This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Was I Wrong?

My girlfriend is currently studying for a medicine degree whilst I am studying for a history degree from the same uni. Today we had a massive argument as I believe she is working way too hard in a manner that is damaging to her health. For instance, she'll often do a 9-5 day, come home and do another 3/4 hours of lecture write ups. Recently she's been very stressed and to the point of tears on many occasions and so I thought I'd have a chat with her and just try and get to ease down slightly on the work.

In essence I put forward that maybe she was working too hard and was it absolutely necessary to do 3 hours every night? I mean, I'm really worried about her health. Many people in real jobs don't work that hard! In reply I got a lot of shouting down the phone, a hanging up on the end and then a text that basically said that I don't say the right things. Now I can't get hold of her...

Was I in the the wrong? I was just trying to help and being in a 2 year relationship, I thought honesty would be the best policy. On the other hand, I'm not a medic and so maybe I don't understand the pressures or the workload...maybe I should've said something generic. I dunno. Help please!

Reply 1

museobsessed

you deff said what you did for her benefit (let her know that). i know medics get alot of work (me doing archaeology, more like your degree) but she should have acted rationally and explained that rather than reacting how she did. hummm

Reply 2

randomgirl

I don't think you have done anything wrong. Just give her time to cool down. Maybe she just doesn't want to admit that she is stuggling to cope?

Reply 3

Barry Scott

medical degrees are notoriously hard and so many students work accordingly so they are in the best position at the end of the course 9-5 doesnt dound excessive, 3 to 4 hours a night on lecture notes a few days a week is alright, but a few nights a week should be left to rest. my parents both did medical degrees and my father has done well out of working hard at uni. i would tell her that maybe she should take a few nihts off a week and dont be too forceful.

Reply 4

RosiePosiePuddingAndPie

Maybe she reacted like that because she's stressed, though. And maybe she feels it is absolutely necessary to do the extra work. I don't know how much extra work other medics do alongside their lectures and things.

You've got to get in touch with her really, explain that it was just your opinion and you're just worried about her, but you'll support her if she does want to work that much etc etc.

Maybe it would have been better to talk to her in person about it?

Reply 5

*titanium*

She shouldn't have reacted like this, when you only said what you said because you care, but you have to understand theres a huge amount of owrk involved in certian degrees such as medicine. I also spend almost all of my time studying, I dont find it too stressfull most of the time and I still get to talk to friends and stuff around the studying, but yes there are times it is stressfull when things are hard or before exams. Its normal and if shes having a stressfull few weeks, then just leave her to it. Its comming up to christmas and I know my work load has certainly sky rocketed, I have so many projects due in! If working hard is stressing her out through out the whole year rather than at certain times only, then go back and talk to her about it. But if she can ussaly cope with the hours, then let her, she needs to work hard on her course.

Oh and tell her that you only said what you said because you care for her. Its important she sees she was wrong to shout at you, because right now she probably thinks you where bieng selfish or something, but thats not ture.

Reply 6

username47781

It sounds like she reacted out of stress, hopefully she will get in contact with you soon and apologise.

Reply 7

* Catrin *

just give her some time to calm down, shes clearly stressed and will soon realise the error of her ways! Good luck

Reply 8

Jigglypuff

I get the impression that's a typical amount for a medic to do. I'm at Cambridge and the medics I know seem to do about that...and medics I know at other unis seem to do the same amount of hours but more of it is lectures and practicals than private note-making and revision. It comes with the subject really. You're an arts student so you're bound to be doing a lot less (I do philosophy and go to about two lectures a week and have lie-ins most days).

You were right to show some concern though, and I'm sure she'll appreciate it. But if she's doing three hours and starts her work about 7pm (allowing some time to get back from her lecture and have dinner) she should in theory be able to finish by 10pm and then have relax or go out. I don't think that's unreasonable really.

Reply 9

ciara

To be honest...that doesn't sound that excessive. And I can see her point, if she's stressed you telling her to chill out a bit must be kind of annoying because even though you care, as a history student you *don't* understand fully the pressure she's under from her workload. I'm sure she'll ultimately be okay with you though, if you love her just let her do what she needs to do, and make sure the time you spend together is as relaxing as possible :smile:

Reply 10

FyreFight

None of my friends studying medicine are working even close to that hard. But maybe your GF is one of the ones who got in through hard work rather than intelligence, so has to keep up the workload if she doesn't want to fall behind, I don't know. Just make sure she knows you told her for her benefit.

Reply 11

X358

You weren't wrong for saying what you said, but studying Medicine and working in the medical field are much harder than anything else anybody could ever do. I know this I'm studying to be a doctor and my dad was a full time paramedic for 24 years and worked part time in the ER for a number of those years as well. So don't be to hard on her just support her and be there for her when she needs you.

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Articles for you

A-level Economics Paper 1 (Edexcel) unofficial markscheme - 15 May 2024

Edexcel A-Level Economics Paper 1 - Unofficial Mark Scheme - 18 May 2023

Life lessons university will teach you

What degree, subject or course should I study at university?

Try out the app

Continue on web