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Anal sex advice! (with our without condoms?) Watch

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    Hi guys! So a quick summary!

    Gay here. And a Top (a giver). Had my first sexual experience with my first bf 3 years ago and he got tested and was all fine and I topped him. Had sex 3 times with him in our 4 months relationship.


    After him, met several guys but only ever went as far as foreplay (no penetration whatsoever).


    And now, dating a guy and he's clean and got tested and all and we use condoms when I top him... few nights ago he asked me not to use condoms... I trust him and know he's 100% clean as I went with him to get tested... but thing is, I'm really scared because:

    A) I never got tested (even though I topped a clean guy 3 times only, I'm very paranoid and don't want to endanger my current bf)

    B) My current bf really wants us to have bareback sex (without condoms) and I told him just because the 2 of us are clean doesn't mean it's not dangerous and it can still result in HPV. Right guys?


    Am I right? Or is it fine to have sex without condoms?
    2 nights ago, we did have sex without condoms (heat of the moment) but pulled out of him before I came inside. Is this still dangerous?


    Sincerely,
    A very paranoid guy
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    Just get tested if it's such an issue for you.

    And no, it's not "safe" to just "pull out", as STIs go both ways, and they can be transmitted through pre-ejaculate as well anyway.

    You can get tested at the same time and have it confirmed that neither of you have any STIs, and then you can have as much bareback sex as you like (with each other).
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    I think you should get tested, you owe it to him to keep him safe and then you can be sure. If his test wasn't a month after the last time he had sex with someone else then he should get tested again due to detection windows. You can both talk to the GUM nurse about not using condoms whilst you are there then you get properly qualified information. It sounds like you'd feel better if you knew more.

    HPV isn't tested for so you could have it and pass it on. If this worried you then you can get vaccinated but it costs a few £100. Some areas of England are now piloting vaccination for men who have sex with men so if you're lucky your GUM may offer it for free.
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    Just get tested if it's such an issue for you.

    And no, it's not "safe" to just "pull out", as STIs go both ways, and they can be transmitted through pre-ejaculate as well anyway.

    You can get tested at the same time and have it confirmed that neither of you have any STIs, and then you can have as much bareback sex as you like (with each other).
    (Original post by BKS)
    I think you should get tested, you owe it to him to keep him safe and then you can be sure. If his test wasn't a month after the last time he had sex with someone else then he should get tested again due to detection windows. You can both talk to the GUM nurse about not using condoms whilst you are there then you get properly qualified information. It sounds like you'd feel better if you knew more.

    HPV isn't tested for so you could have it and pass it on. If this worried you then you can get vaccinated but it costs a few £100. Some areas of England are now piloting vaccination for men who have sex with men so if you're lucky your GUM may offer it for free.
    so you're saying that if we were both 100% clean, it would be fine to have bareback sex? Because I was reading articles online that claim that having bareback sex EVEN if you're both clean is still dangerous and can cause things such as bacterial infections, anus bleeding, and other things... sounds really scary and I'm thinking why risk it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so you're saying that if we were both 100% clean, it would be fine to have bareback sex? Because I was reading articles online that claim that having bareback sex EVEN if you're both clean is still dangerous and can cause things such as bacterial infections, anus bleeding, and other things... sounds really scary and I'm thinking why risk it
    No, I'm saying if you're both clean you can have as much bareback sex as you like with eachother without getting an STI. Those are all still true, although provided you properly prepare is a risk that is minimised.
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    No, I'm saying if you're both clean you can have as much bareback sex as you like with eachother without getting an STI. Those are all still true, although provided you properly prepare is a risk that is minimised.
    Forgive me if I sound naive here but I'm not much versed on this topic... so if there's no risk of STI, then there's no risk of AIDS right?

    And the only problems we "could" face would be minor things like bacterial infections?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Forgive me if I sound naive here but I'm not much versed on this topic... so if there's no risk of STI, then there's no risk of AIDS right?

    And the only problems we "could" face would be minor things like bacterial infections?
    ...I would suggest you go to your GP and/or your nearest sexual health clinic and ask them to provide some information about sexual health and infections. It will be much more productive than asking a forum predominantly made up of students.

    You may also want to actually read up on what AIDS and HIV are. HIV is an STI. AIDS is a disease that arises due to infection with HIV. If you are both HIV negative then you cannot develop AIDS.

    However UTIs, anal fissures and tearing, and potential infection as a result, can all arise due to engaging in anal sex without properly preparing or knowing what you're doing. These aren't minor and some could become a medical emergency requiring hospitalization or surgery depending on the severity, although it's unlikely to occur.

    I would reiterate my recommendation to visit your local sexual health clinic and speak with your GP (together) about sexual health.
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    I second going to a GUM, getting tested and talking to the nurse about all this. To be blunt- your primarily problem here is your lack of knowledge. If you know more then you will be better able to make your own decision.
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    ...I would suggest you go to your GP and/or your nearest sexual health clinic and ask them to provide some information about sexual health and infections. It will be much more productive than asking a forum predominantly made up of students.

    You may also want to actually read up on what AIDS and HIV are. HIV is an STI. AIDS is a disease that arises due to infection with HIV. If you are both HIV negative then you cannot develop AIDS.

    However UTIs, anal fissures and tearing, and potential infection as a result, can all arise due to engaging in anal sex without properly preparing or knowing what you're doing. These aren't minor and some could become a medical emergency requiring hospitalization or surgery depending on the severity, although it's unlikely to occur.

    I would reiterate my recommendation to visit your local sexual health clinic and speak with your GP (together) about sexual health.
    (Original post by BKS)
    I second going to a GUM, getting tested and talking to the nurse about all this. To be blunt- your primarily problem here is your lack of knowledge. If you know more then you will be better able to make your own decision.

    Thank you but it's not easy talking to a doctor about this because we live in a religious Arab country. This is why I'm asking you guys online.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you but it's not easy talking to a doctor about this because we live in a religious Arab country. This is why I'm asking you guys online.
    The UK NHS website has some basic information here on general sexual health, and it does have a subsection on gay sexual health. There is also a fair amount of information on gay health specifically across the internet in general (tumblr in particular really enjoys making little inforgraphic comics, including an infamous one with "hermione the hemorrhoid" D: ).

    There is also some relevant information on wikipedia, across various entries on there, relating to specific health issues.
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    The UK NHS website has some basic information here on general sexual health, and it does have a subsection on gay sexual health. There is also a fair amount of information on gay health specifically across the internet in general (tumblr in particular really enjoys making little inforgraphic comics, including an infamous one with "hermione the hemorrhoid" D: ).

    There is also some relevant information on wikipedia, across various entries on there, relating to specific health issues.
    Thank you for this. One last question. Can you have HIV without knowing it? Or would the symptoms show immediately? Or can it take years?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for this. One last question. Can you have HIV without knowing it? Or would the symptoms show immediately? Or can it take years?
    I'd strongly suggest reading up on HIV and AIDS on that website I linked, and wikipedia as well perhaps. You may also want to refer to the National AIDS Trust, Terence Higgins Trust, and similar HIV/AIDS charities, who have a lot of information.

    My vague understanding is that yes, although if it doesn't show in an HIV test then usually you can't transmit it. But there is a lot of nuance to whether someone who has HIV can transmit it, and whether it will affect their health or not at that time, relating to the "viral load", which I confess I'm not that familiar with. I do know, not everyone with HIV will transmit it or will be affected by it if they are having treatment for it, and it can be, in theory, safe to have sex with someone who has confirmed they are part of this category, although it would be advisable to use a condom anyway.

    But honestly that information is far beyond my knowledge and certainly expertise. You may also want to look into PrEP and see if it is available from your doctor if you are concerned you may be exposed to it by having sex with someone whose HIV status you don't know. However, again, this requires speaking with your doctor. If the situation in your country means you cannot safely seek medical assistance on these matters you may wish to contact Rainbow Railroad and see what advice or help they can offer - they are a charity which works to assist LGBT* people who are facing violence or persecution escape to safer regimes.
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    bareback innit
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    Some links to reliable information:

    thesexyouwant.ca
    gmfa.org.uk
    tht.org.uk/sexual-health
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    I'd strongly suggest reading up on HIV and AIDS on that website I linked, and wikipedia as well perhaps. You may also want to refer to the National AIDS Trust, Terence Higgins Trust, and similar HIV/AIDS charities, who have a lot of information.

    My vague understanding is that yes, although if it doesn't show in an HIV test then usually you can't transmit it. But there is a lot of nuance to whether someone who has HIV can transmit it, and whether it will affect their health or not at that time, relating to the "viral load", which I confess I'm not that familiar with. I do know, not everyone with HIV will transmit it or will be affected by it if they are having treatment for it, and it can be, in theory, safe to have sex with someone who has confirmed they are part of this category, although it would be advisable to use a condom anyway.

    But honestly that information is far beyond my knowledge and certainly expertise. You may also want to look into PrEP and see if it is available from your doctor if you are concerned you may be exposed to it by having sex with someone whose HIV status you don't know. However, again, this requires speaking with your doctor. If the situation in your country means you cannot safely seek medical assistance on these matters you may wish to contact Rainbow Railroad and see what advice or help they can offer - they are a charity which works to assist LGBT* people who are facing violence or persecution escape to safer regimes.
    (Original post by BKS)
    Some links to reliable information:

    thesexyouwant.ca
    gmfa.org.uk
    tht.org.uk/sexual-health

    Thanks guys! I've read the links you sent.

    So if we both don't have HIV, then we can have bareback sex without being worried of ever getting it? So the only thing we need to do is to clean ourselves (to avoid bacterial infections) and go slow and be careful so that the anus lining doesn't get damaged, right?

    Also, since we're both HIV negative, is there a need get tested frequently or we don't have to anymore?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks guys! I've read the links you sent.

    So if we both don't have HIV, then we can have bareback sex without being worried of ever getting it? So the only thing we need to do is to clean ourselves (to avoid bacterial infections) and go slow and be careful so that the anus lining doesn't get damaged, right?

    Also, since we're both HIV negative, is there a need get tested frequently or we don't have to anymore?
    Not unless you go having bareback sex with other people without telling each other...
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    (Original post by artful_lounger)
    Not unless you go having bareback sex with other people without telling each other...
    We're committed to one another so that won't be a problem. Thank you so much for the assurance!
 
 
 
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