My mum's disappointment in my grades.

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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So today I opened up my GCSEs' results and I got all A's and A*s and absolutely no B's. I was pleased with my result (read: over the moon) but I knew immediately that my mum was going to be upset because I didn't get a 9 or that many A*s. I couldn't really enjoy myself and appreciate the grades I had received even though my friends were all telling me how well I'd done.

I get home and the first thing she asks about are not even my grades but all of my friends' and then she compares my grades to theirs and I feel so horrible because theirs is marginally better than mine (which she uses to make me feel terrible). I don't even get a congratulations or ' I know how hard you've worked', she just delves straight into the fact that I'm wearing a little makeup (eyeliner and eyebrows) and how I'm trying to grow up too fast.

I knew she was going to react negatively/apathetically to my grades but it hurts so bad that it turned out exactly how I expected it to do so. I've done so much work and I'm so tired. All of my friends' families has been so supportive and loving to their child's grades and I just feel like I'm never going to be enough for her.

I don't know how to deal with it in all fairness, since all I've ever wanted was her approval and love, and sometimes I wish that something else existed instead of me that could make my mom happy like I never could.
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the one 123
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#2
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Your not alone man, Some parents just expect high results, my advice would be to forget about your mum if you are happy with it thats all that matters.Gcses only matter if you're going Oxbridge other than that its pretty much useless

well done by the way
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T134O2L5E6
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I don't see how a parent couldn't be proud of a child with those grades because their clearly brilliant.
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4RAB147
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(Original post by T134O2L5E6)
I don't see how a parent couldn't be proud of a child with those grades because their clearly brilliant.
Ikr
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Bettinag0
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Please try and access some support from school such as counselling. Your future happiness is not based on exam results but in relationships with friends and family. I am a mum with high expectations of my boys. They've done Well and have got into 6th form which is all that matters at this age. I'd be tempted to print out what you've written and shove it under her bedroom door or give to her best friend and see if she'll show it to her and talk to her about how you feel. Well done you and this has been a heads up for me and how I treat my lads xx good luck xx
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Isabella547
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You did so well, you should be proud of yourself. Remember that these grades are for you and if you are happy with them, then that is what matters the most. These grades don't define you or necessary determine your future, I can tell that you will go far in life as you are working your sock off which shows you are determined to do well.
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username3434964
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Thats amazing.

I don't know how ANYONE could feel dissapointed with those grades. Your Mum should be proud. If I had a kid who got those grades I would very proud.

Listen to your freinds, they're telling the truth.

In the end it's your future, not your Mum's. Your amazing future. You should feel very happy and proud of yourself. I would.
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yudothis
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So today I opened up my GCSEs' results and I got all A's and A*s and absolutely no B's. I was pleased with my result (read: over the moon) but I knew immediately that my mum was going to be upset because I didn't get a 9 or that many A*s. I couldn't really enjoy myself and appreciate the grades I had received even though my friends were all telling me how well I'd done.

I get home and the first thing she asks about are not even my grades but all of my friends' and then she compares my grades to theirs and I feel so horrible because theirs is marginally better than mine (which she uses to make me feel terrible). I don't even get a congratulations or ' I know how hard you've worked', she just delves straight into the fact that I'm wearing a little makeup (eyeliner and eyebrows) and how I'm trying to grow up too fast.

I knew she was going to react negatively/apathetically to my grades but it hurts so bad that it turned out exactly how I expected it to do so. I've done so much work and I'm so tired. All of my friends' families has been so supportive and loving to their child's grades and I just feel like I'm never going to be enough for her.

I don't know how to deal with it in all fairness, since all I've ever wanted was her approval and love, and sometimes I wish that something else existed instead of me that could make my mom happy like I never could.
I know you would much rather get approval from your mother than a random stranger on the internet, but those are top notch results. Nothing below an A!!! I mean wow. So well done and don't hold your head down. Enjoy the time til school starts again
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Anonsama
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(Original post by Anonymous)
all I've ever wanted was her approval and love
Abandon that hope and your life will become a whole lot easier. She doesn't sound like the kind of person whose judgement needs considering. Just focus on your own goals and relish your success, and enjoy any encouragement or reasonable assessment you get from your friends and others. Imagine if when you got your grades your mother wasn't even the tiniest consideration on your mind, because you're not in the least bit concerned what she thinks. I think with the kind mother you've got that's probably the attitude you want to adopt, otherwise you may pay the price.
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Profesh
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So today I opened up my GCSEs' results and I got all A's and A*s and absolutely no B's. I was pleased with my result (read: over the moon) but I knew immediately that my mum was going to be upset because I didn't get a 9 or that many A*s. I couldn't really enjoy myself and appreciate the grades I had received even though my friends were all telling me how well I'd done.

I get home and the first thing she asks about are not even my grades but all of my friends' and then she compares my grades to theirs and I feel so horrible because theirs is marginally better than mine (which she uses to make me feel terrible). I don't even get a congratulations or ' I know how hard you've worked', she just delves straight into the fact that I'm wearing a little makeup (eyeliner and eyebrows) and how I'm trying to grow up too fast.

I knew she was going to react negatively/apathetically to my grades but it hurts so bad that it turned out exactly how I expected it to do so. I've done so much work and I'm so tired. All of my friends' families has been so supportive and loving to their child's grades and I just feel like I'm never going to be enough for her.

I don't know how to deal with it in all fairness, since all I've ever wanted was her approval and love, and sometimes I wish that something else existed instead of me that could make my mom happy like I never could.
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=narcissistic+parents

Good luck.
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Anonymous #2
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#11
The same thing happened to me three years ago although my results weren't as good as yours. I got A's and B's. I remember her calling me and she asked what I got. I told her and her sister was with her and she said to my aunt "no wonder she didn't call me because she got these grades" followed by laughter. Honestly I was so mad and spent the next 2 years thinking my GCSES were rubbish. I realised about a year ago (when I got my A2) it doesn't matter what my mum thinks. It doesn't matter because I got good grades that I'd show off to everyone. I got grades that would eventually carry me through to a top university. Your mum sounds a lot like mine and I know it can be a struggle at times but hang in there. It gets better.
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prostheticzeta
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deep down your parents want the best for you. I'm sure your mum loves you so much, no matter how strict she may seem to be. of course support from your own mother is necessary, and maybe you should tell her that? what if her parenting strategy is to make you scared of her, so you study harder? tell her that it isn't working and you want a motherly support rather than a robotic relationship.. cause it may affect you in such a negative way in the future
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Bernadette04
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OP, your results are fantastic. Be very proud of yourself. Today I have read many, many threads on here from students with top grades all being denied their rightful celebrations due to parental expectation that is quite frankly abusive.

No wonder our mental health system is beyond crisis. As a parent all I ask is that my children try to do well to the best of their ability. It took one of my son's two goes to get a C in Maths GCSE and I am proud he managed it. His talents lay elsewhere. He is off to Uni in September to do an Integrated Master's in Theology.

Have goals for yourself OP, have your own dreams and ambitions and blank out parental disproval as best as you can until you leave home for university. Then watch yourself fly. Be very very proud of your results and all the best for your bright future.
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username2427341
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So today I opened up my GCSEs' results and I got all A's and A*s and absolutely no B's. I was pleased with my result (read: over the moon) but I knew immediately that my mum was going to be upset because I didn't get a 9 or that many A*s. I couldn't really enjoy myself and appreciate the grades I had received even though my friends were all telling me how well I'd done.

I get home and the first thing she asks about are not even my grades but all of my friends' and then she compares my grades to theirs and I feel so horrible because theirs is marginally better than mine (which she uses to make me feel terrible). I don't even get a congratulations or ' I know how hard you've worked', she just delves straight into the fact that I'm wearing a little makeup (eyeliner and eyebrows) and how I'm trying to grow up too fast.

I knew she was going to react negatively/apathetically to my grades but it hurts so bad that it turned out exactly how I expected it to do so. I've done so much work and I'm so tired. All of my friends' families has been so supportive and loving to their child's grades and I just feel like I'm never going to be enough for her.

I don't know how to deal with it in all fairness, since all I've ever wanted was her approval and love, and sometimes I wish that something else existed instead of me that could make my mom happy like I never could.
Really?? I got mostly Bs and my mum was so happy...and I'm asian😂
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Anonymous #3
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Your results are fantastic. Very well done.

Your mum's reaction says more about her. What were her results like? What are your family like generally for academics? We live in an area where FAB results are the norm - very middle class and striving and frankly a bit bonkers. Parents push like mad and I do wonder what mental health issues are brewing. Does it matter a jot how your mates did? What should matter is her child. Never compare.

The fact is most parents did OK but nothing like as well as their kids and yet they did well in life. Some flunked, went to a poly or even "gasp" left school at 16 and worked their way up - and they are doing great. Yet they push - I guess "righting their own wrongs" via their kids.

You should get some support and in time you will see this as her issue though I can see the hurt at the moment - frankly she needs a sit down and a wake up chat with a wise old soul as she risks her bond with you.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So today I opened up my GCSEs' results and I got all A's and A*s and absolutely no B's. I was pleased with my result (read: over the moon) but I knew immediately that my mum was going to be upset because I didn't get a 9 or that many A*s. I couldn't really enjoy myself and appreciate the grades I had received even though my friends were all telling me how well I'd done.

I get home and the first thing she asks about are not even my grades but all of my friends' and then she compares my grades to theirs and I feel so horrible because theirs is marginally better than mine (which she uses to make me feel terrible). I don't even get a congratulations or ' I know how hard you've worked', she just delves straight into the fact that I'm wearing a little makeup (eyeliner and eyebrows) and how I'm trying to grow up too fast.

I knew she was going to react negatively/apathetically to my grades but it hurts so bad that it turned out exactly how I expected it to do so. I've done so much work and I'm so tired. All of my friends' families has been so supportive and loving to their child's grades and I just feel like I'm never going to be enough for her.

I don't know how to deal with it in all fairness, since all I've ever wanted was her approval and love, and sometimes I wish that something else existed instead of me that could make my mom happy like I never could.
I don't know you are or family, but can I just say that you have done absolutely exceptionally well with your gcse results! All A's and A*'s! That's incredible! It seems that you have worked very hard to achieve those results! So very well done, and I'm sorry to hear that your family aren't that pleased. Just know that if you feel like you have don't the best that you can do, then really, that's all you can do! Hope that cheers you up a little bit😊
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ObedientBeliever
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Bravo! Your results are amazing better than mines I'm still happy though with 2 Ds. Don't let other people spoil your celebration
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laaurenshannon
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Please and try not to get too down about this. When I was at school my grades were not great at all, certainly not good enough to get into university. However, since then I have studied for a HND at college and gotten the highest grade which I could have and also won an award for my work as well. I may not have made my parents that proud of my while I was at school, but having completed my HND with a great grade and working my ass off, I am now about to start university, and I know how proud they are of me now (even if they may not always tell me or understand what I am studying/learning).
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koala789
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You're a straight A student so there's NO need for her/you to compare you to other people.
It sounds like your mum is living vicariously through you, and to be perfectly honest it really isn't any of her business; the envelope was addressed to you, you worked hard for those (amazing) results and it's your future they're paving for; not hers (or anybody else's for that matter).
Congratulations on getting results that essentially leave the world at your oyster, and don't let anyone make you believe otherwise for even a moment. You should be really proud for yourself!
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Crumpet1
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You've done stupendously well. Congratulations, and I'm sorry that you are having to get this reassurance from strangers on the internet rather than your own nearest and dearest.
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