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    This year for uni I am living with a course friend and 4 of his friends who I don't know. I have social anxiety but I try to be sociable but I am very quiet even though I don't want to be. I have been trying to talk to his friends but the conversations don't really last that long. They have all known each other for 2 years so they have a lot to talk about and I just don't know what to say to them. They have friends round often and they are all having fun but I just don't know how to join them. My friend asked if I wanted to join them yesterday and I said no because I just don;t know what I would say to them and I know I would be left out of the conversation and just sat in silence. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do?
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    you should have said yes. even if you dont know what to do it will either come or you'll at least be there
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    (Original post by amaraub)
    you should have said yes. even if you dont know what to do it will either come or you'll at least be there
    It doesn't come to me. Every time I'm sat with people I don't know that well or even a group of my friends I rarely ever join in the conversation because I just don;t know what to say so I end up just sitting there in silence. I overheard my house talking earlier and one of them was talking about how I am too quiet so they've already made up their mind about me and got their opinions already.
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    they've already made up their mind about me and got their opinions already.
    lol what? Stop being so negative. I hated a guy and now he's one of my best friends..
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    (Original post by amaraub)
    lol what? Stop being so negative. I hated a guy and now he's one of my best friends..
    Yeah but it's hard for me.I never know what to say so it's pointless just sitting there in silence. I don't know how I'm supposed to change
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    (Original post by amaraub)
    lol what? Stop being so negative. I hated a guy and now he's one of my best friends..

    Let him be in "dem feels bro", he needs to realise that he should just be himself and not care about what they think about him, then he will get along with them and possibly become good friends
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    i'm the same. i find it difficult to talk in groups. if i were you i would just get used to being around them, try to join in with them as much as possible. then you will get more comfortable around them and find out more about them (their interests/ opinions) so that you can talk to them more easily about stuff they might like. though i understand why you're feeling a bit anxious about it because i wouldn't like someone talking about me and making assumptions about what i'm like before they really know me.
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    (Original post by M.IC3)
    Let him be in "dem feels bro", he needs to realise that he should just be himself and not care about what they think about him, then he will get along with them and possibly become good friends
    The thing is though, I don't care what others think. I just don't know how to be sociable. When I was younger didn't live near any of my friends so I never hung out with them at all so I spent all my childhood alone so now that I am older and have the opportunity to socialise, I never even know what to say and I can barely hold a conversation.
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    This year for uni I am living with a course friend and 4 of his friends who I don't know. I have social anxiety but I try to be sociable but I am very quiet even though I don't want to be. I have been trying to talk to his friends but the conversations don't really last that long. They have all known each other for 2 years so they have a lot to talk about and I just don't know what to say to them. They have friends round often and they are all having fun but I just don't know how to join them. My friend asked if I wanted to join them yesterday and I said no because I just don;t know what I would say to them and I know I would be left out of the conversation and just sat in silence. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do?
    Go out with them, have a laugh, do some funny stupid ****, then you'll have plenty to talk about the next day
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    (Original post by shadowdmdm)
    Go out with them, have a laugh, do some funny stupid ****, then you'll have plenty to talk about the next day
    I want to but I just sit in silence and never know how to join in their conversations when I'm with them.
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    You're never going to find a way to cope/ find the skills to get over this if you just give up.

    Frankly you're being overly negative.

    Stop saying no and hiding in your room, it's hardly going to make things better is it?

    Yes I know it is hard, I have been there myself. But you NEED to work on it. Otherwise this is will always be the way you handle tough situations, which in the end will result in failure.

    Doing nothing leads to definite failure, trying improves the chances of success.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    You're never going to find a way to cope/ find the skills to get over this if you just give up.

    Frankly you're being overly negative.

    Stop saying no and hiding in your room, it's hardly going to make things better is it?

    Yes I know it is hard, I have been there myself. But you NEED to work on it. Otherwise this is will always be the way you handle tough situations, which in the end will result in failure.

    Doing nothing leads to definite failure, trying improves the chances of success.
    Tonight is the only night that I've said no and sat in my room. Every other night for the last week and a half I've sat downstairs with them and I have still barely spoke
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    Tonight is the only night that I've said no and sat in my room. Every other night for the last week and a half I've sat downstairs with them and I have still barely spoke

    And? It's only been a week. It took me quite a few months to become comfortable around my current friends, I used to be pretty much exactly the same as you. And through not giving up around my friends I learnt how to cope and as such barely struggle socially anymore.

    If you want to feel sorry for yourself and give up, feel free. But you'll only have yourself to blame in the end. Do you really want to have that much regret?
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    And? It's only been a week. It took me quite a few months to become comfortable around my current friends, I used to be pretty much exactly the same as you. And through not giving up around my friends I learnt how to cope and as such barely struggle socially anymore.

    If you want to feel sorry for yourself and give up, feel free. But you'll only have yourself to blame in the end. Do you really want to have that much regret?
    It's just hard since they have lived together for years and most of the things they talk about are things that they've done together so I can't even join in them conversations.
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    It's just hard since they have lived together for years and most of the things they talk about are things that they've done together so I can't even join in them conversations.
    I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh. But stop making excuses. It's a lot easier to give up and admit defeat, I get that. But you coming up with all these reasons why it's difficult isn't going to make the problem go away. So stop it. Find ways around it. If you don't currently have anything in common to talk to them about or have no experiences you can relate to, then make some common ground or experiences.

    Invite them out to do things, go the cinema, go the pub, crazy golf. Idk anything you fancy. Just stop with the excuses.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh. But stop making excuses. It's a lot easier to give up and admit defeat, I get that. But you coming up with all these reasons why it's difficult isn't going to make the problem go away. So stop it. Find ways around it. If you don't currently have anything in common to talk to them about or have no experiences you can relate to, then make some common ground or experiences.

    Invite them out to do things, go the cinema, go the pub, crazy golf. Idk anything you fancy. Just stop with the excuses.
    They're not really excuses I'm just sating the facts. They are all big sports fans so that's mainly what the guys talk about but I don't really like sport. When the girls are there, all they talk about is things they've done together. The only time I even speak to them is when I comment on something we're watching on tv.
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    They're not really excuses I'm just sating the facts. They are all big sports fans so that's mainly what the guys talk about but I don't really like sport. When the girls are there, all they talk about is things they've done together. The only time I even speak to them is when I comment on something we're watching on tv.
    Yes, they are excuses. Because you're using them as a reason you can't engage with them.

    Funny enough I have very little/nothing in common with most of my friends. We didn't take similar courses, we don't come from similar backgrounds or even have similar hobbies. Still friends.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Yes, they are excuses. Because you're using them as a reason you can't engage with them.

    Funny enough I have very little/nothing in common with most of my friends. We didn't take similar courses, we don't come from similar backgrounds or even have similar hobbies. Still friends.
    Yeah but I genuinely don't see what I can talk about with them. It doesn't help that I find it difficult to make friends normally anyway.
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    (Original post by Jack123210)
    Yeah but I genuinely don't see what I can talk about with them. It doesn't help that I find it difficult to make friends normally anyway.
    That is what you need to work on. Try new things, or start new hobbies, find out what else they're interested in and see if you have any interest in those things as well.

    Most of all you need to keep exposing yourself to situation you find difficult, because otherwise you're never going to be able to get through them to a point were they are no longer difficult.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    That is what you need to work on. Try new things, or start new hobbies, find out what else they're interested in and see if you have any interest in those things as well.

    Most of all you need to keep exposing yourself to situation you find difficult, because otherwise you're never going to be able to get through them to a point were they are no longer difficult.
    The thing is the only things they interested in is sports and going out drinking but I can't even go out with them for another week and a half. And I do have hobbies but they're just not the same as my housemates hobbies.
 
 
 
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