Getting worried about my girlfriend :(

I haven't see her for around 2 years or so....

it's not the same as it used to be

Of course not, people change a lot in two years.

I think you have major trust issues!

When you're young it's very difficult to retain long-distance relationships, hormones often get the better of you! It's also worrying that you haven't "seen" her in 2 years, not even brief visits or anything? I think perhaps you should try to move on, hard though it is, as you're going to university soon and you'll meet a whole plethora of new girls you could go out with. It's also not fair on the girl that you keep on interrogating her like this- I've had possessive boyfriends and it's really not pleasant.

do you have any plans to be in the same country as each other any time soon?
in the two years could you not have seen her in the holidays?
to me -having experienced a long distance relationship, it seems like she might not be happy with the arrangement. 2 years of never seeing her bf? have you ever met?
there are certain aspects of your relationship that she doesnt get, and she could with someone who lived near her. i.e. they can actually touch each other. it sounds like you dont have much of a life outside each other if you used to talk 8 hours a day!? maybe she wants to go out -go to clubs, have other friends.
do you really think you can carry on like this?
she probably has become to like this guy. only because she's missing parts of the relationship.

i cant write much more unless you have plans to be with each other..otherwise to her it just seems like a life of being on your own in another country... unable to have sex/cuddles/kisses/a life with your own boyfriend.....

EDIT: ok well you are meeting. but it's worrying that the parents don't know about this 2 year relationship anyway.

I understand everything you've written, but it's something we both considered before carrying on. Really, this is the last year, after this year I plan to visit her a lot more because it'll be loads easier while I'm not at home - with regard to the parents, it's quite a complicated issue that's difficult to understand I guess unless you've experienced it. Also, after uni, I plan to live in the same place as her.

well i have experienced it. and although it was **** for a while after i told my parents. it was better in the long run....

if you both still believe in those plans then you don't have a problem. stop being paranoid and talk to her.

make an extra effort to show you care...

Have you asked her straight and frank (without pressurising her) what she wants?

How did you two meet in the first place? Have you met many times before?

Someone else mentioned this, but it could be that she missing other parts your relationship. I.e. physical contact. Talking to her every day is fair enough but she might be missing actually being with someone.

I'm sorry no relationship however special can be worth this amount of stress especially when distance will probably make it crash and burn eventually.


Seriously what is the point no relationship should be worth this amount of stress especially one where you haven't seen her for over two years. I mean seriously. There is an expression that is extremely cliched I know but ''all good relationships are founded on trust.'' It sounds a lot like you don't feel able to trust her anymore. This is often a good indication of a suitable point to end the relationship because continuing it further is likely to lead to paranoia and jealousy often unfounded.

In answer to your questions.

Am I being to paranoid? Yes no and maybe. You seem to have worked yourself so much into a frenzy that everything convinces you that she is cheating on you with this other guy. They could just be best friends as she says.
Although it is said that guys are friends with girls only for one thing so maybe she is being naive and he is looking for more than friendship.

Should I bring up the fact that this guy has changed his privacy settings? Absolutely and 100% no noone likes a stalker. First of all have you considered that maybe facebook have fixed the glitch that allowed you to view his page in the first place. Secondly yes she probably told him and maybe he is trying to hide something or maybe he felt somewhat 'violated' in a way that some random stranger was scouring his page looking for the slighest clue that what was a harmless friendship was something more. Seriously give the guy a break he has probably just found out he is being stalked by a guy.

Should I talk to her about anything else? I don't know what you mean by this - if it is what I think and you mean asking her other questions in order to establish whether something is going on then I am afraid this is completly up to you. As i have already said all relationships need to have a basis of trust especially long distance ones. If you don't feel able to trust her then what is the point.

Honestly I think you are being a bit naive letting yourself become so infatuated with someone who you just never see.

Could you expand on that a bit?

i had the same, and it didn't work out later on his ex was trying to do anything to have him back and ....and ....and she did ;(

Hello

I'm in a long distance relationship; my girlfriend lives in a different county, and I haven't see her for around 2 years or so. We're still together because we really love each other, and I really do love her more than anything.

Recently though, she's apparently started to get a load of work from school so I'm not able to talk to her much, which is fair enough. She also comes online later than she used to (by about an hour) after school, because she has some club or something. She talks a bit differently too..it's not the same as it used to be. I've talked to her about it before and she just says that it seems like that because we can't talk much at the moment, but it'll be better during the holidays etc. and she still e-mails me everyday and stuff.

I noticed this guy on facebook though, who keeps spending a lot of time drawing these pictures for her on the graffiti thing, and although they don't have hearts they wouldn't look out of place with them! So I talked to her about it and she says she doesn't see anything wrong with them but she'll delete them if I want, which was nice of her. I was still a bit suspicious of this guy though, so I managed to view his profile and he's put her as his top friend, and on another application he's put her as his only "special" friend which is odd seeing as they haven't been friends for more than 3 months or so, not only this but on the side of his profile it has this comparepeople thing which has her as the hottest, most desirable and best personality - which really angers me! So I spoke to her again yesterday and told her that I think this guy likes you...and she's like no no we're just friends. Then I told her about his profile, and there was a bit of a pause because she assumed I couldn't view his profile as I'm in a different network, which I can't but I found a way round. Her reason was that "he sees me as one of his best friends" but she avoided the question when I asked her why she was displayed as his only friend on another application. But she said that they're just friends...and she said if I'm not happy with it she won't be friends with him anymore. I felt a bit bad, so I said don't do that, I might be wrong and stuff, I was just making an observation.

So everything was all good, and we had a nice chat, and then I realised that I couldn't view this guy's profile anymore, he altered his privacy settings. I know it's only a small thing, but it's a bit more than coincidence? Did she ask him to do that? If she didn't, she must have spoken to him about our conversation - which she knows I would prefer she didn't. I didn't mention to this to her yesterday though...I don't want to seem over-paranoid but that's the thing, I don't even know if I'm over-paranoid or not.

I've got university interviews next week, and I can't even concentrate for them because she's the only thing on my mind at the moment, this paranoia couldn't have come at a worse time. I really want to talk to her, but there's a significant time difference, and she said she might not be here today or tomorrow, and I've not spoken to her on a weekend for the last 2 months or so because she always has to go out with her sister or her mum.

As far as our past goes, I did break up with her for a day lol, which was sort of 6 months after we'd been going out, but we talked about it and it was ok, there was a real reason for that - not because she cheated on me or anything like that. After that incident, everything was perfect, we'd actually never have any arguments...last January though, she was acting really weird and told me she was thinking of breaking up (this was after I kept asking her what's going on for a good few days), her reason being that she felt guilty about her parents (we're muslims so our parents don't know). I thought this was a bit odd...because she never had this feeling before, and if she did she never told me about it, and we operate on a tell each other everything basis. She quickly decided on the same day though she was being stupid and decided to stay with me. At first I thought that she might've liked someone else, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe her. But now, with this guy...I'm just a bit worried, because what if it is possible for her to like someone else? I mean of course it is! She's a teenage girl...but everyday we tell each other that we love each other and won't be with anyone else etc etc. which is certainly true for me, I wouldn't dream of being with anyone else but her, and she's my first (and only!) girlfriend too.

So...I'm not sure what to do, I am really a very mentally strong person, nothing gets me down and I got through my exams last summer being in a crap family situation, I do feel quite iron-willed. However, she's my achilles' heel, and it really gets me down...we used to talk for like 8 hours a day but now it's come down to an hour a day excluding weekends and the odd day or two she can't make during the week. I feel this has contriubted to my paranoia, but on another level, the fact that we're not talking as much means we're not as close, and she's spending so much time with all these other people she might like someone else or something I don't know!

I've written absolutely loads there, I wonder if anyone's going to read it! I feel really in need of advice though, I have no one to talk to about it. To make it a bit easier though, my questions in essence are:

Am I being to paranoid?
Should I bring up the fact that this guy has changed his privacy settings?
Should I talk to her about anything else?

I mean, I've not directly told her how I'm feeling about all this, should I? Initially, I have decided to do so, because I don't think she really realises how I'm feeling.

Anyway thanks for reading...I feel a bit better now after typing that, I'll try and get on with some work now!