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Placing self-esteem and value in women- very depressed Watch

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    I'm basically sick and tired of feeling like ****.

    Like this isn't the first nor will it be the last post in relation to my mental health. I've struggled for years and years with low self esteem and confidence- manifesting in social anxiety (fear of rejection-social situations), and depression.

    I'm 26 yrs old, a Postgraduate student; astoundingly I'm actually in a relationship,- (so you'd think the opinion of other woman, or their level of attraction in me wouldn't matter)-yet still feel threatened by other woman. Their opinion of me, and whether they think i'm 'odd' or 'weird', this is usually only if I have a sexual attraction to them. It's a weird psychological construct in my head I know!

    Over the last 5-7 years, I've had CBT, private psychotherapy, NHS talking therapy, University counselling. No matter what I've tried, it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day- if I don't have it in me to be more confident, or to stop placing my self-worth on what other people think of me, then non of it matters. As you can tell I'm starting to feel hopeless.

    Thing is, I've developed a kind of egotistical side to me. Like, if I pick up on the fact that some of these woman are actually completely different to how I imagined, like they may be "snooty" or up themselves, or think they are better than everyone else (or some other unattractive quality), it kind of upsets me like-
    I internalise their actions and seek validation from the wrong sorts of people.

    Like today, we had a meeting in work. The boss was talking about profits and losses to the business. Periodically, this girl keeps looking across at me, in a kind of cold, patronising stare, and held her gaze toward me and it felt a bit like she was insinuating with her eyes and trying to condescend me and sort of be like 'it's him [your fault]' as though I was a nobody.

    I guess I shouldn't give other people permission to make me feel like this, but I guess because I kind of a bit infatuated with her, her opinion and attitude towards me matters? You get me?

    Like I just wanna feel like a man thats 'wanted'. Like I'm sick of been knocked down or finding out the ones I like are stuck up t***s!'. Like I try and be the guy people like, and flirt and be approachable and attractive, but like I feel like I end up sort of more depressed.

    Like there are guys that literally have girls tripping over them (I mean even taken guys), like its nice to feel appreciated and know your attractive to the opposite sex?

    I've always seen myself as a pretty intelligent guy (im not vain or I dont put looks first, im more attracted to intellect), and not particularly unattractive, but not amazing either. It's just, I was always the guy in school where i was the butt of the jokes. I was like the guy last picked for events and such like. Things got better as I got older, I got more female mates, and interacted more and flirted. But I'm still this awkward guy, and not on the same level as other people.

    But like I say, this girl just reckons shes amazing, and is snooty, and I kinda like it at the same time. It's a challenge but at same time it kind of knocks me down. I just want to spend less time around people like that.

    I guess over time, I've developed into this kind of entitled bitter guy because of my knock backs, hurts, and the fact I've never actually managed to date a girl I wanted to date- if you get me?

    I dont really get why I posted this- just ranting about that girl in work as shes pissed me off, and I'm mentally vulnerable right now!

    (need to order more meds which doesnt help)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm basically sick and tired of feeling like ****.

    Like this isn't the first nor will it be the last post in relation to my mental health. I've struggled for years and years with low self esteem and confidence- manifesting in social anxiety (fear of rejection-social situations), and depression.

    I'm 26 yrs old, a Postgraduate student; astoundingly I'm actually in a relationship,- (so you'd think the opinion of other woman, or their level of attraction in me wouldn't matter)-yet still feel threatened by other woman. Their opinion of me, and whether they think i'm 'odd' or 'weird', this is usually only if I have a sexual attraction to them. It's a weird psychological construct in my head I know!

    Over the last 5-7 years, I've had CBT, private psychotherapy, NHS talking therapy, University counselling. No matter what I've tried, it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day- if I don't have it in me to be more confident, or to stop placing my self-worth on what other people think of me, then non of it matters. As you can tell I'm starting to feel hopeless.

    Thing is, I've developed a kind of egotistical side to me. Like, if I pick up on the fact that some of these woman are actually completely different to how I imagined, like they may be "snooty" or up themselves, or think they are better than everyone else (or some other unattractive quality), it kind of upsets me like-
    I internalise their actions and seek validation from the wrong sorts of people.

    Like today, we had a meeting in work. The boss was talking about profits and losses to the business. Periodically, this girl keeps looking across at me, in a kind of cold, patronising stare, and held her gaze toward me and it felt a bit like she was insinuating with her eyes and trying to condescend me and sort of be like 'it's him [your fault]' as though I was a nobody.

    I guess I shouldn't give other people permission to make me feel like this, but I guess because I kind of a bit infatuated with her, her opinion and attitude towards me matters? You get me?

    Like I just wanna feel like a man thats 'wanted'. Like I'm sick of been knocked down or finding out the ones I like are stuck up t***s!'. Like I try and be the guy people like, and flirt and be approachable and attractive, but like I feel like I end up sort of more depressed.

    Like there are guys that literally have girls tripping over them (I mean even taken guys), like its nice to feel appreciated and know your attractive to the opposite sex?

    I've always seen myself as a pretty intelligent guy (im not vain or I dont put looks first, im more attracted to intellect), and not particularly unattractive, but not amazing either. It's just, I was always the guy in school where i was the butt of the jokes. I was like the guy last picked for events and such like. Things got better as I got older, I got more female mates, and interacted more and flirted. But I'm still this awkward guy, and not on the same level as other people.

    But like I say, this girl just reckons shes amazing, and is snooty, and I kinda like it at the same time. It's a challenge but at same time it kind of knocks me down. I just want to spend less time around people like that.

    I guess over time, I've developed into this kind of entitled bitter guy because of my knock backs, hurts, and the fact I've never actually managed to date a girl I wanted to date- if you get me?

    I dont really get why I posted this- just ranting about that girl in work as shes pissed me off, and I'm mentally vulnerable right now!

    (need to order more meds which doesnt help)
    What you need to realise is that you're judging people in the same way that you're assuming that they're judging you.

    eg: That girl looked at me like that- she's snooty etc

    Realistically, people care not a jot and won't be judging you at face value. Inadvertently you are projecting your own feelings of low self worth onto everyday interactions - you really need to work on your own self esteem.

    What is the last thing that you did that made you feel happy and/or comfortable with yourself?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Friffinghell)
    What you need to realise is that you're judging people in the same way that you're assuming that they're judging you.

    eg: That girl looked at me like that- she's snooty etc

    Realistically, people care not a jot and won't be judging you at face value. Inadvertently you are projecting your own feelings of low self worth onto everyday interactions - you really need to work on your own self esteem.

    What is the last thing that you did that made you feel happy and/or comfortable with yourself?
    Thing is, I thought-think that girl is hot, hence why I kind of got defensive and a bit internally startled when she did that. I was kind of questioning and over analysing it.

    Usually, only happens when I find a girl attractive. Otherwise I couldn't give a damn. It's a bit like putting others on a pedestal.

    But I take what you say, and think there is some truth to it.

    Yes, I do need to work on it. Thing is in some situations I can be very confident, almost over the top, and can be really funny (usually jokes about myself), other-times I'm a quivering mess.

    Most of my happy moments tend to be rooted in my academic achievement or some such. Or awards I've won. I'm also very passionate about politics and current affairs and I like to see myself as someone that stands up for other disadvantaged groups.

    I've always thought money/wealth, reputation, social standing and sexual attractiveness was what makes people happy. And that, for those that have a number of those things they are the most happiest and productive in our society.

    Slightly off topic there, but your getting my idea.
 
 
 
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