My parents and their double standards.

Watch this thread
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.
2
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
(Original post by AquaBliz)
I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.
You have every right to be mad. Could you get a job and move out? You'll be free to do what you want and when you want then
3
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#3
(Original post by Jack22031994)
You have every right to be mad. Could you get a job and move out? You'll be free to do what you want and when you want then
I am not allowed to move out and they have a problem if I work.
0
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
(Original post by AquaBliz)
I am not allowed to move out and they have a problem if I work.
Could you arrange it all without telling them and just leave? I know thats not easy though.

Without sounding racist (as I in no way intend it that way),but are you from an Asian background?
0
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#5
(Original post by Jack22031994)
Could you arrange it all without telling them and just leave? I know thats not easy though.

Without sounding racist (as I in no way intend it that way),but are you from an Asian background?
Its not racist dont worry. Yes. I am. FFS.
0
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
(Original post by AquaBliz)
Its not racist dont worry. Yes. I am. FFS.
I thought so as I see this from a lot of Asian families. I dont get it at all.
0
reply
Waiser
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 5 years ago
#7
(Original post by Jack22031994)
You have every right to be mad. Could you get a job and move out? You'll be free to do what you want and when you want then
I think that is a terrible idea.
0
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#8
(Original post by Jack22031994)
I thought so as I see this from a lot of Asian families. I dont get it at all.
Neither do I. It's so stupid. And they are just ignoring me now until i give up being annoyed.
0
reply
Waiser
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
(Original post by AquaBliz)
I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.
Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 20-21
0
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#10
(Original post by Waiser)
I think that is a terrible idea.
any suggestions?
0
reply
Waiser
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 5 years ago
#11
(Original post by AquaBliz)
any suggestions?
Wrote some stuff up above.
0
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report 5 years ago
#12
(Original post by Waiser)
I think that is a terrible idea.
Why? :confused: Her parents being controlling when she is a grown adult is the thing that is terrible here. Notwithstanding the fact, they are also being sexist as well.
3
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
Report 5 years ago
#13
(Original post by Waiser)
Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.
She is 19
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#14
Report 5 years ago
#14
You are not alone and I am glad you have spoken out. The perpetuation of this kind of behaviour (especially, sadly, amongst conservative Asian parents) is fuelled by the male dominated micro-societies in which families like yours live. As a woman you may never be fully trusted and may even be expected to be submissive to every demand of you. To rectify this, a societal change of seismic proportions needs to happen, and this will only happen slowly and once people start taking matters in to their own hands. Actions speak louder than words; so you need to SHOW (not tell) your parents that you are an independent human being and that you are free to make your own decisions. Start by getting a part-time job or apprenticeship, maybe move in to full-time work or further education that requires you to move out. If necessary give them an ultimatum. Tell them that if they truly had your best interests at heart then they would let you take this job/do this degree etc. If it's something that you really want to do and they still refuse then that tells you that they don't care about you, they just want to control you. After this you should feel free to do whatever you want - you are not beholden to the people who don't care about you.
1
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#15
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#15
(Original post by Waiser)
Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.
I am 19. I have never done anything wrong tho. I am religious. My brother isn't. I don't see why he should be able to do all these things they tell me not to do because its not "safe" when he is only 17. Like why let one child do something and not the other. I don't really care bout my brother staying out late as much as him being allowed to go abroad at 17.
0
reply
Waiser
Badges: 14
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#16
Report 5 years ago
#16
(Original post by Jack22031994)
She is 19
Yeah, you are right, change that to 20-21 then.
0
reply
Jack22031994
Badges: 21
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#17
Report 5 years ago
#17
One thing I have never understood about *some* asian families who control their children and dont want them being 'Westernised.' is why bring them up in a Western country then? :confused:
0
reply
StealingThunder
Badges: 16
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#18
Report 5 years ago
#18
(Original post by AquaBliz)
I am 19 and my brother is 17. They have let him stay out late, go to concerts and are now letting him go abroad with his cousins. Oldest of the cousins is 22. They have never let me do any of those things because I am a girl. WTF DO I DO. They do not understand why I am mad because they let me go out but not till late. And its not that i want to stay out late either but they treat us differently. WHEN I WAS 17 MY DAD GOT UPSET BECAUSE I WAS AT THE LIBRARY. they are religious . and i got into an argument and skipped dinner, now its the next day and i haven't eaten either. They are just getting mad at me because they don't understand. AND NOW i am questioning whether i even have a right to be mad.? Also they think i am a cry baby because when I get angry i cant help but cry.
Lol same here I'm 18 my brother is 15 and he stays out later than me.
But tbf I have been attacked and he has not? It is less safe being a girl, and I don't think it's fair to limit us, but equally it you need to keep yourself safe.
My parents aren't even religious 😂
I think you have the right to be mad, but there's not a lot to be done about it.
0
reply
Kravence
Badges: 18
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#19
Report 5 years ago
#19
(Original post by Waiser)
Truth is, most families are like that, the female is always valued more in the sense of needing protection, specially if your family originates from a different country. The double standard will remain and I think its not such a terrible thing. With all these messed up guys out there, it is expected your parents are scared to let you out late. It will change when you get a bit older, maybe 19-20.
OP is 19 incase you missed that lol
It's ridiculous but I don't think moving out is the best idea if you can't afford to look after yourself.
You'll just end up going back and they'll be even tougher on you

Your two options are to either put up with it or be more assertive to get your way.
0
reply
AquaBliz
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#20
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
You are not alone and I am glad you have spoken out. The perpetuation of this kind of behaviour (especially, sadly, amongst conservative Asian parents) is fuelled by the male dominated micro-societies in which families like yours live. As a woman you may never be fully trusted and may even be expected to be submissive to every demand of you. To rectify this, a societal change of seismic proportions needs to happen, and this will only happen slowly and once people start taking matters in to their own hands. Actions speak louder than words; so you need to SHOW (not tell) your parents that you are an independent human being and that you are free to make your own decisions. Start by getting a part-time job or apprenticeship, maybe move in to full-time work or further education that requires you to move out. If necessary give them an ultimatum. Tell them that if they truly had your best interests at heart then they would let you take this job/do this degree etc. If it's something that you really want to do and they still refuse then that tells you that they don't care about you, they just want to control you. After this you should feel free to do whatever you want - you are not beholden to the people who don't care about you.
Yeah. I asked my mum why she is letting my brother go and she is like your dad want to teach him to be strong. Would you be able to defend yourself? But i was like shouldnt you teach us both to be strong. It is forcing women to be submissive when parents do this because its like men can have all the freedom because they are stronger. Right now, i am so angry i am sure I could defend myself pretty well against anyone. They thing is though they have let me do many things which are school orientated that are over night or week long and so they use those against me when i say you have not given me enough freedom.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest

How are you feeling about your results?

They're better than I expected (114)
41.01%
They're exactly what I expected (66)
23.74%
They're lower than I expected (98)
35.25%

Watched Threads

View All