Is bdsm abuse if you don't ask for it?

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DenisaKoskova
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#1
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and after having sex for a year, he started bringing in stuff like handcuffs and sex toys. I never told him I like this and whilst we're having sex I say stop but he carries on. I've talked to him about this but he tells me I actually enjoy it whilst its happening. Am I being brainwashed to think i'm enjoying this and that its okay, or should he stop when I tell him to constantly.
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Anonymous #1
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Your boyfriend should respect your boundaries and stop when you tell him to. Once you tell him to stop you are no longer consenting.
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It's****ingWOODY
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So... you said in another thread that you guys can't even make out because you have nowhere to do it in private... but somehow you're managing to have kinky sex with whips, chains and fisting?
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DenisaKoskova
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(Original post by WoodyMKC)
So... you said in another thread that you guys can't even make out because you have nowhere to do it in private... but somehow you're managing to have kinky sex with whips, chains and fisting?
You obviously didn't read that thread properly, I wasn't even talking about sex in that
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Tyrion_Lannister
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I highly doubt this is a genuine thread, but, in case anyone else is curious. BDSM is about trust and consent. The playpartners need to communicate openly and set out what they are comfortable with, what is an option (soft limit) and what is a definite no (hard limit). Even during BDSM you can stop at any time, and any continuation after you've explicitly removed your consent is rape or sexual assault.

BDSM is not abuse.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by DenisaKoskova)
You obviously didn't read that thread properly, I wasn't even talking about sex in that
That's precisely my point.

(Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
I highly doubt this is a genuine thread, but, in case anyone else is curious. BDSM is about trust and consent. The playpartners need to communicate openly and set out what they are comfortable with, what is an option (soft limit) and what is a definite no (hard limit). Even during BDSM you can stop at any time, and any continuation after you've explicitly removed your consent is rape or sexual assault.

BDSM is not abuse.
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Tyrion_Lannister
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(Original post by WoodyMKC)
That's precisely my point.



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Yes. Heard you been talking ****.
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Light Lobotomy
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If both parties are consenting then no, it's fine. If there's no consent then yeah, choking someone during sex would be considered abuse. Duh.

Either way, sado masochism is not allowed by law.
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Plantagenet Crown
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(Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
Yes. Heard you been talking ****.
You're back?! :eek:
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Tyrion_Lannister
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(Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
You're back?! :eek:
Yes
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by Tyrion_Lannister)
Yes. Heard you been talking ****.
Apparently you had a baby (congrats btw!) and there was a running joke with a few of the old-time members that it was mine. Can't even remember who started it now :rofl: Good to see you back
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Viva Emptiness
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(Original post by WoodyMKC)
Apparently you had a baby (congrats btw!) and there was a running joke with a few of the old-time members that it was mine. Can't even remember who started it now :rofl: Good to see you back
It was blates you who started it.
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username3441700
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(Original post by DenisaKoskova)
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and after having sex for a year, he started bringing in stuff like handcuffs and sex toys. I never told him I like this and whilst we're having sex I say stop but he carries on. I've talked to him about this but he tells me I actually enjoy it whilst its happening. Am I being brainwashed to think i'm enjoying this and that its okay, or should he stop when I tell him to constantly.
He's taking advantage of you and its actually extremely disgusting. You need to either work it out or leave.
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TSR Mustafa
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Well if you said no and he continued then yeah , it's not rocket science lmao
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silent-student
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Umm do you say you enjoy it while it's happening? Do you have a safe word? e.g. Sea Cucumber (see Rick & Morty on you tube).
If he doesn't respect those then ye as everyone said move on quick.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by Viva Emptiness)
It was blates you who started it.
I genuinely can't take credit for this one, sadly
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Stiff Little Fingers
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Yeah, BDSM is all about consent (even when you're playing with the non-con kink), hence why safe words are a thing. If he's carrying on when you're not consenting then it's not BDSM, it's abuse.
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yourgyalsmcm
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He's gaslighting you. Get out ASAP
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lmaooome
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(Original post by CallMeSosa)
He's gaslighting you. Get out ASAP
she's gunna get shocked or strangled and he'll turn around like "awh bby i thought u loved dis" call the feds asap
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yourgyalsmcm
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(Original post by lmaooome)
she's gunna get shocked or strangled and he'll turn around like "awh bby i thought u loved dis" call the feds asap
Fr fr she need to leave
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