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BMAT essay - constructive criticism??

Hey guys, just wondering if anyone could have a go at giving me a score for this essay and also some pointers as to how I could improve. I would like to know at what kind of level I am currently working and if there are any ideas you guys have that I could implement to make my essay-writing better.
Any help is much appreciated!!
Thanks!!
I will happily reciprocate to work together and have a go at giving constructive criticism to anyone who wants to post here.

There is money to be made from not curing disease. What do you think is meant by this statement? Argue to the contrary. To what extent do you agree that there is money to be made from disease?

I believe this statement is exploring the fact that exposing patients to prolonged lengths of treatment allows money to be made, especially for pharmaceutical companies, instead of granting them with a cure that they would only require once.

It would be extremely wrong and unethical for a doctor to withold a 'cure' from any patient but there are many instances in which this is not available. Examples of lifelong treatments that bring pharmaceutical companies a lot of money include HIV treatment, diabetes and dialysis due renal failure if a kidney transplant cannot be offered for a variety of reasons.

Rather than thinking about money being made, money could actually be saved by curing diseases. An example of this could be obesity. With obesity comes a lot of risk such as higher chances of cardiac arrest, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes due to insulin resistance and arthiritis which all could lead onto complications and would all cost the healthcare system at some point. That is why, if not cured, but at least if the obesity could be managed early on, a lot of money would be saved and therefore 'made'. Furthermore, an introduction of a sugar tax could actively make money, but it could also help in the reduction of obesity as people are often forced to find cheaper, healthier alternatives.

Another way that money could be saved is by the use of vaccines.. Although this is not strictly curing diseases, it helps to prevent them. If money is invested in these vaccines, then it will have a mulitplier effect on the money that is saved by people not getting these diseases.

Although it is evident that many people such as those in pharmaceutical companies benefit greatly in terms of money by diseases not being cured as they proved the drugs etc. for treatments such as those for HIV and insulin for type 1 diabetes, I strongly believe that the most money to be made is that which is saved by either the cure or by the prevention of disease.

The question answered was the third option from the 2014 BMAT section 3 paper.
Thank you in advance!!!!

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 1

Personinsertname

I get it, by mentioning money so many times you are sending a signal to the corporations that you're on their side.