No friends Uni

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Croydonboy88
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#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Hi

So basically i started university last week (Friday).
It started off great, introduced to flatmates all fine and they seemed like cool people, we went out clubbing on the first day. And after one to many drinks it turned out to be a great evening, i could have asked for abetter start. went out the next night again and was also great.
But its all gone down hill since to be honest. I have no real connection with my flatmates unless im drunk, then we talk about anything. and to be honest i don't see any of them as potential frineds. I'm just staying in my room all day, and even avoid the kitchen even though im starving, in case it means i have to talk to them.
I am now begginning to be excluded from everybody else in the flat, and honestly hate being there. But i feel everybody else already has their group of friends, apart from myself.
Even though its my fault, i still feel really bad and dunno what i can do anymore to helo it.
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returnmigrant
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
So, drink isnt really working here is it? Try something else. Ask if anyone wants to go out this Friday - cinema, pizza, coffee etc, or just a walk in the nearest park on Saturday/Sunday. Either your flatmates (it isnt worth being an 'outsider' - even if they aren't going to be your best pals, you are living with them for the next 9 months so be nice to them) or a group from your course. Sitting in your room is grim and will get you down very quickly - best avoided.
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Petulia
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#3
Report 4 years ago
#3
It's only been one week. You don't need to be best friends with your flat mates but you can still be friendly with them and stay on good terms e.g ask how their night was or how they're finding uni etc.
When you start classes and join societies you'll make friends there too, and those people will invite you out or to their flat, and you'll make more friends through them, until eventually you'll find a solid friendship group. It won't happen straight away, as you'll be meeting lots of new people in the next few months. Just remember you don't need to be best friends with everyone, but there's also no need to completely avoid the people you didn't click with.
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KBr016
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#4
Report 4 years ago
#4
Don't beat yourself up. It has only been a week. Most friendships require a lot more time to become substantial. Even the closest friend I made at Uni (who I now consider my best friend) although we hit it off right away it probably wasn't until the second semester that we became really close and we got even closer over our second year. You can't create years worth of memories in just a week, these things take time so relax. Also you may not realise it but you may be still a little overwhelmed with the change as starting university (especially if you leave home to do so) can be a bit of a shock to the system. Give yourself a break. From personal experience I know how hard the first few months of starting university can be, it is very easy to feel lonely and suddenly your established group of friends you had in school is no longer there. However from personal experience I can also say that it does get better, as long as you are willing to put in the effort to make things better.

You will meet more people once class starts and you can also join clubs and societies as a way of meeting people if you have a hobby you are passionate about. The best thing to do is talk to literally everybody that you meet, some you will click with, others you won't (but that's ok, just move onto the next) but the more people you talk to the greater the chance of finding someone you have a connection with. If you are chatting with someone and feel it is going well ask them if they want to go for a coffee. In my first year of university I went for so many coffees with so many different people as a means of getting to know them and no I didn't become best friends with every single person but it was nice to have a few familiar faces to say hi to in the large lecture hall. If you keep up this habit of talking to as many people as possible eventually you will meet someone you could potentially be friends with.

Also I agree that you should make an effort with flatmates too because you will be much happier if you have a good relationship with the people you live with. Try not to hide in your room too much, I know sometimes you feel like you can't face people but the more you avoid them the more distant you will become from them. You don't want to be left out. Sometimes when you feel down it is best to talk to your flatmates to take your mind off it. I too have recently moved into a new flat and there was one night where I felt really homesick and just wanted to lock myself in my room and cry but decided that wasn't a good way to spend a Friday night so I forced myself to sit in the communal area where my flatmate was watching a movie so I just sat and watched it with her and felt so much better.

Also remember to keep in touch with friends and family from home. Reach out to them for guidance when you are feeling down.
And seriously it has only been a week. Friendship takes time
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SophieSmall
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#5
Report 4 years ago
#5
Staying in your room an isolating yourself obviously is not going to help. So stop doing it. If you see no friendship with your flatmates then make an effort to meet other people outside of your flat.
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AnonIsBest
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#6
Report 4 years ago
#6
I've found that whilst drinking is fine, you tend to make the discovery that the people you think you've made friends with at uni through getting drunk actually have nothing in common with you. At least in my experience anyway. Believe me, opposites only attract so much if that makes sense.

I hit it lucky, I'm not much of a clubbing type and I actually never went to many societies (either the meet ups got cancelled or no one really spoke to each other in them) but I met a few good people on my course by literally sitting next to them and saying hi. Sometimes that's all it takes - put yourself out there and don't make the mistake of hiding in your room to begin with like I did. I hated my time in halls because of that.

Also, don't worry about not clicking with anyone within a week. No friendship is made in a week ever, they're built on shared experiences after all. Persevere and I promise you'll be fine~
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