How do I convince my parents to let me move out for university?

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username3480812
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I'm starting year 13 in a few weeks and will soon be applying to university. I'm planning on moving out into the university halls to study a Law and Politics course and then maybe move into rented housing with a few friends during my second year. I'm a Muslim girl and my parents don't want me going to a university outside of London and want me to live at home during university.

I don't even think that's possible with a law degree. The amount of reading and work required of law students would mean I would be up all night reading and then would have to travel back and forth between home and uni and still be on time to all my lectures. I just don't think that's an ideal situation at all. I would miss out on so much and would feel isolated at home. I want to be independent and get through uni by myself. My parents are convinced Muslim girls and boys become messed up at uni, but I literally only want to move so I can have the space and freedom to actually get on and get my degree. I don't even think I'll have the time to become all the things they think I will. I'm not the type to be peer pressured and most of my friends are Muslims anyway, and the ones that aren't respect my beliefs enough to not make do things I'm not comfortable with. I feel like neither of them trust me but I have never given them reason not to.

How do I convince them? And if I can't, how do I move out anyway? Do I need their consent to get things sorted? And is it possible to do it without them knowing?

I don't want to mess up our relationship but they're just being unreasonable and I feel like I'll have no choice but to leave anyway.
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Nottie
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You will be 18, you can do whatever you want.

Also, don't kid yourself that you wanna move out so you can stay up all night studying.
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Ljubljana
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(Original post by mina_maf)
I'm starting year 13 in a few weeks and will soon be applying to university. I'm planning on moving out into the university halls to study a Law and Politics course and then maybe move into rented housing with a few friends during my second year. I'm a Muslim girl and my parents don't want me going to a university outside of London and want me to live at home during university.

I don't even think that's possible with a law degree. The amount of reading and work required of law students would mean I would be up all night reading and then would have to travel back and forth between home and uni and still be on time to all my lectures. I just don't think that's an ideal situation at all. I would miss out on so much and would feel isolated at home. I want to be independent and get through uni by myself. My parents are convinced Muslim girls and boys become messed up at uni, but I literally only want to move so I can have the space and freedom to actually get on and get my degree. I don't even think I'll have the time to become all the things they think I will. I'm not the type to be peer pressured and most of my friends are Muslims anyway, and the ones that aren't respect my beliefs enough to not make do things I'm not comfortable with. I feel like neither of them trust me but I have never given them reason not to.

How do I convince them? And if I can't, how do I move out anyway? Do I need their consent to get things sorted? And is it possible to do it without them knowing?

I don't want to mess up our relationship but they're just being unreasonable and I feel like I'll have no choice but to leave anyway.
This is a massive problem with our society. Your parents are protective but it sounds as though they don't want you to integrate with other cultures/society in general. You need to live your life and be independent.

Good luck with year 13 - I'm starting it in a couple of weeks too!
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astro-hannah
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You'll be an adult and there's nothing they can do to stop you from moving out. If they want to ruin your relationship then that's on them. Just tell them you're going and they can either be supportive about it, or no longer be part of your life. I know it's hard but hopefully they will see sense if you're assertive.
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Khanman123
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(Original post by Nottie)
You will be 18, you can do whatever you want.

Also, don't kid yourself that you wanna move out so you can stay up all night studying.
She'll get disowned by her parents if she says that to them.
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Otherside22
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You don't convince them of anything. If you want to move out to go to university, you are 18, an adult, and as such fully responsible for yourself at that age. You don't there consent. Nobody can legally stop you if you wished to walk out, and the university you go to would laugh if your parents did attempt to stop you going.

Of course, they may not be pleased about that. They could ruin your relationship, but that's on them.
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Zomar4
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I'm going to university this September and I'm a Muslim too. I have applied and got accepted into a university which is outside of London. At first they were totally against it but talking to them made them see it differently, so I suggest talking to them and not arguing about it
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username2393237
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Could you find aother Muslim girls to live with? Maybe that would make them feel better.

You won't really need their consent, but can you afford to do it without their help? Might they become violent or abusive if you do something like that?
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ThomH97
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You can move out by yourself, but will likely need a rent guarantor at some point so they can block you then (if you can have uni accommodation all the way through you should be fine though). Even if they do block you after a year or so if you can only get uni accommodation for the first year you'd be no worse off than you are now so I'd still go for it. It looks like your relationship with your parents is going to change at some point anyway, either they break you or they accept that you've grown up in Britain and are taking advantage of what's available to you.
(Original post by mina_maf)
I would miss out on so much
Don't put the blame on yourself if it causes friction with them. They've chosen to try to control you when you're an adult and are needing to learn how to make your own way anyway. I do think you need to be honest with yourself though, from what you've said above it looks like you do want to do more than just have more time to study with less time commuting. You have a right to do that, but your parents are fearful you want to do things they don't want you to do.

I don't know what university you're going to, but you can probably just put in for certain halls and they'll allocate you something, no need to involve your parents. You will need to sort out a maintenance loan yourself (even if you are going to be working, I'd still get one) which they won't be involved in unless you're claiming a higher amount.

One more thing, while you don't need to involve your parents for much of this, they are probably going to ask you directly what unis you've applied to. You need to decide what you're going to say to that.
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Ljubljana
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(Original post by ThomH97)
You can move out by yourself, but will likely need a rent guarantor at some point so they can block you then (if you can have uni accommodation all the way through you should be fine though). Even if they do block you after a year or so if you can only get uni accommodation for the first year you'd be no worse off than you are now so I'd still go for it. It looks like your relationship with your parents is going to change at some point anyway, either they break you or they accept that you've grown up in Britain and are taking advantage of what's available to you.


Don't put the blame on yourself if it causes friction with them. They've chosen to try to control you when you're an adult and are needing to learn how to make your own way anyway. I do think you need to be honest with yourself though, from what you've said above it looks like you do want to do more than just have more time to study with less time commuting. You have a right to do that, but your parents are fearful you want to do things they don't want you to do.

I don't know what university you're going to, but you can probably just put in for certain halls and they'll allocate you something, no need to involve your parents. You will need to sort out a maintenance loan yourself (even if you are going to be working, I'd still get one) which they won't be involved in unless you're claiming a higher amount.

One more thing, while you don't need to involve your parents for much of this, they are probably going to ask you directly what unis you've applied to. You need to decide what you're going to say to that.
OMG your reply is currently longer than my personal statement
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.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
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Religion of peace back at it again.
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ThomH97
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(Original post by Ljubljana)
OMG your reply is currently longer than my personal statement
You've started early though, plenty of time
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username3480812
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(Original post by Ljubljana)
This is a massive problem with our society. Your parents are protective but it sounds as though they don't want you to integrate with other cultures/society in general. You need to live your life and be independent.

Good luck with year 13 - I'm starting it in a couple of weeks too!
Thanks, good luck to you too! Yeah, I know it's crazy, why move to Western Europe then? It makes no sense, I'm not a child and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. If I was gonna become a screw up, I would've done it years ago, not when I'm studying for my degree. It's so ridiculous but I guess they just have to suck it up when I do leave
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username3480812
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(Original post by Nottie)
You will be 18, you can do whatever you want.

Also, don't kid yourself that you wanna move out so you can stay up all night studying.
Lol, no I'm actually serious, I live with 8 other people and have lived with 10 my whole life. I really need the space and quiet to concentrate and actually pass my degree. But yeah, you're right, I need my own freedom to do as I like.
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username3480812
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(Original post by Khanman123)
She'll get disowned by her parents if she says that to them.
Lol no they would never, they'd just hate me for it. A lot. I'd never hear the end of it.
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Ljubljana
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(Original post by mina_maf)
Thanks, good luck to you too! Yeah, I know it's crazy, why move to Western Europe then? It makes no sense, I'm not a child and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. If I was gonna become a screw up, I would've done it years ago, not when I'm studying for my degree. It's so ridiculous but I guess they just have to suck it up when I do leave
I'm an immigrant as well but I'm sure your parents will understand eventually. Which unis are you applying to?
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username3480812
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(Original post by YaliaV)
Could you find aother Muslim girls to live with? Maybe that would make them feel better.

You won't really need their consent, but can you afford to do it without their help? Might they become violent or abusive if you do something like that?
Nah, they wouldn't. My mum would just be really hurt and my dad would be super angry and annoyed. Yeah, I was gonna look into that, single sex accommodation. Afford it? I don't know, don't you just pay for it with the maintenance loan, I'm not even sure but I plan on working a lot before I start anyway, so I should have a lot saved up.
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username3480812
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(Original post by .( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).)
Religion of peace back at it again.
Please don't disrespect my religion, just because my religion prefers women to leave home when they are married rather than before (which almost every culture, religion and society has in the past) does not make it 'non-peaceful'.
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username3480812
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(Original post by Ljubljana)
I'm an immigrant as well but I'm sure your parents will understand eventually. Which unis are you applying to?
Kent, Exeter, Nottingham, LSE, Queen Mary, I'm still deciding. Really? Where from?I was born in Saudi Arabia but moved here as a child, I've literally not known anything else my whole life except London.
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Ljubljana
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(Original post by mina_maf)
Kent, Exeter, Nottingham, LSE, Queen Mary, I'm still deciding. Really? Where from?I was born in Saudi Arabia but moved here as a child, I've literally not known anything else my whole life except London.
Slovenia, as suggested by my username (the capital city of Slovenia)!
I'm thinking about applying to Oxford, UCL, Birmigham and I'm not sure of the rest. I'd like to study Geography or European Social and Political Studies.
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