Need advice on sexuality

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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I am a girl (17) and fairly sure that I am gay, but I have no experience, and am worried that I have made a mistake. I know about not putting labels on and all that, but how am I supposed to find a girlfriend by saying "well I might be a lesbian but I'm not sure!". I have kissed a boy before - who I thought I liked - and then was like ugh no. Might be because I am always a bit stand-offish, but I had thought maybe I'm gay in the past and now getting more sure of it. But yeah you might say well how do you know? I'm not particularly interested in sex from either but would like a gf. Don't know if I would have the nerve to go to any groups etc if I wasn't sure though!! Anyone got any advice? And any other LGBT+ people - how did you know? Thanks
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Devify
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a girl (17) and fairly sure that I am gay, but I have no experience, and am worried that I have made a mistake. I know about not putting labels on and all that, but how am I supposed to find a girlfriend by saying "well I might be a lesbian but I'm not sure!". I have kissed a boy before - who I thought I liked - and then was like ugh no. Might be because I am always a bit stand-offish, but I had thought maybe I'm gay in the past and now getting more sure of it. But yeah you might say well how do you know? I'm not particularly interested in sex from either but would like a gf. Don't know if I would have the nerve to go to any groups etc if I wasn't sure though!! Anyone got any advice? And any other LGBT+ people - how did you know? Thanks
You don't specifically need to say that you're gay or bi or whatever really. And the label you decide to use can also change over time as you get to know yourself better. So you can easily go on a dating site and say you're gay because that's what you think right now, and if in the future you learn that you do like guys too after all and it was just a bad experience with that one, then hey, you can change the label to bisexual. Just experience some stuff and learn.

And LGBT groups take even straight people as long as you're supportive of them. And you're definitely at least bisexual if you are attracted to women, so there's nothing to lose by joining the groups. Really, they might help you to figure out things.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Devify)
You don't specifically need to say that you're gay or bi or whatever really. And the label you decide to use can also change over time as you get to know yourself better. So you can easily go on a dating site and say you're gay because that's what you think right now, and if in the future you learn that you do like guys too after all and it was just a bad experience with that one, then hey, you can change the label to bisexual. Just experience some stuff and learn.

And LGBT groups take even straight people as long as you're supportive of them. And you're definitely at least bisexual if you are attracted to women, so there's nothing to lose by joining the groups. Really, they might help you to figure out things.
Thank you, that's very helpful! What is particularly confusing me is that I keep doubting myself by thinking I like guys sometimes but then if I was actually in a position to kiss or whatever I don't like it agh But feel like I'm trying to convince myself I am gay but then is that because I know I would be happy with a woman because I AM gay you see I am going in circles!! D: I've found there's an LGBT group in my area for young people but it's 7.30-9 and I don't know what I would tell my parents haha and I would be frightened of seeing people I know and they think I'm just looking for attention or whatever help
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Devify
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, that's very helpful! What is particularly confusing me is that I keep doubting myself by thinking I like guys sometimes but then if I was actually in a position to kiss or whatever I don't like it agh But feel like I'm trying to convince myself I am gay but then is that because I know I would be happy with a woman because I AM gay you see I am going in circles!! D: I've found there's an LGBT group in my area for young people but it's 7.30-9 and I don't know what I would tell my parents haha and I would be frightened of seeing people I know and they think I'm just looking for attention or whatever help
If you were to see people you know there, they would definitely be more understanding of the confusion rather than feel like you were looking for attention. Most LGBTQ people had some confusion at some point trying to figure out what label they want to assign to themselves.

It unfortunately creates bi-phobia and erasure, but if it makes you feel better, you can consider yourself bisexual. In which case you wouldn't have to struggle to figure out which one it is until you know for sure.

Many gay people start by saying they're bisexual because it's easier to them and to others if there's still a possibility of being in a straight relationship. Unfortunately, some of those people then say that being bisexual isn't a thing and that it's either someone straight wanting to be part of LGBT or it's someone who's gay but doesn't want to admit it to themselves.

As for the time, I'm sure you could figure something out like going to a movie with a friend or it being some friends birthday that they would allow you to go out that late.
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SkyQuest88
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am a girl (17) and fairly sure that I am gay, but I have no experience, and am worried that I have made a mistake. I know about not putting labels on and all that, but how am I supposed to find a girlfriend by saying "well I might be a lesbian but I'm not sure!". I have kissed a boy before - who I thought I liked - and then was like ugh no. Might be because I am always a bit stand-offish, but I had thought maybe I'm gay in the past and now getting more sure of it. But yeah you might say well how do you know? I'm not particularly interested in sex from either but would like a gf. Don't know if I would have the nerve to go to any groups etc if I wasn't sure though!! Anyone got any advice? And any other LGBT+ people - how did you know? Thanks
You can still discover your sexuality and still be single. It also doesn't have to be someone in college or university, it can also be over a celebrity or a fictional character. The best thing you can do is to be patient, you are allowed to label yourself as gay for now. It's ok to change labels from time to time. You also mentioned that you have a lack of interest in having sex no matter the person is male or female, right? If you have no sexual feelings, it might indicate that you're asexual. I can't tell by your post though but I highly recommend you look it up. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are entirely separate so it's helpful to look up on some resources so it can help you figure out the different types of attraction you've experienced or may be experiencing. I also recommend you go to the group, listening to other people's experiences may also help you detect your feelings. Have fun.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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(Original post by Devify)
If you were to see people you know there, they would definitely be more understanding of the confusion rather than feel like you were looking for attention. Most LGBTQ people had some confusion at some point trying to figure out what label they want to assign to themselves.

It unfortunately creates bi-phobia and erasure, but if it makes you feel better, you can consider yourself bisexual. In which case you wouldn't have to struggle to figure out which one it is until you know for sure.

Many gay people start by saying they're bisexual because it's easier to them and to others if there's still a possibility of being in a straight relationship. Unfortunately, some of those people then say that being bisexual isn't a thing and that it's either someone straight wanting to be part of LGBT or it's someone who's gay but doesn't want to admit it to themselves.

As for the time, I'm sure you could figure something out like going to a movie with a friend or it being some friends birthday t
hat they would allow you to go out that late.
Thank you for all your help much appreciated
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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(Original post by SkyQuest88)
You can still discover your sexuality and still be single. It also doesn't have to be someone in college or university, it can also be over a celebrity or a fictional character. The best thing you can do is to be patient, you are allowed to label yourself as gay for now. It's ok to change labels from time to time. You also mentioned that you have a lack of interest in having sex no matter the person is male or female, right? If you have no sexual feelings, it might indicate that you're asexual. I can't tell by your post though but I highly recommend you look it up. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are entirely separate so it's helpful to look up on some resources so it can help you figure out the different types of attraction you've experienced or may be experiencing. I also recommend you go to the group, listening to other people's experiences may also help you detect your feelings. Have fun.
Thank you definitely something to consider!
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