I fixate/obsess over people, help!

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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Okay for starters this may all be because I am detoxing from alcohol and marijuana. These effect me quite heavily cause I workout a lot and eat very clean. I am thinking with time this issue will be resolved because I'll revert back to my healthy habits.

Now what I have noticed since I was young but especially around 19, now 22 as of Monday. Is I fixate or obsess on people. Whether it be my roommate, a guy I like, a friend, etc

Currently: obsessed over an old roommate. We only roomed together for 2 months. And became friends, she started dating a guy who disliked how much we hung out and felt I was trying to make her choose me or him or whatever (I liked him and included him, he's just emotionally immature and plays victim) but now that we don't live together I'm obsessed with being included in her life. I think it's because of how big she dreams and how down and fun she is (this is what made me finally dislike the bf 1. He unfollowed me on stuff and handed everyone shots at her bday but me 2. I feel he knows, that I know she can do better and I'm not afraid to tell her). And when everyone wished me happy bday I was waiting for her message the entire time. Instead her and her bf made themselves official by posting on Instagram. I also tried incorporating myself back in her life by saying we should room together and then she told me she's been planning to room with someone from junior high.

How I obsess: always wanting a text, cyber stalk, replay situations in my head, think up scenarios, etc

Before her my last obsession was my ex YouTube partner. I was also replaced by a relationship. And would think of our issues and friendship all day. This obsession was right before the roommate. I feel I just transition from person to person. Before the YouTube was an ex and that one was pretty bad because heavier emotions were involved he consumed my mind. Before the ex there was a small break of healing and moving on then I went to the YouTube partner. But before both of them I was obsessed a friend who became a roommate. I was obsessed with her for maybe like 6 months. Just always cared what she was doing thinking etc! And before that was the friend who introduced us and me and her had a year of drama and obsession.

Most recent roommate - obsession time 2 wks
Ex YouTube partner - 1.5 months
Ex - 2 months
Friend/Roomie - 6 months
Roomie - 1 year

And before this was probably some obsessions I don't recall but I know I've always let people rent too much space in my head.

I'm accounting this to the drugs and alcohol and I'm hoping that's what it is because when I'm sober and loving my life I tend not to obsess over anyone.

Reasons I think I obsess

-Unhappiness with my own life
-MARIJUANA / Alcohol
-No longer being able to talk to my mom - as I got older I genuinely began to dislike her as a person and see a lot of her unhealthy habits
-Not having a highly emotionally intelligent family excluding one of my brothers which I may begin to start seeking advice from
-Again just not living the life I want. But I'm trying to start working on that
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Friffinghell
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay for starters this may all be because I am detoxing from alcohol and marijuana. These effect me quite heavily cause I workout a lot and eat very clean. I am thinking with time this issue will be resolved because I'll revert back to my healthy habits.

Now what I have noticed since I was young but especially around 19, now 22 as of Monday. Is I fixate or obsess on people. Whether it be my roommate, a guy I like, a friend, etc

Currently: obsessed over an old roommate. We only roomed together for 2 months. And became friends, she started dating a guy who disliked how much we hung out and felt I was trying to make her choose me or him or whatever (I liked him and included him, he's just emotionally immature and plays victim) but now that we don't live together I'm obsessed with being included in her life. I think it's because of how big she dreams and how down and fun she is (this is what made me finally dislike the bf 1. He unfollowed me on stuff and handed everyone shots at her bday but me 2. I feel he knows, that I know she can do better and I'm not afraid to tell her). And when everyone wished me happy bday I was waiting for her message the entire time. Instead her and her bf made themselves official by posting on Instagram. I also tried incorporating myself back in her life by saying we should room together and then she told me she's been planning to room with someone from junior high.

How I obsess: always wanting a text, cyber stalk, replay situations in my head, think up scenarios, etc

Before her my last obsession was my ex YouTube partner. I was also replaced by a relationship. And would think of our issues and friendship all day. This obsession was right before the roommate. I feel I just transition from person to person. Before the YouTube was an ex and that one was pretty bad because heavier emotions were involved he consumed my mind. Before the ex there was a small break of healing and moving on then I went to the YouTube partner. But before both of them I was obsessed a friend who became a roommate. I was obsessed with her for maybe like 6 months. Just always cared what she was doing thinking etc! And before that was the friend who introduced us and me and her had a year of drama and obsession.

Most recent roommate - obsession time 2 wks
Ex YouTube partner - 1.5 months
Ex - 2 months
Friend/Roomie - 6 months
Roomie - 1 year

And before this was probably some obsessions I don't recall but I know I've always let people rent too much space in my head.

I'm accounting this to the drugs and alcohol and I'm hoping that's what it is because when I'm sober and loving my life I tend not to obsess over anyone.

Reasons I think I obsess

-Unhappiness with my own life
-MARIJUANA / Alcohol
-No longer being able to talk to my mom - as I got older I genuinely began to dislike her as a person and see a lot of her unhealthy habits
-Not having a highly emotionally intelligent family excluding one of my brothers which I may begin to start seeking advice from
-Again just not living the life I want. But I'm trying to start working on that
To be honest, the fact that you have identified what your problem is and why it is problematic for other people shows a great level of self awareness.

Nobody likes a clingy friend/partner for long. It's a lot to deal with. You need to work on why you are clinging to these people. Is it low self esteem?

Lack of intoxicants will help you be a bit clearer on this. If you feel like you really need help breaking the habit maybe speak to your GP about obsessive behaviours.
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username1765117
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You can obsess over me if you want I won't mind and it will give you an obsessive outlet
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em211997
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Friffinghell is right. It sounds like you have some issues with attachment. A lot of the time that can stem from childhood experiences. I don't think the weed and alcohol are the causes, although they don't help, it sounds like there are underlying issues with your relationships with your mother and the rest of your family.

Maybe you're seeking the affection from friends that you're not receiving from family members??? You should read up attachment theory, although the attachment style traditionally predicts romantic relationships it might be some good to read up on how your particular attachment style should approach relationships.
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anonlady101
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I think it was the weed and alcohol guys. Because in all of these stories the other person smoked and that was something we did together constantly. I haven't had these issues with friends I don't engage in this behavior with. Also I've been about 4 days sober (enough for the foggy feeling from weed to erase) and I feel a hell of a lot better. The current person I was obsessing over I no longer am. I actually haven't even responded to their text or anything. So I think sticking to sobriety is a must for me. Thanks for the actual real replies greatly appreciated!
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em211997
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(Original post by anonlady101)
I think it was the weed and alcohol guys. Because in all of these stories the other person smoked and that was something we did together constantly. I haven't had these issues with friends I don't engage in this behavior with. Also I've been about 4 days sober (enough for the foggy feeling from weed to erase) and I feel a hell of a lot better. The current person I was obsessing over I no longer am. I actually haven't even responded to their text or anything. So I think sticking to sobriety is a must for me. Thanks for the actual real replies greatly appreciated!
That's good. I mean weed is awesome for me but I guess it's just down to the individual. I still think there's more too it than that...
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anonlady101
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(Original post by em211997)
That's good. I mean weed is awesome for me but I guess it's just down to the individual. I still think there's more too it than that...
What else do you think? The reason I say so is because with each person our relationship was based off drugs and so as I'm attached to the drug I was attached to them? Like they were heavily linked to my drug use. But now that I've stopped I'm no longer obsessing over anyone. My mom and I are also doing better if that also helps?
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em211997
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(Original post by anonlady101)
What else do you think? The reason I say so is because with each person our relationship was based off drugs and so as I'm attached to the drug I was attached to them? Like they were heavily linked to my drug use. But now that I've stopped I'm no longer obsessing over anyone. My mom and I are also doing better if that also helps?
I mean I don't know you personally, and I guess there is more to the story so I can't really say. I wouldn't say being that attached to someone that quickly is healthy regardless of drugs or alcohol but I'm very pro-weed so I'll always be biased. Either way cutting back is positive.
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anonlady101
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(Original post by em211997)
I mean I don't know you personally, and I guess there is more to the story so I can't really say. I wouldn't say being that attached to someone that quickly is healthy regardless of drugs or alcohol but I'm very pro-weed so I'll always be biased. Either way cutting back is positive.
Very true' thanks for your feed back and taking the time to reply. I have an attachment style book I'll prob finish reading. I read like 1/3. So I'll prob re read and also finish it. Yeah I think weed is good as well I just have to use an appropriate amount. I did it like 24/7 I was always high in these time periods. But I'm happy and optimistic and going to start creating the life I want to live.
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Atreus
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I don't know if I'd call it obsession to be honest, I think you just feel strongly about these people. We've all been there. I'm the kind of guy who keeps his circle small and spends a lot of time alone but there are about 3 people I care about in this world and I'd be lying if I said they didn't enter my head at least once per day. Not really a big deal. Keep making new friends and connections and I'm sure you'll forget about them eventually .
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Atreus
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IMO weed use should be a treat, I know a lot of people who use it habitually and continuously say they don't need it to have fun and boy that really grinds my gears but that's just me.
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em211997
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(Original post by anonlady101)
Very true' thanks for your feed back and taking the time to reply. I have an attachment style book I'll prob finish reading. I read like 1/3. So I'll prob re read and also finish it. Yeah I think weed is good as well I just have to use an appropriate amount. I did it like 24/7 I was always high in these time periods. But I'm happy and optimistic and going to start creating the life I want to live.
That's awesome dear best of luck to you! Sounds like you're in the right direction. I have a tendency to be very full on in relationships and I found this video (and this series in general) to be really helpful.

https://youtu.be/cVZvUriVmdQ
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MyFightSong
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same lol i obsess so much i could actually be a private detector. several times i've seen a person i like or am curios about and know absolutely nothing about them due to not speaking to them, so i ask around just for a name or for their family members name... thats all i need, a name... and then about a week later i end up knowing literally everything about them. their age, their nationality, their thoughts, they background, their hobbies. just from spending time searching their social media accounts. haha comes in real handy when you want to know how to converse with them. i did that with a cousin i had never met once, she was much younger so i just checked out her facebook page to find out her interests and struck up a conversation with her about it. she liked me immediately
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em211997
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(Original post by MyFightSong)
same lol i obsess so much i could actually be a private detector. several times i've seen a person i like or am curios about and know absolutely nothing about them due to not speaking to them, so i ask around just for a name or for their family members name... thats all i need, a name... and then about a week later i end up knowing literally everything about them. their age, their nationality, their thoughts, they background, their hobbies. just from spending time searching their social media accounts. haha comes in real handy when you want to know how to converse with them. i did that with a cousin i had never met once, she was much younger so i just checked out her facebook page to find out her interests and struck up a conversation with her about it. she liked me immediately
Ok... that's a bit creepy.
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Anonymous #2
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I obsess over men that I like. It is unhealthy
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Anonymous #3
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Yes even the way this post was written shows obsession. My comment on the off is that people just aren't that amazing or worth obsessing over in general. Unhealthy levels of obsession are part of delusion - either on your part or because someone else is manipulative and creating a false image of themselves.

Sounds here like the problem is probably more with you, but it's great you are aware of it now. Attachment issues see very prominent here- you never want to be alone and project this onto other people.

What do you feel when you are single/alone? How do you feel when you are rejected/cut off?

Have you signed up for counseling?
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