How to find a guy who's ok with an Aromantic girl

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Reply 20

username1539513

I misread the title as 'aromatic' and came here to read about benzene :rofl:

Sorry OP, I have nothing of value to add

Reply 21

EmmaRebecca1997

Original post by artful_lounger

Frankly most aren't that romantic in long term relationships, and tend to settle into a fairly bland steady state from a romantic point of view. However you're probably going to need to come to terms with the fact you will find it hard to find a guy who wants to eschew any form of romance and remain in a committed monogamous but purely sexual relationship - particularly due to the unfortunate corollary of modern toxic masculinity that straight men derive virtually all of their emotional...stuff, from their partner in heterosexual relationships.

I suppose it's just being patient. Bc it's like if the guy wants to be romantic then that's completely fine. It's the fact my response is usually quite awkward and I myself am not very good at being romantic in return and in the past with my partners that's where things ended up going wrong bc they assumed that was me not caring. I suppose now though things will be better bc the last time I was in a relationship I hadn't really worked out I was Aromantic I just felt like I was odd I suppose now if I got with someone I would be much more likely to properly explain my feelings to them bc I understand it myself a lot better now so it would be a lot easier for us to understand each other and form a compromise that fits us both

Reply 22

artful_lounger

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by EmmaRebecca1997

Provided you're upfront about that fact they can't really complain about it, although they can certainly decide they do want a more romantic relationship. But if they know what they're going into then at least everyone is fully aware of the potential trajectories of the relationship.

Reply 23

EmmaRebecca1997

Original post by eden3

....isn't that a normal relationship?? :confused:

Most guys your age shouldn't be acting 'romantic' anyway

"My age" I'm 20 how tf are guys supposed to be then? Punching us in the arm to say they like us ???

Reply 24

EmmaRebecca1997

Original post by artful_lounger

Yeah I guess it's just being honest so they know exactly what the relationship would be so they're not expecting something I can't provide to them

Reply 25

IrrationalRoot

Original post by EmmaRebecca1997

Tbh a relationship with a cyclic molecule would probably be more successful when it comes to me

Well as long as you've got good chemistry...

Reply 26

HeadHoncho

Original post by EmmaRebecca1997

Tbh a relationship with a cyclic molecule would probably be more successful when it comes to me

Ahaha

Reply 27

fallen_acorns

Original post by EmmaRebecca1997

I'm not 'pitty labelling' I give it a label because it's the only way I can feel normal not feeling the way most other people my age do. Giving it a label helps me, as I know it does others. Acknowledge it for what it is and feel comfortable with how I feel and find others who relate and feel the same. If I want to give it a label I will do so. If giving it a label helps me feel better about feeling different I will continue to use the label

why do you want to feel normal? Your not normal. Neither am I - I have ****ing wierd things about me, and my marriage is hardly normal, considering most marriages have unique differences, and every relationship is unique- but I dont seek to normalise or feel normal, I Just accept that we are all wierd and abnormal, and there is no need to add labels to every abnormality that would be better discribed as individuality.

You can give yourself a label, just as others can point out why its not useful/not necessary. Self identification does not come with implicit respect or acceptance from others. Just as if my wife gets home later and I tell her I identify as a asporting individual, because I hate sport, and anything to do with it.. she will tell me to stop being a ******** and get on with what I need to do.

I have a lot of sympathy for your situation, because I dont entirely find modern dating/definitions of romance to be appealing, and I consider myself quite lucky to have found a partner who shares similar ideas on love/life/romance.. but I don't feel a need to give it a label, as if it is some form of condition that I am stricken with. .

---

I wonder, if you moved to another country, where their ideas of romance were entirely different, and included things you actually like.. would you still be aromantic?

Serriously, if say you moved to a small unusual community in say asia, where romance is defined differently, and it was far more friendship and praticality based, whilst still including sexual aspects... if they viewed this as the ultimate romance, would you still be Aromantic?

Further thoughts:

Spoiler

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 28

JoshDawg

people have to put labels on everything lol.

if romance is that bad this is probably something psychology related that a therapist could solve. other than that you're just saying 'i dont like ooey gooey relationships'

Reply 29

username1148663

Original post by JoshDawg

I said something similar to this earlier it was reported and removed by the TSR fascists

Reply 30

eden3

Original post by EmmaRebecca1997

"My age" I'm 20 how tf are guys supposed to be then? Punching us in the arm to say they like us ???

??

Most 20 year old guys aren't looking to get married and be all romantic.

I don't get this aromantic BS. Just tell your future bf to not be romantic.

Problem solved.

/thread

Reply 31

eden3

Original post by paul514

I said something similar to this earlier it was reported and removed by the TSR fascists

Lmao it's funny how people make threads and posts that are actually a lot worse yet they don't get taken down

Reply 32

jasfusion

Original post by JoshDawg

Jeez why do so many people have this thing where they suggest therapy for personality traits? Therapy is for people with mental health issues, not liking having flowers bought for you is not a mental issue, it's a preference. Why should everyone like the same things anyway?

~Anyway~
Honestly OP I think you probably just don't like the idea of traditional romance (flowers, expensive dates, whatever), I'm very much the same, but those ideals are very much shoved in ours faces by media companies trying to make us buy useless ****. I think if you look beyond that you'll find there are plenty of alternative ways people can express their love for each other. You said you saw an ideal relationship as like being with a best friend and honestly that's a great basis for any long-lasting relationship- so think about how you are with your closest friends, do you not buy them stuff to show them you appreciate their friendship? Or them for you? It's the same in a relationship, just doesn't have to be flowers or expensive restaurants or whatever bs, it depends entirely on you and your SO's tastes. Just remember all relationships are different, you just have to find the right person who 'clicks' with you.