Feeling stupid and worthless.

Met this guy 2 years ago at a part time workplace. He was a level above me and definitely not my type. I'm your quiet, nerdy introvert who's a virgin (at 24) and trying to balance the worldly life with her religious values (muslim). Prior to meeting this guy, I had been in one relationship for 2 years. It ended because long distance was not working but apart from that I feel like if the timing was right, I'd have married him. So naturally it took me a long time to get over him.

Anyway I usually get told that I'm "wise and responsible" and that I carry myself in a way that people respect me (cringe lol). This guy at my workplace was apparently a player and I didn't really care about his existence, as I was just there to make some money and finish my masters. He was honest with me and incredibly respectful of me, even when I didn't see him as anything more than a friend, he was also quite persistent. Eventually we found ourselves spending a lot of time in coffee shops just talking and him opening up about his life, his mums health and ambitions etc. I started liking him and we were dating, I made it clear that my purpose of dating is to progress and I don't sleep around even if he isn't a virgin, he was OK with all this. After about 6 months we were just fighting a lot, about his communication and lack of time given to our relationship. There were times I tried to leave because he had now started to swear at me during our fights, and I was finding myself becoming disrespectful too. He'd say "you've no idea what I'm going through. My mum is in the worst condition and you fight with me about this" - I felt horrible. I felt it was an explanation for his patchy communication too. I'd stay, we'd fight. Now he started to say we should end things. At first it'd hurt me because he was the guy I thought I loved now and saw a future with at some point. I'd accept it. We went back and forth, but this year we took a two month break in which he told me he went on random dates. I find out that he was actually seeing someone in the company I work for and he started seeing her when we were going through our final rough patch, hence the keen desire to end things. I then find out he still keeps in touch with a girl who is apparently his "main" girl for 2 years, and there were probably plenty more. In my own ignorance, I had thought that maybe he was able to remain celibate if he loved me.

He'd tell me about the kind of future he sees once he gets promoted, about how he wants kids with me and how much he loves me. I found this absurd because I haven't given him anything like sex for him to be using me or whispering sweet nothings, in fact I was probably giving him more of a headache when I wasn't supporting him through his tough times so I didn't understand what he wanted from me. It really broke me. I'm not an insecure person, I don't compare myself but I found myself feeling like crap. I care so much for him, it would genuinely hurt me when I heard about his struggles (despite my mammoth sized issues that I was dealing with). I wanted to tell one of my friends who is also a manager at the company we work in, because I felt so useless and stupid, and he would see it as a threat, that I wanted his workplace to think bad of him (like he didn't do this himself?!). I also told him I wanted HIM to tell the other girl the truth, and when he said he couldn't, I said I'd do it.. to which he thought I was threatening him again.

He cried and apologised, I'd never seen him this way. We didn't talk for a month, and then when we did get in touch, he'd call me to just talk about his day. I'd listen. I didn't give him hope, nothing emotional nor talk about my feelings. I'd just say I want the best for him. I hated what he did, but I was feeling stupid about my "threats" and I just had to let all that negative energy go.

He insists he wants me to believe in him and give him a chance. I tell him I don't want a relationship with anyone, but I would like to just see how it goes in terms of us talking like we used to. We were based off a friendship and I wanted to feel that. He'd say a lot, but do very little. His back and forth feelings have me feeling worthless.

"You're stupid and thick, leave me the **** alone"
"I can never leave you alone, I just can't"
"I feel so much for you"
"You're toxic and I don't want you in my life" - (I told him our relationship was becoming toxic and he convinced me we could be better, only to then tell me I was toxic lol)
"I feel so protective of you, I don't want you to be with anyone but me"

Last week, I randomly remembered the girls, and got angry about it because we never resolved it as he just wasn't completely clear about the questions I asked. He ended things because he said I'd never allow myself to get over it. I was very emotional, I told him that I just didn't want to do this anymore and I need to distance myself because I have so much going on regarding my own mother's health and managing my home. He seemed understanding, until we fought again because of what he ends up saying "I just want to enjoy my day off and you bring up emotional things again for what reason, just leave me be" - this was it. I felt like I had dropped everything when he was feeling down about his issues, and this was his reply to me. We're no longer talking but I have never felt so worthless before. I don't even feel like talking to him nor do I want him back.

How have I wasted almost 2 years getting emotionally sucked into this? I really did think I was smarter than this, allowing a guy to make me feel like I am so worthless that I can be dropped just like that. I should've seen it coming, I must sound stupid. I can't talk to anyone because of how stupid it will sound coming from someone like me. So this feeling, alongside my mum's health and the fact we might be kicked out of our place has me struggling to even complete my masters despite being in my final week. I want him to know how this feels, but at the same time I don't want him to know how I feel lol. Sigh.

Oh my god - can I firstly just say how sorry I am, I'm not going to give you my pity because that is undermining but I am going to show my anger and my understanding.
First point: YOU ARE NOT STUPID - YOU ARE AMAZING AND DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU OTHERWISE!!!!!!!! I would say I love you but I don't know you and thats kinda creepy...
Second point: That guy is a d*ck. Its not your fault AT ALL - he messed you around
I am so sorry but I feel that I can't advise you on your situation because i think that what i say will not help because there are serious elements here that can only be decided by you and no one else. Also, I am quite a few years younger than you and don't want to make a silly mistake/error of words because of my age and also i don't want to make you think that my word should be taken/acted upon because i might be "wise, knowledgeable and experienced" because I am none of those things.
One thing i can suggest however is possibly relationship advice/counselling which can help you (and the guy in mention) deal with your issues between each other and help your emotional state in the future.
My thoughts are with you, good luck xxx

Met this guy 2 years ago at a part time workplace. He was a level above me and definitely not my type. I'm your quiet, nerdy introvert who's a virgin (at 24) and trying to balance the worldly life with her religious values (muslim). Prior to meeting this guy, I had been in one relationship for 2 years. It ended because long distance was not working but apart from that I feel like if the timing was right, I'd have married him. So naturally it took me a long time to get over him.

Anyway I usually get told that I'm "wise and responsible" and that I carry myself in a way that people respect me (cringe lol). This guy at my workplace was apparently a player and I didn't really care about his existence, as I was just there to make some money and finish my masters. He was honest with me and incredibly respectful of me, even when I didn't see him as anything more than a friend, he was also quite persistent. Eventually we found ourselves spending a lot of time in coffee shops just talking and him opening up about his life, his mums health and ambitions etc. I started liking him and we were dating, I made it clear that my purpose of dating is to progress and I don't sleep around even if he isn't a virgin, he was OK with all this. After about 6 months we were just fighting a lot, about his communication and lack of time given to our relationship. There were times I tried to leave because he had now started to swear at me during our fights, and I was finding myself becoming disrespectful too. He'd say "you've no idea what I'm going through. My mum is in the worst condition and you fight with me about this" - I felt horrible. I felt it was an explanation for his patchy communication too. I'd stay, we'd fight. Now he started to say we should end things. At first it'd hurt me because he was the guy I thought I loved now and saw a future with at some point. I'd accept it. We went back and forth, but this year we took a two month break in which he told me he went on random dates. I find out that he was actually seeing someone in the company I work for and he started seeing her when we were going through our final rough patch, hence the keen desire to end things. I then find out he still keeps in touch with a girl who is apparently his "main" girl for 2 years, and there were probably plenty more. In my own ignorance, I had thought that maybe he was able to remain celibate if he loved me.

He'd tell me about the kind of future he sees once he gets promoted, about how he wants kids with me and how much he loves me. I found this absurd because I haven't given him anything like sex for him to be using me or whispering sweet nothings, in fact I was probably giving him more of a headache when I wasn't supporting him through his tough times so I didn't understand what he wanted from me. It really broke me. I'm not an insecure person, I don't compare myself but I found myself feeling like crap. I care so much for him, it would genuinely hurt me when I heard about his struggles (despite my mammoth sized issues that I was dealing with). I wanted to tell one of my friends who is also a manager at the company we work in, because I felt so useless and stupid, and he would see it as a threat, that I wanted his workplace to think bad of him (like he didn't do this himself?!). I also told him I wanted HIM to tell the other girl the truth, and when he said he couldn't, I said I'd do it.. to which he thought I was threatening him again.

He cried and apologised, I'd never seen him this way. We didn't talk for a month, and then when we did get in touch, he'd call me to just talk about his day. I'd listen. I didn't give him hope, nothing emotional nor talk about my feelings. I'd just say I want the best for him. I hated what he did, but I was feeling stupid about my "threats" and I just had to let all that negative energy go.

He insists he wants me to believe in him and give him a chance. I tell him I don't want a relationship with anyone, but I would like to just see how it goes in terms of us talking like we used to. We were based off a friendship and I wanted to feel that. He'd say a lot, but do very little. His back and forth feelings have me feeling worthless.

"You're stupid and thick, leave me the **** alone"
"I can never leave you alone, I just can't"
"I feel so much for you"
"You're toxic and I don't want you in my life" - (I told him our relationship was becoming toxic and he convinced me we could be better, only to then tell me I was toxic lol)
"I feel so protective of you, I don't want you to be with anyone but me"

Last week, I randomly remembered the girls, and got angry about it because we never resolved it as he just wasn't completely clear about the questions I asked. He ended things because he said I'd never allow myself to get over it. I was very emotional, I told him that I just didn't want to do this anymore and I need to distance myself because I have so much going on regarding my own mother's health and managing my home. He seemed understanding, until we fought again because of what he ends up saying "I just want to enjoy my day off and you bring up emotional things again for what reason, just leave me be" - this was it. I felt like I had dropped everything when he was feeling down about his issues, and this was his reply to me. We're no longer talking but I have never felt so worthless before. I don't even feel like talking to him nor do I want him back.

How have I wasted almost 2 years getting emotionally sucked into this? I really did think I was smarter than this, allowing a guy to make me feel like I am so worthless that I can be dropped just like that. I should've seen it coming, I must sound stupid. I can't talk to anyone because of how stupid it will sound coming from someone like me. So this feeling, alongside my mum's health and the fact we might be kicked out of our place has me struggling to even complete my masters despite being in my final week. I want him to know how this feels, but at the same time I don't want him to know how I feel lol. Sigh.