boyfriend is threatening to dump me if I accept my uni offer

Watch
This discussion is closed.
Doris Yannick
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Got really good grades better than I expected and have an offer to go to Durham University which is about an hour and half away from home but my boyfriend hates it and has been nagging me not to go away for uni he is a bit clingy and doesnt like me talking to other guys even though I have no intention of cheating on him or when I do go to uni but he doesnt see that he says he will dump me if I accept my offer or he said he will move up closer to be near me I mean dont want him to move either its like I want to least enjoy myself at uni and socialise what can I do to reassure him
2
Farlan
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
is your boyfriend more important than your future?
101
Doris Yannick
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#3
(Original post by Farlan)
is your boyfriend more important than your future?
he is sweet most of the time and loving but he is scared i will cheat when I am not going to
0
claireestelle
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
Got really good grades better than I expected and have an offer to go to Durham University which is about an hour and half away from home but my boyfriend hates it and has been nagging me not to go away for uni he is a bit clingy and doesnt like me talking to other guys even though I have no intention of cheating on him or when I do go to uni but he doesnt see that he says he will dump me if I accept my offer or he said he will move up closer to be near me I mean dont want him to move either its like I want to least enjoy myself at uni and socialise what can I do to reassure him
If he's not willing to try a long distance relationship then maybe it's best to break up with him, he does seem entirely trusting of you to be honest.
9
username3288902
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
You don't reassure him you take the offer and go to a really good University, and if he dumps you it's a win win.
13
FaZe Clan
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
How serious is your relationship?
0
username3150658
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 years ago
#7
Break up with him. No one should stop you from doing anything you want to.
29
Farlan
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#8
Report 4 years ago
#8
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
he is sweet most of the time and loving but he is scared i will cheat when I am not going to
if he's threatening to leave you for trying to make a future for yourself, or planning to move closer so he can keep an eye on you he's not as sweet as he pretends to be. As soon as any guy says he doesn't want you talking to other guys that's a red flag right there because he doesn't trust you.

It's up to you but I'd dump him first so he doesn't get the satisfaction of saying he did it
1
Doris Yannick
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#9
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#9
(Original post by FaZe Clan)
How serious is your relationship?
been together nearly 2 years but he goes mad every time I do talk to another guy even just being friends he is a lot older than me
0
RedDaenerys
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report 4 years ago
#10
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
Got really good grades better than I expected and have an offer to go to Durham University which is about an hour and half away from home but my boyfriend hates it and has been nagging me not to go away for uni he is a bit clingy and doesnt like me talking to other guys even though I have no intention of cheating on him or when I do go to uni but he doesnt see that he says he will dump me if I accept my offer or he said he will move up closer to be near me I mean dont want him to move either its like I want to least enjoy myself at uni and socialise what can I do to reassure him
This is a no brainer for me! Dump him and go to Durham. If he is'clingy' and 'doesn't like you talking to other guys' then you need to get rid. He is not your owner and doesn't get to dictate what you can and cannot do. Don't let him hold you back. If he truly loves you then he would trust you and be happy for you and that's it! He sounds completely insecure. Well done on your grades and University offer. You're clearly smart so make the right choice and good luck!
4
Doris Yannick
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#11
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#11
dont really want to be alone but yeah he is bringing me down again thought being in his 30s he would be more mature about it
0
UWS
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#12
Report 4 years ago
#12
It's your future, ditch and go to Durham. You'll find someone who will support you better than him.
5
HopeFull97
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#13
Report 4 years ago
#13
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
Got really good grades better than I expected and have an offer to go to Durham University which is about an hour and half away from home but my boyfriend hates it and has been nagging me not to go away for uni he is a bit clingy and doesnt like me talking to other guys even though I have no intention of cheating on him or when I do go to uni but he doesnt see that he says he will dump me if I accept my offer or he said he will move up closer to be near me I mean dont want him to move either its like I want to least enjoy myself at uni and socialise what can I do to reassure him
My ex boyfriend was like this - he was super clingy and I moved 300 miles away with my family and he was not happy and constantly needed to know what I was doing and who I was with. I think that as important as your relationship feels it's so important to put yourself first in situations like this - this is a huge life decision and if you refuse this amazing offer because your boyfriend is super clingy then the liklihood is that you will regret it and your relationship may fall apart anyway because you might feel quite resentful of the fact that your boyfriend stopped you from going to an amazing university. If the relationship is meant to be then he will trust you and you'll be able to work it out
2
StealingThunder
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 4 years ago
#14
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
been together nearly 2 years but he goes mad every time I do talk to another guy even just being friends he is a lot older than me
Dude that sounds like a controlling relationship, and rings alarm bells for me!
Qualifications from good institutions last your whole life and give you opportunities.
However you reap no benefits from people who try to limit you.
Dump him if he keeps trying to stop you!
4
BurstingBubbles
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#15
Report 4 years ago
#15
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
he is sweet most of the time and loving but he is scared i will cheat when I am not going to
I can recognise this, this is so similar to a relationship I had. He didn't want me to move away for uni, ended up being so controlling that me even leaving the house made him jealous. If your boyfriend can't even handle you going to uni, then this relationship is not built on trust and will not last in the long run. Please respect yourself and put yourself first

Massive congrats by the way
2
britishtf2
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#16
Report 4 years ago
#16
Take the offer.
1
Leanne Tilly
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 4 years ago
#17
troll you cannot have good grades with grammar like this and no full stops
3
uosstudent
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#18
Report 4 years ago
#18
He's in his 30s and he's dating a girl who's starting uni in September? That'd be enough for me to dump him
10
the_queen
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#19
Report 4 years ago
#19
Forget him! Your career will give you the food and will pay bills for you, your bf gives you only stress now. Dont be naive!
3
She-Ra
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#20
Report 4 years ago
#20
(Original post by Doris Yannick)
been together nearly 2 years but he goes mad every time I do talk to another guy even just being friends he is a lot older than me
Honestly lovely, make Durham your escape route. Your boyfriend should be immensely proud that you nailed your exams and are going to a great university. If you don't go to Durham I think you'll regret it in the future, it's an amazing opportunity.

I would worry that long-term the relationship won't work, if he is talking to you like this.

I was in a relationship where I couldn't even look let alone laugh with a male colleague for fear that I would get ignored/ shouted at/ made to feel like a horrible person and it made me feel so so tired. If he doesn't trust you now, I am afraid he never will
8
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What support do you need with your UCAS application?

I need help researching unis (19)
16.81%
I need help researching courses (8)
7.08%
I need help with filling out the application form (6)
5.31%
I need help with my personal statement (43)
38.05%
I need help with understanding how to make my application stand out (28)
24.78%
I need help with something else (let us know in the thread!) (2)
1.77%
I'm feeling confident about my application and don't need any help at the moment (7)
6.19%

Watched Threads

View All