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Boyfriend kissed 2 girls while drunk on 2 different nights; told me months after Watch

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    If it was only a kiss, then am not seeing why it has to be fatal. Talk to him and decide if you wish to carry on.

    If he told you of his own volition, when he could have kept it to himself is a good sign imo. If it happened again then youd have to seriously think about the strength of your relationship. You also have to work out whether you believe him and hes giving you the whole story.
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    Sucks that he's done it but he has admitted it and from what it sounds like he's regrets it massively as well. It all comes down to whether you think you can look past what he's done and trust him.
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    Honestly, If he's cheated on you T W I C E and then waited 6 months to tell you, I don't think you should be wasting time with somebody like that. Of course it's hard to confess the bad things we've all done, but to wait half a year to tell the person you love that you cheated isn't acceptable. However, I would focus on the long term effects and your own well being rather than him. It's not a healthy relationship if he's restricted from hanging around with his mates in parties. Restricting him from drinking, and you know that you'll never be at peace whenever he justifies himself against going out with his mates. So I think you should forgive him, but leave him. He's not worth it, as alcohol shouldn't even be used as such defence for cheating. ~ Emma
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    If he is really truly willing to make things up to you, deal with his problems, then I can accept that you want to stay with him.

    If it was me, I wouldn't be able to trust him again. He blames it on the drinking, what it if happens again? What if he does more than make out with someone else? But that is me.

    For you, he has to rebuild that trust. If you can see a way out, then forgive him and try to work things out. If you cannot see him as someone who can give you happiness, take a break to think things through or part ways.
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    Don't get drunk.
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    I understand you’ve been with him for a year and a half, but that means that a year into your relationship he kissed another girl and then two months after he did the same thing. It’s hard because you have 1.5 years of amazing memories and things with him and they can be the hardest thing to let go of, but whether he was drunk or not, somewhere in the back of his mind he was thinking about kissing those girls and wanting to, (I know that sounds really harsh, but that’s the reality of it) but I think from what you said he feels really bad about it and although he’s saying that he doesn’t deserve another chance but he will work for it, it’s more about whether you can because you don’t want to resent him later and feel as though you’ve wasted your time. You have to think whether it’s really worth it and whether it’ll bring you down too, and make you feel miserable over a mistake he made x


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend of 1,5 yrs confessed to me a few days ago that he had kissed two girls while drunk, on 2 different nights. The first one happened 6 months ago and the other one 4 months ago.

    He did not try to justify his actions, but him under the influence obviously got him to fall for temptations. In general he told me that in those moments, the validation/attention he got from the girls felt good; I knew he has been in a bad place for a while from uni problems. The 2nd girl was very flirtatious knowing he had a girlfriend. My boyfriend left to his room for a bit to try and stop anything from going further, but the girl and his housemates was in the living room so when he came back, things escalated into a kiss/make out. He told me he has no recollection of who initiated the kiss. Since confessing he has showed sincere remorse and I know how hard it must be to tell me knowing he had a happy relationship he did not want to end and how much I am against cheating (deal-breaker for me!!!).

    After he told me he already expected me to dump him, especially because he hid it for a long time. However when he told me I had 0 emotions and just immediately sort of let it go. It's been 4 days and I have realized the dephts of my angst and resentment for him. I have expressed it to him as well and we talked. He said he is willing to give my space to recover, make it up to me and take the necessary steps to regain my trust (drinking limits, etc., will talk about it tomorrow). Honestly I just want to get past it asap and feel the same way I did before. I have had the happiest 1,5 year of my life with him and he feels the same. I don't think I want to throw away what we have because of the incidents. He has taught me so much before by just being himself (not by making mistakes) and I him.

    Note that for the past month we have been long distance.

    The thing is I am very torn between giving him another chance (that he says he does not deserve but will work to deserve) or to dump him and move on.. Pls be empathetic and just don't judge me for forgiving him Thanks in advance!
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend of 1,5 yrs confessed to me a few days ago that he had kissed two girls while drunk, on 2 different nights. The first one happened 6 months ago and the other one 4 months ago.

    He did not try to justify his actions, but him under the influence obviously got him to fall for temptations. In general he told me that in those moments, the validation/attention he got from the girls felt good; I knew he has been in a bad place for a while from uni problems. The 2nd girl was very flirtatious knowing he had a girlfriend. My boyfriend left to his room for a bit to try and stop anything from going further, but the girl and his housemates was in the living room so when he came back, things escalated into a kiss/make out. He told me he has no recollection of who initiated the kiss. Since confessing he has showed sincere remorse and I know how hard it must be to tell me knowing he had a happy relationship he did not want to end and how much I am against cheating (deal-breaker for me!!!).

    After he told me he already expected me to dump him, especially because he hid it for a long time. However when he told me I had 0 emotions and just immediately sort of let it go. It's been 4 days and I have realized the dephts of my angst and resentment for him. I have expressed it to him as well and we talked. He said he is willing to give my space to recover, make it up to me and take the necessary steps to regain my trust (drinking limits, etc., will talk about it tomorrow). Honestly I just want to get past it asap and feel the same way I did before. I have had the happiest 1,5 year of my life with him and he feels the same. I don't think I want to throw away what we have because of the incidents. He has taught me so much before by just being himself (not by making mistakes) and I him.

    Note that for the past month we have been long distance.

    The thing is I am very torn between giving him another chance (that he says he does not deserve but will work to deserve) or to dump him and move on.. Pls be empathetic and just don't judge me for forgiving him Thanks in advance!
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    As 16 year old virgin all I can say is that....
    Spoiler:
    Show

    YOUR BOYFRIEND IS SUCH A LUCKY ********!
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    I'd break up with him, he's waited months to tell you, if he really felt bad he would have told you sooner, and the way you've told the story it sounds like it was remorse that forced him to tell you, after six months of it building up, which gives the impression he deliberately kept it from you for that long, and it took that long for the guilt to build up enough to break his resolve
    • #3
    #3

    My partner just forgave me for a year long affair. And I don't just mean kissing.
    Do I deserve it? Obviously not.
    Were there reasons behind the affair? Yes, things can often be complicated.
    Can we work past it? Yes.

    Things aren't so obviously black and white.

    If your heart wants to forgive him, then there's nobody in the world that should judge you.

    If you want me to PM you for a talk, post on here and I'll do so.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by pandoma)
    Why did it took so long for him to tell you?
    What about all the cheating men and women who have no conscience and never tell ?
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    Why did he tell you?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Zarek)
    Why did he tell you?
    Clearly because he loved her, felt guilty and is not a complete and utter rat. Unless he wanted to end the relationship, couldn't find it in him, and made this up so she'd dump him
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    Do not even bother giving this guy another chance. You of course still love him or like him tons.

    But if he can go out for a few drinks and kiss other girls he clearly doesn't appericate you and or can't handle his drink, and quite frankly doesn't deserve you.

    You can do much much better don't get hung up on this guy. if he's just kissed these girls and hidden it for so long, who knows what else he could do and hide from you if you take him back. I've seen girls take boys back over and over and it's just a continuous circle of what you have originally posted.

    Hope this helps in some way or another
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    Sis, love yourself and love him by letting that man go. He cheated on you twice, whether drunk or not he still did that, move on.
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    Tell him he gets one month probabtion... maybe spend some time apart during that, and make it up to him how he stops it happening again. That way he won't feel you're forcing him into things, and you can see how much he really cares. If he doesn't care enough to choose to make changes then you don't want him. If you're lucky and he does care, he'll make changes so it can't happen again, and it'll come from him not you so that relieves stress, and proves to both of you how much you value each other during that time he has to accept you may not speak to him or see him much as you don't want to deal with the drama/emotion... but at the end if you decide he did enough make up and move on, and tell him you're not going to enforce that he keeps up any changes, but that it is his responsibility not to make the same mistakes, because you can't forgive the same thing again. Good luck... and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst
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    If you cheat once that means you're capable of cheating. So you're capable of doing it again.

    Some people have strong morals and would never cheat in their lives even when black out drunk. If you cheat once then you're not one of those people. I would get rid of them and find someone else with good morals. The cheaters can find other cheaters with similar morals to be with lol.
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    IMHO, you would be in much worse shape, if he had kissed one or two GUYS. Personally, i wouldn't consider kissing another gal as 'cheating' on you. Taking them to bed would definitely be that, but one quick kiss, i wouldn't rate as 'cheating'. Compatibility is a difficult subject. Nearly all people are 'programmed' whilst young to have unrealistic expectations of married life. Witness the fact that the divorce rate in western society is over 50%. This proves that most ppl are lousy when it comes to selecting a partner. Up until 1983, in my state, sharing living quarters with someone of the other sex was considered a felony. This served as a strong deterrent against people trying to live with another person, and (i'm sure) prevented quite a number of marriages. WHY would you set yourself up to have to 'give away' half your retirement, half your home investment, and pay alimony and child support for 20 or 30 years, with a less than 50% chance of success. Didn't make any sense to me. Good luck. Cheers.
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    Lad.
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    Lol, dump him, obviously.
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    So you've decided to date a ****boy and it's only just dawned upon you, that your vagina won't stop him from being any less of a ****boy.
 
 
 
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