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What if everyone in my flat goes partying and I don't? Watch

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    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
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    My personal advice, is that if they pre-drink, you stick around and pre-drink with them. You don't have to consume alcohol with them, but just enjoy the banter and get to know them.

    If you are that adamant about refusing to go to a party, there's not much more you can do. Just try to be around as much as possible in the settling in period.

    I'd personally recommend pushing the metaphorical boat out and trying it out. I don't know your reasoning behind it, but there are multiple kinds of parties. Not every party is like the last days OF Rome, some are just chill and you could just ditch before they go out clubbing and at least our yourself out there abit.

    I understand drinking isn't everyones cup of tea. Whether it be due to religion or personal taste, but try your best to mingle as best as you can while your flat mates are around, if you still refuse to even try going to a party.
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    Well there's not much you can really do, if you don't want to go out your options are more limited. If you don't want to go out partying why don't you go out and explore by yourself, go for walk or something otherwise you will probably going to be stuck in your room for the night. You can still take part in pres and just have soft drinks, that way you are still socialising before they go out so your not coming across as anti social without having to put yourself in an uncomfortable position. You might meet someone there who doesn't want to go out either and yous can do something else.
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    Just relax, be yourself. You're worrying way too much
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    if you dont party with your flatmates , you actually die from mortyleosrickisitis

    idek
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    (Original post by Robbie_P)
    I feel sorry for your flatmates, I don't think you're going to enjoy University
    It's fair enough that you think this, but I'm planning on enjoying university by other means. Joining societies/clubs/sports, activities during the day, alternative non-partying activities (which I know there are several of). And I'm also really looking forward to my course, which is a subject I'm genuinely interested and excited in.

    Honestly I'm fine with the idea of enjoying myself without drinking/partying - it's more the idea of the first couple days that I don't want to ruin completely. I feel for my flatmates, but they will be able to go clubbing as 5 instead of 6 just fine.

    Thanks anyway though.
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    (Original post by HydroxideDog)
    My personal advice, is that if they pre-drink, you stick around and pre-drink with them. You don't have to consume alcohol with them, but just enjoy the banter and get to know them.

    If you are that adamant about refusing to go to a party, there's not much more you can do. Just try to be around as much as possible in the settling in period.

    I'd personally recommend pushing the metaphorical boat out and trying it out. I don't know your reasoning behind it, but there are multiple kinds of parties. Not every party is like the last days OF Rome, some are just chill and you could just ditch before they go out clubbing and at least our yourself out there abit.

    I understand drinking isn't everyones cup of tea. Whether it be due to religion or personal taste, but try your best to mingle as best as you can while your flat mates are around, if you still refuse to even try going to a party.
    Thank you very much for this, it's good advice. I guess I can go along to pre-drinks, I'm not quite sure what the atmosphere is like there but I can always stay for as much as I'm comfortable with.

    I guess I do sound quite stubborn about not partying. It's possible I just don't understand what a party involves - if it's possible to just stick around the back talking and not really dancing or getting stuck in a crowd, then I could be up for it. I genuinely have no idea what it's like, in my imagination it's just a massive "rave". If it's close to my halls then I guess I could go and just leave whenever it gets a bit much.

    (Original post by student2134)
    Well there's not much you can really do, if you don't want to go out your options are more limited. If you don't want to go out partying why don't you go out and explore by yourself, go for walk or something otherwise you will probably going to be stuck in your room for the night. You can still take part in pres and just have soft drinks, that way you are still socialising before they go out so your not coming across as anti social without having to put yourself in an uncomfortable position. You might meet someone there who doesn't want to go out either and yous can do something else.
    Hm thanks for the advice. I guess you're right, I can still take go for pre-drinks and have soft drinks. And like you say maybe I can meet someone doing the same or at least I can socialise with my flatmates for a bit.

    And yeah I can always take a walk around campus maybe and see if I come across anyone. Thanks once again!

    (Original post by LeszekKolakowski)
    Just relax, be yourself. You're worrying way too much
    Yeah you are probably right, I do tend to overthink and worry about every little detail. I guess just see how it goes and make decisions based of the situation. Thanks!
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    (Original post by ConcernedFresher)
    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
    Hi! I'm pretty much in the same position as you, as I don't like the idea of parties etc. But I think I'm going to go, since I do want to establish friendships and by not going it sends a message to people that you're not interested (what happened at my school where I didn't go out at all, so had no real friends). If you find a group of people and show an interest in them I think it'll be less important to go out with them so frequently. I'm also hoping to meet people that are similarly not very keen on parties.
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    The uni I'm going to has a Sober Socials Society. Maybe your uni might have something similar?
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    I understand your worries of not fitting in, I never had. While I'm fine about my drinking status and lack of partying I know for many it feels like you're missing out.

    If you want to bond with your flat mates, try organising an event that could meet half way, like a beer and pizza night with Netflix marathon. Drinkers can drink but with everything in plastic cups, no one will care!

    But really, from an older student, it's not as big a deal as you might think xx
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    (Original post by ConcernedFresher)
    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
    I'm going back to a really wild drunk uni where the students get wasted every freshers week . So drinking and clubbing is pretty popular in this place - One of the reasons why I kinda hate the uni
    Much like you, I do not drink or go clubbing, never have, don't think I ever will

    My advice is to find your group of friends which you feel suit you best and at first, it may seem hard to find, but I think you should just meet as many people as you can. Be your happy and bubbly and social self, eventually you'll find that you fit somewhere

    Most of the students take uni for granted, get wasted every friday or saturday night and wake up the next morning complaining of hang overs or headaches and all that nonesense, I'm so fed up of hearing it.

    If you don't want to drink, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed of it. If you worry that it makes you seem anti-social to your flatmates, honestly you shouldn't really care. Just do what you want to do and what you feel is best for you
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    (Original post by ConcernedFresher)
    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
    Im in the exact same boat as you, honestly i wouldnt worry much about it, these flat mates are your age also successful students who are going to be able to understand you, this isnt primary or secondary school anymore. Everyone around is more mature and understanding of situations, i probably wont be going to many parties either, there other ways or finding friends, the only fews reasons why i wouldnt go is because i am extremely against the use of alcohol i see no merit in consuming it only see negative implications caused by it and I am also quite unsociable, as you can probably tell if you view my posts and the extent to which i go to prove my point... anyway have fun in your own ways and there is nothing to worry about they may think your homesick but other than that you should get along well with anyone even without going to these freshers parties.
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    Too many people act like sheep and are unwilling just to be different. Just be polite about it, and after all you are not objecting to others drinking and going out, just not partaking yourself.
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    Yeah, I'm not drinking or clubbing either, even though it seems like literally every other person at uni will. Just got to stick to your code and remember that you're going to uni to get a first class degree, forget everything else.
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    (Original post by hkmt)
    Yeah, I'm not drinking or clubbing either, even though it seems like literally every other person at uni will. Just got to stick to your code and remember that you're going to uni to get a first class degree, forget everything else.
    thats such a sad life to live
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    (Original post by Kim-Jong-Illest)
    thats such a sad life to live
    Depends on what you want to actually achieve in your life. You can't serve two masters.
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    (Original post by ConcernedFresher)
    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
    Hi,

    I was in exactly the same position as you last year. I went to pre-drinks on the first day and went out with my flat as well. I left a lot before them but I was glad I went, even if I didn't enjoy the clubbing.

    I would recommend trying to go for one night if you don't want to alienate yourself. I never went again but at least I tried, and they respected me for that.

    If not, have a wander around your accommodation and find people who are staying in and chat to them.

    If you want any more advice, feel free to drop me a PM.
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    (Original post by ConcernedFresher)
    Hi,

    I'm starting university in September. I know what halls I'm living in, but I don't know what room or with who yet.

    Here's the deal: I don't (and won't) drink, I don't go clubbing and I don't go partying. It's just really something I won't do, I can't stand being in cramped places with loads of people.

    Now I'm not complaining or anything about having limited options during fresher's week. I get it, the majority of students enjoy parties and drinking etc. I know some people will say there are plenty of people that are going to be like me, but I'm in the group chat for my halls and it definitely suggests otherwise (almost everyone seems to be going to the initial party the first night).

    This is what I'm concerned about (as my username suggests!):
    What if, I get to my halls first day, and the rest of my flatmates have tickets to the welcome party the first night and all of them are intending to go (which is very likely). Now if I say no, from then on I'm going to be the guy that separated himself from the rest of his flatmates. It's like holding up a massive glaring sign saying "anti-social" above my head.

    I have no intention of going. I know it sounds like I'm being stubborn, but I really cannot go to a party, it's just not going to happen. If it was just going to a pub or something, I could bring myself to go and just have some soft drinks there but a party? Not really any chance.

    What do you reckon I should do in this situation? I'm good at putting my foot down when it comes to peer pressure, but I don't want to ruin my year with my flatmates. How could I decline nicely, without appearing like an anti-social lemon on my first day? Do I sit in my room on my own for the first evening like a lonely cheesecake?

    Thanks very much for any suggestions or help!

    TL;DR: Don't go to parties, what should I do if all my flatmates go to a party first night?

    PS: I realise this is a commonly discussed topic, but I couldn't find much about this situation specifically
    I have similar feelings.

    I'm not as absolute as yourself, but I try not to drink when I'm out: only because I am not 100% sure of where I'll end up.
    I'll happily drink casually in the house (occasionally); because I know that I'll only ever end up in my own bed.

    My plan for freshers is to go out. And try not to drink. Or only have one or two. I plan on making things fairly clear to my flatmates that I'm not a big drinker, and am hoping to have a pleasant week with them.

    Partying isn't really my scene either. But CheeseIsVeg might disagree based on the video of me dancing to Beyonce when on the cider.:mmm:

    I've found that there will always be space somewhere to stand at the back, out the way of the throng, normally by the exit.

    My advice would be to go. Give it a try. If you don't like it, you don't have to stay.:dontknow:
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    Yeah I'm not looking forward to freshers week that much either due to the fact that I don't go partying or drinking or any of that kind of stuff. I'm also living at home which puts me in a worse position than you but at the end of the day I'm comfortable with my decision even it means I'm going to be an absolute loner because I'm going to uni to get a good degree (hopefully with top grades) - I don't want to spend thousands and then just see it all go to waste (not achieve my true potential) because I wasted time succumbing to social pressure. Lol I sound like a loner😂😂😂

    But this what I did with A Levels and GCSEs and I did have a small ring of friends (so not complete loner) and I managed to do very well.

    Anyway you could always join societies later so it's not all bad.
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    Similar position except I enjoy partying I just never ever drink. Like sure take me to a club once and a while but as long as I dont have to drink and the music is good, why not?
 
 
 
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