A on the A-Level, but failing the AEA after makes it LOOK bad. On my Uni registration sheet, to make things worse, the first qualification that came up was the U grade for the advanced extention! Argh! Guess I'll just have to keep telling myself that it doesn't matter, because I got an A on the A-Level anyway...

I am now on a Psychology degree, which to be honest, I am finding much more difficult than the a-level. I cannot motivate myself, and am not enjoying the course that much really. Some parts are ok and interesting... but other parts are awful. And there is far too much Maths and Biology, which I find difficult... I really enjoyed the Psychology A-Level, but this degree is disappointing... My flatmates see Psychology as a soft subject, and it really annoys me.

On top of this, I have NO IDEA what I want to do as a career. I never have.

The only things that have gone well for me at uni so far is that I have had the opportunity to play live. I am a guitarist/songwriter. I write my own songs. I REALLY cannot sing though. I mean, I hit the notes well. But my voice in general is just AWFUL. I really cannot help this. I cannot help what my voice is. On myspace, in forums, I have had so much harsh criticism about it, when other artists haven't had half as much. I have also had so much crap off of my friends at home about it (surprisingly, my uni friends are more encouraging about it). People like my guitar playing, and songs, but hate my voice.... having said this though, me playing live has gone down well so far, but it is only an open mic night at a tequila bar... about 5/10 minutes a slot each time... most people are getting drinks anyway, so probably aren't paying that much attention.

To summarise all this crap I have written, I just feel that I have nothing going for me. What do people advise me to do about my situation(s)? Sorry about all this moaning by the way, I just need to let it all out...
You sound like such a female version of me it's scary.

I wanted to do music A level and couldn't. I failed my maths GCSE (D) and then had to raise it to a C in college. I took theatre, film and theatre for A level and by everyone got the mick took out of me because they were "soft subjects". I completely understand your view about the whole sex issue. I locked myself in my room last year and only had one close friend and I was in catered and just skipped out lunch because I couldn't be bothered to cook. You must be able to cook you got a C in food tech :smile:

I can help you out with the psychology if you want? After xmas for me last year everything just fell into place. I could do the maths. I could do the biology (and I only got a C at GCSE) and I started making a lot more friends. I love psychology and have learnt so much in this past year about myself and other people. Also I wouldn't worry about not having a career.

I've worked for 3 years in next and tbh the option of staying there after uni is always in my mind. What part of psychology are you most interested? I'm looking into clinical and forensic and possbily education. But I didn't start looking until a few months ago.

You obviously live with very immature people if they diss you because of your age. I'm friends with quite a few older students and it makes no difference whatosever. Tbh 22 isn't that young to be a first year at University. Look on the bright side, there are many people who would love to be at university but haven't got the money, the grades or even the option to go. You're there and need to try and start making the most of it.

Go make some lunch tomorrow with people in the kitchen and if it goes wrong you can laugh about how rubbish you are and if it doesn't you can just chat about anything really, are they looking forward to xmas etc etc?

You have nothing to be ashamed about. And you are not a failure, kay?

PM me if you need any help with psychology. :smile:
All these depressed psychologists :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
Everyone goes through bad times in there life man,, but you just have to push past them, just go and see if any of your flat mates want to go out for a drink or something, maybe if you have a few beers with them you may feel more comfortable ( I know its a lame way, but trust me you will feel so much more confident).
There must be some people at uni who are in the same boat as you, want you shouldnt be doing is tlking on a forum about it, you should jjust go out and lose this shadow you have hanging over you otherwise it will just drag you down even further.
Also who cares about cooking lol, not many people can cook, you just make stupid things, maybe try cooking with some other people and have a laugh about it, your a student, your not supposed to be eating gormet dinners.
And as for your taste in tv shows, red dwarf kicks ass :wink:.
Sorry i didnt read the bit about you playing in front of a live audience :O, thats an awesome thing to do, you must have alot of confidence in yourself to be able to do that.
Reply 5
its funny really, i think they should scrap the whole re take maths thing, i just retook it as did everyone in my class lol. but the depression thing is nothing to worry about, i have spent the last 3 years fighting it now (thats not to say you are gunna be the same) and people skills have to be learnt, i don't know a single person who goes to school and suddenly is a people person. if you wanna read my situation go to www.rupiee.blogspot.com, it should show that i didn't have any people skills but stayed pretty unaware until secondary school etc. so don't worry yourself, and ur GCSE results were better then mine mate!
Man, if you love music, do it. Just play it anywhere and try to get these feelings into a beautiful song, which will conquer the hearts of many girls :wink:

Who cares if subjects are "mickey mouse". They are still subjects and getting an A is always good, and an A* is fantastic.

The only thing I can say is that you seem to care too much about what other ppl think. I used to be like that in primary school, I took things way too personal, causing me to get verbally bullied, as I was such an easy target. When I moved to another city though, I started working out and now if anyone tries to bully me, I don't care. If they take it too far, I just say I'll hit them, they usually stop and if not Ill actually fight them (happened once). I'd say you take things way too personal too. Try to get confidence somehow, no matter if it is by giving some concerts or start working out so you stand up for yourself.

In the end, the only person who should say how good his A-levels are is you, the only person who should say what you wanna do is you, etc. Don't let other ppl tell you what to do and stand up to them and their judgments.

Edit: Forget about the past. Focus on the future and enjoy the present.
Reply 7
Aww, Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I don't think you should worry about your GCSE grades. I am not saying they don't matter at all but you passed quite a few, expecially taking the additional ones and they really aren't terrible.
I don't think you should dwell on the past but just try your best to improve the future.

About your dad, your dad is your dad and if you love him that is all that matters. He is your family and people do not choose their family and we should love em for who they are. I understand where you are coming from though my dad is in his late 60s but at the end of the day, I just think we should love our family and age is not really a problem and does not matter or effect anything. It is not a crime to be 62 and your friends should not take the mick. That is just immature, uncalled for and frankly illogical. Why laugh at you because of the age of your dad? How is that your fault in any way and how is it a fault?

I am not entirely sure what to tell you I would say do not give up, I am struggling to but let's all struggle together. We can make it. We would never know what we are capable of achieving if we give up now. And it is just the beginning. I bet we will become such better people at the end of this.
By that I mean, we will have learnt so much. For example, how to handle certain situations. We will grow so much as people.
As for the friends thing. Tell me about it! I have not one close friend and it is really testing. Well there is someone that Im a little bit close to but she said that she wants to change uni, swap courses or something, so I guess she'll be leaving me.

Uni is so hard, it really is. There is so much to deal with and you are basically by yourself to deal with it. It doesn't matter that there are like thousands of people, that in fact makes it worse because everyone looks so pally and you feel even more alone.
To try and make friends maybe you should join a society or two. That way you'll meet people that have similar interests and that is a basis for you and them to have things to talk about.

Try and get involved in things. Just give things a ago, what have you got to lose? You could only gain a few friends, what's the harm in that?
The friend you have off campus, how about they join something with you, that way they will be on campus a little more or they could just accompany you to whatever it is you want to go to.

How about spending a bit of time with them off campus and them spending more time with you on campus? If you get on really well you should both try and make an effort.Good luck!
Reply 8
Sounds like you have alot to get of your chest mate! Do you have anyone close you can speak to? I'm sure you'd feel alot better if you could find someone to confide in.

Anyhow, from what I gather I just think you need a bit of confidence. I can sympathise that you are a bit shy, I've been there myself, but I'd advise you stick with Uni and socialising as much as you can, your confidence will continue to grow, but you need to keep pushing yourself to be sociable, it's hard I know! One thing you probably know is people are always looking to get a rise from others, and if you're a bit shy then it will be easier for them, I think the main thing is to take a bit of mickey taking on the chin and take the piss back, I guess thats how the world works! anyhow, I wouldn't worry about the GSCE Grades, I only have 2 GCSE's, a Grade E in English, and a Grade D in Maths, rubbish or what?? but I still got into the University of Nottingham, they really don't mean that much! You take them when you're young when you're more prone to make mistakes at that age. I tell fellow students that I got rubbish grades, I'm bloody proud of it because I still got into a good Uni, I've turned things around, so I don't think they look down on me at all.

& I really wouldnt feel embarrassed about your dad being 82, you're lucky, you have a dad! I dont. Thats something you could say, that your grateful to have a dad who you love. & ...I know this is going to sound a bit hedonist, but if it was me I would be bigging him up that he got with a younger lady, I mean, I'm sure alot of guys, me included. hope to be with a lady as young as your mum at 82! Feel proud of your dad, he must have done something right! it will come off when you speak to people and they won't take the piss. If you feel embarrassed people will pick up on it and poke fun. & you feel embarrassed telling people you're 22? I'm 26! I totally sympathise though, but try and embrace the Mature Student status! Often students will look up to you as you have that extra life experience, it's a GOOD thing, trust me! You will come accross more intrersting, and there's always the thing of girls liking an older man. :smile: & as for the sex thing, I think you just need to meet the right person, don't worry too much about finding sex repulsive, I'm sure alot of people can relate to that, me included. My first time wasn't great either but sex is often something you learn to enjoy. It sounds like you haven't fully explored your sexuality yet, it is a big thing! But trust me it does improve! Often the first time is rubbish! Losing your virginity isn't always going perfect.

& how DARE your flatmates slag of Psychology, I study Psychology and it's GREAT! :smile: Be proud of your subject and they will dare not take the piss! & if they do, I'm sure you could find something to take the piss back about their subjects. Psychology really is a great subject, you can learn so much from it and it has alot of great career prospects. It most definately isn't Mickey Mouse. Big it up to them! Maybe they don't fully understand it and think it's about reading minds, which is isn't.

Oh. and if you like U2, imagine what life is like for me! I mainly listen to Hardcore rave, I havent met ANYONE at my Uni that listens to it, but I don't give a monkeys! People get the impression that I am very passionate about it, so they don't mention anything. Friendships shouldn't be about what music or films you like, I find those types don't last. Generally I find most my friends at Uni I don't have that much in common with, we just hang out and have a laugh. Thats what life is about.

I hope some of what I said can be useful to you, good luck anyway I hope things improve for you! & if people do continue to be nasty to you perhaps they arent the type of people you should give your time to, if they dont like something about you then it's their problem, not yours! If you learn to discriminate like that then the right people should enter your life.

Ps, respect for liking Red Dwarf, good choice! :wink: It's one of my faves. you must have a good sense of humour! :smile: