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Should I see my dad? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    We rarely talk, never did much together, he's dying and may lose his ability to speak or remember who I am before he even dies. I don't hate him, he just spent most his life working so we're not close.

    I have several credit cards all around 90-95% of their credit limit used (about £9k of debt), and I have a laptop loan which I can opt to settle saving me £1450 of interest because it's a 0% loan which ends in November. I only have enough monies to withdraw from my credit cards to either visit my dad or pay this laptop loan.

    I've recently relocated, used up all my savings and barely managing to repay my credit card debts.

    It will cost £200-260 for transport to see my dad, and if I go I'll have to pay that £1450 interest. I'd also be commuting a long journey to see him over the weekend only because I can't afford to take time off work.

    My parents don't know I'm struggling financially. I also don't intend to ask them to help me because that's akin to demanding for money before I'm willing to see them.

    If I go with repaying my loan first then I'm looking at perhaps visiting my dad after Christmas but I'm not sure if he'll be alive by then or able to communicate.

    If you were me, what would you do?

    I'd go and see him. Are you able to borrow money from your friends? Or sell anything?
    • Very Important Poster

    Very Important Poster
    I honestly wouldn't worry too much about the money. I think you should go and see him.

    You should go see your dad and make your peace before it’s too late.
    You say you’re not close because he worked all the time. Try to remember he did that for his family. Because he loves you
    If you didn’t see him then you would struggle later.
    And maybe your mum needs you too
    Try to borrow the money from friends to be able to go.
    Ultimately the question you’re asking is
    “Is my dads life worth £1450?”
    Only you can answer that

    definitely go see your dad because you have plenty of time you could pay for that loan and you can have a laptop whenever but you won't see your dad whenever and if he's dying I believe it is best for him and you to see each other so you have a memory of him
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    • Study Helper

    Study Helper
    Do whatever you need to get to him before it's too late.

    Swallow your pride and eat some humble pie.

    Talk to your employer, tell them the truth that he is dying and there is no time left. Ask if you could have holiday in lieu? If not, then compassionate leave? If you have an HR department, you could also ask for a wage sub. If you do not tell, they do not know you need help. A good company will help.

    £260 transport seems rather expensive. Are you sure there are no cheaper options? Coach, ask for a lift with a friend and you pay the petrol etc. Are there no other family living half way that are planning to visit him where you get to them and catch a lift with them for the rest of the journey?

    If you wait and he passes before you see him, you will most definitely live to regret your decision.

    Grief compounded by guilt, blame, regret, shame, self loathing will all surface and take their toll. It could easily lead to depression and affect your own relationships.

    Apart from your own health, your father will definitely be doing his own soul-searching, with negative emotions and looking for answers as to why he may have failed so much, that you did not even visit him in his last days.

    Go. Do not hesitate. Do not live to regret something that will haunt you for the rest of your life. No amount of money can pay that price. Your father is priceless. You literally owe your life to him.

    Go see your dad. You may regret it if you don't. You have time to save up money and pay your debt but your dad is sick and his time is limited.
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