This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

What to say to someone who has attempted suicide?

In all seriousness, I met this year 9 kid on a school bus like 3 weeks ago, asked for my msn and today I post about our situation here. Hes a little, quiet, shy, korean person. Today I had a conversation with him on msn, and he tells me, that when hes in his 20s, he plans on "committing suicide". He then tells me hes tried twice already; he tried to cut his wrist; and he also tried to jump out a window in a classroom, but stopped when a teacher was called (previous school). He repeatedly said 'life sucks' and the point of life is "we live to have sex and continue our generation". He says he doesn't want a child, because their annoying...

He thinks chatting is fun (on msn), he likes to play guitar, eat sweets, sleep, watch tv. He has low self-esteem - he says he is small, stupid, ugly, not good and that he sucks at everything. Hes a yr 9 kid, im in yr 13, he sometimes says my name to me when he sees me around school, like at the school cafeteria, and thats about it. He trusts me, and he thinks im a kind person.

What should I say to him? I guess I want this issue resolved. I've told a friend of mine about the situation, he thinks its out of our hands. If I tell him to go see the school counceler, I doubt he'd go. What should I do?

Reply 1

cpj1987

15

Yikes, difficult situation that you shouldn't have to be involved in - but, you are now, so I guess there's no chance to step away from it all for you.

I'd recommend mentioning the school counsellor to him; just as an option. He might react well, he might ignore the suggestion, but at least then you've given the idea a go and implanted it in his head.

It does seem strange that he 'plans to commit suicide when he's in his 20's'; as, if it was something he was that desperate about, the action would be more urgent - his life could turn out to be fine by the time he reaches that age.

Do you know what's causing him to feel like this? If you've not gotten the root causes from him, it might be a case of finding those out, and addressing them individually to put his mind at ease.

I think it's great that you're concerned about this guy and offering your help and advice, and a listening ear, to him; if anything it'll help him just to have that around. When I was the same age as that boy is now, I attempted suicide twice; but, luckily, failed on both occasions - let the boy know that life is never so desperately bad that you need to end it, and that even though he might feel like his life could never improve, it will if he doesn't end it.

Well done again for taking this matter on in a mature and responsible way - just remember to make sure that the boy continues to understand that you're there for him to talk to, and hopefully eventually he'll open up a bit more and address the deeper issues.

Reply 2

Pink Moon

i think that makes it more dangerous that he's planning it later on, sounds like there is more intent in there.

Do you know anything about his family situation and what support he has? As an outside person theres not really much control you've got over the situation but someone like a family member could do more. He really should be in community mental health services, he sounds pretty depressed.

he seems comfortable talking to you abou how he feels, which is good. If you can handle it, just be a listening ear fo him. Give him a chance to talk about how he feels more and why. And maybe ask if he thinks that theres any chance he could feel different at any point, because once your gone thats it.

get him to talk about the "we live to have sex and continue our generation" thing, cos that wierd and i think that thats kind of key. And just about how he feels about his life on a daily basis, family,friends, school that kind of thing.

If your ever in a crisis situation with him, when he wants to do something there and then, try and keep him calm and you can call the police.
You seem to be handling this really well, gud on ya :smile:

xx

Reply 3

Renal

17

Why don't you just clear and leave him alone?

Reply 4

Meliae

Renal

Why don't you just clear and leave him alone?

Don't you think that'll make the kid feel rejected? He obviously wants someone to talk to and get attention from. Leaving him alone will just make things worse.

OP, I don't really know what to say to him either. Just try to listen and be understanding. Sounds like he's just lonely and needs someone to listen to his problems. Maybe try and help him if you can and try to get him to see a counsellor the next time he mentions suicide.

Reply 5

Renal

17

Meliae

Don't you think that'll make the kid feel rejected? He obviously wants someone to talk to and get attention from. Leaving him alone will just make things worse.

Leaving him alone means acknowledging that you are not necessarily equipped to solve this kids problems and acknowledging that it's not a particularly safe situation for you to be in.

Reply 6

Damask Ellion

2

you say better luck next time!!!

ps sorry for that comment i mean it and good luck with your problem but i could'nt help myself

Reply 7

Thud

17

I don't get how a 13/14 year old kid can fail.

Reply 8

slk999

15

he sounds like a little b* tch who needs a slap over the wrists. how can he be so selfish. he'll change so much from aged 9 to into his 20s. what an insensitive thing to say. just tell him your parents had you for a reason. they did not have sex so 20 years down the line you could kill yourself. if he only knew who he'd upset, let alone aged 9, but aged 20 when he's been through school and possibly had girlfriends, then he should bloody well drop being so immature and insensitive.
he does not need someone to say how precious he is and his life is valued. he's saying that he wants to kill himself because he wants attention. not because he WANTS to kill himself.

Reply 9

Meliae

Renal

Leaving him alone means acknowledging that you are not necessarily equipped to solve this kids problems and acknowledging that it's not a particularly safe situation for you to be in.

Not equipped to solve his problems, fair enough, but that doesn't mean it's better to just leave him. Do you suggest blanking him? Also, what do you mean by 'safe'?

Reply 10

ElWilson

14

Give him the number of some sort of child psychologist?

Or ask the psychologist what you should say to him, if he has a trust problem.

Reply 11

Renal

17

You don't get dragged into any mess they may create.

Reply 12

Hopping Mad Kangaroo

15

Renal

Why don't you just clear and leave him alone?

Could be a bad move, there is quite a risk that you will just leave the kid more isolated and more likely to do something. Bear in mind it may not be this kid that gets harmed in whatever he is planning.

Reply 13

Meliae

richj-w

he sounds like a little b* tch who needs a slap over the wrists. how can he be so selfish. he'll change so much from aged 9 to into his 20s. what an insensitive thing to say. just tell him your parents had you for a reason. they did not have sex so 20 years down the line you could kill yourself. if he only knew who he'd upset, let alone aged 9, but aged 20 when he's been through school and possibly had girlfriends, then he should bloody well drop being so immature and insensitive.
he does not need someone to say how precious he is and his life is valued. he's saying that he wants to kill himself because he wants attention. not because he WANTS to kill himself.

Yes but he's NOT 20 yet. (He's not 9 either, he's in year 9 and therefore aged 13/14.) If he lives to be 20, chances are he'll have grown up by then and won't go through with his plans. I agree he may have exaggerated to get attention but probably just because he's lonely (and consequently has poor social skills and needs someone to sympathise with him).

I can see why the OP wouldn't want a depressed 13yr old hanging around him but personally, I wouldn't have the heart to just ditch him and leave him to it. Actually, I think trying to talk about something other than his problems might help to bring him out of his shell so that he can find more friends his own age.

Reply 14

slk999

15

my point is meliae, if he was 15 and saying this i'd be a little more concerned. but from my own experience, stuff you say at 9 rarely has any kick to it.

Reply 15

Meliae

richj-w

my point is meliae, if he was 15 and saying this i'd be a little more concerned. but from my own experience, stuff you say at 9 rarely has any kick to it.

Reread both my post and the OP. He's in YEAR 9 and therefore aged 13/14.

Reply 16

cheapaschips1000

He needs help if he has that problem. It could be the teenage thoughts that many have and may pass over, ultimately it may not be. It's tough as you don't want to make it worse but he needs proper help really. That's the only way it can be solved and if it was me I'd be telling somebody about it and getting him the help he needs.

Imagine you were his parents, wouldn't you want to know how he's feeling?

I know it's not simple but that's just how I'd deal with it. Everyone else may disagree and luckily I've never been there. Hopefully I never will have this problem either.

Reply 17

Pink Moon

Some people on this forumare so ****ing clueless and insensitive, it's scary that they even they are capable of giving advice at all. It's like have you seriously ever spoken to another human being with emotions before?

What to say to someone who has attempted suicide?

Related discussions

Articles for you