Sex is still painful after 2 years

I lost my virginity 2 years ago, we are in a committed relationship. But it still incredibly painful. We use plenty of lubrication, he doesn't rush but the act itself feels awful. I feel very guilty and don't know what to do. I have gone to a sexual health nurse and she checked me out and everything is normal. The check itself was also very painful. Initially I had an incredibly high sex drive but the pain has put me off sex. I only do it when he wants to.

Has anyone else had this problem? Were you able to fix it? The nurse gave me dilators (link below) but no progress.

https://www.owenmumford.com/en/patients-product/amielle/

Is it literally only penetration that is painful? Is your partner ridiculously well endowed? (Or selfish)

I've only been with him but yes he is quite big, both in length and girth. The penetration is horrible, I feel like I'm tearing and when the initial penetration is over, I feel like it's poking my stomach internally. He is very selfless in bed, will always make sure I am satisfied first.

Well he kind of is poking your stomach internally....

If there's nothing wrong with you physically have you considered speaking to a psychologist?

So how often do you do it? And it hurts every time?

It's supposed to feel good, I think I feel 10% pleasure. He bought me a toy which is significantly smaller and it hurts during penetration but better after. I have been going counselling. I know it's not a quick fix but 2 years is a long time.



We used to have sex nearly every day and now it's around twice a week and yes it hurts every time

I lost my virginity 2 years ago, we are in a committed relationship. But it still incredibly painful. We use plenty of lubrication, he doesn't rush but the act itself feels awful. I feel very guilty and don't know what to do. I have gone to a sexual health nurse and she checked me out and everything is normal. The check itself was also very painful. Initially I had an incredibly high sex drive but the pain has put me off sex. I only do it when he wants to.

Has anyone else had this problem? Were you able to fix it? The nurse gave me dilators (link below) but no progress.

https://www.owenmumford.com/en/patients-product/amielle/

I assume the dilators are a long term solution not a quick fix so perhaps they will help eventually. I would also ask to speak to another specialist if they don't. His size may be causing the 'poking stomach' feeling as he could be hitting your cervix if he's long (I have this problem with my partner) and to help that should be quite easy as he just needs to be aware he can't go all the way in. But it probably isn't causing most of the pain if you had problems with an exam at the doctors. It could be psychological i.e. it hurt a few times so now every time you go to have sex you tense up making it more painful.

It just really depresses me. We will start trying for a baby in a few years and I don't know if that will affect it. Sex is meant to be a healthy part of a relationship and my partner has to put me through immense pain, it can be really off putting. The counselling didn't help.

Sorry for asking, but do you have painful periods? There's an illness called Endometriosis (My mum had it). She's always had painful sex, and smear test made her feel so much pain she used to have to take the next day off to rest. Not trying to scare you, but maybe its worth looking into? Just thought I'd let you know about this in case you do have it and it goes unnoticed (Endometriosis is usually un-diagnosed for a lot of people and even some doctors don't know about it, but it is very much a real problem for the people who have it)

There may be other alternatives if dialators are not helping much. Botox injections can be used and they work for most people.

Have you also tried different positions? For feeling like he's poking your stomach from the inside, it might be that he really is a bit too long for you, but certain positions allow him to go deeper than others. Being on top would also help with allowing you to set the pace.

You most likely do, but I have to check if you give time for preparation and use lube to at least make it a little bit easier for yourself?

I don't have endometriosis, but know people who do. But thanks for trying to help.




I haven't been informed about botox injections, I shall ask my GP!

Apologies if I go into far too much detail, but my girlfriends are virgins and my mum/sister is too crude to openly talk about sex.
We always have to do the initial penetration missionary with me having to bite his neck or my hand, then once that's over it doesn't hurt as much if we continue missionary. The posterior fourchet (in the diagram) is the part that feels like its tearing.


If he puts my legs on his shoulders, I feel like my stomach is getting poked too much. I have tried getting on top, it feels awful. We were able to do doggy style a few weeks ago, much to his delight but it is the absolute worst.

I have now noticed, he goes too fast, because he likes the idea of rough animal like sex and that's how he is able to finish. Where as I enjoy the intimacy side of it.

I don't have endometriosis, but know people who do. But thanks for trying to help.




I haven't been informed about botox injections, I shall ask my GP!

Apologies if I go into far too much detail, but my girlfriends are virgins and my mum/sister is too crude to openly talk about sex.
We always have to do the initial penetration missionary with me having to bite his neck or my hand, then once that's over it doesn't hurt as much if we continue missionary. The posterior fourchet (in the diagram) is the part that feels like its tearing.


If he puts my legs on his shoulders, I feel like my stomach is getting poked too much. I have tried getting on top, it feels awful. We were able to do doggy style a few weeks ago, much to his delight but it is the absolute worst.

I have now noticed, he goes too fast, because he likes the idea of rough animal like sex and that's how he is able to finish. Where as I enjoy the intimacy side of it.

I'm not sure if they do Botox in the UK for that reason or if it's only private clinics that do that. But for vaginismus, when muscles cramp up unintentionally making even finger penetration hurt, it numbs those muscles and makes it harder for them to cramp. So it's not that you lose feeling, it's just that it's more difficult to flex them.

If it's that part that's hurting it might just be that he is going too fast and possibly a bit too big. It was similar with my boyfriend to begin with, just because he's a bit above average. I have masochistic tendencies tho so I didn't really mind it. But it would feel like he might split me open and would take me a moment to relax. And then leave me sore for a couple of days. Having some finger stretching and going at your own pace helps. Now I barely feel the pain anymore.

And it was similar with doing it doggy style too. To begin with he would occasionally thrust too deep in that position but now I'm totally fine with it and actually enjoy how deep he goes.

It may be worth seeing if you can get him to go slow and slowly build up the speed. That may help if he generally likes it fast. Trying some of the things you tried before may also work. When I first tried being on top, I didn't really enjoy it that much and the positioning was awkward. Now it's one of my favourite positions.

And both the vagina and the guys penis may have different curves to it so for some girls being backwards on top is more comfortable than being forwards. So trying things slightly differently can help. And when you're on top, you don't have to go all the way in on the first go. You can have it go in a little bit. Lift up, give yourself a moment and go slightly deeper on the next go. As long as your partner stays still and gives you the time.

If you want to, you can pm me if that's more comfortable to you because I don't mind these kind of conversations and it's always nice to talk to someone about it