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    I mean...the title says it all, really. I started uni on the 23rd September and I’m just so very alone. I’ve been to socials and tried my best but I have social anxiety and I just don’t know how to interact with people and make friends, let alone have the guts to initiate conversation or hanging out (not that I’ve even gotten to that stage yet since I’ve ended up alone and awkwardly left out at every social interaction so far, bar a couple souls temporarily humoring me because they’re kind). I don’t know what to do at this point.
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    (Original post by Do1phinDreamer)
    I mean...the title says it all, really. I started uni on the 23rd September and I’m just so very alone. I’ve been to socials and tried my best but I have social anxiety and I just don’t know how to interact with people and make friends, let alone have the guts to initiate conversation or hanging out (not that I’ve even gotten to that stage yet since I’ve ended up alone and awkwardly left out at every social interaction so far, bar a couple souls temporarily humoring me because they’re kind). I don’t know what to do at this point.
    Have you started your lectures?
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Have you started your lectures?
    Yeah, I have. I’m trying to get to know people there too but it just...doesn’t work.
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    (Original post by Do1phinDreamer)
    Yeah, I have. I’m trying to get to know people there too but it just...doesn’t work.
    I know how you feel. The main issue I found was people seeming disinterested, or subsequently ignoring messages when I tried to build upon a friendship or encounter.
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    How about joining clubs at the uni?
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    (Original post by apple32)
    How about joining clubs at the uni?
    I’ve joined a **** ton to be honest - partially because I have too many interests but also because I really wanted to have a better chance of meeting people and making solid friends, and yet it’s in places I thought I’d find it the easiest where I’m once again the odd one out, freaking out internally, hyper aware of everything wrong with me
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    Ok. It's still early in the year so don't feel bad. At least you are doing something to get yourself out there. Keep going to the meetings. Keep making the effort to talk to people and stop thinking about the things you find wrong with yourself. Stop thinking about the fear and nervousness. Put your attention on the meeting.

    What about in the past? In school were you able to make friends? How did that happen? Can you try to replicate that at uni?
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    Give it time and try to chill. I can guarantee that as long as you are nice and positive to everyone you meet and don't moan too much the friendships will gradually begin developing, but you will need to be patient. Don't judge anyone as sometimes people you thought weren't interested were just shy and or hiding their blues, hoping for someone to chat to them. My first few weeks were awful and I didn't feel settled until around Christmas of my first term.
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    Thank you all so much for responding to this stupid bloody thread :') I just needed to splurge something somewhere I suppose. I'm gonna keep trying and seeing what the heck happens in terms of socials and societies and what not. Just have to hope for the best, I suppose.
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    (Original post by Do1phinDreamer)
    Thank you all so much for responding to this stupid bloody thread :' I just needed to splurge something somewhere I suppose. I'm gonna keep trying and seeing what the heck happens in terms of socials and societies and what not. Just have to hope for the best, I suppose.
    It's not a stupid thread !

    First and foremost, you will not be alone in how you feel. There will be many others in exactly the same position.

    Don't try and fight your natural personality. That will just frustrate and make you feel worse. Play to your strengths.

    The location of your university will provide the backdrop into which you should find things that fit your own personality:

    Ramblers, hiking, orienteering etc. can be as quiet or as rowdy as you want if you are an outdoor person. This is good because there is a common goal and you will have longer periods where simply walking and talking is natural.

    If you can't find anything, then start your own. Again advertise what it is and appeal to people in the same boat.

    Don't try and make friends at loud events where the loudest most noisy people shine. That's an uphill and mostly futile struggle.

    You need to find people who are soul mates and are feeling the same as yourself.

    Good luck. Don't give up. It will happen.
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    (Original post by Do1phinDreamer)
    Thank you all so much for responding to this stupid bloody thread :' I just needed to splurge something somewhere I suppose. I'm gonna keep trying and seeing what the heck happens in terms of socials and societies and what not. Just have to hope for the best, I suppose.
    Don't beat yourself up - uni is HARD socially. You're mixing with brand new people day and night and you don't even have your comfy family to go home to at the end of the day to help you relax.

    Keep trying and remember that everyone you meet is feeling the same (they're just better at hiding it). There's a lot of people out there who you'll get on with but they wont drop in your lap

    I personally find it's easier to make friends in a work environment than through societies etc. You're focusing on your job without as much pressure to "be sociable" and that actually makes it easier. Plus there's always a common enemy (whether it's customers or that one manager who is a *******).

    Another thing to try is making an effort to speak to any mature/local students in your lectures. They might not be around for wild nights out but they'll normally also be struggling a bit to make friends on their course and will welcome another friendly face.

    Also rather than societies then more informal events like quiz nights or even just telly evenings when bake off/apprentice/other trash telly is on in the common room/tv room.
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    Two words: Pokemon Go

    (Your avatar gives it away plus the craze hasn't completely died, you might befriend somebody who feels the same way as yourself )
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    I was ridiculously socially avoidant at uni (nearly 20 years ago) and to put it bluntly I REGRET IT LIKE F***! I feel if I could go back now I would smash it!

    With the benefit of my experience, it might be fear of not being 'interesting' enough, that other people are 'better,' fear of rejection etc. Only years later do I feel strong enough to go to events to meet people (eg. 'Meetup') and there are techniques and thoughts that can help:-

    1. Fake it till you make it - Many people who outwardly appear confident and sociable are internally far less self secure than they appear.

    2. Stop worrying about being ridiculed etc. You are entitled to feel on the same level/status as others.

    3. A common mistake is to think that you have to be super knowledgeable about what others are interested in, that (say) if you don't like Game of Thrones then you will be stuffed in a conversation with others about it. Listen to others. Learn to 'love' others platonically (or otherwise!) instead of seeing socialising with them as a chore/challenge. Make smalltalk (even if it doesn't come naturally.)

    4. Embrace the social opportunity. Sure, my god its intense for socially awkward people to be placed in a situation where we are *expected* to be sociable 24/7 (or anytime not sleeping) - when at home pre moving out and post uni socialising can be 'compartmentalised' into blocks and then you are free to go home alone - but you WONT GET THIS OPPORTUNITY AGAIN! Your opportunity for such varied and rich social interactions atrophies significantly as you get older, jobs, many people with families and kids to look after.

    5. Dont overanalyse. Many others won't. Move on. Sometimes you will get rejected, thats life. There will be awkward silences. Even really sociable people will get them. Push past them.

    Good luck mate - Ive been there and f*** me its hard but you've got this and can win!
 
 
 
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