Friendless

I know this post is going to be whiny and long, but I’ll warn you beforehand – if you want a short read go to the bottom for the short version!

Well, my situation at the moment in school is rather depressing (Damn I sound emo!). I haven’t had any real friends for years and everyone seems to reject me. In my first two years of school it was because I was inappropriate, but now it is mainly because I am overweight and no one wants to hang around with the girl with a bed reputation (most people get bullied if they hang around with me).

In every group that I hung out with, one or two people decide they don’t like me at all. Then, they kinda blackmail their other friends that it is either they stay or I stay. And obviously, their friends will choose them over me as they have been friends for longer.

Now, I’m stuck friendless hanging around the porta-cabins or going to homework club to avoid bullying (even though it still sometimes happens). I know you may say report it, but it is off probably half the school and is only name calling.

Another issue is that I am in the top set and when I start to befriend people in my classes – they are far richer than me (my mother is mentally ill so cannot work and my father is deceased). This means I cannot go out with them or text often as we are pretty poor. But, I spend most of my time jealous of these rich kids whom seem to have acidic and mean personalities.

And to add, a paediatrician has attempted to put Asperger’s Syndrome on my special needs statement. Which really annoys me is the fact she has only spoke with me for one and a half hours! I could accept this diagnosis a few years back when I was socially inappropriate. But being alone in High School has taught me how to interact properly (which actually makes little sense).
I really desperately want friends, but it’s almost impossible in my current situation. I wish I could blame it on Asperger’s but I know I can’t. I know this sounds paranoid but I think the rest of the kids are less mature than me. (Just to tell you, I’m a little too young to be on a student forum :P) If you can, answer the question in the short version >.<

Short Version:

-I cannot make friends mainly because I’m overweight, I had a bad past in my school and people are bullied if they are friends with me. What can I do?

Reply 1

AsphyxiateD

It can be tough being friendless when you're young, but presumably you're a teenager now so I'd imagine it'd be easier to cope with at that age as you find it easier to find things to do or to keep yourself occupied. Maybe you should focus on making friends outside of your school, if you really want to make them; perhaps nearby streets?

Reply 2

suicidal_dream

perhaps... taking up part of what you've said, about thinking you're almost... a lower class than the others in the top sets - is there no form of funding you can get....is it the EMA's or something?! that would perhaps help you with a little more money to be able to text people and go places with them.

I think you need to confidence boost!

Reply 3

anonymax3

Well, I was in a pretty similar situation to you. I had dyspraxia, and was incredibly socially inept, and clumsy too boot, at least for the first couple of year or two secondary school. My social skills improved dramatically during that time, but of course the first two years had pretty much set my social status, and there was nowt I could do about it. Then I changed school for sixth form, and everything got better almost immediately. Firstly, people were more mature, so if I did make a social impasse, they were more likely to overlook it. Secondly I was much better socially, and I didn't have a history dragging me down.

Of course, because I was no longer being bullied, my happiness and self esteem levels increased dramatically, so I ended up losing quite a bit of weight.

I now find i'm quite popular with the girls, and although my past social ineptitude occasionally rears its ugly head, things are going well for me.

Incidentally, i also took a gap year, and having to cook for yourself, and moving around all the time help alot with weight loss.

So to sum up: Change school, as soon as you can. You're unlikely to make progress where you are. Take a gap year, you can use that to make up for lost time in acquisition of social skills.

As with regards to money... That is of no relevance. While i don't come from a poor background, my parents fell pretty heavily into debt, so they don't have any money to give me. This may be a guy thing, but as long as you don't have a problem wearing the same clothes week after week, and searching the bargain bins, you can actually dress rather snazzily. I've been accused of being "rich" and "posh" on multiple occasions, despite living entirely off of my student loan.

what year are you in

I'm sorry to trot out this old cliche, but is there any kind of hobby or activity you're interested in? If so there must be some kind of group or club for it outside school you could join. I personally think this is your better bet for making friends than school is because people there would get to know you in a different setting where you don't have any kind of history or established reputation so would probably be more inclined to get to know you better. Once people have a certain image or idea about you in school, it's pretty hard to break out of which is unfair but sadly the way it is. Also I think developing a talent of yours could be ideal for boosting your self-esteem.

Good luck :smile:

There must be something you're good at x

Reply 6

Happiness1990

I know the feeling.... but what i would say is that definitely change schools, and join different activities. Do you want to go to university? I was socially inept before i came to university. I realised with cofidence I can do anything. At the end of the day, you need a new environment where no-one knows you, that is why i prefer university to school. Obviously, the above advice is also good, but just keep on going at school. University is the way forward.. anyways good luck..