Has my girlfriend really changed? Please help Watch
So I've been together with my girlfriend for about 6 months. And I found out about a month into our relationship that she has had a past with some guys. I found a book in her room with a list of all the guys she has had sex with. And my name being on the most recent. Now this list is about 9 guys deep. Now keep in mind I was a virgin before I met her.
So the months went on and eventually we graduated high school together. We are still very much in love with each other. She actually went away to college and is permanently coming back just because she couldn't handle being away from me. And to be honest I couldn't handle being away from her.
So recently when she was out of town, I was house sitting for her and I was using her computer. I clicked on the iMessages and I could actually see her texts. Now she still kept the old texts from some of the guys she had hooked up with. It almost broke my heart to read the things she said to them. Things like "I'm horny, come over" and things of that nature.
Now yes we are deeply in love with each other. I can't think of a life without her. She has admitted to her being a "ho" in her past. We have even gotten matching tattoos together on her 18th birthday of the date we met in a infinity sign for god sake. She tells me everyday that she is the luckiest girl in the world and how I have changed her in so many ways and how it is good to be grounded with someone you love.
Now I kinda feel lost. I love her with all my heart, but reading the things she would say to other guys broke me a little bit. I feel like I'm just another name on her "**** book". What should I do?
You need to overcome your own insecurities (with respect). Your girlfriend has a past with other guys, messaging other guys and having sex with other guys comes as part of that package. You can either see that as a weakness because you've not had past experiences as well, or embrace it as a strength, clearly your girlfriend must have a great personality or looks (or both!) to have such a history. The book, from an objective perspective is fine, people like to remember their pasts because for the most part, it is those experiences that factor into their confidence/worldview today. The messages, mainly the question as to why she still has them, is somewhat less clear, but even then, so long as she only has them because she genuinely doesn't care about them, then that's perfectly ordinary too. The issue here is firmly on your hands and it seems that your girlfriend has taken steps to help alleviate these fears (albiet by validating them and making you feel like you're right to feel this way) but honestly, you just need to tackle them and accept that she has a past, everyone has a past, hers just includes other dicks. Now unless, one of those dicks is one of your friends or relatives, there really isn't any reason to see it as anything more than nothing. Finally, just to help you a little, everyone goes through this in their first proper relationship. People find it so hard to distinguish between love and sex when all they've experienced is loving sex. Those who have experienced other relationships find it a lot easier to deal with stuff in the past because they themselves have had similiar experiences and recognise it for what it is, just experiences that have no bearing on the current relationship. Put simply, ask yourself this, does her experience directly affect you beyond your judgement of what she has done in the past? It doesn't. Also, she likely agrees 'she was a hoe in the past' but that doesn't mean she actually was, she enjoyed sex has much as the next man. Accept and move on. And do not (I repeat not!) ask anything from her relating to her past, because you're essentially asking her to overcome your jealously/insecurity issues for you, when really you need to tackle them. Much love, dude.