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    ok i had to change it
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    (Original post by LoyaIishy)
    First Draft
    Maths held a real fascination for me. The process of starting a simple principle and deriving almost any mathematical truth is what separates maths from the other subjects. For me maths comes as a language that really stretches my thought process to its limits. The everyday use of arithmetic and the display of information by means of graphs, are an everyday commonplace. These are the elementary aspects of mathematics. Advanced mathematics is widely used, but often in an unseen and unadvertised way.


    Help me continue and what i could improve upon
    Just a quick pointed; wouldn't say that maths "held" a real fascination for you - makes it sound as though it no longer does?
    In general personal statements don't need to be too fluffy or flowery - just be honest about your passion and it will come through (maybe talk about math-related books you read, maths challengers you've done etc - it's better to show with some kind of evidence that you care about maths rather than stating it).
    Whatever people tell you, at the end of the day universities only really care about what a-level grades you get. As long as your statement is gramatically correct and shows you're literate (and it doesn't have anything massively bizarre in it), you'll be fine.
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    Its a good start, but I do warn you, Jargon can kill your statement. the way you word it is teetering on line of seeming like you're trying to act posh and swallowed a thesaurus. Also, make sure to include WHY you enjoy maths and what you've done to prove this. I don't know how you would go about that with maths, but saying the point it triggered in you that you enjoyed it. Was it in a lesson, a certain teacher who inspired you, or any external readings. You're not telling the Lecturers about what the subject is, they already know, they want to know about YOU and what inspires and gives you the drive to study it

    Hope this helps
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    (Original post by LoyaIishy)
    First Draft
    Maths held a real fascination for me. The process of starting a simple principle and deriving almost any mathematical truth is what separates maths from the other subjects. For me maths comes as a language that really stretches my thought process to its limits. The everyday use of arithmetic and the display of information by means of graphs, are an everyday commonplace. These are the elementary aspects of mathematics. Advanced mathematics is widely used, but often in an unseen and unadvertised way.


    Help me continue and what i could improve upon
    Don't post your PS (even extracts) publicly.

    Your paragraph will have been cached by google and will now be flagged as plagiarised if you submit it.

    You need to start again from scratch
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    why would you post this on here? Have fun rewriting lmao
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
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    As others have said, please don't post your PS on the forums. TSR have a service for reviewing personal statements if you need help.

    An additional tip to what has been said, don't tell them what something is - they already know what it is. "These are the elementary aspects..." is just wasting character counts/lines.

    "Advanced mathematics is widely used" is going to be a very cliche phrase. What you follow it on with seems to be a slight improvement, but still perhaps not the best way of saying something.
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    Great start, but now you'll have to rewrite it from scratch.
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    well, it seems like just a first draft. I imagine later on this paragraph will have more of a focus, a definite initial idea and something it leads onto as opposed to a bunch of statements about what you feel about maths. With that in mind, don't waste your time 'rewriting' it. Just edit substantially.

    Delete your posted paragraph where you can find it. log on to google and look up 'remove cached pages'. Request for this to be deleted and it will be done in about 24 hours. That should be sufficient

    All the best
 
 
 
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