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    Thanx in advance for those who help me in depth.

    Pounding, rushing footsteps started to close in on me. The roar of the crowd echoed, as I extended my leg to receive the ball that signaled my turn to play football. As I touched the ball away from my feet, I felt the wind rush around me, and my tired legs started to carry me faster than I ever dreamed possible. As we entered the 83rd minute of the game I remember battling fatigue by contemplating two paths: slow down and give up our chance of winning the FA youth cup to gain momentary comfort, or push myself even harder and give up momentary comfort to receive greater rewards later. I chose the second path and later held a trophy that represented my perseverance and hard work. The years of playing football — consistently choosing the second path — have taught me discipline and perseverance. These qualities will help me to achieve a different cup, not one that lies in the field of sport but rather in a virtuous one: Being a Doctor.
    I have had to learn to budget my time to meet the demands of school, football training sessions and voluntary work. A typical day would consist of training in the morning and lessons in the afternoon followed by evening college. Many told me to give up, relax or choose either studies or football but my motivation inspired by Isaac Asimov who once said, "It has been my philosophy on life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly." Difficulties have indeed tested my commitment especially during the cold winters when both my studies and football were demanding to its peak. But then again it’s all about receiving the greater reward as mentioned earlier.
    During my life I had seen the disadvantages of medicine and working in the hospital. All the image of saving lives, curing ailments, alleviating pain, overall making life better for everyone was questioned when I saw the paramedics pull sheets over my aunts head during my early teens. I had learned my first lesson of medicine: for all its power, medicine cannot always prevail. That lesson was followed by voluntary work in a nursing home back home in the Netherlands. There I did not see doctors in the ER or obstetricians in the maternity ward but carried urine and feaces samples to the lab. With virtually no patient contact, my exposure to clinical medicine in this setting was unenlightening and uninspiring. However, in Amersfoort, despite the fact that I frequently change diapers for the incontinent and deal with occasionally cantankerous elderly, I love my twice weekly visits to the nursing home. Here, I feel that I am needed and wanted. That rewarding feeling of fulfillment attracts me to the practice of medicine.

    Get me into this course ORRRR I will........ :mad:
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    Wow, what can I say, this is one of the most gripping reads yet. However cut down the slandering when you are reaching the end, it tails off into a whimper rather than something memorable. As it deserves to be.
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    With virtually no patient contact, my exposure to clinical medicine in this setting was unenlightening and uninspiring.
    Instead of unenlightening and uninspiring, maybe "unsatisfying". Make sure you hint that you know medicine is not all glamour
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    (Original post by sophisticated_i)
    Thanx in advance for those who help me in depth.

    Pounding, rushing footsteps started to close in on me. The roar of the crowd echoed, as I extended my leg to receive the ball that signaled my turn to play football. As I touched the ball away from my feet, I felt the wind rush around me, and my tired legs started to carry me faster than I ever dreamed possible. As we entered the 83rd minute of the game I remember battling fatigue by contemplating two paths: slow down and give up our chance of winning the FA youth cup to gain momentary comfort, or push myself even harder and give up momentary comfort to receive greater rewards later. I chose the second path and later held a trophy that represented my perseverance and hard work. The years of playing football — consistently choosing the second path — have taught me discipline and perseverance. These qualities will help me to achieve a different cup, not one that lies in the field of sport but rather in a virtuous one: Being a Doctor.
    This opening really is the ****! It sounds really genuine too and not cheesy either. It reads very well indeed.


    I have had to learn to budget my time to meet the demands of school, football training sessions and voluntary work. A typical day would consist of training in the morning and lessons in the afternoon followed by evening college. Many told me to give up, relax or choose either studies or football but my motivation inspired by Isaac Asimov who once said, "It has been my philosophy on life that difficulties vanish when faced boldly." Difficulties have indeed tested my commitment especially during the cold winters when both my studies and football were demanding to its peak. But then again it’s all about receiving the greater reward as mentioned earlier.
    This is good too. It's nice that you've gone all thematic with your PS - it's refreshing - but don't overkill the football stuff.
    During my life I had seen the disadvantages of medicine and working in the hospital. All the image of saving lives, curing ailments, alleviating pain, overall making life better for everyone was questioned when I saw the paramedics pull sheets over my aunts head during my early teens. I had learned my first lesson of medicine: for all its power, medicine cannot always prevail. That lesson was followed by voluntary work in a nursing home back home in the Netherlands. There I did not see doctors in the ER or obstetricians in the maternity ward but carried urine and feaces samples to the lab. With virtually no patient contact, my exposure to clinical medicine in this setting was unenlightening and uninspiring. However, in Amersfoort, despite the fact that I frequently change diapers for the incontinent and deal with occasionally cantankerous elderly, I love my twice weekly visits to the nursing home. Here, I feel that I am needed and wanted. That rewarding feeling of fulfillment attracts me to the practice of medicine.

    Get me into this course ORRRR I will........ :mad:
    I like this too. You've got a very good general flow to your PS - "occasionally cantankerous elderly people" - acceptably witty too.
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    cut down the opening paragraph, it is a great waste of space in which you could include things that make you stand out and reflect your qualities
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    you should explain why medicine, as your conclusion maybe. dunno, well it's different anyway.
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    (Original post by Nik P)
    cut down the opening paragraph, it is a great waste of space in which you could include things that make you stand out and reflect your qualities
    I think it's original though - it makes a change from all the people who seek to paint themselves as neo-Mother Theresas in their opening paragraphs.
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    I did something similar for my original PS, but was told that is came across as too cheesy and didn't convey the right image you are trying to put across... there is original and then there is OTT... some admission tutors will not like it some will, it is quite risky...
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    I liked the personal statement. I think it will definitely attract the attention of the people who are reading our personal statements. After seeing hundreds of similar statements, his will stick out and they will read on. Im not necessarily sticking my neck out and saying that they will love it and offer him a place on the spot but it will most probably catch their attention.
    In my opinion the introduction is the hardest part to write and more specifically the first sentence. Mines not good enough, still waiting for inspiration!!
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    i'd accept you onto a creative writing course, definitely..

    but, the majority of medical students each year get in with 'conventional' personal statements i would think. so ATs will either love or hate it: are you willing to reapply again next year if you get no interviews?
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    I am willing to take chances, had to be different from "I am the captain of our cricket team and get A grades week in week out"

    Life by nature is 50/50 so y not?
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    i think your ps is wiked.. after reading yours mine sounds like ****.. i think that u shud definatly keep the starting its badd and it catches the readers attention...

    the second paragraph starts off relly good but then near the end it gets a bit dragged out...

    i think u shud put another short paragraph at the end to sum up some of your other qualities... and get rid of sum stuff from the 2nd para thats irrelevant...
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    Yea, i was thinking the same. I actually made this 3 hours ago, plenty of construction left...you guys have been very helpful thanx again.
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    Just a minor point: you don't budget your time. You can manage your time, but budgeting is about money.
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    Isnt there anything else you want to add on? activities wise, extracirricular acheivements besides football, maybe another sport?Sell yourself as much as you can. You should add everything that comes to your mind, then once your done...you can cut down.
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    I thought it was really refreshing. The only bit I'd get rid of is the word 'cantankerous' - it's kinda disrespectful.
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    Wher will u be applying to. Dont apply to Oxbridge, At Andrews, Edinburgh, UCL or KCL. Otherwise you'd be looking a 4 rejections come Dec.
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    Thanks - I didn't know what to write, so I'm just going to use your statement!*



    * not true, but there are plenty of people out there who would steal your PS.
 
 
 

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