My dad doesn't want me to go to university

Does anyone else have this problem? I'm the first in my family ever to want to go to university and my dad doesn't want me to go because he doesn't think i need it as everyone else has managed fine in life without having to have 30 years worth of debt.

He is my only option to getting to open days and he is really non-committal about it. These things book up fast, what should i do?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Blue_Cow

Original post by Brownie:3

Perhaps if your father was to do some reading on the subject of students loans then it might help? A bit of myth-busting http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes

Reply 2

confused9989

Perhaps talk to your mum about why uni is so important for you and get her to explain to him. Another option is getting there by train.

Reply 3

Brownie:3

Original post by Blue_Cow

Perhaps if your father was to do some reading on the subject of students loans then it might help? A bit of myth-busting http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loans-tuition-fees-changes

Possibly, but i think another issue is the fact that i don't know what ill do with my degree once i get it yet all i know is that i really want to study anthropology and archaeology,
thank you

Reply 4

Blue_Cow

Original post by Brownie:3

Possibly, but i think another issue is the fact that i don't know what ill do with my degree once i get it yet all i know is that i really want to study anthropology and archaeology,
thank you

Could you not come up with a few careers and reel them off to your father in order to try and ease his worries?

Reply 5

username3508706

Wow. Someone in the same boat as me. My parents don't value education at all. They'd rather me get married and let my husband support me. No one in my family has even completed secondary school, much less university. So I am breaking moulds and saying F you to the lot of them. Keep your chin up and do what makes YOU happy.

Reply 6

Brownie:3

Original post by confused9989

Perhaps talk to your mum about why uni is so important for you and get her to explain to him. Another option is getting there by train

That's a good idea, i just might have to try that, thank you :smile:

Reply 7

username1763965

Original post by Brownie:3

Ignore him. Apply to uni anyway. Move out. If he criticises your decision to go to university to gain skills and knowledge and meet new people of course he is jealous. Open days are good to go to but not the end of the world if you dont. Look at the course content rather than the open days and read reviews of the university.

Reply 8

Brownie:3

Original post by parrot16

Haha thank you, i suppose if i really need extra information i could use the helplines the universities provide?

Reply 9

username1763965

Original post by Brownie:3

Haha thank you, i suppose if i really need extra information i could use the helplines the universities provide?

Yep. And the university website.

Reply 10

Profesh

Original post by Brownie:3

Possibly, but i think another issue is the fact that i don't know what ill do with my degree once i get it yet all i know is that i really want to study anthropology and archaeology,
thank you

Do you plan to enter either of these fields professionally, and if so, have you thoroughly surveyed the employment market in terms of graduate opportunities?

Reply 11

Andrew Hawkes

Do what feels right for you. Your dad seems like he doesn't like it as it is a foreign concept to him. do not let him negatively effect your choices. Student loans are nowhere near as bad as he makes them sound either. The money only stars to be taken after you earn £26000 or more (i think) and then only is taxed on what you earn over that threshold. Most people wont pay off their debt in the time given and after that time it is written off.

Those who go to university earn much more than those who don't, but the most important thing about it is that you get much more interesting jobs. A jobs pay is (nearly) irreverent if it is mundane.

Reply 12

Fujoshi

Original post by Brownie:3

Possibly, but i think another issue is the fact that i don't know what ill do with my degree once i get it yet all i know is that i really want to study anthropology and archaeology,
thank you

Point out that all the big infrastructure projects the government has lined up (HS2, HS3 etc) will need archaeologists to carry out surveys and extract all the finds these things will undoubtedly unearth and that there's currently not enough archaeologists in the country to meet such a demand (meaning that wages could go up).
There's a lot of different 'routes' you can go down with archaeology (some archaeologists help the police to identify whether remains are human or not for example, while others work in museums and archives and yet others go into heritage management amongst many other options). Not only that but archaeology has a bunch of transferable skills as you get the best of both humanity and stem subjects and teamwork is like the literal core of archaeology (my tutor mentioned how one previous student had gone onto work in advertising and was making a lot of money from it).
Not to mention that public interest in archaeology has never been higher than it is now :smile:

Reply 13

ckfeister

Original post by natalie1789

My family are quiet about university and letting me do whatever, I guess they are more liberal but I'm first to go to university, and the first one not to get all fails too

Reply 14

Claire461

Original post by Brownie:3

Yours is not an uncommon situation. Many parents don't want their children to go to university. There are many reasons for this, especially so if you are the first to want to get a degree. It may be that apart from the debt, they are worried that you will grow away from them and it will affect the relationship they have with you. Or, it could just be that they want to exert their influence over you and control you, in which case if I were you, I would make your position quite clear that this is what you want and this is what you are going to do with or without their approval. You have to think of your future, your life - they have had theirs, made their choices, and now it's your turn.X

Reply 15

Peterhouse Admissions

Official Rep

Original post by Brownie:3

Possibly, but i think another issue is the fact that i don't know what ill do with my degree once i get it yet all i know is that i really want to study anthropology and archaeology,
thank you

https://www.startprofile.com is a great website to explore career options and the places your qualfiications can take you.

Reply 16

RosyK

Original post by natalie1789

Yeah, thats a great idea right up until your husband leaves you or you decide you've had enough then you have to enter the job market when even the girl in Asda has a degree in marketing! Been there and it was no joke. When I finally got to uni, I was in a class with a girl from an ex-mining community who traditionally didn't go to uni. She was up against her boyfriend of several years, her parents, her mates from school and she went anyway. She's now at the top of her profession, earning the big bucks and very happy. The folks back home? Well even they had to change their minds once they saw her success.

Reply 17

RosyK

Original post by Brownie:3

And 30 years of student debt is worse than paying a mortgage for 30 years, growing old and having to give the proceeds of your house sale to your care home? Hopefully on a graduate salary, you'll be able to put money by for your old age, and enjoy a much higher standard of living meanwhile. 'Managing' isn't the same as 'living comfortably'

Reply 18

Bernadette04

Rather than totally alienate your dad, try and explain things with both he and your mum in the room together if possible.

Explain your passion for the subject, the career opportunities, the fact you will be the first to go and the job market for zero hours contracts jobs is not exactly appealing. Say you want him to be proud of you, want him to be at your graduation and him being there is very important to you. Say of course you understand his views, but the world is a competitive place and you need a good education to do that and a degree will set you apart from the crowd.

Dad may be feeling like he won't be needed anymore, so a subtle trick is to make him feel needed. Explain you have to visit on open days and you would be glad to have his opinion right there with you,, particularly for your top 2 Uni choices. See if you can access online visitor days which many Uni's have and virtual tours which they do too for your remaining choices. Make dad feel a big part of the proceedings.

Again as others have said bust the myths of student finance. You pay nothing back until you earn over £21kpa. The Tory govt are looking to increase that threshold slightly too.

Show both your parents how happy, excited and passionate you are about a University education and see if that alters your dads views. All the best to you.

Reply 19

Sophiegraceb

Original post by Brownie:3

I've had similar issues with my stepdad!! Old school Sourf London and only one person in his entire family finished yr 13. You honestly just have to ignore him - the best way to win this is to prove them wrong!! Also if you're wanting to go to an open day that isn't accessible by train try mooching off friends and their parents - many will be very understanding.
Also as you're applying to a non-vocational degree (i.e. not law/medicine/sciences) they often struggle to understand the career path that follows as its not inherently clear. Explain to him that a really high number of grad jobs (like 80%+) don't need a specific degree, and its more about the soft skills you learn during a degree than needing to know about etymology (for example).
Do you mind me asking what unis you're applying to? Bc in my experience as someone applying to cambridge, they often see applying to oxbridge or russell group as you thinking you're better than them. Similarly, if you have decided against living at home during uni they often see that as an unnecessary expense. If this is true obvs don't listen but try and understand why he's dragging his heels.