I have no friends in uni and my flatmates don't like me Watch

MaggieR
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
So, I'm a bit of a shy person, it's just the way I have always been but I've never struggled with making friends before. I'm a bit on the bigger side and I was worried that when I move to uni, people will not want to make friends with me because I'm not slim and on top of that, I'm not a party person and can't drink for health reasons.
Well, this is exactly what has happened basically. People on my course and in my group are all girls who like to party and who are the stereotypical girly girls. They are nice and I had a chat with a few but because I haven't been clubbing, they already know each other and a lot of the time, I was just standing on the side on my own because when I tried to talk, I was spoken over and no one really seemed to even notice me. My flatmates are nice but I feel that when they are together, they seem to laugh and have a good time and as soon as I go, it all kind of goes weird and quiet and no one actually directly talks to me. When I try to talk, they will usually give me a one word answer and that's that. 2 days ago, when they were going out and I was in the kitchen with them, they got up to leave and turned the light off while knowing I was still sat in the kitchen. I'm also not invited to go out with them anywhere. I know I've only been here for a week and a half but I seriously don't know if I want to stay anymore. I can't imagine living the rest of the year on my own like this. I go to the shops alone, I go to my lectures alone, I sit in the kitchen or in my room alone and while I don't mind being alone generally, this kind of loneliness just sucks. Lectures are already hell for me because we have to discuss things in pairs or threes and I can see that everyone tries to pair up before they get stuck with me. I don't know what to do. They said these will be the best years of your life and I genuinely try to come out of my shell and get involved yet the moment people see me, before I even get a chance to talk, they seem to decide that because I'm not pretty or slim, I'm not worth a chance.
6
reply
University of Bradford
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
I'm sure you ARE worth a chance!

We're all different and sometimes it takes time to find the people we click with. You all have one thing in common though, your choice to go to university. Have you chatted to anyone about why they chose to study that particular course? I know when I went to university it took me a while to find the people who have similar interests to me.

Have you joined any societies at all? They're a good way to get to know people.

It's early days so try not to worry too much

Emma A


(Original post by MaggieR)
So, I'm a bit of a shy person, it's just the way I have always been but I've never struggled with making friends before. I'm a bit on the bigger side and I was worried that when I move to uni, people will not want to make friends with me because I'm not slim and on top of that, I'm not a party person and can't drink for health reasons.
Well, this is exactly what has happened basically. People on my course and in my group are all girls who like to party and who are the stereotypical girly girls. They are nice and I had a chat with a few but because I haven't been clubbing, they already know each other and a lot of the time, I was just standing on the side on my own because when I tried to talk, I was spoken over and no one really seemed to even notice me. My flatmates are nice but I feel that when they are together, they seem to laugh and have a good time and as soon as I go, it all kind of goes weird and quiet and no one actually directly talks to me. When I try to talk, they will usually give me a one word answer and that's that. 2 days ago, when they were going out and I was in the kitchen with them, they got up to leave and turned the light off while knowing I was still sat in the kitchen. I'm also not invited to go out with them anywhere. I know I've only been here for a week and a half but I seriously don't know if I want to stay anymore. I can't imagine living the rest of the year on my own like this. I go to the shops alone, I go to my lectures alone, I sit in the kitchen or in my room alone and while I don't mind being alone generally, this kind of loneliness just sucks. Lectures are already hell for me because we have to discuss things in pairs or threes and I can see that everyone tries to pair up before they get stuck with me. I don't know what to do. They said these will be the best years of your life and I genuinely try to come out of my shell and get involved yet the moment people see me, before I even get a chance to talk, they seem to decide that because I'm not pretty or slim, I'm not worth a chance.
9
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report 2 years ago
#3
It seems like you had very negative views of yourself and the situation before you even started uni. I have social anxiety and I just assume that people won't like me when I meet them, but this creates a self-fulfilling prophecy because I become even more nervous and that's not attractive to people. If the other students do try to partner up, it is probably just because they weant to be in a group with their friends; I very much doubt they deliberately want to exclude you.

Not all students want to go out and party. I have been out sometimes without drinking, but that can be a pretty crap experience. It is early days and the main thing is to develop your confidence. Go to the library and ask someone next to you a question or try to say "hi" to someone who passes by. Join clubs and societies and don't assume people won't like you because you're bigger - the real issue is that you have low self-esteem and you would be feeling the same way if you were thin. People don't make friendship choices based on weight. Start to believe in yourself - you can do this.
4
reply
oversizedcarrot
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#4
Report 2 years ago
#4
(Original post by MaggieR)
So, I'm a bit of a shy person, it's just the way I have always been but I've never struggled with making friends before. I'm a bit on the bigger side and I was worried that when I move to uni, people will not want to make friends with me because I'm not slim and on top of that, I'm not a party person and can't drink for health reasons.
Well, this is exactly what has happened basically. People on my course and in my group are all girls who like to party and who are the stereotypical girly girls. They are nice and I had a chat with a few but because I haven't been clubbing, they already know each other and a lot of the time, I was just standing on the side on my own because when I tried to talk, I was spoken over and no one really seemed to even notice me. My flatmates are nice but I feel that when they are together, they seem to laugh and have a good time and as soon as I go, it all kind of goes weird and quiet and no one actually directly talks to me. When I try to talk, they will usually give me a one word answer and that's that. 2 days ago, when they were going out and I was in the kitchen with them, they got up to leave and turned the light off while knowing I was still sat in the kitchen. I'm also not invited to go out with them anywhere. I know I've only been here for a week and a half but I seriously don't know if I want to stay anymore. I can't imagine living the rest of the year on my own like this. I go to the shops alone, I go to my lectures alone, I sit in the kitchen or in my room alone and while I don't mind being alone generally, this kind of loneliness just sucks. Lectures are already hell for me because we have to discuss things in pairs or threes and I can see that everyone tries to pair up before they get stuck with me. I don't know what to do. They said these will be the best years of your life and I genuinely try to come out of my shell and get involved yet the moment people see me, before I even get a chance to talk, they seem to decide that because I'm not pretty or slim, I'm not worth a chance.
If you're with your flatmates you should be enjoying evening meals together, a cinema outing, the occasional weather spoons, something fun and trying to make university life easy. You're not missing out on much by avoiding alcohol and clubbing in all honesty. I only went a few times at uni to help celebrate birthdays and that was it tbh. Join a gym and get some tips maybe join a society with event organisers that share a common interest.
2
reply
MaggieR
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#5
That's the problem though - whenever I suggest something to my flatmates or ask some of them to come along to the shops or to an event, they all say they're busy. I actually heard one of them say to another that they can't be bothered to come with me and lied about being busy. My freshers reps are pointless as well because when I mentioned I'm not into clubbing, they went "oh right" and I haven't seen them since. When we had the freshers fair, I wanted to join one of the sports socities and I kid you not, when I went to ask for a flier, they laughed in my face so I got out of there quickly.
0
reply
Analyst89
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#6
Report 2 years ago
#6
I doubt it lectures they deliberately try to exclude you.

Try joining a few clubs and societies, introduce yourself and converse with the people. Forget about that society that laughed at you.

In lectures and tutorials, talk to the person next to you, ask them what made them choose their course, what do they think of the topic etc.

If you ever feel the need to talk, feel free to PM me .
0
reply
MaggieR
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#7
Today, I tried chatting with the 2 girls next to me about the course and they looked at me like "really?" and gave a vague answer and just giggled amongst themselves. My flatmates went to the cinema without me so I got back from my lecture and everyone was gone. No one even mentioned it to me or asked if I wanted to go along. I genuinely am quite heart broken over this because they genuinely act like I don't exist and to be honest, being disliked is better than ignored because at least they acknowledge you exist but now, I might as well be a fly on the wall. All this hype about making friends and people being sociable at uni is actually a lie, no one wants to talk, like I mean no one. The only friend I have made has the same problems - she went to a few society meet and greet things and experienced the same thing. I'm worried about next year because my friend will move back home as she lives quite close and if it continues like this, I will have no one to live with Sorry to be so negative but I am actually devastated.
0
reply
SilverWater
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#8
Report 2 years ago
#8
(Original post by MaggieR)
I'm worried about next year because my friend will move back home as she lives quite close and if it continues like this, I will have no one to live with Sorry to be so negative but I am actually devastated.

Your lookings at things wayyyy too fast. At uni theres literally thousands of people there and even though it seems impossible I know and you must know that they are out there. You just have to find them.
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#9
Report 2 years ago
#9
I am in the EXACT SAME situation as you. I'm large, i have social anxiety, I don't drink, I don't party and I don't have friends in uni. I wish I could give you advice, but I need some too. I would love to be friends with you if we were in the same degree/uni.
0
reply
happyy
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#10
Report 2 years ago
#10
(Original post by MaggieR)
Today, I tried chatting with the 2 girls next to me about the course and they looked at me like "really?" and gave a vague answer and just giggled amongst themselves. My flatmates went to the cinema without me so I got back from my lecture and everyone was gone. No one even mentioned it to me or asked if I wanted to go along. I genuinely am quite heart broken over this because they genuinely act like I don't exist and to be honest, being disliked is better than ignored because at least they acknowledge you exist but now, I might as well be a fly on the wall. All this hype about making friends and people being sociable at uni is actually a lie, no one wants to talk, like I mean no one. The only friend I have made has the same problems - she went to a few society meet and greet things and experienced the same thing. I'm worried about next year because my friend will move back home as she lives quite close and if it continues like this, I will have no one to live with Sorry to be so negative but I am actually devastated.
2 girls, don't represent the entire course or university. Keep trying!

You need to make an effort and say, are you guys doing anything this week? can I come with? They have just presumed you have made other friends, since you don't go out with them.

Keep going to more society intro's, or go to the societies you like again. For example, when I started volunteering this year, I HATED it. I felt as if everyone was ignoring me, but I stuck it out, and now I'm friends with everyone. A lot of people are just going about there day, and you need to keep talking and joining in conversations to make an impression. You aren't going to be best friends with someone after 1 interaction (well not usually )

By the way, how is your course? Are you enjoying it? x
1
reply
Ishax
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#11
Report 2 years ago
#11
I’ve noticed a lot of threads about unhappy freshers who are living in accommodation, compared to commuters. Is this common?
1
reply
Anonymous #3
#12
Report 2 years ago
#12
(Original post by MaggieR)
So, I'm a bit of a shy person, it's just the way I have always been but I've never struggled with making friends before. I'm a bit on the bigger side and I was worried that when I move to uni, people will not want to make friends with me because I'm not slim and on top of that, I'm not a party person and can't drink for health reasons.
Well, this is exactly what has happened basically. People on my course and in my group are all girls who like to party and who are the stereotypical girly girls. They are nice and I had a chat with a few but because I haven't been clubbing, they already know each other and a lot of the time, I was just standing on the side on my own because when I tried to talk, I was spoken over and no one really seemed to even notice me. My flatmates are nice but I feel that when they are together, they seem to laugh and have a good time and as soon as I go, it all kind of goes weird and quiet and no one actually directly talks to me. When I try to talk, they will usually give me a one word answer and that's that. 2 days ago, when they were going out and I was in the kitchen with them, they got up to leave and turned the light off while knowing I was still sat in the kitchen. I'm also not invited to go out with them anywhere. I know I've only been here for a week and a half but I seriously don't know if I want to stay anymore. I can't imagine living the rest of the year on my own like this. I go to the shops alone, I go to my lectures alone, I sit in the kitchen or in my room alone and while I don't mind being alone generally, this kind of loneliness just sucks. Lectures are already hell for me because we have to discuss things in pairs or threes and I can see that everyone tries to pair up before they get stuck with me. I don't know what to do. They said these will be the best years of your life and I genuinely try to come out of my shell and get involved yet the moment people see me, before I even get a chance to talk, they seem to decide that because I'm not pretty or slim, I'm not worth a chance.
are you sure all of your classmates are girly girls clubbing peeps? who knows probs they are but some of them wanna fit in with those kinda peeps and do things they probs don't want to do. so i guess give them a reason to do things they want to do i guess . become that friend! but listen there are plenty of people out there for
you those popular girly girl peeps are just not one of those people you are
looking for. keep looking you'll find someone. :banana::banana2:
0
reply
somemightsay888
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#13
Report 2 years ago
#13
(Original post by Ishax)
I’ve noticed a lot of threads about unhappy freshers who are living in accommodation, compared to commuters. Is this common?
I think because commuters go home to their family at the end of the day. They KNOW they'll be around people who love them and want to talk to them etc. regardless of Uni social life.

Poor OP is in a horrible situation and it's more difficult spending all day in isolation. Accommodation can be a bad experience tbh.
3
reply
Ishax
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 2 years ago
#14
(Original post by somemightsay888)
I think because commuters go home to their family at the end of the day. They KNOW they'll be around people who love them and want to talk to them etc. regardless of Uni social life.

Poor OP is in a horrible situation and it's more difficult spending all day in isolation. Accommodation can be a bad experience tbh.
That is true, I’m commuting and I feel fine to be honest. I’ve met people on my course, there are few other commuters so that’s nice. We’ve created a group chat on Facebook for our presentation.

My social life is good too, I didn’t need to move out. Plus, my parents aren’t strict so it’s fine.

After seeing all these threads I’m glad I didn’t go into accommodation :lol:
0
reply
Popsiclez
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#15
Report 2 years ago
#15
Lmao how can they close the light on you while you were in the kitchen? Soz I know this isn't supposed to be funny but that gave me a little chuckle
1
reply
0xFFFFail
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#16
Report 2 years ago
#16
What has being big got to do with making friends?
1
reply
MaggieR
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#17
I love my course, that's what's keeping me here. If I hated it, I'd probably leave because no friends at uni with 4 days off a week 6 hours away from home is not a nice thing, trust me. I've been making an effort for 2 weeks, I try to be chatty, smile and every single time people just ignore me. Like I genuinely am not desperate to make friends because I know that pushes people off - I'm just looking to have a little chat before lectures and I have not found a single person who has had any interest in either talking to me or just having small talk. So they all came back and I went to the kitchen to have a chat and after I'd walked in and sat down, they all kind of left.
We have a presentation tomorrow with our group and I haven't even been able to prepare for it because I have not been added to the facebook gc and when I asked if I could be included, they said "yeah, I'll do it when I get back" without even asking my name so obviously they had no intention of adding me. I asked a few times and they said the same thing, I even wrote down my name and I still haven't been added so yeah, fun times.
0
reply
oversizedcarrot
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#18
Report 2 years ago
#18
(Original post by MaggieR)
I love my course, that's what's keeping me here. If I hated it, I'd probably leave because no friends at uni with 4 days off a week 6 hours away from home is not a nice thing, trust me. I've been making an effort for 2 weeks, I try to be chatty, smile and every single time people just ignore me. Like I genuinely am not desperate to make friends because I know that pushes people off - I'm just looking to have a little chat before lectures and I have not found a single person who has had any interest in either talking to me or just having small talk. So they all came back and I went to the kitchen to have a chat and after I'd walked in and sat down, they all kind of left.
We have a presentation tomorrow with our group and I haven't even been able to prepare for it because I have not been added to the facebook gc and when I asked if I could be included, they said "yeah, I'll do it when I get back" without even asking my name so obviously they had no intention of adding me. I asked a few times and they said the same thing, I even wrote down my name and I still haven't been added so yeah, fun times.
Where do you see yourself in five years time? With your flatmates still? No. You will probably be at an interview, talking to your town friends or doing something fun or getting coffee. And you will look completely different and have a totally different personality.

Enjoy your time studying and don't let other people bring you down. Maybe change your approach, get an awesome outfit, work on healing your inside which is evidently hurting as well as improving your figure. If you can't connect with your house mates then seek advice and alternatives elsewhere.
0
reply
Unnamed User
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#19
Report 2 years ago
#19
(Original post by MaggieR)
I love my course, that's what's keeping me here. If I hated it, I'd probably leave because no friends at uni with 4 days off a week 6 hours away from home is not a nice thing, trust me. I've been making an effort for 2 weeks, I try to be chatty, smile and every single time people just ignore me. Like I genuinely am not desperate to make friends because I know that pushes people off - I'm just looking to have a little chat before lectures and I have not found a single person who has had any interest in either talking to me or just having small talk. So they all came back and I went to the kitchen to have a chat and after I'd walked in and sat down, they all kind of left.
We have a presentation tomorrow with our group and I haven't even been able to prepare for it because I have not been added to the facebook gc and when I asked if I could be included, they said "yeah, I'll do it when I get back" without even asking my name so obviously they had no intention of adding me. I asked a few times and they said the same thing, I even wrote down my name and I still haven't been added so yeah, fun times.
This sounds really sad. You should focus on improving yourself, and doing things that you enjoy. Whilst you are doing this, you will automatically make new friends who share the same interests as you. As for your course, you should try to learn more and come out ahead, which should make people see you, and respect you.
In the end, life is pretty short, so you should maximise your time and productivity here, and enjoy yourself no matter what other people think
2
reply
Anonymous #4
#20
Report 2 years ago
#20
Same.
Actually I act like idc that's why they don't care either.. But I'm just shy and socially awkward because of my anxiety.

I can't hold a conversation and spend 99% of the time in my room
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Would you turn to a teacher if you were being bullied?

Yes (64)
23.36%
No (210)
76.64%

Watched Threads

View All