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    I'm on the brink of losing everything I have: my family, stability, respect.
    I've dug myself a grave, and the problem is that I'm starting to think that maybe that grave isn't such a bad idea.

    Ever since I was five years old, it has been drilled into my mind that Allah is the all knower, all see-er— obey him, and him alone! I grew up in fear of this entity that was god, god only scared me because how can you love someone that you should cower before in fear? In Islam, non-believers end up in hellfire. All my friends of different religions, these friends who would die for me should it ever come to it — according to Islam, they will burn in hell for eternity. How does that work? How do good souls like them deserve hell? It's been on my mind since I was ten and I've only suffered countless nightmares because of it. I'm at war with myself and religion.
    Islam has mentally drained and damaged me. The way I think. The way I'm constantly scared. The hijab did **** all too, if I'm honest — it didn't stop me from getting sexually abused, instead, I got the blame placed on me because hey, why damage the reputation of a leading pious man everyone loves at your local mosque? Why damage the mosque?

    And no, I'm not "another Muslim girl damaged by western culture".
    I've seen and done a lot over the course of the past few years. Yes, we need something to believe in to give us refuge — but we don't need an unjust, totalitarian regime that breaks you at the end of the day.
    But this is my view on Islam; for all its faults Islam still gives birth to wonderful and kind Muslims, who are not terrorists, who are not in any way harmful — and you must remember that.

    I don't know where I'm going with this though. All I know is that one of these days very soon, I'm going to get kicked out. My parents will be blinded by their morals and religion once again, and I will be thrown into the pool of outcasts: but why? For loving someone of a different religion. For sticking up for women's rights. For getting abused. The list could go on, really.

    I love my ma and dad and I don't want to say goodbye to them but I can't live my life as a lie, I don't want to hide my lover, I don't want to get told to shut my mouth and accept that the sexual abuse was my fault, I don't want to believe that being gay is a sin.

    I'm scared of losing everything. I feel like there's an expiration date on everything right now; my time with my family, my time with my lover. Arguably you could say that everything always had an expiration date; we don't live forever. But these things, I'd like to keep for as long as I'm alive. I love my family, and I'm in love with someone who loves me body and soul.

    I don't know what to do.
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    (Original post by ursxmxjor)
    I'm on the brink of losing everything I have: my family, stability, respect.
    I've dug myself a grave, and the problem is that I'm starting to think that maybe that grave isn't such a bad idea.

    Ever since I was five years old, it has been drilled into my mind that Allah is the all knower, all see-er— obey him, and him alone! I grew up in fear of this entity that was god, god only scared me because how can you love someone that you should cower before in fear? In Islam, non-believers end up in hellfire. All my friends of different religions, these friends who would die for me should it ever come to it — according to Islam, they will burn in hell for eternity. How does that work? How do good souls like them deserve hell? It's been on my mind since I was ten and I've only suffered countless nightmares because of it. I'm at war with myself and religion.
    Islam has mentally drained and damaged me. The way I think. The way I'm constantly scared. The hijab did **** all too, if I'm honest — it didn't stop me from getting sexually abused, instead, I got the blame placed on me because hey, why damage the reputation of a leading pious man everyone loves at your local mosque? Why damage the mosque?

    And no, I'm not "another Muslim girl damaged by western culture".
    I've seen and done a lot over the course of the past few years. Yes, we need something to believe in to give us refuge — but we don't need an unjust, totalitarian regime that breaks you at the end of the day.
    But this is my view on Islam; for all its faults Islam still gives birth to wonderful and kind Muslims, who are not terrorists, who are not in any way harmful — and you must remember that.

    I don't know where I'm going with this though. All I know is that one of these days very soon, I'm going to get kicked out. My parents will be blinded by their morals and religion once again, and I will be thrown into the pool of outcasts: but why? For loving someone of a different religion. For sticking up for women's rights. For getting abused. The list could go on, really.

    I love my ma and dad and I don't want to say goodbye to them but I can't live my life as a lie, I don't want to hide my lover, I don't want to get told to shut my mouth and accept that the sexual abuse was my fault, I don't want to believe that being gay is a sin.

    I'm scared of losing everything. I feel like there's an expiration date on everything right now; my time with my family, my time with my lover. Arguably you could say that everything always had an expiration date; we don't live forever. But these things, I'd like to keep for as long as I'm alive. I love my family, and I'm in love with someone who loves me body and soul.

    I don't know what to do.
    Do what feels right to you.
    • #1
    #1

    hahaha i was born muslim with muslim family and grow up in muslim-majority society and I basically quit when i was in 2nd year middle school because I thought "why would i believe in this stupid nonsense fairy tale?". im still officially muslim in name only but who cares? i will just pretend to be religious when i absolutely have to.

    I have feeling just my father also like me and dont believe in it but doing it silent like me. like father like son haha. i feel bad for my mother though she is really really religious.

    and yes you need to do it silent way if you live in muslim majority society, pretend to be good girl in front of ur parent, and do as you like behind their back. ive been doing it for like 9-10 years' I actually feel bad for my trusting mother haha, but who cares, it's my life, I don't want to live in "prison" of my own life.

    I feel so alive and free while studying in the UK, i can do anything i want whatever i want without being a hypocrite anymore. I'm so aiming for international stuff related job that can get me around the world for better life experience.

    the bad thing is i can only marry a fellow hypocrite now or not marry at all since there is no way i can form a relationship with a 'proper' girl with her 'proper; religious family (it's the common sense in my country)
    • #2
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    your not really going to practical answers on a website dominated by edgy atheists.

    trying posting on a forum popular with british muslims (you can google them)

    ofcourse sexual abuse is never the fault of a victim. Hijab doesnt stop sexual abuse, but its more of a padlock, just as padlocking your bike dont stop all crime but does prevent some

    at the end of the day, do what makes you happy.
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    You're not alone.

    https://www.ex-muslim.org.uk
    https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/
    http://faithtofaithless.com

    Also:

    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh-...k4FUxG75830AZg
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    (Original post by pikapika_)
    So you're leaving Islam/your religion because your new boyfriend isn't muslim lmao, just say that rather than the long ass excuse/sob story.

    Im Catholic and would never leave my religion for some guy, how backwards.
    Let me be clear: I am not leaving Islam for "some guy" or for any guy at all. I'm leaving for myself. Too much has happened and it doesn't all boil down to the fact that I have a boyfriend — it really doesn't. Don't throw me into that cesspit of naive fools because I'm not one of them; I know what I'm talking about. I understand you're a strong believer in faith — and I have no problem with that, but religion is choking me day by the day.
    • #3
    #3

    You are very brave, you must do what is right for you, do not listen to others.

    Welcome to your new found freedom out of the clutches of religion.
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    You need to decide what you want to do.

    Are you scared of losing your faith? Or are you scared of what will happen to you if you lose your faith, and if people find out you've lost your faith?

    Do you want to have it explained to you why you shouldn't become an apostate, and do you want people to encourage you back into Islam? Do you want to understand more about Islam, and seek out education and help to go back into the fold? Seek conversation with Muslims and with religious teachers.

    Or do you want to understand more about what it means to leave Islam, find out about other ways to understand the world, how to make your way in the world as an ex-Muslim, whether that's secretly or openly, and to live a good and meaningful life outside of Islam? Follow the links I've sent, or talk to atheists, agnostics, Humanists (humanism.org.uk), Christians, Sikhs, Buddhists, and especially people who have left religions that can be difficult to escape, including Islam.

    Remember what you might lose - certainty, familiarity, friends, maybe even family. But also what you could gain - freedom, self-understanding and honesty with yourself and who you are, new friends and new ways of being in the world.

    Talking to Muslims will not help you understand any of the options open to you for a life outside Islam. They can help you find your faith again but they will probably not tell you about options outside Islam.

    At this point it's up to you what path you decide to take. Choose your advisers carefully.
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    If this is a troll post, fine, but other people questioning Islam might read this thread, and it's an important thing to discuss.

    If it's not, OP, there's help out there, and lots of people just like you.
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    (Original post by pikapika_)
    So you're leaving Islam/your religion because your new boyfriend isn't muslim lmao, just say that rather than the long ass excuse/sob story.

    Im Catholic and would never leave my religion for some guy, how backwards.
    OMG thats so true big up
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Rattie)

    Talking to Muslims will not help you understand any of the options open to you for a life outside Islam. They can help you find your faith again but they will probably not tell you about options outside Islam.

    At this point it's up to you what path you decide to take. Choose your advisers carefully.
    Likewise non-Muslims will also give you a baised answer. Choose your advisers carefully.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Likewise non-Muslims will also give you a baised answer. Choose your advisers carefully.
    Well exactly. The reason I mentioned Muslims in particular was in response to previous posts advising OP to speak to Muslims, visit Muslim forums, etc., which won't give her(?) a lot of different opinions.

    You probably noticed I gave a list of other types of people OP could speak to, including ex-Muslims, rather than pushing Christianity/atheism/anything in particular. So each biased, perhaps, but in different ways. I assume OP already has access to people she can talk to about Islam and doesn't need pointing towards that.

    My own viewpoint is humanist, and part of that is respecting everyone's right to their own beliefs, including people who have a different view to those around them (e.g. an atheist in a Muslim family, a Muslim with all Christian friends, etc.), which is often a very difficult position to be in.
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    (Original post by ursxmxjor)
    I'm on the brink of losing everything I have: my family, stability, respect.
    I've dug myself a grave, and the problem is that I'm starting to think that maybe that grave isn't such a bad idea.

    Ever since I was five years old, it has been drilled into my mind that Allah is the all knower, all see-er— obey him, and him alone! I grew up in fear of this entity that was god, god only scared me because how can you love someone that you should cower before in fear? In Islam, non-believers end up in hellfire. All my friends of different religions, these friends who would die for me should it ever come to it — according to Islam, they will burn in hell for eternity. How does that work? How do good souls like them deserve hell? It's been on my mind since I was ten and I've only suffered countless nightmares because of it. I'm at war with myself and religion.
    Islam has mentally drained and damaged me. The way I think. The way I'm constantly scared. The hijab did **** all too, if I'm honest — it didn't stop me from getting sexually abused, instead, I got the blame placed on me because hey, why damage the reputation of a leading pious man everyone loves at your local mosque? Why damage the mosque?

    And no, I'm not "another Muslim girl damaged by western culture".
    I've seen and done a lot over the course of the past few years. Yes, we need something to believe in to give us refuge — but we don't need an unjust, totalitarian regime that breaks you at the end of the day.
    But this is my view on Islam; for all its faults Islam still gives birth to wonderful and kind Muslims, who are not terrorists, who are not in any way harmful — and you must remember that.

    I don't know where I'm going with this though. All I know is that one of these days very soon, I'm going to get kicked out. My parents will be blinded by their morals and religion once again, and I will be thrown into the pool of outcasts: but why? For loving someone of a different religion. For sticking up for women's rights. For getting abused. The list could go on, really.

    I love my ma and dad and I don't want to say goodbye to them but I can't live my life as a lie, I don't want to hide my lover, I don't want to get told to shut my mouth and accept that the sexual abuse was my fault, I don't want to believe that being gay is a sin.

    I'm scared of losing everything. I feel like there's an expiration date on everything right now; my time with my family, my time with my lover. Arguably you could say that everything always had an expiration date; we don't live forever. But these things, I'd like to keep for as long as I'm alive. I love my family, and I'm in love with someone who loves me body and soul.

    I don't know what to do.
    just become a Wiccan mate.
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    I would equally caution OP about only speaking to, say, Christians, as people who are in OP's position are vulnerable to being targeted by those who recognise that people like OP are at a transitional point in their lives and ripe for conversion. This can lead to yet more struggles later on, feelings of having been taken advantage of by people who heavily pushed a seemingly-attractive alternative without allowing space for them in which to work out who they are and what they believe.
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    The religion is made up ******** -like the rest of them. The problem is you'd lose a lot in leaving, hard decision. You have a lot of live still to live, best advise I can give is do what you think is best for you in long run.
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    (Original post by thatlost1)
    the religion is made up ******** -like the rest of them. The problem is you'd lose a lot in leaving, hard decision. You have a lot of live still to live, best advise i can give is do what you think is best for you in long run.
    preach this
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    I feel your pain. It must be really hard for you, especially living with religious parents. I think parents need to understand that they should respect their children's decisions, especially when they are mature adults. It's hard to leave something when you've been told that it's the truth from a young age.

    You are always welcome to talk to other Ex Muslims over at the Ex-Muslim Society who have gone through similar experiences. I'm sure they can offer you some advice. I can't really offer any other advice, as although I am an Ex-Muslim, I wasn't raised in a religious household, so I haven't had to deal with such issues.
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    Thank you so much for those links however I've already looked at all of the above continuously since last year — they all provide some assurance in a way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    your not really going to practical answers on a website dominated by edgy atheists.

    trying posting on a forum popular with british muslims (you can google them)

    ofcourse sexual abuse is never the fault of a victim. Hijab doesnt stop sexual abuse, but its more of a padlock, just as padlocking your bike dont stop all crime but does prevent some

    at the end of the day, do what makes you happy.
    It seems like the OP wants to reach out to the "edgy atheists". I don't think she needs devout Muslims telling her what a sinner she is
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    Just live a lie, it's the easiest way. It's really not that hard and it saves you and your family the trouble.
 
 
 
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