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How I Lost my Boyfriend's Friends watch

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    Okay i guess I'll start this at the beginning. Earlier this year I met a guy on tinder and we've been dating for 5 months now. About a week into our relationship, I met his friends at a small gathering in one of their homes and I noticed something I didn't like. Just like me, my boyfriend is quite shy and anxious, he has a fear of being disliked and often tries really hard to be accepted and liked. I suffer from social anxiety so as you can imagine I wasn't very talkative at this party. At this party I watched my boyfriend crack jokes and comment on topics to fit in and he got ignored roughly 80% of the time. People didn't react to what he said, laugh at his joke, or even acknowledge his existence. There was 6 of them at that time but in total in his friend group there was roughly around 10 of them.

    Around a month in, we were invited to a house party about 3 hours away and I had the best time. No one from the first gathering was there, but I met the rest of the group. I met 2 girls who I became very close with. However one of the girls was a very boisterous, loud and provocatively dressed black woman who literally wore a bra to this party. Let's call her "Allison". I ended up becoming friends with Allison but there was one problem. I probably encountered her in person roughly about 5 times and every single time, she would sigh and say "Caucasians" in a negative tone, obviously referencing white people. Now whilst this seemed funny the first couple of times, it started to seem slightly discriminatory, and confusing since all of her friends are white. And I realise none of her friends would ever say anything out of fear of being called racist. The other girl, let's call her "Sarah", was Allison's best friend. It was very clear that Allison was sort of the 'Alpha', and Sarah was her little sidekick who worshipped her like Jesus had just graced her home. On many occasions I learned that Sarah was quite an anxious person too and wasn't the biggest fan of alcohol but she still drank and went to parties with Allison regardless.

    Now in around late June, I was invited to a birthday party by this girl "Catherine" from the first gathering. At this point I had only learned 3 things about Catherine. 1. She sucked a lot of ****. 2.My boyfriend didn't count her as a real friend and 3. She was a big fan of starting drama. At this birthday party, I obviously again didn't talk much due to my anxiety. We went out to a club, and I'm not a fan of drinking, I don't tend to do it as I don't like putting myself in a position of vulnerability. I have a mother who drinks 3 times a week and whilst she mostly is okay, I have seen her bad sides and I don't want that. So at this party i didn't drink and I was quite nervous. I wasn't having any fun, and whilst everyone is up dancing, I sit there by myself and watch. For long periods of time my boyfriend comes over to me to look after me but he does go off to dance occasionally. Then as we walked back to Catherine's house from the club, I carried her shoes and me and my boyfriend carried her home whilst her other friends walked ahead. When we got back to her house I was hungry and ordered a pizza and even let her have a slice and some garlic bread. She let me and my boyfriend sleep in her brother's bedroom and in the morning, after pretty much staying up all night, my boyfriend peeked downstairs to find everyone had ditched us in the house alone. He checked snapchat and found they had went to a park and then had mcdonalds for breakfast. So we left and went to my house to sleep properly.

    On one night out at a club for a girl's birthday, my boyfriend got drunk and found himself crying over a friendship with a girl called "Hayley". Now Hayley used to be quite close with him, but over the course of the past few months she stopped talking to him completely, probably due to the fact that she had become closer friends with his ex boyfriend, despite the two of them being friends first. He messaged her asking if everything was okay between them two and mentioned the friendship between her and his ex. She replied saying that everything was fine and she's been super busy and her friendship with his ex has nothing to do with anything.

    In July it was my birthday, as I am not a fan of alcohol, I had a BBQ and I had family members there as well as school friends, I decided to invite some of my boyfriend's friends too as I had become close with them. Obviously I couldn't invite all like 11 of his friends as my mum had to cook for everyone. So I invited Allison and Sarah as I had become close with them and then I invited his bestfriend "Maria".

    For the rest of July/Early August, we went out 2 or 3 times to clubs with Allison and Sarah. Sarah went on holiday so we asked Allison to come to gay pride with us. She agreed and didn't turn up. Then when Sarah arrived back from holiday we went out with them once more and other people such as Maria and Catherine were there. On this occasion a photographer took a photo of us at the club but I had no idea the picture had been taken. In the picture I'm standing beside them all as they're posing for this photo, biting my nails, and looking off into another direction.

    Sarah posted this photo on instagram, and I commented something along the lines of "Oh **** I didn't know this photo was being taken I look awful biting my nails" and she replied something like "Oh I posted the photo because you're my friend and I wanted to acknowledge that you were there, but if you want me to remove it I will " and I said "No its okay dont worry about it"

    Around the same time, Allison posted a video on instagram basically complaining about her mum. Within the video she basically says her mother doesn't let her experience anything as it "isn't in God's plan for her". I commented on the video simply stating that Religious mothers are all the same, they dont seem to want to let their children experience things for themselves at risk of upsetting the sky ghost. My mother herself is a very religious woman and this was obviously referencing that. She replied to my comment, "You 100% just slandered my mother, but I completely understand what you mean." Sounds okay, right? Wrong? Whilst I thought that was an okay exchange, she did not. She posted a video to her instagram story within which she complains that if she ever complains about friends or family, you should never agree with her as it will piss her off. She continues to say that her mother "did not ask for your opinion". In the video she never mentioned me by name, but it was very obviously about me. In the video she continues "There is no way to sound like an ignorant caucasian than to say that to me. I am not the one. Yeah I get that culturally you don't really get it because *rolls eyes*, yeah in general if someone feels bad, don't agree that the situation is bad and make them feel worse."

    I messaged Allison, I can't remember exactly what the conversation was about but we didn't argue and it was quite a civilised conversation in which I explained that I wasn't attacking her mother personally as I don't know her and I had no reason to, I was simply commenting on the fact that mothers are too protective of their children as she spent the entire video complaining about. We basically made up and there was no tension whatsoever. However my boyfriend thought this wasn't enough. He messaged Allison saying that it was completely disgraceful of her to post that video and that she had no reason to pull the "race card", referencing that my skin colour had nothing to do with it yet she still called me an "ignorant caucasian" in the video. Allison sent me the screenshots of her chat with him telling me that him defending me was really cute, however in response to him simply accusing her of pulling the race card she responded "Race card? F**k on outta here." and blocked the both of us off of all social media we had with her. We didn't know it at the time, but she had told every one of my boyfriend's friends about this and the SJWs that they are, think that accusing a black woman of pulling the race card is disgusting and the worst possible thing you could do to a human.We never brought up our conflict with Allison to anyone. We would never sink so low as to turn someone's friends against them. But obviously this kind of courtesy was not one Allison could contain.

    Over a few months, I watched as my boyfriend was excluded from every house party and gathering, whilst literally every single other friend was invited to. It was clear that not only had Allison been spreading around this ordeal, but his friend Hayley, also had an issue with him due to her close friendship with his ex. Finally this weekend as me and my boyfriend sat down to watch a movie, he checked snapchat and saw all his friends and his ex at a house party he wasnt invited to. Earlier that day he had written into that chat asking about halloween plans and was ignored. I decided enough was enough. I was sick of these inconsiderate *******s ruining our nights. I put them all in a group chat and asked why this was happening. Immediately Catherine replied "We dont like you". My boyfriend asked why and they said "your boytoy makes no effort to get to know us". Despite explaining to them of my social anxiety, my boyfriend also has depression, I learned that the only other guy in the group had suffered from mental health issues too and that girl Catherine had been going to weekly therapy, they spent the rest of the argument trashing on mental health. The guy, "Gerald", is quoted as saying "It's mental health, wise up." as well as "I'm 18 I got over it."

    For added drama, Catherine added my ex's boyfriend, "John", into the chat. For absolutely no reason as he hadn't been mentioned at all in the conversation he kept saying "I've never tried to sway anyone". Later on in the conversation, my boyfriend said that he had betrayed my trust on more than one occasion and I've still given him a chance and he would be an idiot to give that up. To which John said "Not like you to let someone down?", obviously a dig at my boyfriend. My boyfriend replied, "If this is in reference to our relationship, I'm glad you're so hung up on me after 10 months." from here on afterwards, John never typed into the chat, his responses where given to us through Catherine. Now a lot of swearing had happened in this chat, and I had only messaged into the chat about twice as I let my boyfriend sort this out, but at this point I said, "If John had the balls, he could message the chat himself instead of getting a cheap toy to pass it on". At which point, Hayley, who had not spoken once during the argument, said "Nah, **** up about John." then she and my boyfriend had an argument as if John couldn't take it then he shouldn't have got involved. Eventually the argument came to an end with Catherine saying "We have never said anything against you until tonight, and you think you can just come here and call us S**t friends and judge us without even knowing us?" at which point I replied that that's exactly what she and her friends had just based this whole argument off of, they hate me because they don't know me because I didn't "make an effort". She went on to explain how she did make an effort by inviting me to her birthday etc, but she didn't seem to grasp the idea that me seeing her once at her birthday wasn't gonna make a socially anxious kid suddenly start braiding her hair. She then said that "Ever since you started dating, he's opened up a lot more and hurt a lot of our friends." but when my boyfriend asked who or how he's hurt anyone, she simply replied that she doesn't know and that he can go find that out for himself. She also kept saying that I had called her a "C**t and a cheap toy" yet after searching the 4 times I spoke in the chat yes I called her a cheap toy but the only time the word C**t was used, was buy the guy Gerald sucking up to her by calling me a C**t. In a final long paragraph, I started it off by saying I never called her a C**t, wrote a huge bible about how completely hypocritical it is of her to hate me for not getting to know them, yet I can't hate her for the way they've treated my boyfriend. I then ended it by saying "Go F**** yourself, C**t! Oh look now I said it."

    The argument had ended there, but the next day, my niece decided she would tear Catherine a new one. She constantly messaged her but Catherine didn't reply at first. Catherine sent a screenshot of my niece messaging her into a different groupchat, mocking it which she forgot my boyfriend was also in and she removed him immediately. Eventually the two of them had an argument. My boyfriend's best friend Maria then messaged him and told him that she's never hated me or had any reason to and that Catherine always takes things too far. My boyfriend asked her if this had anything to do with the Allison situation and she said yes and that Hayley has an issue with him too. Later, Hayley added Allison into the first group chat for added drama. And straight away Hayley attacked us in a huge paragraph saying that we're crazy racists and that I'm a huge manipulator. After asking her for an example in which I have been manipulative. The only one she could give was extremely far fetched. She suggested that the comments under that photo in which I said that I looked bad because I was chewing my nails etc was being manipulative to Sarah because I "knew" it would get her to feel bad to ask about taking the photo down and then telling her not to to be a "dramatic little b***h". She then went on to say that "There obviously must be something you've done that would get all of these people to hate us". I then said that it was obviously the fact that she had to spread drama about the whole race card situation to turn everyone against us. My boyfriend also referenced that everyone is afraid of her because she's popular and she's black so they're afraid to look racist. After about an hour of B******t, I kicked everyone out of the chat and ended the argument.

    I guess this is more of a place to vent, also to see what other people think of the whole situation. For added B**chery, Allison was a vegetarian. Not because she loved animals, not because she didn't like the taste of meat. No, she read somewhere that eating meat makes your vagina smell. It's also probably important to note another reason his friends don't like me. We live in Belfast which is a very politically divided city. He and all his friends are from the protestant community, whilst I am from the catholic community. On the first gathering night they didn't exactly make me feel quite welcome when they referred to me as a "taig" and another word they had come up with themselves which I don't care to remember.
    • #2

    I can't believe i read all of that
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    I mean. Like. What did I just read tho.

    You had me at you referring to your boyfriend's homies as 'SJWs' - if that's what they are, then it's probably a good thing that you're out of their snowflake squad. There's no reasoning with these people as you have to step on eggshells in order to not say anything to 'trigger' them. It's probably for the best given that, on top of the first point, they come across as rather toxic people - that Catherine girl is likely incredibly insecure and bored and Allison sounds like a pathetic character - she's basically saying 'I do these attention seeking rants, but don't try to console me or make me feel better because I';; get angry.'

    Like I say, it's probably a good thing that you're no longer affiliated with them. Sarah doesn't sound too bad, though - pity she seems quite stuck in her situation.

    Now go find some new, better friends...start slowly at first given you're anxiety and work from there - you and your boyfriend, together.

    You got this.
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