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    I hate my ears and really want plastic surgery on them. I hate the way I look with my hair down, but they cover my ears. The way I look with my hair down is something plastic surgery can't fix, which really depresses me. How do I convince my mum to let me have it done without her screaming at me?

    I can't have a normal conversation with my mum about things that upset me without her telling me "just get over it" or "your making my life miserable" or "look what your doing to me". She thinks I'm crazy. She just doesn't understand.

    And don't say "oh you're too young for plastic surgery " because if you google it, a five year old got plastic surgery on his ears.

    Also don't say "pay for it yourself when your older" I can't wait that long. I can't. If I don't get this surgery soon, I probably won't ever have my first boyfriend till I'm like 30. There are loads of jobs that require you to have your hair up, which means ill have to show my ears. There's no way I'm doing that, so I'll probably never get a job either, And thus not make any money to pay for the surgery.

    So.....any tips on how to convince her? Without it turning into a full blown screaming match? Thanks
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    Not sure about UK but in my country, if the doctor sees that it causes you some serious psychological trouble, then the plastic surgery will be covered by your insurance company.

    Although people will often advise you to "just be happy with yourself", I understand that it might be very hard to do and that undergoing the surgery is definitely an easier way for many people. If it really makes your life miserable as you describe it - I'd first suggest talking to a psychologist.
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    save up for it yourself.. i know someone who worked part time and earnt enough to get themselves a nosejob at 18.
    Unfortunately youd have to suck up showing your ears at work though, im assuming its a small price to pay.
    ur mum will probs never understand or agree, idk what ur mum is like though. you can cry and beg and see if it works
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    (Original post by goonhoon)
    Not sure about UK but in my country, if the doctor sees that it causes you some serious psychological trouble, then the plastic surgery will be covered by your insurance company.

    Although people will often advise you to "just be happy with yourself", I understand that it might be very hard to do and that undergoing the surgery is definitely an easier way for many people. If it really makes your life miserable as you describe it - I'd first suggest talking to a psychologist.
    YesI know that, but if It's convincing my mum that's the problem. I can't just go to the doctor and say "it's causing my phsycological distress so I need to have it done free" I feel like they wouldn't let me get it done because it sounds like I'm just trying to not pay.

    It takes months to get a psychologist, I've been on a waiting list to get one for ages and I still haven't. And when I do, I only see them like twice a year.

    My mum probably won't be convinced to let me get it done anyway. If a doctor told her it was free she'd still say no. So that's my problem☹️
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    (Original post by faloodeh)
    save up for it yourself.. i know someone who worked part time and earnt enough to get themselves a nosejob at 18.
    Unfortunately youd have to suck up showing your ears at work though, im assuming its a small price to pay.
    ur mum will probs never understand or agree, idk what ur mum is like though. you can cry and beg and see if it works
    I can't save up for it myself. I won't be able to work till I'm like 20 for other reasons. I can't wait that long. Even if I did save up, ear surgery costs like 4000 pounds, that'd take years for me to save up. I want to get the surgery as soon as possible.

    Crying and begging might work, I've thought about that before. But to convince her I'd have to do it every day, and when I'm upset about anything she just shouts at me.
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    (Original post by Ilgsmwamh)
    I can't save up for it myself. I won't be able to work till I'm like 20 for other reasons. I can't wait that long. Even if I did save up, ear surgery costs like 4000 pounds, that'd take years for me to save up. I want to get the surgery as soon as possible.

    Crying and begging might work, I've thought about that before. But to convince her I'd have to do it every day, and when I'm upset about anything she just shouts at me.
    Sorry i cant help. you could eventually persuade her perhaps, or as someone else said if its really distressing and impacting your health go to the nhs
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    You can't expect your mum to just pay for your surgery, especially if it's something she doesn't think you need anyway.

    I can understand you are very self conscious about your ears. But sorry you're going to have to sort this out yourself. There is no harm in seeing a GP about it, even if it takes along time to get it done on the NHS it's better than moaning at your mum and nothing happening.

    Why can't you work until you're 20?

    4k would not take years to save up if you're smart about saving. You could easily save that in a year with a part time job.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    You can't expect your mum to just pay for your surgery, especially if it's something she doesn't think you need anyway.

    I can understand you are very self conscious about your ears. But sorry you're going to have to sort this out yourself. There is no harm in seeing a GP about it, even if it takes along time to get it done on the NHS it's better than moaning at your mum and nothing happening.

    Why can't you work until you're 20?

    4k would not take years to save up if you're smart about saving. You could easily save that in a year with a part time job.
    I have no independence because I have anxiety and autism so I can't work. I don't expect my mum to pay, its free on the NHS. I just need her to let me have it done. I can't go to the gp by myself my mum has to come with me.
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    (Original post by Ilgsmwamh)
    I have no independence because I have anxiety and autism so I can't work. I don't expect my mum to pay, its free on the NHS. I just need her to let me have it done. I can't go to the gp by myself my mum has to come with me.
    It is incredibly difficult to get it free on the NHS.

    If you are 18 over you do not need her permission. If you are under 18 you'll be unlikely to be granted surgery by the nhs anyway.

    Are you receiving support for your conditions? I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss yourself or say you "can't work". Plenty of people with your conditions manage to, but you have to be willing to try the, even if you may fail. You said "not til after im 20" why would you be more able then?
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    damn you jump to conclusions :lol: When does having bigger ears ever cause someone to have no relationship and no job:facepalm:
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    If a boy won't date you because he doesn't like your ears, then do you really think he's a good person to be in a relationship with? If someone was like "I really like you but your ears just aren't doing it for me" I'd run a ****ing mile.
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    (Original post by bluemadhatter)
    damn you jump to conclusions :lol: When does having bigger ears ever cause someone to have no relationship and no job:facepalm:
    Well boys have bullied me because of my ears and boys have never liked me. Doesn't that say that it MIGHT be because of my ears? And plus I also have an ugly face, it would be a different story if I had big ears and a pretty face.

    The no job part is mainly because I won't put my hair up because most jobs require you to but it's also for other reasons I can't work because of problems with independence
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    (Original post by crocodile_ears)
    If a boy won't date you because he doesn't like your ears, then do you really think he's a good person to be in a relationship with? If someone was like "I really like you but your ears just aren't doing it for me" I'd run a ****ing mile.

    The "I really like you but" part doesn't exist. Boys dont like me full stop. it's not just my ears, my face looks really ugly with my hair down so thats probably why boys don't like me. Boys don't ever see my ears (because they have in the past and it didn't end well) because I don't want them to.

    Not being attracted to someone doesn't make them a bad person to be in a relationship.....it's just human nature to think someone's ugly. That's why I'm so depressed about it, because I know if I was pretty then boys would like me.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    It is incredibly difficult to get it free on the NHS.

    If you are 18 over you do not need her permission. If you are under 18 you'll be unlikely to be granted surgery by the nhs anyway.

    Are you receiving support for your conditions? I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss yourself or say you "can't work". Plenty of people with your conditions manage to, but you have to be willing to try the, even if you may fail. You said "not til after im 20" why would you be more able then?
    Well reading the first part of that just made my stomach drop. Looks like over 2 more years of misery now......at least you were honest though😭😭 😭😔

    I can't work because I don't understand how money or finance works no matter how many times it's explained to me and I'm really socially awkward and in jobs you would have to talk to people.

    20 was just a guess because by around that time I might understand or be less awkward to be able to work.
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    (Original post by Ilgsmwamh)
    Well reading the first part of that just made my stomach drop. Looks like over 2 more years of misery now......at least you were honest though😭😭 😭😔

    I can't work because I don't understand how money or finance works no matter how many times it's explained to me and I'm really socially awkward and in jobs you would have to talk to people.

    20 was just a guess because by around that time I might understand or be less awkward to be able to work.

    What parts of money and finance confuse you?
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    What parts of money and finance confuse you?
    Everything. I don't know how to do finance things, I don't know how t o pay for bills or thing so like that and it takes me like 5 minutes to count 2 pounds if I have coin s instead of notes. I don't know how do do change either and if I did it's probably take me like 10 minutes.
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    (Original post by Ilgsmwamh)
    Everything. I don't know how to do finance things, I don't know how t o pay for bills or thing so like that and it takes me like 5 minutes to count 2 pounds if I have coin s instead of notes. I don't know how do do change either and if I did it's probably take me like 10 minutes.
    Well if you live at home with your mum, there is currently no need to learn how to pay bills.

    Just one step at a time.

    Honestly I am horrific at maths myself, I struggle with mental arithmetic. Doesn't mean I don't do it or practice. You will never get over these things if you give up.

    Honestly you need to cut yourself some slack and get to grips with the fact you need to give yourself a chance. You need to start developing these skills and start practising now, even if it is the tiniest steps at a time...otherwise you will never be independent. If you think you are more likely to cope at age 20, then there is NO reason you can't start now.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Well if you live at home with your mum, there is currently no need to learn how to pay bills.

    Just one step at a time.

    Honestly I am horrific at maths myself, I struggle with mental arithmetic. Doesn't mean I don't do it or practice. You will never get over these things if you give up.

    Honestly you need to cut yourself some slack and get to grips with the fact you need to give yourself a chance. You need to start developing these skills and start practising now, even if it is the tiniest steps at a time...otherwise you will never be independent. If you think you are more likely to cope at age 20, then there is NO reason you can't start now.
    Well yeah sure i guess....but that still means I have to wait years to come until I get plastic surgery.
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    (Original post by Ilgsmwamh)
    Well yeah sure i guess....but that still means I have to wait years to come until I get plastic surgery.
    Honestly, from the sounds of it. Your ears are the least of your problems.

    I think you really need to work on your self confidence and your ability to start working independently. These are all things I think you need to speak to your GP about, CBT (a type of therapy) may very well be useful in tackling some of your very negative thought patterns/ defeatist attitude and may help you develop enough confidence to try to start to be more independent. One step at a time. If you can't get surgery for a couple of years, you may as well work on yourself in other ways in the mean time right? No point sitting around doing nothing and hating yourself. It's just not necessary, nor is it helping.

    Even if you got surgery tomorrow, if you're completely honest with yourself. Would you suddenly be happy? Would all the rest of your problems have suddenly gone away? No of course not. So work on everything else too. You'll be a much happier and healthier person.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Honestly, from the sounds of it. Your ears are the least of your problems.

    I think you really need to work on your self confidence and your ability to start working independently. These are all things I think you need to speak to your GP about, CBT (a type of therapy) may very well be useful in tackling some of your very negative thought patterns/ defeatist attitude and may help you develop enough confidence to try to start to be more independent. One step at a time. If you can't get surgery for a couple of years, you may as well work on yourself in other ways in the mean time right? No point sitting around doing nothing and hating yourself. It's just not necessary, nor is it helping.

    Even if you got surgery tomorrow, if you're completely honest with yourself. Would you suddenly be happy? Would all the rest of your problems have suddenly gone away? No of course not. So work on everything else too. You'll be a much happier and healthier person.
    My ears are the most of my problems. I look at them everyday and want to kill myself. Yes, if I got surgery tomorrow it would be the best day of my life. I'd be happy, I'd be able to find love, I wouldn't be standing crying infront of the mirror everyday, my ears wouldn't be the first thing I thought of when I wake up in the morning, and I feel be able to we at my hair up and in different hairstyles. I'd be happy for once.

    Ive been trying to work on my confidence since I was 11 (when I relised I hated my ears). I would literally force myself to wear my hair up every day until I liked my ears(which never happened). I tried to like myself. Plastic surgery didn't even cross my mind until last year. I tried to convince myself that my ears weren't big and that I looked fine but it never worked.

    So I've already tried to work on my confidence. If I tried working on my confidence for 5 years and still hate my ears I don't think I can cope with another 5 years of that.

    I've tried loads of mental health people and they don't do anything. They all tell me the exact same thing. I'm waiting for another mental health thingy right now and it's taking months to get an appointment.

    I know sitting and moaning isn't helping but I've nothing else to distract me. I can't help it. There's nothing that can take my mind off it. Even if it does, it'll only be for a bit and then I'll go back to square one.

    Why do you think my ears are the least of my problems? I know you're trying to help and thanks for that and sorry, but still?
 
 
 
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