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    Please keep anon or delete.

    Long story short, I found out my husband watched porn not long after we got married (few weeks). I confronted him about it and we had a long discussion about it mainly because he'd lied to me when I did confront him. I thought it'd stopped, but since then I was always paranoid about what he was doing on his phone constantly and lo and behold I found out again that he was watching it again. I thought it was just a recent thing but he admitted to me that he'd made new accounts right after our first talk to watch it behind my back. And once again he lied to my face when I confronted him again.

    Him watching porn doesn't bother me (much...) but its more the fact he's completely denied it to my face/lied then when I tell him I know the truth he apologies a lot and says he doesn't know why he does it. Our sex life is very good, it isn't like we never have sex, we do! He's very affectionate towards me etc.

    He says he doesn't get turned on/hard by watching it but just something draws him to keep scrolling/watching more and more.

    Basically is that true?! Can a guy watch porn for the sake of it and not get hard at all? He says he gets nothing sexual out of it so why is he watching it? He says he feels really guilty afterwards and wants to stop but then gets drawn into it again, so I myself don't understand it either.

    Can anyone please give me some advice on how to deal with this or help him? I want to trust him, but tbh right now I don't because of all the lies I don't want this to spiral out of control and he ends up being more into the porn than me...

    Please any advice cause I honestly don't know how to deal with this.
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    I watch porn for the story.
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    Personally, when engaged in an emotionally and physically stimulating partnership I tend to find that my interest in pornography tapers off almost completely; but in any event the fact by itself is far less concerning than his duplicity.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete.

    Long story short, I found out my husband watched porn not long after we got married (few weeks). I confronted him about it and we had a long discussion about it mainly because he'd lied to me when I did confront him. I thought it'd stopped, but since then I was always paranoid about what he was doing on his phone constantly and lo and behold I found out again that he was watching it again. I thought it was just a recent thing but he admitted to me that he'd made new accounts right after our first talk to watch it behind my back. And once again he lied to my face when I confronted him again.

    Him watching porn doesn't bother me (much...) but its more the fact he's completely denied it to my face/lied then when I tell him I know the truth he apologies a lot and says he doesn't know why he does it. Our sex life is very good, it isn't like we never have sex, we do! He's very affectionate towards me etc.

    He says he doesn't get turned on/hard by watching it but just something draws him to keep scrolling/watching more and more.

    Basically is that true?! Can a guy watch porn for the sake of it and not get hard at all? He says he gets nothing sexual out of it so why is he watching it? He says he feels really guilty afterwards and wants to stop but then gets drawn into it again, so I myself don't understand it either.

    Can anyone please give me some advice on how to deal with this or help him? I want to trust him, but tbh right now I don't because of all the lies I don't want this to spiral out of control and he ends up being more into the porn than me...

    Please any advice cause I honestly don't know how to deal with this.
    It may simply be habit and he has a high libido but does not want to put pressure on you for sex 24/7. It's also a way of relaxing in much the same way as people watch t.v. but with a physical reward at the end.

    Hiding it from you is because he feels guilty pleasure, deeply embarrassed and because he knows that others will judge him morally. It also plays into attitudes towards exploitation, feminism etc.

    The more you embarrass him, the more he will hide it and deny it, like a naughty child caught out will not fess up.

    Do not take it as a sign you do not satisfy him. I'd say, most men use porn to a greater or lesser degree at various stages through life.

    Don't make a big thing out of it. Equally, don't think you will lose him if you cannot compete.

    It may well be that he'd like to add a bit more variety and some spice to sex once in a while but does not know how you would react and does not know how to broach the subject.

    If you both have busy lives, then it's important to keep spontaneity in your relationship. Arrange a weekend way, boost his ego by making him the object of your desires. Give him a dirty phone call and tell him what you want him to do to you. Surprise him.

    Make the effort and I guarantee he will be putty in your hands.
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    Lad, would buy a pint.
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    (Original post by Danny the Geezer)
    Lad, would buy a pint.
    I remember your "I'm leaving Tsr" thread🤔
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    He probably lied because he was embarrassed and knew that you would massively overreact - he was right. I'm sure you've told a lot of little lies to him
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    its possible to watch porn and still find your girlfriend attractive.

    maybe he lies because he is embarrassed, you shouldnt have asked him to stop.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please keep anon or delete.

    Long story short, I found out my husband watched porn not long after we got married (few weeks). I confronted him about it and we had a long discussion about it mainly because he'd lied to me when I did confront him. I thought it'd stopped, but since then I was always paranoid about what he was doing on his phone constantly and lo and behold I found out again that he was watching it again. I thought it was just a recent thing but he admitted to me that he'd made new accounts right after our first talk to watch it behind my back. And once again he lied to my face when I confronted him again.

    Him watching porn doesn't bother me (much...) but its more the fact he's completely denied it to my face/lied then when I tell him I know the truth he apologies a lot and says he doesn't know why he does it. Our sex life is very good, it isn't like we never have sex, we do! He's very affectionate towards me etc.

    He says he doesn't get turned on/hard by watching it but just something draws him to keep scrolling/watching more and more.

    Basically is that true?! Can a guy watch porn for the sake of it and not get hard at all? He says he gets nothing sexual out of it so why is he watching it? He says he feels really guilty afterwards and wants to stop but then gets drawn into it again, so I myself don't understand it either.

    Can anyone please give me some advice on how to deal with this or help him? I want to trust him, but tbh right now I don't because of all the lies I don't want this to spiral out of control and he ends up being more into the porn than me...

    Please any advice cause I honestly don't know how to deal with this.
    Men watch porn because it is arousing. If he says it isn't, he probably thinks you're getting the impression that you're not good-looking enough or good enough in bed or something.

    Here's the thing. Porn is a fantasy. Fantasy isn't a replacement for real life, it's just a momentary escape from it. If your husband is watching porn, it's because he wants some time on his own, sexually - which is perfectly healthy and completely harmless provided he's not letting it impact day-to-day life, or your sex life as a couple.

    So you're making him feel bad for doing something that's natural. You just have to wrap your head around that: porn is normal. Men watch porn. Even happily coupled/engaged/married men. That's why he lied about it, because you're making it into a Big Thing that he then feels obliged to feel guilty about.

    Are you one of those women who thinks solo masturbating when you're in a relationship/married is cheating, too?
    • #3
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    I'm a male.

    Unlike many will have you believe. Pornography is a disease that continues to ruin marriages across the world.

    As your husband, he should come to YOU for sexual gratisfaction since you're his wife.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a male.

    Unlike many will have you believe. Pornography is a disease that continues to ruin marriages across the world.

    As your husband, he should come to YOU for sexual gratisfaction since you're his wife.
    Grow up or get lost.
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    Okay, basically yes, that can happen, Porn is like a drug, once you start you really can't stop.

    Sometimes when men do watch porn they don't get hard, but for us its like watching a normal 'youtube' video.
    Its a bad habit and its damn hard to stop, so if your husband is trying to stop, the best thing to do for you and him is to, go into your internets parental settings and change it to block all pornographic websites.

    This is just to help you if you want him to stop, and porn pretty much doesn't mean anything to us...and most of the time we do feel bad afterwards...its also a way for men to release tension without bothering anyone, or lashing out, kinda

    also maybe he doesn't want to sound 'needy' towards you...
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    (Original post by ItsMeMo!)
    Okay, basically yes, that can happen, Porn is like a drug, once you start you really can't stop.

    Sometimes when men do watch porn they don't get hard, but for us its like watching a normal 'youtube' video.
    Its a bad habit and its damn hard to stop, so if your husband is trying to stop, the best thing to do for you and him is to, go into your internets parental settings and change it to block all pornographic websites.

    This is just to help you if you want him to stop, and porn pretty much doesn't mean anything to us...and most of the time we do feel bad afterwards...its also a way for men to release tension without bothering anyone, or lashing out, kinda

    also maybe he doesn't want to sound 'needy' towards you...
    Food for thought:

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    Ye it's kind of like youtube when you're looking for music. But then you start clicking on the reccomended vids at the side and you end up watching a documentary about giant octopus at 3am.

    you keep clicking on the vids at the side on pornhub until you end up on shrek smoking weed riding a t-rex. And I do actually watch some porn vids for the story lmao. It's just entertaining how retarded some of them are.
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    Maybe he lied because he though you would over react? Which this post kind of suggests you did. It's porn, who gives a **** if someone watches it?
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    How old are you both guys btw?
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    Food for thought:

    Whilst I can see the argument behind this video, and it does present an interesting angle, I can't help but think it attributes one general cause to addiction i.e. a problem with the environment of the addict - not connected or satisfying enough.

    Of course, the classic argument rests that capitalist society has put us in a 'cage' of sorts, that there is too much emphasis on the wrong things... but that would suggest a far deeper concern - it suggests that the OP's husband is feeling so terribly dissatisfied with life in general, that he uses porn to 'escape' the hell of his 'cage', but that's a pretty damning verdict on the OP's relationship, given it already seems sexually and emotionally healthy (bar the porn lies and OP's understandable insecurity about it), we can conclude he has enough 'toys in his cage'.

    The worrying implication of such an approach to addiction is that the OP needs to try harder to create a better environment for her husband so he won't need to turn to porn (As someone above has suggested) which is entirely misguided, given the nature of their relationship. In a sense, it implies that the OP is at fault, which clearly isn't the case.

    I don't think anyone on here could identify the real cause(s) behind him turning to porn, when the OP's husband can't really know or understands why he does it himself.

    OP, I think your best bet is to discuss the issue with an excellent relationship therapist - don't go for just anyone. Do some research and find someone with experience and a proven track record. Hopefully with a little expert advice you'll understand better what's at play here - both with his habit, and your response to it. Either way, his little habit shouldn't be getting you down. He clearly married you for a reason, and wants to protect your feelings - that's enough to be working with for now
    • #1
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    Thanks for the replies! I'll try and answer them all

    (Original post by uberteknik)
    It may simply be habit and he has a high libido but does not want to put pressure on you for sex 24/7. It's also a way of relaxing in much the same way as people watch t.v. but with a physical reward at the end.

    Hiding it from you is because he feels guilty pleasure, deeply embarrassed and because he knows that others will judge him morally. It also plays into attitudes towards exploitation, feminism etc.

    The more you embarrass him, the more he will hide it and deny it, like a naughty child caught out will not fess up.

    Do not take it as a sign you do not satisfy him. I'd say, most men use porn to a greater or lesser degree at various stages through life.

    Don't make a big thing out of it. Equally, don't think you will lose him if you cannot compete.

    It may well be that he'd like to add a bit more variety and some spice to sex once in a while but does not know how you would react and does not know how to broach the subject.

    If you both have busy lives, then it's important to keep spontaneity in your relationship. Arrange a weekend way, boost his ego by making him the object of your desires. Give him a dirty phone call and tell him what you want him to do to you. Surprise him.

    Make the effort and I guarantee he will be putty in your hands.
    He does have a high libido, which I don't mind because I enjoy sex too, but I will admit I've become a bit distant from him after all this because of the lies/paranoia. One thing that I didn't mention was that he did message girls which he says was completely innocent/nothing sexual but with everything else just makes me doubt his intentions. And he would comment on pictures/videos of girls etc which again made me even more paranoid. He's not just watching it, he's commenting on it, talking to girls etc.

    I've never embarassed or shouted at him for it, I just want to understand what he gets out of it if he doesn't have a **** whilst watching it, which I've said to him.

    (Original post by YaliaV)
    He probably lied because he was embarrassed and knew that you would massively overreact - he was right. I'm sure you've told a lot of little lies to him
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    its possible to watch porn and still find your girlfriend attractive.

    maybe he lies because he is embarrassed, you shouldnt have asked him to stop.
    See above.

    (Original post by Tootles)
    Men watch porn because it is arousing. If he says it isn't, he probably thinks you're getting the impression that you're not good-looking enough or good enough in bed or something.

    Here's the thing. Porn is a fantasy. Fantasy isn't a replacement for real life, it's just a momentary escape from it. If your husband is watching porn, it's because he wants some time on his own, sexually - which is perfectly healthy and completely harmless provided he's not letting it impact day-to-day life, or your sex life as a couple.

    So you're making him feel bad for doing something that's natural. You just have to wrap your head around that: porn is normal. Men watch porn. Even happily coupled/engaged/married men. That's why he lied about it, because you're making it into a Big Thing that he then feels obliged to feel guilty about.

    Are you one of those women who thinks solo masturbating when you're in a relationship/married is cheating, too?
    I would understand it more if he was actually masturbating to it but he's not thats the thing. So I have no idea what he gets out of watching it. He has been stressed about a few things so the escape from life could be part of it. No I don't think thats cheating but he doesn't do that, well he says he doesn't.

    (Original post by ItsMeMo!)
    Okay, basically yes, that can happen, Porn is like a drug, once you start you really can't stop.

    Sometimes when men do watch porn they don't get hard, but for us its like watching a normal 'youtube' video.
    Its a bad habit and its damn hard to stop, so if your husband is trying to stop, the best thing to do for you and him is to, go into your internets parental settings and change it to block all pornographic websites.

    This is just to help you if you want him to stop, and porn pretty much doesn't mean anything to us...and most of the time we do feel bad afterwards...its also a way for men to release tension without bothering anyone, or lashing out, kinda

    also maybe he doesn't want to sound 'needy' towards you...
    I've never asked him to stop actually, just to be honest and not lie to me. The needy bit might be true cause he's backed off from me before and said he didn't want me to think that all he wanted was sex.

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Ye it's kind of like youtube when you're looking for music. But then you start clicking on the reccomended vids at the side and you end up watching a documentary about giant octopus at 3am.

    you keep clicking on the vids at the side on pornhub until you end up on shrek smoking weed riding a t-rex. And I do actually watch some porn vids for the story lmao. It's just entertaining how retarded some of them are.
    (Original post by SomeWelshGuy123)
    Maybe he lied because he though you would over react? Which this post kind of suggests you did. It's porn, who gives a **** if someone watches it?
    I didn't over-react as in full on screaming at him, just wanted to talk to him and understand why/what he gets out of it.

    (Original post by JaxTrapGod1v9)
    How old are you both guys btw?
    26.

    (Original post by banoffeee)
    Whilst I can see the argument behind this video, and it does present an interesting angle, I can't help but think it attributes one general cause to addiction i.e. a problem with the environment of the addict - not connected or satisfying enough.

    Of course, the classic argument rests that capitalist society has put us in a 'cage' of sorts, that there is too much emphasis on the wrong things... but that would suggest a far deeper concern - it suggests that the OP's husband is feeling so terribly dissatisfied with life in general, that he uses porn to 'escape' the hell of his 'cage', but that's a pretty damning verdict on the OP's relationship, given it already seems sexually and emotionally healthy (bar the porn lies and OP's understandable insecurity about it), we can conclude he has enough 'toys in his cage'.

    The worrying implication of such an approach to addiction is that the OP needs to try harder to create a better environment for her husband so he won't need to turn to porn (As someone above has suggested) which is entirely misguided, given the nature of their relationship. In a sense, it implies that the OP is at fault, which clearly isn't the case.

    I don't think anyone on here could identify the real cause(s) behind him turning to porn, when the OP's husband can't really know or understands why he does it himself.

    OP, I think your best bet is to discuss the issue with an excellent relationship therapist - don't go for just anyone. Do some research and find someone with experience and a proven track record. Hopefully with a little expert advice you'll understand better what's at play here - both with his habit, and your response to it. Either way, his little habit shouldn't be getting you down. He clearly married you for a reason, and wants to protect your feelings - that's enough to be working with for now
    He has been stressed about things so maybe the whole escaping from reality thing might be part of it. Things between me and him are completely good and not a problem there, we don't argue or anything, the only thing is this. One minute he says he only watched it once or twice again, then when I told him I know about the other accounts he finally admitted he had made more accounts etc. It's the lies that bother me. I'd rather he be honest cause I can deal with that rather than the blatant lies.

    I know, I see your point, he's never ignored me or anything when he's home so in a sense I do have nothing to complain about.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a male.

    Unlike many will have you believe. Pornography is a disease that continues to ruin marriages across the world.

    As your husband, he should come to YOU for sexual gratisfaction since you're his wife.
    This is the worst thing I have ever read. EVERYBODY watches porn. Sometimes I have a hot 3-round session with my gf and I'll still go watch porn for my 4th-round instead of putting pressure on her when she is likely to be sore and tired.

    If you wake up at 5am and you're extremely horny. Do you:

    A. Proceed to wake up your wife and convince her to have sex with you?

    OR

    B. Go the bathroom, do your thing silently and go back to bed?


    It's impossible to ALWAYS go to your partner for sexual gratification. Sometimes I come home and my gf is using her dildo and watching porn and thats perfectly fine. I don't expect her to tell me to leave work to come have sex with her. That would be silly.
 
 
 
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