Getting my parents to agree to let me move out for Uni

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username3524090
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I'd like to move out for university, however my parents are against the idea. Anyone got any advice on ways to persuade them, or any solid arguments to help my side?
Last edited by username3524090; 10 months ago
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ItsTheLegend27
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(Original post by wasimchy)
I'd like to move out for university, however my parents are against the idea. Anyone got any advice on ways to persuade them, or any solid arguments to help my side?
How far is the Uni from your house? I live in oxford going to Coventry and my parents thought it would be ok for me to commute everyday on train to uni, and i think i made it very clear that its impossible for me to do that as uni students study in uni till late night plus its gonna make me independent and stuff like that. Some family friends also help me persuade my parents.
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AnnaGlypta
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You are going to be 18, they can't keep you hostage. Just apply to universities away from home. Remember it's your life not theirs.
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Bernadette04
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Firstly what are the reasons your parents don't want you to move away for Uni?

Secondly, if you definitely want to move away, you must go about this as an adult and have a proper sit down talk without getting het up or shouty with them. Put your points across cooly and factually. Things like:

The course content. "I have researched the courses at different Uni's and the courses at X,Y,Z Uni really appeal to me, more than th course offered at the local Uni. I will be there for 3 years so it is imperative I do a course that I will enjoy and which you will be proud to see me graduate from."

Commuting: "Lectures can be at widely different times of the day..like 9am and the next one at 5pm...it's not like school. If I went to the local Uni, I would have to stay around all day waiting for the late lecture. I would then face a commute home plus time to do extra work. It's far better to actually live on campus than face a daily commute."

Independence : "I am 18/19 whatever, and feel moving away would allow me to find out how to do things by myself that will stand me in good stead for adult life. I can't always be relying on you to do things for me now I am an adult."

Keeping in touch : You are only a phone call away. I can come home mid term for a weekend visit and you can come to visit me for a weekend too. There are so many ways to keep in touch, Skype, messenger, whatsapp etc.

Friendships: Most students live on campus. They will form friendship groups and be having a social life together. I fear I may be left out having to go home every day and will miss out on activities and clubs and societies that meet in the evenings"

Hope that helps. Be cool and calm and grown up. Let them see the adult in you. But firstly confront their fears as to the reasons they don't want you to move away.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by Bernadette04)

Commuting: "Lectures can be at widely different times of the day..like 9am and the next one at 5pm...it's not like school. If I went to the local Uni, I would have to stay around all day waiting for the late lecture. I would then face a commute home plus time to do extra work. It's far better to actually live on campus than face a daily commute."
I would also argue that sometimes, trains don't run on time. Plus, it may work out cheaper living out.
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Doones
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(Original post by wasimchy)
I'd like to move out for university, however my parents are against the idea. Anyone got any advice on ways to persuade them, or any solid arguments to help my side?
To give you solid arguments to support you we need to know why they are against the idea...
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harrythomas14
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(Original post by wasimchy)
I'd like to move out for university, however my parents are against the idea. Anyone got any advice on ways to persuade them, or any solid arguments to help my side?
That they'd work against your cause to bring any tail back to your place.

Lol, now for the serious answer.

Let them see you being more mature - waking up earlier, getting things organised, writing to-do lists, offer to wash up a couple nights a week, learn to cook, do your own washing, etc. This will help them realise that you're ready to go and live on your own.

Outline the benefits for them, too - less cooking, washing up, more alone time, less noise...let them know that you won't be the only person getting something out of you leaving.

Hope that helps - message me if you need any more advice.
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laaurenshannon
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I have lived out of home for studying for the past 4 years and it's the best decision I've ever made. I'm totally independant now, but still see my parents often as I visit and they come to visit me.
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Kandiman
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Why do you need your parents to agree? You're an adult now, tell them you're moving out for uni and carry on with your day. They can't stop you.
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lionike123
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My parents wont let me out untill i learn how to cook. I think that might be the problem for you.
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username3524090
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(Original post by ItsTheLegend27)
How far is the Uni from your house? I live in oxford going to Coventry and my parents thought it would be ok for me to commute everyday on train to uni, and i think i made it very clear that its impossible for me to do that as uni students study in uni till late night plus its gonna make me independent and stuff like that. Some family friends also help me persuade my parents.
Hey,

Thanks for the ideas!

I currently live in London and but I'd to go to Glasgow, Liverpool or to be quite honest, any of the other russel group uni's outside of london. My parent's have always been quite controlling hence why they despise the idea of me moving out and having the freedom to do what i'd like.
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username3524090
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(Original post by AnnaGlypta)
You are going to be 18, they can't keep you hostage. Just apply to universities away from home. Remember it's your life not theirs.
Hey Anna,

Thanks for the reply,

I get that i'd legally be allowed to go forward with it on my own, it's just that i've always had a great, close relationship with my parents. I know that if I go and apply to out-of-london unis behind their backs, I won't ever hear the end of it.

I'd much prefer to persuade them in a way that allows me to move out and for them to accept and support the decision.
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username3524090
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(Original post by Bernadette04)
Firstly what are the reasons your parents don't want you to move away for Uni?

Secondly, if you definitely want to move away, you must go about this as an adult and have a proper sit down talk without getting het up or shouty with them. Put your points across cooly and factually. Things like:

The course content. "I have researched the courses at different Uni's and the courses at X,Y,Z Uni really appeal to me, more than th course offered at the local Uni. I will be there for 3 years so it is imperative I do a course that I will enjoy and which you will be proud to see me graduate from."

Commuting: "Lectures can be at widely different times of the day..like 9am and the next one at 5pm...it's not like school. If I went to the local Uni, I would have to stay around all day waiting for the late lecture. I would then face a commute home plus time to do extra work. It's far better to actually live on campus than face a daily commute."

Independence : "I am 18/19 whatever, and feel moving away would allow me to find out how to do things by myself that will stand me in good stead for adult life. I can't always be relying on you to do things for me now I am an adult."

Keeping in touch : You are only a phone call away. I can come home mid term for a weekend visit and you can come to visit me for a weekend too. There are so many ways to keep in touch, Skype, messenger, whatsapp etc.

Friendships: Most students live on campus. They will form friendship groups and be having a social life together. I fear I may be left out having to go home every day and will miss out on activities and clubs and societies that meet in the evenings"

Hope that helps. Be cool and calm and grown up. Let them see the adult in you. But firstly confront their fears as to the reasons they don't want you to move away.
Hey,

Thanks for the reply,

This is the exact type of response I was looking for, thanks for taking the time to suggest them, I'll definitely use them to my advantage
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lyanu
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If your parents don't let you move out because they still want to control you, that's incredibly selfish. This is your life and your future, you're an adult now and should be allowed to make your own decisions.
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AnnaGlypta
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(Original post by wasimchy)
Hey Anna,

Thanks for the reply,

I get that i'd legally be allowed to go forward with it on my own, it's just that i've always had a great, close relationship with my parents. I know that if I go and apply to out-of-london unis behind their backs, I won't ever hear the end of it.

I'd much prefer to persuade them in a way that allows me to move out and for them to accept and support the decision.
You say you have a great and close relationship with your parents which is good, but in a previous post you say that they are quite controlling. This isn't a healthy way for them to act. I don't think they will ever come round to you're idea of moving out, it's going to be something you are just going to have to do.

Could you get advice from your school teachers on they situation? Their professional input may help sway your parents....maybe.
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frouuu_
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From personal experience, it's a gradual process. You can't expect them to agree overnight (especially if you're quite a close-knit family) so it takes time. I kept telling my parents that my course wasn't common and that the uni's in London were either too hard for me to get in or weren't ideal for me to learn in. The best way to convince them is to show how this would benefit your education and personal development because that's what they care about the most.

I've also noticed that taking my parents out to the open days let them see how good some of the non-London unis actually are which made them more open to me applying.

Honesty is key, so do talk it out because the worst thing you can do is make these decisions without their input because while you are a responsible person capable of making decisions, the last thing you would want is to piss them off and have them restrict you even further...

In the end the way only you know how to convince them since you know your parents the most. If they are very obsessed with you having a good education, use that as a reason. If they are very protective and you think they would cry a lot when you leave, generally leave the "I'm 18 and want to be independent" reason alone since that would make them worry and be less accepting.

And do stand your ground, I've had my parents try to convince me to apply to a London uni through adjustment AFTER I've made my student ID and various other things with my uni...
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Joseph Critcher
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Get Ron to rescue you from your room in his flying car
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PhysChmMthBdboy
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you'll be 18 so they cant stop you
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TheMoon
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Hey,

I completely get how you don't want to ruin your relationship with your parents.

Now I know this isn't the case all the time, but a lot of the time parents act with good intentions even though it may seem controlling/annoying/selfish etc. Consider that they may just want the best for you. So I disagree with these posts suggesting to just leave anyway. That's a last resort maybe, but I am almost 100% sure that you'll be able to convince your parents that moving out is the best choice for your future.

Just sit down with your parents and have a friendly discussion about it. At the end of the day, you are going to move out in the future no matter what - whether it be in 1 year, or 5 years, or 15 years. I am of the opinion that university is the easiest way to move out - everyone is in similar situations, help is on hand and you are half expected to know nothing about living on your own. At least I'm going to be one of them this September, I am clueless on living independently yet I'm moving 2 hours away.

It is your choice in the end, but personally I recommend not going for a uni incredibly far away like Glasgow. There are a lot of Russell Groups within a few hours of you, and since you said you're close with your parents then it'll be a lot nicer if you were able to visit every now and then.

Like another post on here said, even if they initially dislike the idea just try and understand their reasons and respond to them. They might not be convinced straight away, but I know that they can be convinced eventually. If you want you can update us here with why they are against it, and we can help you with how to respond!

Good luck!
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3121
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My parents encouraged me to stay at home since i dont live too far from London and with Crossrail and all that coming soon they said it'd be perfectly fine to travel each day, so I only applied to LSE and everywhere else was far out. The only problem is, you'll likely need to get extra money from them for accommodation since SF wont cover it all and that's why the whole 'I'm 18 and free' argument doesnt work, because you're still financially dependent on them…

If you can convince them a university far away is really good they might change their mind and be open to the idea (providing they genuinely care about your education and future) otherwise i guess you'd have to get a job and start saving up to top up your student finance for living costs and accommodation so you're financially independent, then you can really take advantage of the whole being 18 and free stuff. If you come from a less well off background you could be in luck since the max (like £8,500 i think) covers your accommodation and living expenses plus many universities give out bursaries or grants which would easily make you financially independent of your parents.
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