The Student Room Group

Islam ruined my parents and my parents ruined me.

Sorry this is going to be very long but I just want to share some of my experiences growing up with my parents and Islam.

I have never gotten along with my mother at all. I have always argued with her and can never come to agreements. From a very young age, my mother has hit me and my brother and tried to justify it. Every time she hit me, I hated every piece of her and everything she stood for. It's sad to say I feel this way about her but its true. I promised myself if I ever had kids I'd never hit them. I used to think it was my fault for all the times she hit me. She used to say "why do you not love me and always make me hit you when you don't listen to me". She always used to turn it around on me. She made sure I always wore tights in school to cover up all my bruises.

I remember not eating my food and she would grab me by my hair and pull me to the cooker where she burnt some of it. I came in school and I remember everyone asking what happened to my hair but I just kept silent. I remember another time my mum threatened to smack me with a large heated metal cooking spoon. She actually heated it for a long while but didn't hit me with it. She sat me on the worktop but the spoon was right next to me and I didn't realise. I moved my leg and and the spoon directly went through my pyjamas and into my skin. I remember screaming so much and a layer of my skin had completely mangled with my clothes. She took me to the hospital and my thigh was completely bandaged up and taken care of. I was only five. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose but simply to make the threat to get me to eat my food yet it turned out all wrong. My drunken father came home that night from work and slapped me across the face for another reason but I all remember this so vividly. I don't think I'll ever forget these things.

Things really changed after we visited Saudi Arabia before high school. My dad stopped drinking and my parents both became so religious. At the age of 11 my mother forced me to wear a hijab even though it wasn't compulsory for me at that point and I really didn't want to. I never thought this would change who I was. I became a completely different person. Especially when I started high school. I used to be so outgoing, was extremely popular and had many friends. In high school my mental health plummeted and I suffered. I had complexity, panic attacks and I was ridden with severe anxiety. I was treated differently because I wore the hijab and I wanted nothing more than to take it off and simply be free and be the girl who I used to be. I was harassed by the same boys throughout the years for wearing the hijab. I had no one to talk to about these things. My friends weren't Asian and they weren't religious at all so I thought they wouldn't understand me.

I managed to talk to a councilor and I told her everything. She didn't understand me at all and thought that one meeting with my parents would sort out everything. Oh I was so wrong. I prayed and prayed, calling Allah for help but none of my prayers were answered. You'd think I would have left Islam by now but I still believed. I needed someone, I was so lost and I couldn't cope. I felt so suicidal thinking it was the only way out. I told myself things will change once I grow up. I have never been given the opportunities that my brother had been given. He was allowed to go out whenever he wanted, talk to whoever, go on school trips and basically what every human was entitled to. I remember missing out on so many things like DofE, NCS, school parties simply because I was a female and that is how they justified these things.

I went to a college which was quite far away from home. I gained a little independence. One time, I went out with my friends in the afternoon during our frees and I took off my hijab. I felt so brave because I knew the consequences if they had caught me.I had this confidence come out of nowhere. It was like a I was a completely new person and I enjoyed my time very much even though we only went to a cafe. If my mother had simply given me the choice of wearing it, maybe I would have worn it myself but the fact that it was forced upon me, made me hate it so much.

I got myself a boyfriend too and I lost my virginity. I told my boyfriend about my parents and it seem liked he understood but things didn't work out with him for other reasons so we parted. I am to admit, yes I'm not a good Muslim at all but I still believe in my faith. In my mother's eyes this was possibly the greatest sin if I had ever told her because she believes virginity to be extremely important and only my husband should be the one to take it. She has even banned me from using tampons because she believes it would have broken my hymen and I would no longer be "tight". I'm so sick of her beliefs and I just want her to stop. At some points I want to scream out and tell her to shut up so loud. My parents have changed the way I dress. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans (although I do but I get yelled for it so much), leggings, show my legs, show my figure in any way.

I don't have very many friends and I just finished my A levels. I haven't been allowed out since my summer started. I'm lonely and I crave company. I'm not sure if I'm going to university this year either because my exams didn't go great. I'm lost i don't know where my life is headed..

Scroll to see replies

I guess the plan is to get to uni so you can gtfo of there and take control of your life.

Best to just wait for results day before losing all hope - maybe you did better than you thought. And there's still clearing.
You have strict and controlling parents. Teach them a lesson and move on.
Original post by Kyou
Burning is actually one of the accepted methods of getting rid of the Quran incase you ever need to.


Can I do it in the middle of Trafalgar Square tomorrow afternoon?
This sort of stuff annoys me so I'm just gunna say wtf I think even if people don't like it. All in the name of islam.

The world would be a much better place without religion.
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry this is going to be very long but I just want to share some of my experiences growing up with my parents and Islam.

I have never gotten along with my mother at all. I have always argued with her and can never come to agreements. From a very young age, my mother has hit me and my brother and tried to justify it. Every time she hit me, I hated every piece of her and everything she stood for. It's sad to say I feel this way about her but its true. I promised myself if I ever had kids I'd never hit them. I used to think it was my fault for all the times she hit me. She used to say "why do you not love me and always make me hit you when you don't listen to me". She always used to turn it around on me. She made sure I always wore tights in school to cover up all my bruises.

I remember not eating my food and she would grab me by my hair and pull me to the cooker where she burnt some of it. I came in school and I remember everyone asking what happened to my hair but I just kept silent. I remember another time my mum threatened to smack me with a large heated metal cooking spoon. She actually heated it for a long while but didn't hit me with it. She sat me on the worktop but the spoon was right next to me and I didn't realise. I moved my leg and and the spoon directly went through my pyjamas and into my skin. I remember screaming so much and a layer of my skin had completely mangled with my clothes. She took me to the hospital and my thigh was completely bandaged up and taken care of. I was only five. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose but simply to make the threat to get me to eat my food yet it turned out all wrong. My drunken father came home that night from work and slapped me across the face for another reason but I all remember this so vividly. I don't think I'll ever forget these things.

Things really changed after we visited Saudi Arabia before high school. My dad stopped drinking and my parents both became so religious. At the age of 11 my mother forced me to wear a hijab even though it wasn't compulsory for me at that point and I really didn't want to. I never thought this would change who I was. I became a completely different person. Especially when I started high school. I used to be so outgoing, was extremely popular and had many friends. In high school my mental health plummeted and I suffered. I had complexity, panic attacks and I was ridden with severe anxiety. I was treated differently because I wore the hijab and I wanted nothing more than to take it off and simply be free and be the girl who I used to be. I was harassed by the same boys throughout the years for wearing the hijab. I had no one to talk to about these things. My friends weren't Asian and they weren't religious at all so I thought they wouldn't understand me.

I managed to talk to a councilor and I told her everything. She didn't understand me at all and thought that one meeting with my parents would sort out everything. Oh I was so wrong. I prayed and prayed, calling Allah for help but none of my prayers were answered. You'd think I would have left Islam by now but I still believed. I needed someone, I was so lost and I couldn't cope. I felt so suicidal thinking it was the only way out. I told myself things will change once I grow up. I have never been given the opportunities that my brother had been given. He was allowed to go out whenever he wanted, talk to whoever, go on school trips and basically what every human was entitled to. I remember missing out on so many things like DofE, NCS, school parties simply because I was a female and that is how they justified these things.

I went to a college which was quite far away from home. I gained a little independence. One time, I went out with my friends in the afternoon during our frees and I took off my hijab. I felt so brave because I knew the consequences if they had caught me.I had this confidence come out of nowhere. It was like a I was a completely new person and I enjoyed my time very much even though we only went to a cafe. If my mother had simply given me the choice of wearing it, maybe I would have worn it myself but the fact that it was forced upon me, made me hate it so much.

I got myself a boyfriend too and I lost my virginity. I told my boyfriend about my parents and it seem liked he understood but things didn't work out with him for other reasons so we parted. I am to admit, yes I'm not a good Muslim at all but I still believe in my faith. In my mother's eyes this was possibly the greatest sin if I had ever told her because she believes virginity to be extremely important and only my husband should be the one to take it. She has even banned me from using tampons because she believes it would have broken my hymen and I would no longer be "tight". I'm so sick of her beliefs and I just want her to stop. At some points I want to scream out and tell her to shut up so loud. My parents have changed the way I dress. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans (although I do but I get yelled for it so much), leggings, show my legs, show my figure in any way.

I don't have very many friends and I just finished my A levels. I haven't been allowed out since my summer started. I'm lonely and I crave company. I'm not sure if I'm going to university this year either because my exams didn't go great. I'm lost i don't know where my life is headed..


Hey im so sorry u went through all that. If you want, you can pm me, cuz i can openly admit ive been through some of that shít with the parents and "too religious" bit and guess kinda think alike x
Reply 6
Sorry to hear about the abuse you endured, but I don't see how you're blaming Islam for "ruining your parents" since you clearly said your mum was abusive and your dad was drunk before they both became religious. And after they became religious they forced you to comply with its teachings, which is not what Islam teaches.

It's not Islam that ruined your parents, it was their lack of understanding of it.
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry this is going to be very long but I just want to share some of my experiences growing up with my parents and Islam.

I have never gotten along with my mother at all. I have always argued with her and can never come to agreements. From a very young age, my mother has hit me and my brother and tried to justify it. Every time she hit me, I hated every piece of her and everything she stood for. It's sad to say I feel this way about her but its true. I promised myself if I ever had kids I'd never hit them. I used to think it was my fault for all the times she hit me. She used to say "why do you not love me and always make me hit you when you don't listen to me". She always used to turn it around on me. She made sure I always wore tights in school to cover up all my bruises.

I remember not eating my food and she would grab me by my hair and pull me to the cooker where she burnt some of it. I came in school and I remember everyone asking what happened to my hair but I just kept silent. I remember another time my mum threatened to smack me with a large heated metal cooking spoon. She actually heated it for a long while but didn't hit me with it. She sat me on the worktop but the spoon was right next to me and I didn't realise. I moved my leg and and the spoon directly went through my pyjamas and into my skin. I remember screaming so much and a layer of my skin had completely mangled with my clothes. She took me to the hospital and my thigh was completely bandaged up and taken care of. I was only five. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose but simply to make the threat to get me to eat my food yet it turned out all wrong. My drunken father came home that night from work and slapped me across the face for another reason but I all remember this so vividly. I don't think I'll ever forget these things.

Things really changed after we visited Saudi Arabia before high school. My dad stopped drinking and my parents both became so religious. At the age of 11 my mother forced me to wear a hijab even though it wasn't compulsory for me at that point and I really didn't want to. I never thought this would change who I was. I became a completely different person. Especially when I started high school. I used to be so outgoing, was extremely popular and had many friends. In high school my mental health plummeted and I suffered. I had complexity, panic attacks and I was ridden with severe anxiety. I was treated differently because I wore the hijab and I wanted nothing more than to take it off and simply be free and be the girl who I used to be. I was harassed by the same boys throughout the years for wearing the hijab. I had no one to talk to about these things. My friends weren't Asian and they weren't religious at all so I thought they wouldn't understand me.

I managed to talk to a councilor and I told her everything. She didn't understand me at all and thought that one meeting with my parents would sort out everything. Oh I was so wrong. I prayed and prayed, calling Allah for help but none of my prayers were answered. You'd think I would have left Islam by now but I still believed. I needed someone, I was so lost and I couldn't cope. I felt so suicidal thinking it was the only way out. I told myself things will change once I grow up. I have never been given the opportunities that my brother had been given. He was allowed to go out whenever he wanted, talk to whoever, go on school trips and basically what every human was entitled to. I remember missing out on so many things like DofE, NCS, school parties simply because I was a female and that is how they justified these things.

I went to a college which was quite far away from home. I gained a little independence. One time, I went out with my friends in the afternoon during our frees and I took off my hijab. I felt so brave because I knew the consequences if they had caught me.I had this confidence come out of nowhere. It was like a I was a completely new person and I enjoyed my time very much even though we only went to a cafe. If my mother had simply given me the choice of wearing it, maybe I would have worn it myself but the fact that it was forced upon me, made me hate it so much.

I got myself a boyfriend too and I lost my virginity. I told my boyfriend about my parents and it seem liked he understood but things didn't work out with him for other reasons so we parted. I am to admit, yes I'm not a good Muslim at all but I still believe in my faith. In my mother's eyes this was possibly the greatest sin if I had ever told her because she believes virginity to be extremely important and only my husband should be the one to take it. She has even banned me from using tampons because she believes it would have broken my hymen and I would no longer be "tight". I'm so sick of her beliefs and I just want her to stop. At some points I want to scream out and tell her to shut up so loud. My parents have changed the way I dress. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans (although I do but I get yelled for it so much), leggings, show my legs, show my figure in any way.

I don't have very many friends and I just finished my A levels. I haven't been allowed out since my summer started. I'm lonely and I crave company. I'm not sure if I'm going to university this year either because my exams didn't go great. I'm lost i don't know where my life is headed..


i dont even know hat to say.......its shocking......misinterpreting religion can lead to so much hurt.....but this vision of seeing such as right in religion when its really wrong needs to stop....Wish you the best with whatever you choose to do xxx
Reply 8
I'm sorry you went through this but I agree with above posters that your issue seems to be with your parents, not the religion.
They were abusive to you before "becoming religious" and seem to make you wear the hijab and stay indoors etc for the sake of disciplining or isolating you. They're using the religion as an excuse to treat you that way.

You should try to get some space from your parents so you can work out how you feel about your religion on your own. If results day doesn't go well, you could always try to apply in Clearing for universities outside of your current city.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
Reply 9
Sounds like your parents were ruined before Islam though. Not defending the religion but seriously, Islam wasnt the issue with your parents. They have underlying problems
I do sympathise and i'm really sorry that u had to go through all of this. I hope you get control of your life in the future and wish ur life will be filled with more happiness. However, with everything you've said the problem is your parents not Islam. If Islam was the problem then all of the Muslims would be treated like how u r being treated and clearly not every Muslim is treated like this by their parents. Your parents are the issue and the only way to deal with this is by getting some help from professionals. As others have said ur parents are using Islam as a way of controlling you, this is completely wrong.

I am really sorry you've had to go through. I really hope things get better for you. :console: xx
I wish there was more people like us could do (though, I've not been through the abuse you have and I wish you hadn't had to experience that) but the only advice I find I can give in the end is to endure. Keep talking about yourself and seek support so you can cope, and endure.

I'm around this place most days if you or anyone wants to get sh*t off their chest.
I just feel like if they hadn't turned so religious most of these things wouldn't have been forced on me. I would have been able to go on school trips, make friends with whoever I wanted to and just be like my brother. It's not that they didn't believe in Allah before, but the fact that they started going extreme after.
Original post by Anonymous
I just feel like if they hadn't turned so religious most of these things wouldn't have been forced on me. I would have been able to go on school trips, make friends with whoever I wanted to and just be like my brother. It's not that they didn't believe in Allah before, but the fact that they started going extreme after.


Even adults can be brainwashed. Religion is the perfect place to find blame in things in you life.
my family is kinda religious but are still very open and my parents don't really care what i do/wear/go etc etc. if you need any advice or would like to vent, don't hesitate to message me!! i'd like to see how this all turns out. hopefully you get into a university which is far away from your home, so you can finally live comfortably <3
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry this is going to be very long but I just want to share some of my experiences growing up with my parents and Islam.

I have never gotten along with my mother at all. I have always argued with her and can never come to agreements. From a very young age, my mother has hit me and my brother and tried to justify it. Every time she hit me, I hated every piece of her and everything she stood for. It's sad to say I feel this way about her but its true. I promised myself if I ever had kids I'd never hit them. I used to think it was my fault for all the times she hit me. She used to say "why do you not love me and always make me hit you when you don't listen to me". She always used to turn it around on me. She made sure I always wore tights in school to cover up all my bruises.

I remember not eating my food and she would grab me by my hair and pull me to the cooker where she burnt some of it. I came in school and I remember everyone asking what happened to my hair but I just kept silent. I remember another time my mum threatened to smack me with a large heated metal cooking spoon. She actually heated it for a long while but didn't hit me with it. She sat me on the worktop but the spoon was right next to me and I didn't realise. I moved my leg and and the spoon directly went through my pyjamas and into my skin. I remember screaming so much and a layer of my skin had completely mangled with my clothes. She took me to the hospital and my thigh was completely bandaged up and taken care of. I was only five. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose but simply to make the threat to get me to eat my food yet it turned out all wrong. My drunken father came home that night from work and slapped me across the face for another reason but I all remember this so vividly. I don't think I'll ever forget these things.

Things really changed after we visited Saudi Arabia before high school. My dad stopped drinking and my parents both became so religious. At the age of 11 my mother forced me to wear a hijab even though it wasn't compulsory for me at that point and I really didn't want to. I never thought this would change who I was. I became a completely different person. Especially when I started high school. I used to be so outgoing, was extremely popular and had many friends. In high school my mental health plummeted and I suffered. I had complexity, panic attacks and I was ridden with severe anxiety. I was treated differently because I wore the hijab and I wanted nothing more than to take it off and simply be free and be the girl who I used to be. I was harassed by the same boys throughout the years for wearing the hijab. I had no one to talk to about these things. My friends weren't Asian and they weren't religious at all so I thought they wouldn't understand me.

I managed to talk to a councilor and I told her everything. She didn't understand me at all and thought that one meeting with my parents would sort out everything. Oh I was so wrong. I prayed and prayed, calling Allah for help but none of my prayers were answered. You'd think I would have left Islam by now but I still believed. I needed someone, I was so lost and I couldn't cope. I felt so suicidal thinking it was the only way out. I told myself things will change once I grow up. I have never been given the opportunities that my brother had been given. He was allowed to go out whenever he wanted, talk to whoever, go on school trips and basically what every human was entitled to. I remember missing out on so many things like DofE, NCS, school parties simply because I was a female and that is how they justified these things.

I went to a college which was quite far away from home. I gained a little independence. One time, I went out with my friends in the afternoon during our frees and I took off my hijab. I felt so brave because I knew the consequences if they had caught me.I had this confidence come out of nowhere. It was like a I was a completely new person and I enjoyed my time very much even though we only went to a cafe. If my mother had simply given me the choice of wearing it, maybe I would have worn it myself but the fact that it was forced upon me, made me hate it so much.

I got myself a boyfriend too and I lost my virginity. I told my boyfriend about my parents and it seem liked he understood but things didn't work out with him for other reasons so we parted. I am to admit, yes I'm not a good Muslim at all but I still believe in my faith. In my mother's eyes this was possibly the greatest sin if I had ever told her because she believes virginity to be extremely important and only my husband should be the one to take it. She has even banned me from using tampons because she believes it would have broken my hymen and I would no longer be "tight". I'm so sick of her beliefs and I just want her to stop. At some points I want to scream out and tell her to shut up so loud. My parents have changed the way I dress. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans (although I do but I get yelled for it so much), leggings, show my legs, show my figure in any way.

I don't have very many friends and I just finished my A levels. I haven't been allowed out since my summer started. I'm lonely and I crave company. I'm not sure if I'm going to university this year either because my exams didn't go great. I'm lost i don't know where my life is headed..


So sorry for everything you went through

Definitely a culture thing though, not religious
Original post by Anonymous
Sorry this is going to be very long but I just want to share some of my experiences growing up with my parents and Islam.

I have never gotten along with my mother at all. I have always argued with her and can never come to agreements. From a very young age, my mother has hit me and my brother and tried to justify it. Every time she hit me, I hated every piece of her and everything she stood for. It's sad to say I feel this way about her but its true. I promised myself if I ever had kids I'd never hit them. I used to think it was my fault for all the times she hit me. She used to say "why do you not love me and always make me hit you when you don't listen to me". She always used to turn it around on me. She made sure I always wore tights in school to cover up all my bruises.

I remember not eating my food and she would grab me by my hair and pull me to the cooker where she burnt some of it. I came in school and I remember everyone asking what happened to my hair but I just kept silent. I remember another time my mum threatened to smack me with a large heated metal cooking spoon. She actually heated it for a long while but didn't hit me with it. She sat me on the worktop but the spoon was right next to me and I didn't realise. I moved my leg and and the spoon directly went through my pyjamas and into my skin. I remember screaming so much and a layer of my skin had completely mangled with my clothes. She took me to the hospital and my thigh was completely bandaged up and taken care of. I was only five. I know she wouldn't have done that on purpose but simply to make the threat to get me to eat my food yet it turned out all wrong. My drunken father came home that night from work and slapped me across the face for another reason but I all remember this so vividly. I don't think I'll ever forget these things.

Things really changed after we visited Saudi Arabia before high school. My dad stopped drinking and my parents both became so religious. At the age of 11 my mother forced me to wear a hijab even though it wasn't compulsory for me at that point and I really didn't want to. I never thought this would change who I was. I became a completely different person. Especially when I started high school. I used to be so outgoing, was extremely popular and had many friends. In high school my mental health plummeted and I suffered. I had complexity, panic attacks and I was ridden with severe anxiety. I was treated differently because I wore the hijab and I wanted nothing more than to take it off and simply be free and be the girl who I used to be. I was harassed by the same boys throughout the years for wearing the hijab. I had no one to talk to about these things. My friends weren't Asian and they weren't religious at all so I thought they wouldn't understand me.

I managed to talk to a councilor and I told her everything. She didn't understand me at all and thought that one meeting with my parents would sort out everything. Oh I was so wrong. I prayed and prayed, calling Allah for help but none of my prayers were answered. You'd think I would have left Islam by now but I still believed. I needed someone, I was so lost and I couldn't cope. I felt so suicidal thinking it was the only way out. I told myself things will change once I grow up. I have never been given the opportunities that my brother had been given. He was allowed to go out whenever he wanted, talk to whoever, go on school trips and basically what every human was entitled to. I remember missing out on so many things like DofE, NCS, school parties simply because I was a female and that is how they justified these things.

I went to a college which was quite far away from home. I gained a little independence. One time, I went out with my friends in the afternoon during our frees and I took off my hijab. I felt so brave because I knew the consequences if they had caught me.I had this confidence come out of nowhere. It was like a I was a completely new person and I enjoyed my time very much even though we only went to a cafe. If my mother had simply given me the choice of wearing it, maybe I would have worn it myself but the fact that it was forced upon me, made me hate it so much.

I got myself a boyfriend too and I lost my virginity. I told my boyfriend about my parents and it seem liked he understood but things didn't work out with him for other reasons so we parted. I am to admit, yes I'm not a good Muslim at all but I still believe in my faith. In my mother's eyes this was possibly the greatest sin if I had ever told her because she believes virginity to be extremely important and only my husband should be the one to take it. She has even banned me from using tampons because she believes it would have broken my hymen and I would no longer be "tight". I'm so sick of her beliefs and I just want her to stop. At some points I want to scream out and tell her to shut up so loud. My parents have changed the way I dress. I'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans (although I do but I get yelled for it so much), leggings, show my legs, show my figure in any way.

I don't have very many friends and I just finished my A levels. I haven't been allowed out since my summer started. I'm lonely and I crave company. I'm not sure if I'm going to university this year either because my exams didn't go great. I'm lost i don't know where my life is headed..


Even though I disagree with Islam as a ideology, this isn't the religion's fault for once. Your parents are horrible human beings who abused you. Social services should have taken you away from them and the fact that your school never noticed the abuse you were suffering clearly points to a lack of safeguarding training amongst the staff.

You need to move away from your parents. They have abused you enough and the longer you stay with them, the more they will try to emotionally manipulate you to do things they want you to do.

Try to get a job and save up money to move out. If you feel you didn't do good enough to go to university then you can always try to get a apprenticeship. Apprenticeships won't pay you the minimum wage until you are 21 or over. So you may have to stay with your parents for two years before you can move out.
This is not what Islam is...
I agree with the user above
I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through. Your parents have serious underlying issues, just ignore them and you need to start living YOUR life, and if that means moving away from them and distancing yourself from them then so be it. You are a strong young woman who can make decisions for herself and take nobody else's ********. Tough to hear but thats the truth.

Latest