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How to get a boy to make effort?

We have been going out for 6, almost 7 months (i'm 21, he's 20)

I have always made more effort, largely due to the fact i have a car, and he lived up a big hill so i would drive to him. He came to my house a hand full of times. I've visited his family home 6 times, again due to fact i have a car.

I feel he makes no effort, i know he likes me a lot but i'm so confused, i feel so out of control and he's said to me before he wears the trousers. All his friends love me, and his family, in fact a lot of his friends wanted to go out with me but i liked him.

I don't know what to do, inviting him places is hard work to get him to come etc. I feel really hurt and stupid that maybe he doesn't actually like me?

I return to university on wednesday (where we both go)…and need new tactics because i am so unhappy!

he's great at communication, looking after me generally and affection generally but has chosen many times to stay at home with the boys when i've asked him to come over?

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Talk to him.

Try to talk to him, but maybe he is just like that and maybe you can't change anything...

Reply 3

lmaooome

Original post by mbatshuayi

at some point u will learn that men are trash

Yes and are shite xoxo

Reply 4

lmaooome

Original post by mbatshuayi

Im proud to be part of Men are trash FC starting XI

lololol me and my friends have a gc named it lolol they all triggered that every guy they know makes 0 effort or fucs them over for another side chick.

Reply 5

HabibSyed

Thats just how a lot of guys are. He might be bored, or he's just exausted. Maybe his idea of a good day is lying in bed with his girlfriend and watching TV.

Reply 6

username3525234

Original post by lmaooome

lololol me and my friends have a gc named it lolol they all triggered that every guy they know makes 0 effort or fucs them over for another side chick.

I ain't even trash b I'd treat you like the queen you are tbh

Reply 7

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by mbatshuayi

at some point u will learn that men are trash

Original post by lmaooome

Yes and are shite xoxo

Original post by mbatshuayi

Im proud to be part of Men are trash FC starting XI

Original post by lmaooome

lololol me and my friends have a gc named it lolol they all triggered that every guy they know makes 0 effort or fucs them over for another side chick.

How old are you girls, out of interest?

Reply 8

Retired_Messiah

You're gonna have to talk to him about it, he might be a bit oblivious to any wrongdoing and think the current situation is actually working for you.

Original post by mbatshuayi

Old enough to understand that men aint ****

That'll be 12, then.

Reply 9

Holoha

If I was in this situation I would communicate this to my partner by saying something like 'I notice you didn't put forward any opportunities for us to spend time together last week, whereas I put forward an idea everyday'. I may then add 'this make me feel really hurt and I think that you don't want to spend time with me' and then may also add 'I wonder if you might put something forward next week' or something else.
I may continue similar phrasing for other behaviors and pre plan them on paper beforehand to ensure they are not said in a way that that is commanding such as 'next week I want you to plan something for us by Tuesday at 1pm' (or else... no x, no z) and thus somewhat controlling.
I may continue this, perhaps altering the phrasing, for a couple or a few or several months or simply until I no longer want to.

My next steps will be to ask myself if this is the kind or relationship I want, if we have a future, am I wasting my time, do I want more myself, am I happy and/or preparing to carry the relationship for x amount of years?

If yes then I would take time to formulate a plan to ensure my unmet emotional and/physical needs are being met whilst in the relationship.

If no then I would either bluntly end the relationship or plan a way to slowly phase out the relationship and move on.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 10

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by mbatshuayi

Old enough to understand that men aint ****

Just a teenager that thinks they've done it all and seen it all then, I'm guessing :tongue:

Reply 11

lmaooome

Original post by WoodyMKC

How old are you girls, out of interest?

76381914 old enough doe

Spoiler

Reply 12

lmaooome

Original post by mjustliving

I ain't even trash b I'd treat you like the queen you are tbh

how noice

Queen of hoes right here b xooxox

Reply 13

username3525234

Original post by lmaooome

how noice

Jk I play right wing for Men Are Trash FC

Reply 14

lmaooome

Original post by mjustliving

Jk I play right wing for Men Are Trash FC

eugh remove yourself xoxo

Reply 15

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by lmaooome

76381914 old enough doe

Spoiler

Literally predicted your age spot on before you posted this :lol:

No offense, but you can't really judge at your age, and it sounds like you've been going for typical popular f***boys anyhow. Any guys you've been with, unless you've been out with much older guys, are still just boys. If you go for the typical lad of your age they're immature, all just trying to get their knobs wet and they don't really care about who gets hurt in the process. Even then, there are many guys your age that are decent and just looking for a solid relationship, but cause they're nice and probably a bit shy, they get overlooked a lot.

Reply 16

DrSocSciences

You can't make boys/lads/men make an effort. They up have to want to make that effort.

You're being totally taken for granted, which is making you unhappy. Move on.