I have a big fear of dying. I have always been scared since i was a child but i used to ignore it, pretend it didn't exist, i would change the lyrics in songs from "die" to cry and if people made comments about dying id say "dont say that" i'd just full on avoid it.
but in the last 2 weeks its been playing in my head, every single day. I think it started from reading the news and seeing stuff about death, just thinking about people dying and dying young, someone i knows boyfriend and brother died in an accident, another person i went to school with got stabbed and died, i read about a whole family dying in a horrific car crash on the motorway recently, there's terror attacks killing people, talk of war, stabbings happening almost daily where i live, health problems develop in people and so much more.. death is everywhere and i don't feel safe. I started to think that I'm not special, i could leave the house now and something bad could happen to me, you just never know and its terrifying, it's terrifying thinking i could be gone tomorrow. I dont know how to cope knowing that, its making me depressed like its constantly on my mind, I'm scared to leave my house or get in a car because i feel more safe here in my bed, i just spend my days in bed, sleeping a lot, I hardly have even eaten or had a shower. I don't want to die, not ever really but especially not young. I dont know what to do! I wish I didn't care but i do, i care so much. I have been googling, reading peoples stories and advice, trying to feel better about it all and i know that when it happens I won't really know but I'm still scared and even though it could happen now, it could also not, i could live till I'm old but i just dont know for sure and that's terrifying me. I really try to just accept it but it doesn't last long till I'm petrified again. I just dont know how to cope knowing what i know and i dont know how to be myself again, how can i be happy and care free every day and care about things like how my hair and make up looks, with the worry I'm going to die or something bad is going to happen. Its ****ed up, so ****ed up. I just dont know what to do :/