I feel like such a loser because I don't have friends. Watch

VeryStudious
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Hi,

I'm 17, and moved to a new school last year. My mom warned that I would have trouble making friends there, because small private schools are tight-knit, PLUS God hasn't exactly weaved me to be the most popular kid, either. I thought it was fine because becoming successful in my talent and hard work is my number one goal in life.

Flash-forward a year later, and guess what? It's lonely. There's a year left of school, and I can't help but feel that I've wasted so much of my high school experience focusing on my studies that I neglected all other pleasures that come with it. I haven't had my first kiss, or a proper date. The last time a guy took interest in me as a person, and not just a convenience, was in Year 7. Now there's this guy who I've recently got to know. I'm starting to like him, but he only talks to me outside of school when he needs something. We say we're friends, but honestly? My intuition's telling me he's not interested in me as a person, and by the time graduation comes around, he'll disappear quicker than dust.

If you've made it this far, then thank you - for your time. Because I haven't exactly been taking up anyone else's.

(TL;DR - People only befriend me to get homework answers off me. I am a nerd who is starting to like a guy who doesn't see me the way I see him. Also wasted time. Also graduation. Also university. Also the fear of not finding somebody)
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FranticMind
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Just enjoy your time left at school. Nothing wrong with working hard. Long term - make sure you do well in the exams and choose a good university. University will give you a chance to make friends so dont worry about that.Short term - try and take up a hobby or join a club, outside of school is ideal as it won't tie you down to the school cliques.
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chrhr
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(Original post by VeryStudious)
Hi,

I'm 17, and moved to a new school last year. My mom warned that I would have trouble making friends there, because small private schools are tight-knit, PLUS God hasn't exactly weaved me to be the most popular kid, either. I thought it was fine because becoming successful in my talent and hard work is my number one goal in life.

Flash-forward a year later, and guess what? It's lonely. There's a year left of school, and I can't help but feel that I've wasted so much of my high school experience focusing on my studies that I neglected all other pleasures that come with it. I haven't had my first kiss, or a proper date. The last time a guy took interest in me as a person, and not just a convenience, was in Year 7. Now there's this guy who I've recently got to know. I'm starting to like him, but he only talks to me outside of school when he needs something. We say we're friends, but honestly? My intuition's telling me he's not interested in me as a person, and by the time graduation comes around, he'll disappear quicker than dust.

If you've made it this far, then thank you - for your time. Because I haven't exactly been taking up anyone else's.

(TL;DR - People only befriend me to get homework answers off me. I am a nerd who is starting to like a guy who doesn't see me the way I see him. Also wasted time. Also graduation. Also university. Also the fear of not finding somebody)
I'm very sad to hear that, love. Have you tried making friends outside of school? So you go to any clubs, courses and so on?
I've always been in big schools so I can't talk from personal experience. But I have many friends that I've met online and we talk all the time! Why don't you try that? And if that doesn't work, a year will pass by pretty quickly and unis are the best places to meet friends and build life-long friendships.
As for the boy - don't fall for it. If he only talks to you when he needs something from you, it's not worth it. There is a place and time for everything.
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chrhr
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(Original post by scottandrews43)
****ing nerd
Reported.
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rubixaprilux
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ok firstly let me just say you sound awesome and I would most defo want to be friends with you. And also that is NOT wasted time. If studying and working hard is what you enjoy doing, it is most definitely not wasted time. Plus you have so many years ahead of you, in which you will meet the most amazing people especially at university. So for now, enjoy what you have, you have a year, work hard and create your future, join clubs, keep yourself so busy that you don't even have time to feel lonely. A year will pass by so quick. Also that guy that only talks to you when he needs something....NOT worth it. Never lower your standards, you deserve better than that.
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Hamoody
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(Original post by VeryStudious)
Hi,

I'm 17, and moved to a new school last year. My mom warned that I would have trouble making friends there, because small private schools are tight-knit, PLUS God hasn't exactly weaved me to be the most popular kid, either. I thought it was fine because becoming successful in my talent and hard work is my number one goal in life.

Flash-forward a year later, and guess what? It's lonely. There's a year left of school, and I can't help but feel that I've wasted so much of my high school experience focusing on my studies that I neglected all other pleasures that come with it. I haven't had my first kiss, or a proper date. The last time a guy took interest in me as a person, and not just a convenience, was in Year 7. Now there's this guy who I've recently got to know. I'm starting to like him, but he only talks to me outside of school when he needs something. We say we're friends, but honestly? My intuition's telling me he's not interested in me as a person, and by the time graduation comes around, he'll disappear quicker than dust.

If you've made it this far, then thank you - for your time. Because I haven't exactly been taking up anyone else's.

(TL;DR - People only befriend me to get homework answers off me. I am a nerd who is starting to like a guy who doesn't see me the way I see him. Also wasted time. Also graduation. Also university. Also the fear of not finding somebody)
Look at the brighter side of things. You won't have to deal with the usual relationship drama that comes with it all, plus, if you ever break up with someone, you won't waste months mourning over your broken heart, you'll have more time with your family, who I'm sure are lovely people, and you'll have more time for your studies
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YaliaV
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Spending time on work isn't a waste of time. You have plenty of time to make real friends and date. Stop doing favours for that guy and don't let people use you.
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username1439610
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Sometimes it's better not to have many friends. I don't have many friends (if any lol) and I don't really mind cause then I don't have to deal with drama and all these fake people who are there to take advantage of you. Focus on making yourself the best you can be and getting a good career. Don't change yourself for others.
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ggxsywes
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(Original post by VeryStudious)
Hi,

I'm 17, and moved to a new school last year. My mom warned that I would have trouble making friends there, because small private schools are tight-knit, PLUS God hasn't exactly weaved me to be the most popular kid, either. I thought it was fine because becoming successful in my talent and hard work is my number one goal in life.

Flash-forward a year later, and guess what? It's lonely. There's a year left of school, and I can't help but feel that I've wasted so much of my high school experience focusing on my studies that I neglected all other pleasures that come with it. I haven't had my first kiss, or a proper date. The last time a guy took interest in me as a person, and not just a convenience, was in Year 7. Now there's this guy who I've recently got to know. I'm starting to like him, but he only talks to me outside of school when he needs something. We say we're friends, but honestly? My intuition's telling me he's not interested in me as a person, and by the time graduation comes around, he'll disappear quicker than dust.

If you've made it this far, then thank you - for your time. Because I haven't exactly been taking up anyone else's.

(TL;DR - People only befriend me to get homework answers off me. I am a nerd who is starting to like a guy who doesn't see me the way I see him. Also wasted time. Also graduation. Also university. Also the fear of not finding somebody)
i'm not going to say i completely understand but i can relate to what you're going through. i'm not sure what it's like going to a private school but at my old secondary school i was so lonely too and i had no friends. 0. it had a huge impact on me and i began to feel so stressed and hopeless....in your last year try to make some connections with the people around you. it can seem annoying in the beginning but try to not always assume they just want h/w help.. maybe join some clubs? "i can't help but feel that I've wasted so much of my high school experience focusing on my studies that I neglected all other pleasures that come with it" explains my ACTUAL life..we're so similar..i know it seems like you've wasted your time but a lot of amazing things have come out of you spending ur time on ur studies. you'll be okay and these things your waiting for will come to you so soon. speak to ur crush! try to drop hints i'm sure he'll like you a lot. u seem like such a lovely person and you'll be okay
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username3504448
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Hi there, your description sounds very similar to mine, people don't acknowledge me at all unless they want something from me :/ I understand how u feel. I have around 2 friends, 1 which I don't see much as we have different classes so yea I do feel lonely too.
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VeryStudious
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I just feel like I've missed out on those normal high school experiences of people hanging-out – not to study, not because they want HW answers, and without any ulterior motives. Like that guy? He only asks me to hangs out to study, or when there's this huge assignment coming up and he needs help. We do talk about other things when we're together, and I've gotten to know him as a person, which is why I'm starting to like him. Although guys don't try to get the girls they're interested in to do something as nerdy as studying together, do they?
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ChickenMadness
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Private school you say? Private school boys?

They sound like tories.

You don't want to be friends with tories.

Get a dog.
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Zionxi
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(Original post by VeryStudious)
I just feel like I've missed out on those normal high school experiences of people hanging-out – not to study, not because they want HW answers, and without any ulterior motives. Like that guy? He only asks me to hangs out to study, or when there's this huge assignment coming up and he needs help. We do talk about other things when we're together, and I've gotten to know him as a person, which is why I'm starting to like him. Although guys don't try to get the girls they're interested in to do something as nerdy as studying together, do they?
TBH your Mum kinda set you up to fail but telling you that you're going to have trouble making friends. Don't lose sight of the fact that you only have a year left and then you're going to move onto further education (as you mentioned college and uni) where the people are going to be in a different mindset (wanting to be there rather than having to be there) and that does make a difference. People who are hard workers want to be around other hard workers and there are no end of clubs that can be joined that brings people with the same interests together.

However, that guy you're getting a crush on, why don't you ask him for help with something? At the very least you will know if he's actually someone who actually understands that a friendship is about give and take.
You said that you got to know him as a person through your studying, did you let him get to know you? If he want's to hang out with you he might not know what else you enjoy doing and studying is the only think he thinks you like, therefore the only time he thinks he can hang out with you is when there is a legitimate reason to study. He might have all the work done and just be looking for an excuse... If you can, why not suggest that you want to grab some food (burger, subway, whatever) while you study? Take your books, find a booth and then eat and study. It would let him know of a place you like to go without jumping to the conclusion that your trying to take him on a date on the sly.

That being said, if he is just looking for friendship then accept that. You can have a male best friend and hang out with them, do all the stuff you feel your are missing out on, without having to have them as a romantic interest.
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Amyth
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you don't feel like a looser... besides everyone has faced similar situation sometimes in life... so be happy everything will come to you in right time.
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Gavin2016
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Verystudious, I would just say concentrate on your exams and finish school with good grades. School is not easy for many people. I wouldn't put yourself in a worse position by letting this get to you now, at the school your at people will have gotten to view you a certain way, trying to change that is unlikely to make an impact now school is nearly done for you.

Wait till summer time after your exams and look to make changes then. From your post your 'studiousness' comes across as an issue. I don't know you but my guess is that you may self pidgeon hole yourself ahead of your peers doing so. Your mother might have been being a bit diplomatic when she said it's because private schools are tight knit, they might and it could, I wouldn't know. I think during the summer you might want to look at how you project yourself. This can be from clothes you wear to how you act. I hasten to add 'don't' look at making radical changes but consider how people view you. If you look a certain way people will start off by viewing you that way. For example, a girl that used to live opposite me used to wear what looked like her mother's clothing. It was clothing that a middle aged women would wear and she was in her twenties - guys are not going to notice girls like that. Other girls I have seen dress drab/dweeby/too conservatively, normally they are studious introverted girls.

So if you wear glasses, dress a bit dull, long skirts, trousers, lots of dark shades, hair not nicely done/conservative hairstyle then you may not be putting out a vibe that would make people want to associate with you.

Like I say you don't need severe changes, but you most likely need some changes. If you've ever seen the film, 'Grease' on TV well the changes don't need to be that severe, don't do punk rock or anything, the point is that such films show how youth culture works.

I'm not saying completely change who you are, that wouldn't work as it's too radical for it to be workable with your personality. I'm saying make a few reasonable changes to make your appeal more accessible to others. Put it this way if you were to date a guy where would you take him? what would you do with him? At the moment it sounds like a guy would not be sure if you would do anything with him other than a study session. That's where interests you can do with guys that they could likely be into (broad appeal) that you can be known for come in. It doesn't have to be anything far out or defined, probably better if it isn't. So think maybe bowling, a interest/knowledge of films, cycling, gym, etc. I think films is a good one here as it's something people can relate too. Gym is probably a good one to do is I find introverted girls tend to disfavour gym type of stuff as not important. I think on the contrary that it is very important to such girls as it can probably help to even up a girl or guy who is very studious. Let's face it few guys will want to be invited along to an archive for a date and too much of the same thing while you may enjoy it creates a closed off world that becomes self defining/enclosing. Hope this helps.
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