I'm not sure if I was sexually assaulted Watch

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1998Anonymous
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Recently I had sex with someone and for the first time since becoming sexually active, I didn't feel like it was a positive experience. (I've only even had one night stands so I'm used to them.)
A close friend asked to have drinks with me and I said I had a free house so I said they could stay over. Throughout the history of our friendship he's always been in a relationship but as he was newly single, I didn't think anything romantic would occur given our previously platonic relationship.
After a couple of drinks he started touching me towards my inner thighs on the sofa. And we began kissing. After a bit I told him to meet me in my room, and we then began kissing on my bed. After a while we were both naked and I told him I didn't want to have sex, just oral sex. He wouldn't stop begging me until we had sex and I didn't really want to but I gave in. He forced me in uncomfortable positions and hit me so hard on my bottom it left bruises that had me in agony the following day. He also attempted anal sex with me which I said made me feel very uncomfortable but he continued to attempt doing so anyway telling me "but it slides in so easy."
I have never orgasmed with a partner before and he wouldn't stop having sex with me until I faked an orgasm and it was extremely painful sex. The whole tone of the encounter was very bizarre. He kept calling me a dirty slut and as I said, hitting me.
Ever since I've felt very hollow and confused as I wanted oral sex and wanted to kiss but didn't want the main sex but I still did it anyway and tried to enjoy it as best I could even though it wasn't very enjoyable.
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Bang Outta Order
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Sexual assault does not mean rape. Forcible rape is a type of sexual assault. Trying to grab your bum or trying to kiss you or flashing you nudes or nudity is an example of not being rape but still being sexual assault.
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wastedcuriosity
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It wasn't sexual assault as you never said "no" or "stop". He probably had no idea you weren't enjoying it. I'm sorry it wasn't a pleasant experience though.
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moonzig
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(Original post by 1998Anonymous)
Recently I had sex with someone and for the first time since becoming sexually active, I didn't feel like it was a positive experience. (I've only even had one night stands so I'm used to them.)
A close friend asked to have drinks with me and I said I had a free house so I said they could stay over. Throughout the history of our friendship he's always been in a relationship but as he was newly single, I didn't think anything romantic would occur given our previously platonic relationship.
After a couple of drinks he started touching me towards my inner thighs on the sofa. And we began kissing. After a bit I told him to meet me in my room, and we then began kissing on my bed. After a while we were both naked and I told him I didn't want to have sex, just oral sex. He wouldn't stop begging me until we had sex and I didn't really want to but I gave in. He forced me in uncomfortable positions and hit me so hard on my bottom it left bruises that had me in agony the following day. He also attempted anal sex with me which I said made me feel very uncomfortable but he continued to attempt doing so anyway telling me "but it slides in so easy."
I have never orgasmed with a partner before and he wouldn't stop having sex with me until I faked an orgasm and it was extremely painful sex. The whole tone of the encounter was very bizarre. He kept calling me a dirty slut and as I said, hitting me.
Ever since I've felt very hollow and confused as I wanted oral sex and wanted to kiss but didn't want the main sex but I still did it anyway and tried to enjoy it as best I could even though it wasn't very enjoyable.
From what you have said, it does seem as though there has been some sort of abuse. Especially since you said he forced you in uncomfortable positions and even thought you said its uncomfortable, he carried on. Have you spoken to him since?
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Sexual assault does not mean rape. Forcible rape is a type of sexual assault.
Untrue. The male must have a reasonable positive belief that consent was given. Passive not saying anything isn't enough.

If a girl stiffens up, looks away and goes quiet, generally looks uncomfortable, that is rape if you continue.
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(Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
Untrue. The male must have a reasonable positive belief that consent was given. Passive not saying anything isn't enough.

If a girl stiffens up, looks away and goes quiet, generally looks uncomfortable, that is rape if you continue.
Untrue.
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(Original post by chloerebecca1)
It wasn't sexual assault as you never said "no" or "stop". He probably had no idea you weren't enjoying it. I'm sorry it wasn't a pleasant experience though.
yep.
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hq404
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It sounds like it is indeed some form of abuse, as said above. Even though you didn't explicitly say "no" or "stop", you still expressed the sentiment that you did not consent to what you were pretty much forced to do, and that becomes very serious when passed off as just a "bad experience" Obviously I'm (and most on here won't be) professionals, so I'd suggest speaking to a trusted family member/friend/teacher etc. to sort out what to do next and maybe report it if you can. Find support in your friends and family! I hope you sort something out
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Untrue.
There needs to be reasonable belief. See section 1(1)(c) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

1 Rape
(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

(2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.

(3) Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.

(4) A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.
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(Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
blah blah blah
It's not rape if she didn't say no, end of. You ain't slick copying from wikipedia anyway.
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
It's not rape if she didn't say no, end of. You ain't slick copying from wikipedia anyway.
Not everyone on this site guesses. Rather, not everyone on this site is like you.

The law is quite clear. Submission is not consent. Get yourself on Westlaw, R v Olugboja [1982] and DPP v Morgan [1976].
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(Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
Not everyone on this site guesses. Rather, not everyone on this site is like you.

The law is quite clear. Submission is not consent. Get yourself on Westlaw, R v Olugboja [1982] and DPP v Morgan [1976].
You're such an angry little fella and relying on copy-paste to boot.

Anyway, it's not rape unless she said no, was drugged or a minor. It's not even sexual assault. It was just a bad night.
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Beth_H
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Don't listen to anyone who says that you have to have said "no" in order for a sexual assault to 'count', because that is not true on either a legal or a moral level. And at any rate, you did tell him that you didn't want to have sex, and your eventual consent was given under pressure. I believe that what happened to you does constitute sexual assault (assuming that you're in the UK, I have no idea what the law is in other countries), and though of course it's entirely up to you if you want to take further action, I would recommend talking to someone you trust about what happened (for example, a parent/guardian or someone like a teacher).

This article by Alison Saunders, the Director for Public Prosecutions, sets out more clearly the legal definition of consent: http://www.cps.gov.uk/news/articles/...dpp/index.html
The Code for Crown Prosecutors (an extensive guide on how different offences should be prosecuted) also contains a section on 'Conditional Consent', which states that in situations where a person consents to a sexual act with specific conditions, violation of those conditions would be considered assault (e.g., in this case, you consented to oral sex, but not to vaginal or anal sex): http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/p_to_r/r...ences/consent/
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
You're such an angry little fella and relying on copy-paste to boot.

Anyway, it's not rape unless she said no, was drugged or a minor. It's not even sexual assault. It was just a bad night.
You're wrong. The statute is there for people to see. If they want to think you are right, so be it.
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(Original post by Beth_H)
you did tell him that you didn't want to have sex
false.

(Original post by Beth_H)
and your eventual consent was given under pressure.
That's really not his fault. He didn't make her. Women honestly have to take responsibility for their actions, even their insecure ones. If she wasn't comfortable she should have gone home not in his house, and screamed during sex.
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(Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
You're wrong. The statute is there for people to see. If they want to think you are right, so be it.
You didn't point anything out. You just put something in bold without explaining yourself like an adult. He had no "reasonable belief" that there was no consent. I read the OP clearly, and didn't see her say she told him to stop or screamed or said ouch or groaned in pain or spoke to him after saying he made her feel uncomfortable. I don't see how this is his fault. You can't keep pointing to an excerpt like a helpless child, it doesn't suffice as an argument.
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It wasn't an insecure choice though? OP was clearly pressured into what happened:
"He wouldn't stop begging me until we had sex and I didn't really want to but I gave in." As said previously, submission is not consent.
Please see: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexualhea...t.aspx#assault
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
You didn't point anything out. You just put something in bold without explaining yourself like an adult. He had no "reasonable belief" that there was no consent. I read the OP clearly, and didn't see her say she told him to stop or screamed or said ouch or groaned in pain or spoke to him after saying he made her feel uncomfortable. I don't see how this is his fault. You can't keep pointing to an excerpt like a helpless child, it doesn't suffice as an argument.
I never said OP was raped, so your reading the OP with your nice reading glasses on is of no importance. I said your assessment of the law was wrong.

I did explain what the excerpt meant when I told you what the law was. Twice. You are not right until someone adequately rebuts you -- which I did anyway. I get it though. You are wrong and you feel embarrassed, so you've resorted to ad-hominem. My knowledge doesn't come from Wikipedia -- though if it had, I shouldn't have been too embarrassed as I would have done twice the research you had anyway.
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Magicphilos
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Sounds like an awful experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

I don't know if I would consider it sexual assault in this case, mainly because it seems like you gave him consent, but it really does depend on how forceful he was in getting you to agree to having sex with him. I know many people who have just agreed to have sex in order to avoid a more explosive reaction... Giving in after him begging you, is basically giving him permission in his opinion, but you had made it clear that you only wanted oral before he started begging, which is why I don't want to say that it is or isn't sexual assault. He sounds like an ******* to me.

Going forward, never feel as though you have to 'give in' to having sex with anybody, no matter how much they beg you. If it's not what you want, ensure that you're extremely vocal about it and if you can avoid engaging with someone of that nature in future, please do so.
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wastedcuriosity
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Not saying it's right, but she did consent. Therefore it can't be counted as rape. I don't think the court would take it as seriously if she didn't say no or stop. They don't take rape seriously enough anyway😡
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