This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- How to get people to like me
- Lesbian problems
- How do you get over a breakup?
- I don't want to break up with my bf but I want to date my ex
- My ex girlfriend, texted me
- Confused
- Why does every guy choose my friend over me?
- do you think it's normal for your partner to still be friends with their ex?
- What do I do
- Best friend trying to date ex girlfriend
- Why do some people do this after breakups?
- am i still fixated on him? Slow replies?
- I’m in love with him but I think it’s too late (ps this very long)
- likely to see ex again.
- First date at his?
- Relationships
- Do any other girls like guys cumming quickly?
- i kissed my best friend’s ex boyfriend.
- AITA for dropping my best friend of 4 years over a 3D printed spider?
- Friendship
How can I get over my ex but stay friends?
Hiya all,
I don't know how to get over my boyfriend. We were close friends before we started dating and there was a lot of chemistry there. He does my subject and we have the same friendship group, so I knew it was risky dating him, but we both just fell for each other. At the time I promised myself that if we broke up I'd deal with it like an adult and not end up hating him.
We were together for six months, then three weeks ago he broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel the same way anymore. He was really sorry about it and wanted to stay friends. I'm desperate to end up friends again, because it would be incredibly awkward not to - we have the same classes and hang out with mostly the same group of people. Plus he's a nice guy.
But he's the first guy I've fallen in love with, and I have no idea how to get over him. Sometimes being around him is ok, but other times it reminds me of all the things I love about him, and makes me want him back. Sometimes we can chat just as friends, but a couple of times I've ended up crying in his arms about how much I miss him, which probably isn't a great thing for either of us.
How long is it going to take to get over him? Has anyone managed to do the whole staying-friends thing? I really need advice on this.
I don't know how to get over my boyfriend. We were close friends before we started dating and there was a lot of chemistry there. He does my subject and we have the same friendship group, so I knew it was risky dating him, but we both just fell for each other. At the time I promised myself that if we broke up I'd deal with it like an adult and not end up hating him.
We were together for six months, then three weeks ago he broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel the same way anymore. He was really sorry about it and wanted to stay friends. I'm desperate to end up friends again, because it would be incredibly awkward not to - we have the same classes and hang out with mostly the same group of people. Plus he's a nice guy.
But he's the first guy I've fallen in love with, and I have no idea how to get over him. Sometimes being around him is ok, but other times it reminds me of all the things I love about him, and makes me want him back. Sometimes we can chat just as friends, but a couple of times I've ended up crying in his arms about how much I miss him, which probably isn't a great thing for either of us.
How long is it going to take to get over him? Has anyone managed to do the whole staying-friends thing? I really need advice on this.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Sadly people's feelings change over time. In my experience it is impossible to stay friends, well least immediately after you broke up.
Only way that works is to stop contact and keep yourself busy, in time you then get over it.
Only way that works is to stop contact and keep yourself busy, in time you then get over it.
Reply 2
I know it’s really hard but im in the same situation, I went out with my best friend and the guy I had fancied for like a year, and we were together for over a month then it just wasn’t working and he spilt up with me, he was also the first guy I had ever fallen in love with. The thing is that we live in the same house, have the same friends and are on the same course, so we had no option not to stay friends and that’s what I wanted and promised would happened.
I’m not totally over him yet but stuff does get better with time. My friend has been in the same situation and said that with time you just grow to be friends and nothing more than that, it wasn’t easy for her and it took her a long time but it can happen. It’s hard to stop thinking about them but I have learnt to live with it.
I totally understand about stuff reminding you of what you used to have but in time those memories fade and you replace them with all the memories of being friends. It gets better with time so you just have to keep on going and not let it get you down.
I’m not totally over him yet but stuff does get better with time. My friend has been in the same situation and said that with time you just grow to be friends and nothing more than that, it wasn’t easy for her and it took her a long time but it can happen. It’s hard to stop thinking about them but I have learnt to live with it.
I totally understand about stuff reminding you of what you used to have but in time those memories fade and you replace them with all the memories of being friends. It gets better with time so you just have to keep on going and not let it get you down.
I went out with a girl in yr10 for a month exactly (no jokes - 4 weeks eactly almost to the minute) until she said "i think it's best we just be friends" (why do girls do that? 
)
anywayz, we go to the same college now, and have some common friends, and I have noticed that whenever were in a 'group' she never looks at me & hardly ever talks to me (unless i force her to by walking aside her)
You just ahve to learn to bury it & move on - hard, but it's the only way
)anywayz, we go to the same college now, and have some common friends, and I have noticed that whenever were in a 'group' she never looks at me & hardly ever talks to me (unless i force her to by walking aside her)
You just ahve to learn to bury it & move on - hard, but it's the only way
Reply 4
I went out with my best mate, it lasted about a year and a half. Broke up and tried to do the whole "let's stay close friends" thing for about 6 months but it was always awkward cause she still had strong feelings for me and in the end the wheels fell off and now she wont talk to me at all.
Reply 5
Sadly, for me, it's proved impossible to be friends with an ex immediately after breaking up with them.
I was with my first love for three and a half years. We split up very amicably and mutually just before I went back to university for my second year, so it was very easy to cut contact. About eighteen months later, we drifted back into a really nice friendship that we still have now.
But more recently, I was very much in love with a guy I was with for two years, and my heart absolutely broke when he split up with me. Like you, I was determined to stay friends with him whilst I got over him. I tried for about three months before I realised that cutting contact was the only way I would ever be able to move on. We were chatting as friends and meeting up occasionally and it would be so lovely to see him, but I'd cry all the way home in the car thinking about how much things had changed, and it made me miss him more and more. The final straw was when he got a new girlfriend and lied to me about it, and I had to hear the truth from somebody else. I realised then that we weren't really 'friends' at all and that I needed to put myself first.
I told him that I needed some space, and we stopped texting, chatting and meeting up about two months ago. Since then, I have seen him once or twice at parties (like you, we have some mutual friends and I don't want to lose contact with them), but we're just polite to one another and spend most of our time talking to different people. It's sad, but it's so much easier than how things were before. I was crying over him every single day before this; I won't say that I'm completely over him now and I still miss him and think about it from time to time, but I am living my life again and things are a hell of a lot better than they were.
I hope that eventually he and I will be able to be genuinely good friends like I am with the first ex. But I know that now is too soon. I tried to deny that cutting contact was necessary for such a long time and I only caused myself more pain. I know I made the right decision now, and when I'm ready he and I can rebuild our friendship again. But not until I know it won't hurt me.
It's really, really hard getting over someone. I do know how you feel. Good luck.
I was with my first love for three and a half years. We split up very amicably and mutually just before I went back to university for my second year, so it was very easy to cut contact. About eighteen months later, we drifted back into a really nice friendship that we still have now.
But more recently, I was very much in love with a guy I was with for two years, and my heart absolutely broke when he split up with me. Like you, I was determined to stay friends with him whilst I got over him. I tried for about three months before I realised that cutting contact was the only way I would ever be able to move on. We were chatting as friends and meeting up occasionally and it would be so lovely to see him, but I'd cry all the way home in the car thinking about how much things had changed, and it made me miss him more and more. The final straw was when he got a new girlfriend and lied to me about it, and I had to hear the truth from somebody else. I realised then that we weren't really 'friends' at all and that I needed to put myself first.
I told him that I needed some space, and we stopped texting, chatting and meeting up about two months ago. Since then, I have seen him once or twice at parties (like you, we have some mutual friends and I don't want to lose contact with them), but we're just polite to one another and spend most of our time talking to different people. It's sad, but it's so much easier than how things were before. I was crying over him every single day before this; I won't say that I'm completely over him now and I still miss him and think about it from time to time, but I am living my life again and things are a hell of a lot better than they were.
I hope that eventually he and I will be able to be genuinely good friends like I am with the first ex. But I know that now is too soon. I tried to deny that cutting contact was necessary for such a long time and I only caused myself more pain. I know I made the right decision now, and when I'm ready he and I can rebuild our friendship again. But not until I know it won't hurt me.
It's really, really hard getting over someone. I do know how you feel. Good luck.
Reply 6
You can't, you could maybe try friends in a few months when you feelings have faded him and you are pretty much over him. But toget over him i'd reccomend staying away.
Reply 7
I'm going to agree with everyone else. I'm in quite a similiar situation myself and struggling to get over him, we were together for 10 months after being friends for a couple of years, and although we both said we didn't want to lose that friendship, it's not seeming easy to go back to being 'just friends'. I don't know what the solution is, but I'm hoping that it'll get easier with time.
Reply 8
Thanks for your replies. Hugs to everyone who's going through a similar thing.
I'm most likely not going to see him for 3 more weeks now, because its the christmas holidays... do you think that's long enough? I definitely can't avoid him completely at uni (forgot to say, we also live in the same house! oh dear...), so I can't break contact, even if I wanted to.
For people who've tried to remain friends, do you have any advice? What things worked and what were a mistake?
I'm most likely not going to see him for 3 more weeks now, because its the christmas holidays... do you think that's long enough? I definitely can't avoid him completely at uni (forgot to say, we also live in the same house! oh dear...), so I can't break contact, even if I wanted to.
For people who've tried to remain friends, do you have any advice? What things worked and what were a mistake?
Reply 9
Don't act weird around him, like you feel awkward or anything cause that will make things awkward. And try not to flirt with him or lead him on too much, or let him do the same to you.
Reply 10
Anonymous
Thanks for your replies. Hugs to everyone who's going through a similar thing.
I'm most likely not going to see him for 3 more weeks now, because its the christmas holidays... do you think that's long enough? I definitely can't avoid him completely at uni (forgot to say, we also live in the same house! oh dear...), so I can't break contact, even if I wanted to.
For people who've tried to remain friends, do you have any advice? What things worked and what were a mistake?
I'm most likely not going to see him for 3 more weeks now, because its the christmas holidays... do you think that's long enough? I definitely can't avoid him completely at uni (forgot to say, we also live in the same house! oh dear...), so I can't break contact, even if I wanted to.
For people who've tried to remain friends, do you have any advice? What things worked and what were a mistake?
It takes different lengths of time for different people, mine only took a month, it may be longer for you, you'll know when its right, cos it won't tear your heart in two to see him.
Reply 11
You both need space. It's not going to happen overnight. It really doesn't work out when you try to be friends immediately.
Reply 12
you need to give yourselves space.
I was with a friend of mine and we were together for 9 months ish.
he cheated on me blah blah blah, it took me ages to get over him and i really wanted to be friends with him as our friendship group is the same and is a strong friendship group.
In the end, most of our friends turned against him. Me and one other friend stuck by him. Things are still weird as from time to time he insists on saying how he loved me and i was his first love... then he says how he wishes he was still with me and insists on saying 'oh if we were still together, we'd have been together for 3 years now...' out of the blue in a text message whilst im in a lecture.
Things are ok - i desperately wanted to stay close friends with him but it doesnt work because of what he says to me. Luckily he hardly ever comes home (he's at uni) so i rarely see him. My current boyfriend doesn't like him because of how he hurt me and because of what he insists on saying to me when he sees me.
It can work - but its bloomin' hard - especially if the relationship didnt end in the best of ways!
I was with a friend of mine and we were together for 9 months ish.
he cheated on me blah blah blah, it took me ages to get over him and i really wanted to be friends with him as our friendship group is the same and is a strong friendship group.
In the end, most of our friends turned against him. Me and one other friend stuck by him. Things are still weird as from time to time he insists on saying how he loved me and i was his first love... then he says how he wishes he was still with me and insists on saying 'oh if we were still together, we'd have been together for 3 years now...' out of the blue in a text message whilst im in a lecture.
Things are ok - i desperately wanted to stay close friends with him but it doesnt work because of what he says to me. Luckily he hardly ever comes home (he's at uni) so i rarely see him. My current boyfriend doesn't like him because of how he hurt me and because of what he insists on saying to me when he sees me.
It can work - but its bloomin' hard - especially if the relationship didnt end in the best of ways!
Reply 14
I don't think it's possible in the short term. I know it's very difficult, for logistical reasons, not to be in contact with him. So I think that you might need to explain to him that you are finding it really hard to deal with the situation, and that being friends right now isn't realistic. That way, you can see him, be polite, but there won't be any expectation on his part that everything can go back to how it was before you started going out together.
I was in that situation once, lived with the guy for 18 months, and after we split up I found it really hard to act as if nothing had happened. I was furious with myself for being visibly upset about the break-up, but you can't just turn your emotions on and off like a tap. The best thing is to be honest with yourself about that, and to make sure that he understands that you need a new set of ground rules which include, wherever possible, avoiding contact with him, and no expectation on his part that you're just good friends now. Your relationship has fundamentally changed now, and can't really get back to where it was before you started going out with him.
I was in that situation once, lived with the guy for 18 months, and after we split up I found it really hard to act as if nothing had happened. I was furious with myself for being visibly upset about the break-up, but you can't just turn your emotions on and off like a tap. The best thing is to be honest with yourself about that, and to make sure that he understands that you need a new set of ground rules which include, wherever possible, avoiding contact with him, and no expectation on his part that you're just good friends now. Your relationship has fundamentally changed now, and can't really get back to where it was before you started going out with him.
Reply 15
As many others have probably said, just give yourself space. Explain to them, if you like, that you need it for yourself and though you may always have a soft spot, a time will come and you'll just realise that you don't need them and they aren't as perfect as you always thought. Time, that's all. It's been like 6 months since my 'kerfuffle' with a best mate and we're only just getting back on pally terms. It's horrid, but it'll sort itself out if it's worth keeping friends, that is.
Reply 16
suicidal_dream
you need to give yourselves space.
I was with a friend of mine and we were together for 9 months ish.
he cheated on me blah blah blah, it took me ages to get over him and i really wanted to be friends with him as our friendship group is the same and is a strong friendship group.
In the end, most of our friends turned against him. Me and one other friend stuck by him. Things are still weird as from time to time he insists on saying how he loved me and i was his first love... then he says how he wishes he was still with me and insists on saying 'oh if we were still together, we'd have been together for 3 years now...' out of the blue in a text message whilst im in a lecture.Things are ok - i desperately wanted to stay close friends with him but it doesnt work because of what he says to me. Luckily he hardly ever comes home (he's at uni) so i rarely see him. My current boyfriend doesn't like him because of how he hurt me and because of what he insists on saying to me when he sees me.
It can work - but its bloomin' hard - especially if the relationship didnt end in the best of ways!
I was with a friend of mine and we were together for 9 months ish.
he cheated on me blah blah blah, it took me ages to get over him and i really wanted to be friends with him as our friendship group is the same and is a strong friendship group.
In the end, most of our friends turned against him. Me and one other friend stuck by him. Things are still weird as from time to time he insists on saying how he loved me and i was his first love... then he says how he wishes he was still with me and insists on saying 'oh if we were still together, we'd have been together for 3 years now...' out of the blue in a text message whilst im in a lecture.Things are ok - i desperately wanted to stay close friends with him but it doesnt work because of what he says to me. Luckily he hardly ever comes home (he's at uni) so i rarely see him. My current boyfriend doesn't like him because of how he hurt me and because of what he insists on saying to me when he sees me.
It can work - but its bloomin' hard - especially if the relationship didnt end in the best of ways!
I had that with my ex, it drove me mad cos although we had been going as friends for some time, it really hurt to hear some of those things from him. Plus he still thinks that one day i will come back to him and we will get married and have babies and live happily ever after.
Reply 17
i'm in a similar boat. My 2 year relationship just ended tonight. My gf or rather ex gf wants us to be best friends still. She's in uni i'm not and she was finding it too hard. The problem is she IS actually the only friend I have. I don't have any proper friends. I have numerous work friends but I don't socialise with any. I didn't want to end the relationship but we had too. I'm so hurt because she stayed with me last night but couldn't touch me let alone kiss me. I want to stay friends and I want our relationship back. But I don't know what to do.
Also I'm going abroad for a month in feb which would prob help my situation?
Also I'm going abroad for a month in feb which would prob help my situation?
Reply 18
i broke up with my ex more than 1.5 years now, and i've been with my current bf for more than a year. i havnt talked to my ex since we broke up, but recently i want to talk to him, on msn i suppose, just to ask him how he's doing and be friends like we were before. all i want is to become his friend again, but on the other hand i feel like im cheating on my bf for the reason that he gets jealous very easily, even if it's just male friends. should i talk to my ex or not?
Reply 19
Anonymous
i broke up with my ex more than 1.5 years now, and i've been with my current bf for more than a year. i havnt talked to my ex since we broke up, but recently i want to talk to him, on msn i suppose, just to ask him how he's doing and be friends like we were before. all i want is to become his friend again, but on the other hand i feel like im cheating on my bf for the reason that he gets jealous very easily, even if it's just male friends. should i talk to my ex or not?
Hmn, that's a trciky one. I'd probably get jealous if I was your boyfriend and you were doing that, and I'd be really pissed off if you were sneaking around behind my back doing it. If you're open with him about it and he trusts you I don't see why you couldn't do it though, just be prepared for him to take a little while to get used to the idea.
Related discussions
- How to get people to like me
- Lesbian problems
- How do you get over a breakup?
- I don't want to break up with my bf but I want to date my ex
- My ex girlfriend, texted me
- Confused
- Why does every guy choose my friend over me?
- do you think it's normal for your partner to still be friends with their ex?
- What do I do
- Best friend trying to date ex girlfriend
- Why do some people do this after breakups?
- am i still fixated on him? Slow replies?
- I’m in love with him but I think it’s too late (ps this very long)
- likely to see ex again.
- First date at his?
- Relationships
- Do any other girls like guys cumming quickly?
- i kissed my best friend’s ex boyfriend.
- AITA for dropping my best friend of 4 years over a 3D printed spider?
- Friendship
Latest
Trending
Last reply 2 months ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 2 months ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 2 months ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
