Am I an awful girlfriend? Would you put up with this?

Don't do that!! It's fundamental in Islam to keep the relationship between you and your family good and visit your family/parents often. It's also not Halal to have a boyfriend (especially if he is Christian). I'm not really religious, but when it comes to Halal and Haram, I have to do by what our religion says. I'm 100% sure that your boyfriend might ask for a sleep with you (you know what I mean) and that's a sin in Islam!!

Im not religious. At all. I dont believe in islam so what is halal or haram is irrelevant to me.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. It's the first relationship for both of us; I'm 23 and he's 22.

He's amazing. I feel so blessed to have met such a great guy - he's always so considerate, he looks after me and we get on great with each other's friends. I've met his family and they're all wonderful.

The only thing is, my family are arab/muslim and his family are english/christian (us two are both not religious though). Because of this, my parents are super religious and strict on me - especially because I'm a girl.

My boyfriend has recently graduated so he's currently back at home whilst he searches for jobs. At the moment, we're doing long-distance. I'm currently a student at university, so it's fine when I'm away during term time - I live in a different city when I'm studying - so I can visit my boyfriend when I like.

The problem we're having is that right now, as it's the summer holiday, I'm back in my parent's house and I'm unable to see my boyfriend unless I spin out a huge web of lies with my parents about where I'm going for a few days, and I have to get my older sister involved to cover for me - I essentally pretend I'm visiting her for a few days but instead I'm visiting my boyfriend.

Obviously, this doesn't always work because my sister (she is in her 30s) has her own life and can't always cover for me eg she is out of the country next week.

Because of this, I have to constantly cancel on the plans I make with my boyfriend over the summer as I can't get away from my parents. I feel so bad about it, because my boyfriend always asks me to come visit him and he has all these ideas of things we can do together, and I keep having to cancel it or postpone it at the last minute.

When I get back to uni, seeing each other shouldn't be a problem - it's just when I'm at home.

Am I a bad girlfriend?? Does anyone have advice??

Thanks in advance

Don't do that!! It's fundamental in Islam to keep the relationship between you and your family good and visit your family/parents often. It's also not Halal to have a boyfriend (especially if he is Christian). I'm not really religious, but when it comes to Halal and Haram, I have to do by what our religion says. I'm 100% sure that your boyfriend might ask for a sleep with you (you know what I mean) and that's a sin in Islam!!

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. It's the first relationship for both of us; I'm 23 and he's 22.

He's amazing. I feel so blessed to have met such a great guy - he's always so considerate, he looks after me and we get on great with each other's friends. I've met his family and they're all wonderful.

The only thing is, my family are arab/muslim and his family are english/christian (us two are both not religious though). Because of this, my parents are super religious and strict on me - especially because I'm a girl.

My boyfriend has recently graduated so he's currently back at home whilst he searches for jobs. At the moment, we're doing long-distance. I'm currently a student at university, so it's fine when I'm away during term time - I live in a different city when I'm studying - so I can visit my boyfriend when I like.

The problem we're having is that right now, as it's the summer holiday, I'm back in my parent's house and I'm unable to see my boyfriend unless I spin out a huge web of lies with my parents about where I'm going for a few days, and I have to get my older sister involved to cover for me - I essentally pretend I'm visiting her for a few days but instead I'm visiting my boyfriend.

Obviously, this doesn't always work because my sister (she is in her 30s) has her own life and can't always cover for me eg she is out of the country next week.

Because of this, I have to constantly cancel on the plans I make with my boyfriend over the summer as I can't get away from my parents. I feel so bad about it, because my boyfriend always asks me to come visit him and he has all these ideas of things we can do together, and I keep having to cancel it or postpone it at the last minute.

When I get back to uni, seeing each other shouldn't be a problem - it's just when I'm at home.

Am I a bad girlfriend?? Does anyone have advice??

Thanks in advance

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. It's the first relationship for both of us; I'm 23 and he's 22.

He's amazing. I feel so blessed to have met such a great guy - he's always so considerate, he looks after me and we get on great with each other's friends. I've met his family and they're all wonderful.

The only thing is, my family are arab/muslim and his family are english/christian (us two are both not religious though). Because of this, my parents are super religious and strict on me - especially because I'm a girl.

My boyfriend has recently graduated so he's currently back at home whilst he searches for jobs. At the moment, we're doing long-distance. I'm currently a student at university, so it's fine when I'm away during term time - I live in a different city when I'm studying - so I can visit my boyfriend when I like.

The problem we're having is that right now, as it's the summer holiday, I'm back in my parent's house and I'm unable to see my boyfriend unless I spin out a huge web of lies with my parents about where I'm going for a few days, and I have to get my older sister involved to cover for me - I essentally pretend I'm visiting her for a few days but instead I'm visiting my boyfriend.

Obviously, this doesn't always work because my sister (she is in her 30s) has her own life and can't always cover for me eg she is out of the country next week.

Because of this, I have to constantly cancel on the plans I make with my boyfriend over the summer as I can't get away from my parents. I feel so bad about it, because my boyfriend always asks me to come visit him and he has all these ideas of things we can do together, and I keep having to cancel it or postpone it at the last minute.

When I get back to uni, seeing each other shouldn't be a problem - it's just when I'm at home.

Am I a bad girlfriend?? Does anyone have advice??

Thanks in advance

no I'm sure he'll understand It's really difficult with this, but you'll have to remember you're an adult, and at some point you will have to come clean and maybe talk about it (as long as that isn't completely dangerous or damaging for anyone in the picture).It depends on whether you're willing to lose something, because unfortunately it does seem like it's between him and your parents. Maybe if you sort things out, when you graduate you could stay with her??Did your sister have boyfriends/is she married now?

My parents are extremely backwards and overly religious- when im home, they like to control everything i do, and they believe a single girl shouldnt be travelling around unaccompanied as she might lose her "dignity". Doesnt really make sense as they let me live away during term time. When i questioned them they said they "gave the blind eye" as im studying a well respected and competitive course which has tough entry requirements.

Good on you for using your brain.

Yeah I was just gonna say..your parents may be very backwards but they're okay with you living away for uni, which I think you're lucky to be able to do. I certainly wouldn't be able to. However, that also doesn't make sense because if they're okay with you studying away from home then why would they think it's a problem for a unmarried girl to be travelling alone?

You're not an awful girlfriend you just have awful parents. They could also ruin your relationship. Maybe your boyfriend will decide that it isn't worth the effort. I think that you need to find a way to demand what you want. What will your parents do if you leave the house alone other than shout?

Just curious do they force you to wear a head scarf? Not that I have an issue with it but it sucks if you don't have the choice.

She used to be married, but then divorced because her ex husband was abusive. She dates and stuff but obviously hasn't told my parents about it

Youve got some valid opinions but I'd just like to point out that i was born and raised in the uk, and im not with my boyfriend just because he is "western" there are plenty of arab guys in the uk who are like me, although maybe not as abundant as english guys. It just happened by chance that I ended up with my current boyfriend. If i met an open minded, irreligious arab guy who was just as kind as my current boyfriend instead, it wouldnt have made a difference.

As for my my parents, theyre getting quite old now and by the time i get a job (which obviously wont end up being in my hometown) they wont be able to do much about it when i move away. This relationship might not last for whatever reason, but id like to think that i wouldnt break up with him just because of my backward parents

I hope he doesnt although I wouldn't blame him.

Lol they'd do a lot more than just shout, probably chase me down the street / drag me back into the house by my hair / steal my key so I cant leave etc

They didn't force me to wear a headscarf, but they expect me to dress like a hijabi in every other aspect ie arms and legs fully covered, ass covered with a long top, high necked clothing even in the height of summer. If they forced me to wear a headscarf i would probably just run away instead

Surely if somebody saw your parents doing that they would be screwed over.

Wait till your back in uni, or you could go in the first week of September and say uni is due to start earlier for you maybe?

Well that's another way to do it. I suggested overseas because, with the proper degree [i'm an electrical engineer], you can do quite well in putting some money together, and not being dependent upon your relatives. I spent 3 years overseas, and returned to the D.C. area and bought a house with the proceeds. I bought my house with my own (overseas) money, and had some left over to invest. Cheers.

Thats great for you! I wish I could move overseas, alas I'm training to work within the NHS so the only other place I'd be able to go are australia / NZ, whilst my boyfriend stays here