I've had quite severe depression since I was around 12/13, it reached a peak around 4 years ago where it was exceptionally bad.
Moving on from then, for the last year and a half, it has improved drastically. I can go about a normal life, don't have to see a psychiatrist anymore, and i'm back in work. I still take medication (propanolol) for the anxiety, which is sometimes bad but manageable just about! My mood generally is ok, for the last few weeks has been worse though.
However..... when I drink, the depression comes back really bad. Reaaaally bad. I want to end everything, I can't cope, I need help, don't know what to do. I think about how easy it would be to just swallow 20 of my anxiety tablets.
But at the same time, I drink to not feel sober.
Has anyone else experienced this? Just want to not feel so alone in these thoughts.
Any advice is appreciated.