Really upset.....

wow i'm sorry to hear this. it seems like you can't trust him and there is no strength left in your relationship. You are definitely right, he can't change like this just because you have a baby. It seems like you need to discuss all of this with him but just make him talk as well, don't get angry. Would you be able to look after the baby on your own?

Firstly, I want to congratulate you on the baby, hope it's fit and well

To be honest with you, from what you've said there's quite clearly some issues that need addressing. I'm not going to cherry coat it and say you're the angel and we should condemn your boyfriend's behavior, there's always two sides to a story. However, his actions and behavior do seem disingenuous and selfish.

A relationship only works when two people communicate, and if you're constantly initiating any contact then that's definitely not a good sign. Perhaps he has become bored and disinterested, however, there's a baby involved, so he really needs to buckle his ideas up and express how he feels. Going on holiday after you've had a baby and constantly going out drinking is incredibly irresponsible on his behalf, especially if he's lumbering you with the responsibility of looking after the little one.

How are you coping with the baby and financially, do you have a stable support network at the moment, you and your baby's well-being is paramount at the moment. With regards to your boyfriend, you need to sit him down and discuss whether the two of you can make it work and whether he's fit to be a father to his baby. Stop the texting and politics about how long he takes to reply, sit him down and show some authority, the both of you need to treat this situation like grown-ups. You were 'mature' enough to have a baby, so I cannot understand the childish behaviour on his part. You're absolutely right, communication is essential and if you don't talk then these issues will not get resolved.

I hope you can sort things out, please don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk x

Thank you for the reply, really helpful.

What baffles me about it is I can't think of anything I've done to him that would make him act that way towards me. I'm far from an angel and I was acting very snide towards him when he went on holiday but I think that's a little understandable as his holiday was last minute, it wasn't planned. Obviously though I can't communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate with me.

I have a support system and everything is OK financially. I have my Mum and Dad and Brothers and they are all there for me. I couldn't ask for a better family but I don't feel I'm coping very well with it all. I just feel incredibly alone and sad a lot of the time and I feel like I'm faking. Like even when I'm smiling I'm not actually smiling because inside I feel like dirt. I should probably go and see my GP or speak to my health visitor about how I'm feeling.

Thanks so much for your help

The trouble is it does make me really angry. I feel like I could beat the living **** out of him but I don't. I try to talk to him about it but I get the reaction I got a couple of days ago or I just get ignored.

I think deep down I know what he's trying to tell me but it's really hard to accept. It is killing me.

I'm sorry to hear that you're not coping well, feeling alone is never nice and I definitely encourage you to seek comfort from your family/friends. How was your boyfriend before you had the baby, was he distant then or is this a new thing? If he's not willing to speak to you properly and discuss the future of your relationship, perhaps you ought to contact his family and see whether they can intervene and get him to get his ass in gear.

Hi

I need to have a rant about something and hopefully you guys can help me. I recently had a baby with a guy I have been seeing on and off for around two years. It didn't become serious until I found out I was having a baby. At one point we were living together. Yes I probably shouldn't have had his baby in hindsight but I did and I can't change that now and wouldn't.

Not long after I gave birth he went on holiday to Portugal. This caused a few issues such as me being a little snidey towards him because I had just had a baby and he wasn't there to help me and this is where it started to go downhill. There seems to only be communication on my part. I am the one who starts all communication and I feel like he just tells me what I want to hear because his actions speak differently.

He hasn't ended it with me but he also hasn't told me he loves me since the 18th of July. Hasn't touched me. Hasn't shown any interest towards me. I saw him 2 days ago for 45 minutes. When I tried to have a conversation with him about us he told me I overreact and to basically shut up. It's so confusing because he won't talk about us, so am I right to just assume that we are over?

Other things too is that he goes out drinking constantly and I'm a bit paranoid that maybe he met someone else, not that I have bought this issue up to him or asked him if he met anyone else as I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction in knowing that I care that much when he clearly doesn't care about me. But he also ignores me, he leaves my messages read for hours and then replies back later with a sorry. The other day he left me open for 11 hours on snapchat and when he messaged me back 11 hours later at like 10pm he said ''sorry what did you say? i've been playing cards for ages'' then when I replied to him he didn't reply to me until the next afternoon didn't even answer my question and said ''sorry I fell asleep''.

I feel like an absolute idiot everytime he pies me off or ignores me. I thought we were important to him but clearly not. I can understand if it's not what he wants but I feel like I'm in limbo constantly. I spend my days going through every emotion possible over him and it's draining me and I'm not enjoying motherhood as much as I would be if I didn't have this stress.

He's changed so dramatically and I have no idea what to do.

I recently had a baby with a guy I have been seeing on and off for around two years.

He was a pretty good boyfriend I suppose. Nothing like how he is acting now. Which makes me think that maybe he's struggling to accept that he now has a child. Although I don't see how it has been any sort of struggle for him as he hasn't really been there. Never done a night feed, never changed a nappy.

I have been thinking about contacting his family but then I don't know if it's a good idea to get them involved. Not sure if it would make it all worse.

Hey champ, how's it going

How's your relationship with his family, are you close with them? I cannot see it being a huge problem talking to them, especially if he continues to act childish. Perhaps they can get through to him and get him to see sense...

On another note, what are your feelings for your boyfriend at the moment? I understand he's the father of your child, but do you believe you can make it work and is he worth it?

Everyone gave you great advice.

Don't say you shouldn't have had his baby, do you know how many people come from divorced families and the children are just happy with it?

People move on because time heals no matter how many years it takes.

Hey, I'm ok thanks!

I'm not too close to them. I've met them a few times but it's still a little awkward. I may phone his Mother and just fill her in on what's going on or maybe even write her a letter as I find it easier to get my feelings across that way. I'm not too sure on what he's told them, he could've told them a pack of lies about me.

I don't really know how I feel about him now. If he can let me down this much then I think he has pretty much lost me. I really don't forgive people very easily once they wrong me so if he ever does want to make it work again then he will have a pretty hard time doing that. If he came to me and said he wanted to work it out between us I think I'd have to decline as I feel a bit disgusted by him right now.

I think what I'm looking for is closure and he wont give it to me so it's driving me insane! X

I think it would be more appropriate to talk to them face to face. Regardless of what has happened between you and their son, they are still grandparents and have an invested interest in your child/relationship. Even arranging a coffee with his mother or something might help you understand how bad the situation is, she has probably spoken to him more than you since having the baby. I agree, it was a ***** move for him to leave you and his kid in the lurch like he has, but it's done and dusted. Now all that matters is that you get some sort of communication going with him to establish what the both of you want. I don't blame you for not wanting to give him a second chance to be honest, but like you said, closure would be ideal for you to spread and reground roots for your future. There's only one person in this whole ordeal that matters, and you know it girl!!!

Keep doing your thing, head up

x