No matter how hard I try, I can't get over my ex. And I feel pretty pathetic.

(Sorry to go in-depth into my relationship problems, but I feel that it is necessary in order for the whole big picture to make sense.)

My boyfriend dumped me in late July, and I've basically been a wreck ever since. We weren't really dating for very long - 1 month exactly. But he was my first boyfriend, I had the biggest crush on him ever and I liked him A LOT. I still like him a lot. But no matter how much I try, I can't get over him.

He dumped me over message and didn't give me an actual reason as to why he wanted to dump me. I tried to talk to him in the week following, but he avoided me. I even was a bit creepy and waited for him at his bus after school, but that didn't work. Then, a few days later, he messaged me and asked me to take him back. I thought, "Oh wow! This is the best day ever!" He then changed his mind though, and he asked if we could actually be "Friends with benefits" instead of being in a serious relationship. But then he changed his mind, and did not even want that. He had gotten my hopes up for nothing. I was pretty annoyed, to be honest. :/

I haven't spoken to him since July, but not contacting him hasn't made me get over him one bit at all. Every day I think about this and get quite upset. It gets into my head when I am in the middle of class, when I am with my mates, when I am listening to music and even when I am at home relaxing.

The worst part is, I have nobody to talk to about this. All of my friends don't understand how I feel. When I try to tell them about how depressed I am over my ex, they say things like "oh my God, get over him already, he is a [insert bad word here]". They tell me I should "just get over him" and I can tell that they think that I am pretty pathetic because of this.

Sometimes, I can make myself feel a little better about it by talking to people about the negatives of this guy. Like, this guy was horny 24/7 and always tried to be kinky with me, he had forced the first kiss upon me, he tried to touch me in 'places', he always asked if we could have sex by the end of this year (in which I always replied "no" to), etc. But talking about the negatives about him only works for a little while. Then when the conversation ends with my friends I get upset again. I feel like I can't discuss my problems with (the very few friends of mine who do slightly understand my situation) forever.

I have tried "doing things I love" and "going to bed at a reasonable hour" and "just not thinking about it", but all of that stuff just does not work.

So, yeah. I feel pretty pathetic, being so hung up over this for all of this time. It kills me inside. I'd do anything to get him back. I KNOW that I should not have that attitude and that this is unhealthy. But there is nothing that I can do to change my thoughts. I am pretty insane.

Reply 1

Anna.Karenina

20

The only advice I can give you is time. It sounds cliche, simple and unhelpful, but that really is the only way. In time you will think about them less. In time you might meet someone else. In time you'll be ok by yourself. And don't 'wait for time' - just be patient :-) Good luck!

Reply 2

LibertarianMP

18

Tbh he sounds like a prat. Forget about him you deserve better

Reply 3

Wary_Mouse

OP

8

Original post by Anna.Karenina

The only advice I can give you is time. It sounds cliche, simple and unhelpful, but that really is the only way. In time you will think about them less. In time you might meet someone else. In time you'll be ok by yourself. And don't 'wait for time' - just be patient :-) Good luck!

Thanks. I guess the pain is slowly going away and one day will be completely gone. I mean, surely it can't last forever? xD

Reply 4

Wary_Mouse

OP

8

Original post by mrwb9876

Tbh he sounds like a prat. Forget about him you deserve better

Thanks. I can see how he does seem a bit pathetic, yes. I am particularly trying to get over him because of this, but it's difficult. He has good qualities about him too, which are hard to forget about. He has been sweet at times, he's hilarious and has a perfect sense of humor to me, and is very attractive.

Reply 5

student27839

10

I've been through a similar thing!! My first boyfriend I was only technically official with for about 2 months but I'd been speaking to him for a while before. When he ended it on me it seemed like the worst thing that could happen to me...I couldn't stop thinking about it and was so upset for nearly 5 months. Honestly now, I look back at it and am embarrassed at myself for wasting so much time being upset over a guy that I do not think about any more. And I promise, it is just a matter of time. Right now, July is actually not long ago at all and it's perfectly normal for you to be upset...but wait til December and I promise you will feel so so much better and look back and think what on earth was I so upset about?! Plus, in all honesty, do you really want to be with someone that you will always wonder if they're using you? Is that really someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with..? I think the answer is probably no and in a few months you will feel so much better. Wouldn't give you any life changing tips because it's honestly just a matter of waiting it out... your situation is normal!! x

Reply 6

LibertarianMP

18

Original post by Wary_Mouse

Thanks. I can see how he does seem a bit pathetic, yes. I am particularly trying to get over him because of this, but it's difficult. He has good qualities about him too, which are hard to forget about. He has been sweet at times, he's hilarious and has a perfect sense of humor to me, and is very attractive.

Relationships are tough. But if I guy doesn't treat you right- he's not worth it. There's nothing pathetic about feelings though.

Reply 7

Wary_Mouse

OP

8

Original post by student27839

I've been through a similar thing!! My first boyfriend I was only technically official with for about 2 months but I'd been speaking to him for a while before. When he ended it on me it seemed like the worst thing that could happen to me...I couldn't stop thinking about it and was so upset for nearly 5 months. Honestly now, I look back at it and am embarrassed at myself for wasting so much time being upset over a guy that I do not think about any more. And I promise, it is just a matter of time. Right now, July is actually not long ago at all and it's perfectly normal for you to be upset...but wait til December and I promise you will feel so so much better and look back and think what on earth was I so upset about?! Plus, in all honesty, do you really want to be with someone that you will always wonder if they're using you? Is that really someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with..? I think the answer is probably no and in a few months you will feel so much better. Wouldn't give you any life changing tips because it's honestly just a matter of waiting it out... your situation is normal!! x

Thank you! It makes me feel somewhat better finding out that it's normal to still be upset about it. I'm also sorry to hear that you went through the pain as well for so much time... it really sucks, it's a horrible feeling.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Mine broke up with me over 3 years ago and it broke my heart but it was a really toxic relationship. The way he did it was incredibly stupid because he was incredibly nice and lovely for the first time in ages, he did everything I loved whilst on a walk in the park and then broke up with me and left me crying. ******** reasons so I didnt get closure for over a year and a half.

I know it hurts but you will be able to get over him eventually. But in a way you need the truth, just like I needed it.

I have a new boyfriend and its a lot better, he was a great friend in the beginning and took me out to distract me and we started spending a lot of time together. I was in a relationship with him but still felt i couldnt get completely past what my ex did to me and needed answers.

I realised a while ago that I no longer love my ex, and all those feelings that I felt for him turned into respect. I understand why he acted the way he did and why he broke up with me.

Time wont work by itself completely. You will need to to talk it out with him and have a proper conversation about your relationship just so you can have all your answers and not need to think about hypotheticals all the time.

If you do need someone to talk to, you can message me if you want.
Hope it gets better soon, and dont worry, this is completely normal

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Be thankful it was only a month, longer and there would be more pain. Im in a 2 year relationship currently and seeing how difficult people say heartbreak is I'm convinced if we ever broke up I'd be damaged for years. Relationships are scary. 😲

Reply 10

Salma26

9

Accept that you are feeling the way you are feeling. Fully accept it. Why? What you resist, will persist.

There are only strategies to get you thinking on other things. It does seem like this is more infatuation more than love. Your feelings are intense. All I can do is that you did the right thing by expressing it and realising that you 'feel insane'.

Remember, these are feelings and they will come and go, don't hold onto them. Journal maybe? - it will help you deal with the emotions you are feeling.

What would you tell a friend who was going through this? - (Realise that this is what your friends are doing, its not that they don't understand, its just they want the best for you). However, they are not you, they are not experiencing what you are experiencing.

You just want to be listened to more than be given advice or a solution.

Maybe have a break, go away, remove certain songs from your music player. Surround yourself with happy things, make a new association with life.

You had a life before him and you will have a life after him. This is a battle and you will overcome it!

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

All the advice given above sounds basically like I will say below which is good. I have been through a similar thing with struggling to get over someone who broke up with me. I would say talking to someone about it helps a lot and it is really a shame your friends do not seem to recognise this and support you. I will say that time does help and you will feel better eventually, however much it does not seem like this now. Definitely look for closure and try and find out the answers to any questions you have, doing this now should mean you spend less time considering these questions and hopefully get over this person sooner. Try to recognise your feelings and allow them to come to a good conclusion instead of forcefully blocking them out, writing a diary of how you feel can really help in my view. What you are experiencing is completely normal, I went months thinking about my ex every day and then one day you realise the day before you didn't and it is great, over time you will feel better and better though :smile:

.

Reply 12

richie9417

1

Hi guys my girlfriend over 3 years just broke up with me. Well my fiancè actually we were getting married in 2020. It's been 8 weeks she has been in my dreams the last few nights and I have been so upset literally screaming out because I want her back in my life. I am at the end of knowing what to do. I have tried to reconcile but she has said that the arguing got too much for her. I really can't move on I promised myself I wouldn't bevause this girl was literally everything to me. Anyone have any suggestions? I really don't feel I can continue living this way.

No matter how hard I try, I can't get over my ex. And I feel pretty pathetic.

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