The Student Room Group

Nervous about losing your virginity?

Okay so, I don’t know if anybody else has already had this idea before… I can’t find anything similar, so I’d like to make a little guide for the H&R worriers as there seem to be a lot of thread about this. I’m not claiming to be an expert, this is all open to discussion and debate, and this is not from any religious viewpoint.

So, I'll jump right in...

Whether you’re male/female in a relationship that’s about to get sexual or you’re just thinking in advance, it’s important to remember that nerves can get the better of anyone. The key is to be involved with somebody you feel comfortable around, can discuss sex openly with and, above all, don’t treat sex too seriously.

Sex is nothing like the flawless, emotionally charged rubbish that you see in films and on the TV. It is, in fact, better. Who wants perfection, I mean really? When, instead, you can make mistakes, embarrass yourself, laugh it off and feel a whole lot closer to your partner for it. Another thing to remember is that what works for one person is not going to work for another, the great thing about sex is, like I said before, making mistakes and learning what works.

It shouldn’t be a chore or a sentence or something that makes you feel uncomfortable, It should be something you take a lot from and enjoy. I’m not saying that sometimes your arm won’t fall asleep, your tongue won’t feel numb or your jaw won’t lock up and you’ll be completely fed up of trying to bring your partner to orgasm because you almost certainly will but, so long as you can laugh about it and not feel complete hatred for their inability to orgasm in a time scale that suits you then you’re on to a good thing.

Men will lose their erections, climax too soon, not climax at all and frenulums will, invariably, tear. Women will tense up, not be wet enough, hymens will rip, air will get trapped and make hilarious noises… these are the facts. These things won’t happen to everyone, and they will happen to some much more than others. Repeated problems will either be down to psychological pressure or a medical issue. More often than not, though, it will be the former. Relax, talk to your partner, and let go.


Anything to add? Feel free...

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Reply 1
Good post :smile:.

Only thing I can add - there's nothing, as such, to lose. Virginity is the absence of experience, and one cannot lose not having something - one only gains having had the experience :smile:.
Reply 2
Some people say that being afraid of the pain is a bad reason for a girl not to feel "ready". I would disagree. That was the main problem for me, so I waited, and with my current boyfriend I just felt ready and like I wanted to. The pain issue wasn't really a factor anymore. It was great and didn't really hurt much at all! Never feel like you should lose it just to get it over with. Some people want that, and that's fine, but if you don't want to have sex then just don't. Never feel obliged.
Reply 3
Last paragraph made me chuckle, oh the memories.

Good post, hope it helps someone out there.

Sounds silly and obvious, but just try to relax. if you can manage that it'll all go alot more smoothly.
YAP
Good post :smile:.

Only thing I can add - there's nothing, as such, to lose. Virginity is the absence of experience, and one cannot lose not having something - one only gains having had the experience :smile:.



Agreed! Waaaaaaay too much pressure and fuss is put on virginity and I myself can't seem to understand why.

The worst thing people think is "What happens if they think I'm crap" or "What if I can't do it". I'm sorry but you're not mean't to know what to do and be a sexpert it's all about learning and enjoying it.

Great thread :smile: Hope it helps a few people.
Cramp in the legs/feet.
what happens if the frenulum tears?
Reply 7
The worst thing is when you lose it because you just want to know what it feels like, and along with feeling better that you're no longer a virgin. I lost mine to a complete s*d, who used me, and over the last 2 years i've gone from worse to better, and now im with someone i so wish id lost my virginity to 2 years ago. But oh well.

It's so much better to save your virginity for someone special rather than losing it early to some g*t.
Reply 8
Anonymous
what happens if the frenulum tears?

An awful lot of blood. Then they just have to take it easy for a while.
Reply 9
*Ella*
and frenulums will, invariably, tear.


lol someone had a bad experience!
Reply 10
Anonymous
what happens if the frenulum tears?

A lot of blood but no big deal. Give it chance to heal, and it'll be fine. If it happens again, again let it heal, then work on stretching it by hand - frenulum tears are usually caused by it being a little tight, so the stretching gives it some more slack. Grip the end attached to the foreskin between the thumb and forefinger, and pull it away from the body until taut - hold for 30 seconds, then release. Do this twice a day for 5 minutes, and give it a few weeks.
you should get it removed lol
Reply 12
jenren22
The worst thing is when you lose it because you just want to know what it feels like, and along with feeling better that you're no longer a virgin. I lost mine to a complete s*d, who used me, and over the last 2 years i've gone from worse to better, and now im with someone i so wish id lost my virginity to 2 years ago. But oh well.

It's so much better to save your virginity for someone special rather than losing it early to some g*t.


Don't regret it, you have to make mistakes to learn. Virginity, in my opinion, isn't particularly special and making it out to be is setting yourself up for disappointment.
There is mess.

If you're not using a condom (but I'm assuming if it's your first time you're not going to be on the pill, so this possibly won't apply a lot) there is a mess. Biggest shock of my life when I realised his 'stuff' didn't stay up there but decided to make a mess on my nice clean sheets.

If you're on or have just come off your period, wait. There can still be a little bit still there, and you don't want to finish and look down and freak out afterwards.

Don't take it too seriously and DON'T expect it to be like the films. I remember thinking something was missing the first time, and I couldn't for the life of me think what. It was only a few weeks later, watching tv, did it occur to me that the only times I'd ever seen sex, the awkward noises had been blanked and there was music playing in their place...
Reply 14
cramp is always a bitch during sex.
sprout.
cramp is always a bitch during sex.

:sadnod: i got it in my leg once :s: lol
haha - ive done that too - leaping out of bed yelling 'ow cramp cramp!' really killed the moment :frown:
:hahaha:

yea it was quite embarressing :redface: lol
galleta87
There is mess.

If you're on or have just come off your period, wait. There can still be a little bit still there, and you don't want to finish and look down and freak out afterwards.



You dont have to wait, it can be a bit messy, but as long as both people are happy then do have sex when the girl is on her period, personally I'm not going to go without sex for one quarter of my life!
Reply 19
I think galetta's comment was in the context of first-time sex - with all the rumours of pain on the first time, and the other worries people might have, it does seem sensible not to have the worry of whether extra bleeding is being hidden on top of that.

After that, I agree with you - grab a towel and go for broke if you want (remembering of course that, if applicable, tampons should be removed first).... It all comes down to personal preference. Some men can't stand the thought; it helps with stomach cramps in some women (although not all); some like the additional lubrication.